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“Where you went while we were gone?” was the first thing that I asked her, once I was in the car, and I closed the door behind myself.

I always found myself trying to check her.

My pops told us that we were the men of the house, now that he wasn’t there, and I had taken that title from him, and ran with that shit.

“Why, boy? Hurry up, and put on your seatbelt, so that we can go!” she fussed, always ready to snap on a nigga.

“Because that’s not what you had on when you dropped us off,” I replied, and she just rolled her eyes.

“Me vuelves loca.” (You drive me crazy). I didn’t go anywhere though. I went back to the house, took a shower, and I threw some clothes on. Did both of you have fun?” she asked, changing the subject. I went ahead, and I let Legend answer first.

He told her everything about his night tonight, while I kept quiet, thinking about the conversation that I had with Quay.

That shit was weighing heavy on my mind.

I knew that he was moving weight, and I knew that after high school, he planned to jump headfirst into working for Whip full-time, wanting to get promoted with a bigger position, but damn, I was hoping that somehow along the way, he would have changed his mind.

Back when we were little boys, he and I had big dreams. Drumline was one of our favorite movies to watch, and after watching it, we would always talk about how we were going to go to college together, be roommates, and have all the girls.

I hated that that wasn’t the way shit was going to be for us anymore.

“Why you so quiet, big man?” my mama asked me, calling me by the nickname that only she would call me. She’s been calling me that since I was a little boy.

“Ain’t nothing. My night was good. Quay pulled up,” I let her know.

“Oh yeah? I feel like I haven’t heard that name in a long time. What is he up to?” she wanted to know.

“Baseball, and school been keeping me busy, so I haven’t had the time to hang with him like that.

He’s good though. He just been chilling,” I responded, keeping it short.

My parents knew what Quay was doing. Of course, neither one of them liked that shit, but he wasn’t their child, so it wasn’t like there was anything that they could do about it.

Awhile back, my pops did go, and pull up on him, just to deter him from that lifestyle, but of course everything that he said had gone in one ear, and out of the other.

We were driving in silence for about ten minutes.

The only sound that was coming from the car was the love songs that she was playing.

I was pissed that I didn’t have my airpods on me because I had to sit here, and suffer, listening to this shit.

My mama was the type where if her favorite part in the song came on, she would rewind that shit, and she would continue to do it, to the point that she would make you hate the damn song.

Not only that, but she liked to touch your face and sing to you.

That’s why whenever we rode in the car with her, Legend would be quick to get in the back because he didn’t want to sit up here and endure this shit.

“Stop at Krispy Kreme. Let’s get some donuts,” I suggested, already knowing that she was going to say no, but I tried my luck anyways. We had to pass two more lights, and then it would be on our right.

“Boy, no. I’m ready to get home, and get in bed,” she replied, just like I knew she would.

“Me, and Legend will run inside, and get a box. You know you want some. Remember you used to crave them when you was pregnant with Sarai? Ma, you was down bad over them donuts. I used to feel bad for pops because you would have that man leaving out the house any time of the night to go get you some donuts,” I went down memory lane with her, and the second I said it, I regretted it because I thought that she might get in her feelings about my little sister, but she didn’t.

She started laughing, and then a smile appeared on her face.

She didn’t linger on the subject, which was cool because I didn’t expect her to.

Talking about Sarai with my mama was painful.

She wouldn’t even walk in her nursery. Her soft, baby scent still felt like it was lingering in the air, and because of that, she wouldn’t step foot in there.

I was strong when it came to that, so occasionally, I would walk in the nursery, and that was the one thing that could bring me to tears. I missed my little sister so much.

My baby sister was supposed to still be here.

She was supposed to be in the picture, and me, my brother, and my pops was supposed to be in the men in her life, spoiling her rotten.

When she was here, you couldn’t tell me, and Legend that that wasn’t our baby.

I used to have her in the room with me, lying down next to me, while I played the game.

She was the sweetest, most beautiful little girl in the world, and I’ll never understand why her existence on this earth was cut short like that.

I thought that my mama would stand on her word, and not stop at Krispy Kreme, but she proved to us again how much of a sucker she was when it came to her boys.

She whipped her truck into the parking lot, and even though it was late, the drive- thru line was still long, so instead of getting in the line, she decided to park the car in the lot, shut it off, and we all got out together.

She grabbed her purse, and like we were her personal security, we allowed her to walk ahead of us.

It’s what my pops would do since we were little boys, and because Legend, and I looked up to him, and wanted to be everything like that man, we often imitated anything that we would see him do.

