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It was the worst week of his life, and he’d had some bad weeks.

Seeing Laney hooked up to an IV had undone something in him. He had felt the last dregs of his sanity drift away on a tide of rage, and it had taken all of Jerry’s strength to keep him from turning Nick into pulp.

“This is your fucking fault,” he’d hissed at Nick, “you started her on this shit, this is YOUR FAULT!”

Jerry’s arms were surprisingly strong and he kept Shane back far enough that he couldn’t KO the guy. Shane had half a mind to drop Jerry, too, so he could give Nick the beating he deserved. But it was Dustin who talked him down.

“Shane, don’t,” he’d said. Just two words. But it was his eyes, his sad angry brown eyes, looking right at him that did it.

Shane had collapsed against the wall, his head in his hands, the room spinning.

“Just breathe, kid…” Jerry had said to him.

He didn’t remember much, after that. They wouldn’t let him in her room since he wasn’t family, so he and Jerry camped out in the hall, eavesdropping on the doctors and harassing the nurses for information.

She’s fine she’s fine she’s fine she’s fine she’s fine…

Nick made himself scare when Cary appeared. He burst into the room like a cyclone and yelled at all the staff, kicking in a door and generally making a ruckus. They’d eventually calmed him down, and he’d pulled a chair up to Laney’s bed and put his forehead down on her hand. He’d stayed like that for hours.

Nick never resurfaced.

Around 6:00am, after morning rounds, the doctors told Cary that she was stable and was just being held for observation for one more day. Cary had stroked her hair, his face lined with exhaustion, and then gone to find himself some coffee.

“Go,” Jerry had whispered to him as Cary disappeared around the corner. “Be quick.”

Shane had slipped into Laney’s room, the beeping sounds and antiseptic smell making him feel sick. He’d kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her mouth… “I love you,” he’d whispered hoarsely, choking back a sob. “Please be okay… I love you, Laney…”

Then Jerry had cleared his throat loudly and Shane returned to his vigil on the floor outside her room, a nurse giving him a nasty look as she went to re-check Laney's vitals.

He didn’t really remember Christmas day. It was just a blur of florescent lights, hospital noises, interchangeable nursing staff, and watching Cary hover over Laney while Sarita hovered over Cary.

Cary sent them home on the evening of the 25 th , asked Jerry to watch Dustin, and told them he’d call when she was home.

She’d been discharged on Boxing Day but Cary said she needed rest, and that they could all come see her after new year.

Shane hadn’t been able to breathe properly all week.

He’d been up, showered, and sitting in Jerry’s truck by 7:00am on New Year’s Day.

“Shane, you need to stay calm,” Jerry warned him as he drove them across town. “I don’ care if Nick is standing there with his cock out, or if Linette is offering Laney a fresh line for breakfast. Cary is home, an’ you need to be careful. You hear me?”

“I just need to see her,” Shane rasped.

“I know, son. I know. But so does Dusty, and so do I, an’ we don’ need you fuckin’ this situation up any more than it already been fucked up. Got it?”

Shane nodded miserably and pressed his forehead to the glass. He had a pounding headache, the kind that made his vision swim and his skull feel brittle. His body was shaky, his muscles aching, and he hadn’t been able to eat in days. His skin was slick with sweat.

Jerry eyed him warily.

“I’m worried about you, ya know…” he said. “You don’ look so hot, boy.”

Shane didn’t answer him. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to take anything since Christmas, but he hadn’t gone more than a day without some kind of benzo cocktail in close to a year. Since he’d started seeing Jenna, really.

He was pretty sure he was in withdrawal, but he didn’t care. He just… couldn’t. Not after hearing those words, Laney and overdose, in a sentence together.

When Jerry pulled into the driveway, Dustin hopped out and ran up the steps, disappearing inside as quick and quiet as a mouse. A few moments later, as Shane was dragging his aching body up the front stairs, Cary appeared in the doorway.

Jerry looked between them nervously but said nothing.

“You use?” Cary asked him. No preamble.

“Yes,” Shane said.

“With her?”

“Never.”

Cary stared at him for a few moments, and then nodded once.

“Here,” he said, rummaging in his pocket and tossing Shane a pill.

“No,” Shane said, “no fucking way.”

“It’s methadone,” Cary replied. "It'll take the edge off."

Shane glanced at Jerry who nodded at him, and he swallowed it as Cary held open the door for him. Shane awkwardly pushed past him, heading straight downstairs without even kicking off his shoes.