Page 44
Shane’s heart was pounding in time to the music. He was a bit wasted, okay a lot wasted, having just smoked several bowls of Jerry’s hash and chased it with two large glasses of Jerry’s “good whiskey” when Laney called.
Shane thought it tasted the same as all his other whiskey.
Jerry called him a disappointment.
Linette clearly knew how to entertain. He’d never seen Cary’s troupe look so put together, or so relaxed. It could have been courtesy of the dwindling piles of drugs, but really it seemed to be the heady cocktail of energy that Linette whipped up and stirred like a flare bartender.
She was currently in the living room with her hands on some woman’s waist, their bodies close enough together that her ample bosom was pressed right up against the other lady, and she was whispering in her ear with a gleam in her eye.
The woman was blushing, and every man in the room had their eyes on them.
She smacked her red lips against the woman’s cheek before blazing off through the throng of bodies, leaving her flushed and the men scowling like the porn channel had just gone static.
Jerry had driven and was unusually fidgety. He seemed to be looking everywhere but at Linette.
Shane said nothing, focused on scanning for Laney. And Dustin. With school out for the holidays, he hadn’t even had the excuse of driving him every day and found he was really missing him.
He separated himself from Jerry and made his way through the people chattering on the landing to the basement. It was just as full, people sprawled across the furniture and leaning against the walls, one guy tucked into a bean bag chair and staring at the ceiling holding on for dear life.
Mushrooms, probably.
“Shane?” someone said.
“Cody?”
Cody grinned and leaned in, clapping Shane on the back with one arm.
“Wow, long time no see Shane! How ya been, man?” He looked him over. “I mean, clearly not bad . You look really good you handsome prick.”
Shane laughed. “Got a job.” He accepted the joint from Cody and took a puff. “How’s your cousin.”
“Had the baby early. Left it with my mum and took off.”
“The baby okay?” Shane asked. Cody just shrugged.
Shane wanted to talk to him but wanted to find Laney more. They exchanged a few more pleasantries and then Cody excused himself to get another drink.
As Shane looked around the small rec room, he started to feel a little weird and realized that Cody’s joint was probably laced with something. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself and prepare for a multitude of drug-induced possibilities. So stupid. Everybody knew not to accept drugs or drinks from Cody unless you wanted one hell of a ride.
He felt a shift in the room, even with his eyes closed, like everyone’s attention had been snagged. And based on the vibration working its way up his spine, he’d guess Laney had arrived.
As he turned around he had to actively fight his jaw from dropping open.
She was wearing skintight flares, indecently low on her hips, and a little half-shirt thing, exposing her flat stomach and hugging her small tits, her shoulders bare. Her belly button ring glinted in the strung-up Christmas lights.
She wore almost no makeup, just something that made her eyelashes look darker, and her lips were shiny. Her hair was mussed like she’d just gotten out of bed.
Fuck.
Me.
Not yet not yet not yet not yet not yet not yet not yet –
“Hi friend ,” she said mockingly, a twinkle in her eye as she stepped close to him.
He leaned into her ear with a frown. “Friends don’t make friends get hard.”
She shivered, clearly shocked, but they stepped apart respectfully as half the room was watching them with interest.
Like a homing beacon for another woman getting attention, Linette was suddenly there, passing out Jell-o shots and coy smiles.
Some of the guys shifted their attention willingly as Linette greeted everyone by name, clasping hands and loudly kissing cheeks, but several seemed as unable to tear their eyes away from Laney as Shane was, and Linette frowned.
Apart from their petite-ness and their preternatural good looks, they didn’t really look alike. Linette reminded him of Old Hollywood with her big eyes, dramatically arched eyebrows, soft mouth, and curves for days framed by long, dramatic tumbling blonde waves that were a shade too light for her age.
Laney was all edges and angles, with jutting cheek and hip bones, a sharp gaze, an even sharper mouth, and a pointy nose and chin that shouldn’t really have been beautiful but were. She looked almost elvish, and with her soft little pixie cut halo she made him think of some kind of mischievous fairy.
If Linette offered a man soft, full hands and throaty moans, Laney promised a dirty mouth and just a hint of pain.
Shane was hypnotized. It was no contest.
“You must be Shane,” Linette said, acknowledging him by name this time. She looked him up and down appraisingly as she walked over and embraced him in a big – if not slightly stiff – hug.