The inside was jumping as well, so my mama found somewhere to sit, and Legend and I stood in line.

There were about five people in front of us.

It was moving quick, so we eventually made it to the front.

My brother and I could eat a whole dozen by ourselves, and since that was the case, we ended up ordering two dozen.

I knew the only flavor that my mama liked to get was the original glazed, so I made sure to order enough for her, and everything else was assorted, getting whatever flavors that they had left in stock.

We were handed the two dozen boxes of donuts a couple of minutes later, and when we walked to where my mom was sitting, which was at one of the booths, there was a nigga standing by the table, and he was trying to talk to her.

Dread head nigga, pants sagging, and from his appearance alone, I could tell that he wasn’t her type.

As we were approaching the table, we could see her shaking her head, and telling him that she wasn’t interested, but he didn’t take no for an answer, and he continued to be persistent.

“Bruh, move before you get your ass dropped!” that was Legend.

I didn’t even have to say anything because my brother stepped in.

I’m telling you, even though my brother was quite, and geeky, this nigga wasn’t no square ass dude, and he wasn’t soft.

He would put a nigga on his back if he had to.

Just like me, he was a mama’s boy, and we would flip this restaurant upside down over her.

The nigga that was standing by the table, he just looked me, and Legend up and down, and he walked away.

He chose not to even say anything. My eyes followed him, watching as he walked to the other side of the restaurant, and seconds later, a woman came out of the restroom, and she went over to him.

She was with him. This nigga had a whole girlfriend, and he was over here, trying to holla at my mama.

“That’s why you should have stayed in the car,” I said, taking the spot next to her at the booth. Legend chose to sit across from us.

“You acting like I told his ass to come over here. Why did ya’ll get two boxes? We only needed one,” she complained.

“Because I can eat this whole box by myself, and Legend can too,” I said, and at the same time, my phone started ringing.

It was a facetime call from my pops. I used my left hand to open the box of donuts, and with my right, I slid the bar across answering the phone for him.

His face appeared on the screen, and like always, he had a mug.

From his background, I could tell that he was inside his hotel room.

“Why your location say you at Krispy Kreme? Where your mama at, man? She ain’t come and get you yet?

” he asked, fired up. If my pops didn’t want one thing, he didn’t want me and Legend out in the streets late at night.

Don’t get me wrong, my pops was cool, and if we got invited to parties and shit, he let us be kids, and go wherever, but that hanging out late shit was something that he wasn’t going for.

He was a lawyer, and he’s seen a lot of shit.

He’s seen a lot of situations turn bad with his clients because they were at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and he just didn’t want that for us.

“She got us. She right here,” I said, moving the phone, putting the camera on my mama, knowing that she was going to be pissed that I did that. She hit the phone out of the way, like she didn’t even want the nigga to see her, and that caused me, and Legend to laugh.

My mama carried on like she hated my pops so bad, but I knew she loved that nigga.

Little shit that she would do, just showed me that she loved him.

Me, and Legend could be chilling, at the crib with her, and she’ll randomly come to us, and ask if we’d checked on our dad today.

When she would do that, that’s when I knew that she would be missing him, but she knew she couldn’t call that nigga and say that, so she would get us to call, and check up on him.

She also wanted to make sure he was safe.

Even today, when he went to Washington, she had one of us text him, just to see if he’d landed, and everything. She loved him, with her fake mad ass.

“You so miserable, bruh. A nigga don’t wanna see your ass either,” my pops taunted her.

He said it in a joking kind of way though, like he was trying to get up under her skin.

She didn’t respond back to him. Instead, she opened one of the boxes of donuts, and she grabbed a napkin, so that she could pull one out.

“A nigga in here was trying to talk to her. I didn’t even have to check him about it. Legend handled it,” I let him know, keeping the screen on me, so he wouldn’t be able to see my mama anymore.

When I said that to him, he laughed a little bit. I knew his ass wanted to say something, but he knew that my mama was in earshot, so he probably didn’t want her to hear it, and now the two of them were forced to go back, and forth with each other.

After that, we only talked for a little while.

He told me that he loved me, just like he always would whenever the two of us hung up the phone.

From there, I tossed the phone back on the table, and grabbed two donuts out of the box, putting them on my napkin.

Any other time, I would have been able to sit here, and eat at least six of these in one serving, but that talk that I had with my nigga Quay had ruined my vibe a little bit for the night.

I was in my head badly about this situation, afraid that something was going to happen to him, and for that, I couldn’t get myself to calm down.