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“Shut the fuck up before the boys come out here! What the fuck is wrong with you? Huh? What the fuck you got going on, bruh?” I roared, leaning my head in, putting it right in front of her.

She had me hot. I didn’t even put my hands on women, but I swear to God I wanted to pop her ass in her mouth.

She popped me in mine, and I could taste the blood inside my mouth.

Her eyes were watering, and I know for a fact that if I let her go, she was going to swing, and that’s why I was trying to keep her confined like this.

“I hate you. I swear to God, I hate you,” her voice cracked as she said it.

“We even then because I hate your ass too!” I spat, knowing fuckin well that I didn’t hate her. I only said it to match energy. A bitch tell me she hate me; it was only right that I said the same shit back to her.

Yaya would get mad at me, and tell me that she hated me, but I would never stoop to her level in return, and tell her that I hated her too.

Because I wouldn’t do that, I could see it in her eyes that she was shocked behind my words.

She nodded her head after I said that, and right after, a tear fell.

“You probably mean that too,” she responded, and more tears fell. She took her eyes off me for a second, and she looked down at the ground. I knew she was about to say something. I could tell that she was thinking about something, so I kept quiet, going to give her a few seconds to get it out.

“I’ve told you that I hated you before, but I would always say it out of anger.

You know that I never meant that. One thing about it though, you never stooped to my level and said it back.

Don’t you dare tell me that you only said it because I said it first. You mean it, Sevyn.

You fuckin mean that shit. I know you do!

” she started full out crying, catching me off guard.

“You do, and you say stupid ass shit, but I don’t hate you, Ya.

What fuckin reason I got to hate you? I want to slap the shit out of you right now because I can taste blood in my mouth from you hitting me, but I don’t hate you,” my voice was a little soft because I was trying to get her to open up and tell me the real reason why she felt like I hated her.

“It was my idea for Sarai to sleep in her bassinet that night. The night she passed, I remember she fell asleep on your chest, and you tried to put her in the middle of us, but I was the one that told you to put her in her bassinet. I felt like we were overly spoiling her. The day before, we had just went for her checkup with her pediatrician, and she got on the both of us about co- sleeping. I was just trying to follow what the doctor said for us to do. I made you put her in the bassinet. What if I never made you do that? What if I kept quiet, and just allowed you to let her sleep in between us, like we always did? Maybe she would still be here. You hate me for that, Sevyn. I know you do,” this was her first time saying this shit out loud to me.

I never even knew that she felt this way.

No lie, that shit fucked me up to my core that she even thought that.

I felt a burn in my throat, and my eyes got misty, but I wasn’t going to shed tears in front of her.

I ended up removing my hands from restraining her arms behind her head, and I backed up a little bit. After I backed up, she immediately sat up on the car, and she used her hands to wipe the tears that were lingering there. I looked at the front door, and then back at her.

“You really believe that shit?” I asked, looking her in her eyes, but she wasn’t looking me in mine. Her head was dropped down, and she was looking at her fingers.

“Look at me, Ya. You really convinced yourself to believe that shit? Sarari died because of SIDS. Whether she would have been in the middle of us, sleeping in her nursey in her room, or in the bassinet, shit probably would have happened the same way. I never once blamed you for that shit, yo. Never had secret animosity towards you, or any of those things. If anything, I blamed God! He’s supposed to be this man that’s supposed to be there for us, and if that’s the case, why the fuck would He take our baby away from us like that?

What happened to Sarai was unfortunate, and I gotta live with that shit every day that she’s no longer here, but you’re not the blame for that, and I don’t fuckin hate your ass!

I would hope that you wouldn’t hate me either, and you just saying stupid shit out of your mouth like all the times before!

” I shot. She’d calmed down by this point, but a few tears were still falling.

“Go in the house, bruh,” was all I had left for her ass. I was ready to dip out, and head back to the crib. Just that fast, she’d managed to stress the fuck out of me.

She heard me loud and clear when I told her ass to go in the house, but she didn’t move.

She just sat there. It took her about five minutes to eventually scoot herself down from the truck, and before she walked away, she looked me in my eyes.

I could tell that it was something that she really wanted to say to me, however, she didn’t say it.

She just took her ass in the house. I kept my eyes on her, following her the entire time that she walked the massive driveway, and she took the two steps up that led to the front door, and she went inside.

I shook my head, running a hand down my face, and I proceeded to head to the driver’s side, so that I could get inside, and speed off.

When I made it to the crib, the first thing that I planned on doing was unpacking my bag, taking a shower, and then I was going to go to the mini bar that I had at my condo, and take a few shots to the head.

I let Yaya stress the fuck out of me tonight.

Then, she brought up our daughter, and that really fucked me up.