“Nice to properly meet you, Mrs. Hawton – ”
“Oh Jesus Christ, don’t call me that,” she said waving him off. “It’s Linette.” Then she turned her attention to Laney. “You look different, doll.”
It didn’t sound like a compliment.
You look sexy as fuck, and I need everyone in this house to leave, he thought.
Laney grinned at him and shifted slightly so that her elbow was touching him. Linette caught the movement.
“Shane honey, be a dear and help take some of the cases of empties outside? The kitchen is full of bottles, need the room you know – lots of people crowding in before the countdown.”
“Sure thing, Linette,” he said, lacing his fingers through Laney’s and pulling her behind him.
She giggled.
“My mom doesn’t like you,” she said.
“Your mom doesn’t give two shits about me. She’s jealous of you .”
Laney scoffed. “Yeah, okay.”
“She is, Laney. She’s watching you the same way she was watching some of the other women, upstairs. Like you’re… competition.”
“Right,” Laney said, “because a skinny kid like me has anything on a pornstar body like that –”
“Don’t,” Shane said darkly. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me right now knowing that your bedroom is literally three feet away?”
Shit, I’m really wasted. No filter.
“Well. This isn’t confusing at all ,” she muttered. She adopted a mock gravelly voice. “Let’s be friends, Laney. Don’t mind me, making all kinds of suggestive comments. You’re too young for me.” She rubbed the back of her head in an exaggerated motion.
Shane couldn’t help but laugh, plucking her coat out of the pile and holding it out for her. She put one arm in and then the other, a sour expression on her face.
“You know this blows, right?" she huffed. "It’s not… easy, for me. Watching Cary’s friends eyeballing you every time you’re here. Talking to you every chance they get. Touching your arm, your chest…” She scowled. “It sucks.”
“Wait, are you… jealous?”
“Of course I’m jealous! I don’t get to touch you, like that.”
Shane frowned but she plowed on.
“And it’s not because of Cary,” she snapped, holding open the door for him as they stepped outside with the empties. “You wouldn’t let me touch you like that before, either. When it was just the three of us.” She took a deep breath. “You only ever let me near you when you’re not expecting it. When you’re half asleep or I’ve surprised you in your car. How do you think it feels, for me? To know that you only let me in when you’re feeling… weak. That I’m…” her lips quivered “ a moment of weakness , to you.”
Shane was fairly sure he’d been disemboweled, and his guts were spilling out all over the driveway.
He fought the urge to run his hand over his head and stared up at the sky, snowflakes drifting down lazily and catching in his eyelashes. He wanted to tell her she wasn’t a weakness. But really… when he’d been very, very drunk on Christmas Day, he’d kept calling her kryptonite to a highly amused, mildly annoyed Jerry.
“You’re perfect, Laney,” he said. And he meant it. “It’s me. I’m…”
“I swear to God if you say ‘it’s not you it’s me’ I will dropkick your dick with these pointy-toes boots.”
Shane threw up his hands. “What do you want from me, huh? I’m doing my best, here! I’m trying, okay? My life is complicated, and you’re fifteen. I’m trying to protect you! I’m trying to keep you…”
“Innocent?” She gestured back at her house. “Kind of hard to do that, don’t you think?”
“A virgin,” Shane blurted, drugs coursing through his veins and making his tongue move without his permission.
Laney looked a little astonished by his unfettered honesty, but it was what it was.
“Shane,” she levelled, “You said that you think I’m perfect… did it ever occur you to that I think the same thing?” She looked him square in the face. “You said you aren’t saying no, you’re saying not yet. And I can live with that. But you act like I’m not to be touched, at all , unless I bully you into it or – apparently – when you’re drunk and are willing to hold my hand .”
“Jesus Christ, Laney! I’m not doing this to be an asshole. I’m doing it out of self-preservation. Because either I’ll give in and do what I want with you -” his eyes pinned her with a terrifyingly delicious glare “- or your brother will notice and crush whatever part of my body is touching yours with a sledgehammer.”
Laney looked like she had swallowed a lemon, and then she deflated. And for the first time, Shane really felt how young she was. It hit him like a sack of bricks.
Jerry was right – about not rushing. But Laney didn’t get it. She was too caught up in what felt good. She was blinded by it, pushing him too hard. It was going to be up to him to be the responsible one. It was going to be up to him to set the rules.
