Page 11 of This Time Around

“You don’t stink,” Milo confessed. “You smell really fucking amazing and that kiss was…”

“Fierce? Fantastic? There are other things that start with an F that two consenting adults could do together.”

“I’m tempted, Andy. I truly am.” My heart raced as my mind spun with all the possibilities. “There’s something I’d need you to do first.”

“Buy more condoms and lube?” I asked hopefully.

Milo shook his head sadly, and said, “I need to know why you stayed away so long.”

What he really wanted to know was why I stayed away fromhim. “I was a kid out in the world on his own for the first time, Milo. I lost track of who I was, where I came from, and the people who loved me.”

I saw in his eyes that he knew the answer was more complicated than that. I also knew that he was jumping to conclusions—most of them were probably right. I was young, unattached, and horny. What right did he have to look at me so accusingly?

Anger flared inside me, but I remained calm outwardly when I said, “You were the one who broke my heart, Milo.” That wasn’t entirely true; our history was too complicated to blame our breakup on one event. Besides, if I was honest, I’d acknowledge that my actions pushed him into it.

Milo got to his feet. “I broke both of our hearts, Andy.” He looked and sounded disappointed—defeated even. Milo knew that whatever my story was, I wasn’t ready to share it with him.

My appetite and anger left me as quickly as Milo did. I had wanted him to meet me halfway, and he tried. I was the one who rejected his attempt, so the only person I had to blame for things going south that night was myself. Daniella boxed my dinner along with a huge piece of pie then offered me a sympathetic smile when she returned my debit card to me. “Andy, things worth having don’t come easy. Don’t give up.”

“Thanks, D.” I leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

It was a nice thought, but too much time had passed. What Milo and I had when we were younger was all we were meant to have. It seemed silly to wish for anything else. I just needed to convince my heart.

“You just had to ask, didn’t you, Milo? You couldn’t just leave well enough alone,” I added, berating myself the next morning after a night of broken sleep.

Andy’s answer led me to believe he had found ways to get over his broken heart, or should I say he found guys to help him get over me? I couldn’t be angry, because Iwasthe one who broke up with him. Andy wasn’t the only one who assuaged his misery by finding someone who could help him forget his pain. Unfortunately, my evil brain chose to show me how Andy spent his years away from Blissville, and it looked like a CockyBoys highlight reel.

But then Andy jerked the zebra-striped rug out from under me with his softly spoken rebuke.“You were the one who broke my heart, Milo.”

I woke up feeling exhausted, angry, and so turned on I couldn’t see straight. Eventually, I became Andy’s bed partner in my dreams. I ran my hands all over that gorgeous body, lingering on his broad chest. I mean, I hadn’t seen Andy shirtless since he returned home, but I could tell he was bigger and stronger than he was at eighteen years old. I had no trouble imagining just how gorgeous his shoulders, pecs, and biceps looked. I was always drawn to men who were a lot bigger than me. Andy had always made me feel vulnerable and safe at the same time. It was something I hadn’t felt since we broke up. Sure, I’d dated big guys during his twelve-year hiatus, but I never found that same emotional connection with anyone else, no matter how hard I tried. And boy, did I try. I could’ve written the book on fake it ’til you make it.Well, some things a guy can’t fake, but you catch my drift.

I sure as hell wasn’t a saint, so I had no right to be mad at Andy. Logic and sensibility had always fled my brain when it came to him though.Damn it!He made me so fucking angry, but that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about him while jerking off in the shower. Sure, in my spank bank slideshow I called him an asshole while he rimmed mine. I yanked his hair and rode him like he was a prize bull at the rodeo. I’d never had angry orgasms until Andy returned to Blissville, and now I seemed to be addicted to them. I’d become a damn junky looking for ways to piss him off so I could remember the smoldering look in his eyes later when I was alone.

The powerful climax only made me sleepier, which was why I kept dropping shit and burned my hand on the fucking espresso machine again when I opened Books and Brew the next morning.

“Fuck me!”

“Okay,” a deep voice said from behind me. Too bad it didn’t belong to the man who starred in my dreams. “You shouldn’t leave the rear door unlocked. You never know what kind of riffraff will just waltz on in here.”

I turned around and pasted a smile on my face. “Tucker, you know that the health department would frown on the kind of icing you’d have me drizzle over these pastries.” I gestured to the tray of Danishes I’d pulled from the oven.

Tucker Garrison was the guy I dated in high school after I broke up with Andy. He was as big as Andy, if not bigger, and a gridiron king instead of the baseball star I couldn’t seem to get over. I dated Tucker during the final two years of high school but we went our separate ways after graduation. I cared about him, and we had some great times together, but my feelings for Andy prevented me from giving him a real shot. Unfortunately, that hadn’t changed even though I saw in his eyes how much he wished it would.

“Maybe some other time,” he teased.

Leading him on wasn’t something I wanted to do, so I changed the subject. “What’s up, Tuck?”

A slow grin spread across his face as he raked his eyes over my body. I had braced myself to hear “my cock” or something similar, but he didn’t go there. “On my way home after a long shift. There was a nasty house fire out on Halverston Road early this morning. Luckily, we were able to get the family and their pets out. Their house and everything they owned is gone though.” It was then that I saw the exhaustion in his eyes. “I thought a hot chocolate might just be the thing to help soothe me to sleep since I won’t have a warm body to cuddle up next to.”

I didn’t touch that one either. “I’m sorry you had a rough shift. I’ll happily make you a hot chocolate,” I said, leaving off theto gopart. “Would you like a pastry too? I just need to ice them.”

“Now, we’re talking. I’m starting to perk up now.”

“No, no,” I said. “Let’s not perk anything up. I’m talking about the stuff I make from confectioners sugar.”

Tucker snorted. “I know that I don’t stand a chance in hell with you. I keep hoping though sincehe’sbeen home for two years now, and I still don’t see a ring on your finger.” I might not wear a ring on my finger, but Andy still had a tight grip on my heart. Even if Andy had never returned, there was no future for Tuck and me. We had our fun years ago, and I wasn’t looking to repeat it. Too bad I couldn’t say the same about Andy.

I carefully drizzled the icing over the pastries with real blueberries and a lemon tart filling inside. I boxed two of them for Tucker, but I’d have given him the entire pan if it shut him the hell up. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone commenting on or alluding to my non-relationship status with Andy. It only added to my misery. Why, if everyone thought we should be together, couldn’t I forgive his absence and move forward, either with or without him.