Fuck.
“I’m sorry, Shane,” she murmured. “I’m sorry, okay? I just… missed you. I don’t know why I’m picking a fight. I don’t know why this is so hard. Why it’s so hard for us, I mean.”
“Because we shouldn’t be together,” Shane said. The words tasted like shit.
Laney dropped his hand and sucked in a breath. “That’s what you think?”
“Look, I’m fucked up right now, okay? Can we talk about this when I’m sober?”
“No,” she said coldly. “You’re being more honest with me right now than you’ve ever been.”
“Laney, come on…” he was scrambling to make his brain work, to say something that would fix the unsettled feeling in his heart, but his vision was swimming, and he was sinking into the ground in slow motion. He had no idea if it was her or the drugs. Probably both.
“It’s fine,” she said in a strange voice, “let’s just go back inside.”
He followed her, the air between them strained, but time was starting to act funny. Cody’s joint had definitely been laced with a downer, because he could feel his eyelids trying to close, his body sluggish and heavy. All he wanted was to go to sleep. But he fought to stay awake, stumbling after her, as she made her way through the party, accepting Jell-o shots and hugging people he didn’t recognize, socializing and making people laugh.
She worked the room just like Linette.
Shane couldn’t keep up. He collapsed onto a rickety chair in the corner, every smile she gave someone feeling like a stab through the heart. Jerry appeared and sat down on the floor beside him with a grunt.
“Can you take me home, Jerry?”
“Nah, I can’t drive no more. It’s gonna be a few hours ‘fore a cab is free. New Year and all.”
Shane’s eyes followed her everywhere. There was a physical ache in his bones from how bad he wanted to go to her, to touch her. But he couldn’t shake the feeling he’d had outside. That no matter how much he might like her – and there was no point in pretending that he didn’t – that she really was still just a kid.
Not yet might work for him. But with a horrible, sinking feeling, he knew it wouldn’t work for her. She’d just keep pushing, and pushing, until he caved. And it wasn’t right. He wanted too much from her and she wasn’t ready for it, and he wasn’t just thinking about sex. She wasn’t ready for him, for them – even if she thought she was. If he was being really honest, he wasn’t ready for ‘them’, either. He didn’t want to steal what little remained of her childhood. He wanted her to grow up, first. And he had a little more of that left to do himself, too.
Better to break her heart and save her, than save her heart and break her.
This fucking sucks.
Jerry whistled. “You look wrecked, boy. I know that feelin’.”
“Hawtons,” Shane muttered. Jerry chuckled and took another sip of beer.
“Amen to that.”
Someone had taken control of the music, and a heavy grunge tune was playing.
I believe them bones are me
Some say we’re born into the grave
I feel so alone
Gonna end up a big ol’ pile of them bones
Everyone in the room started pairing up, the crowd counting down loudly over the music.
Fifteen!
Fourteen!
Thirteen!
A pretty redhead around his age was sitting on the floor beside him, looking up at him shyly.
Twelve!
Eleven!
Ten!
She put down her beer, shimmied over on her knees.
Nine!
Eight!
Seven!
She was blushing.
Six!
Five!
Four!
He could still hear the song playing beneath the shouting.
Toll due, bad dream come true
I lie dead gone under red sky
I feel so alone
Three!
Two!
One!
The girl tilted her head back, looking at him with shy, hesitant eyes. And with a sick, twisted feeling in his gut, he leaned down and pressed his lips softly to hers.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
“Thanks,” she whispered. He smiled a little at her, grateful that she hadn’t tried to stick her tongue in his mouth. Grateful that she hadn’t done much of anything, really – just kissed him chastely and then studied him, like she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to introduce herself or not.
The girl shifted to the left, revealing Laney staring at him with an unfathomable expression.
“What’s your name?” he asked. The girl told him, but he was having trouble hearing her over the sound of his insides shriveling up.
I feel so alone
Gonna end up a big ol’ pile
Someone approached Laney, blocking her from his line of sight. A guy.
I feel so alone
Gonna end up a big ol’ pile
Shane hadn't felt pain like this in a long, long time.
I feel so alone
Gonna end up a big ol’ pile of them bones.
He let himself slip away into a hazy high.
Happy fucking new year.
Table of Contents
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