Page 18 of The Wrong Bond (Wolf Billionaire #4)

CHAPTER 18

SHAWN

“ T ell me.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited.

I had no idea what I was doing at Arlene’s place at this time, or why I’d stood outside in the rain for an hour, contemplating coming in or not. This indecisiveness was entirely out of character for me, but somehow, my heart had led me to her front door.

“There’s really nothing to tell,” I said.

“But there is; if not, you wouldn’t have shown up at my door completely drenched this early in the morning. And I want to hear it now.”

My eyes narrowed as I absorbed her words. Things were unraveling quickly, and she wasn’t going to back down. I had no script to follow. But she was right: I needed to define whatever this was.

I couldn’t keep leaving her in limbo and coming back whenever I pleased. But admitting the truth, even to myself, was harder than anything I’d ever done.

“What do you suggest I say?”

“That we keep this strictly business. I’ll get paid for the services I provide and nothing more. That way, we can both clearly see the boundaries we’re not supposed to cross and act accordingly.”

My resolve faltered. “Is that what you want?”

Arlene jutted her nose up into the air, getting more confident as the minutes passed by. “No more intimate dates. No more conversations about our personal lives. No more taking me to your favorite place and hoping I fall in love with what you love. I don’t want any of that.”

Her words about treating this strictly as business—even if that was what it was—sent a cold shiver through me. I couldn’t bear not calling Arlene whenever I wanted to talk to her, giving up our playful banter, or ignoring how comfortable we were around each other. What we had was perfect, and I didn’t want to let it go.

I clenched my jaw, forcing my emotions back under control. “You think that’s what I want?” I asked, my voice harsher than I wanted. “You think I want to return to being strangers with you?”

“I have no idea what you want, Shawn! Because you never tell me!” she yelled.

“Of course, I don’t it to be only business with you.”

Her eyes widened, a flicker of hope, and then anger, passing through them. “Then what is this, Shawn? Because I can’t keep doing this. I need to know where we stand.”

I hadn’t thought about what I would say to her when I was racing to her in the pouring rain. I also hadn’t thought it through when I stood outside and let the heavens unleash their anger on me. And now, I could barely think about anything aside from her big eyes and how it felt like they were staring into my soul.

Fuck.

The tension was so thick I could taste it in my throat, and I hoped we could continue this conversation when I was less out of it, but Arlene didn’t look like she would take no for an answer. Lora coming into this had made it a lot more complicated than it should be.

“We’re only together because of the arrangement, nothing more.”

I shook my head quickly. “That’s not true, Ally.”

“Then why?”

“Because I care about you!” I yelled. My voice reverberated through her small apartment. In a lower voice, I continued, “I care about you too much. And this arrangement is a facade that I’m hiding behind because I’m a coward, and I don’t want to hurt you. I care so much it fucking hurts whenever I remember I can only have a fraction of you because that’s all I’m entitled to.”

I could see the breath hitch in her throat, and suddenly, it felt like time stood still, and it was just the two of us against the world. I knew I’d gone too far, crossed a line I hadn’t known existed, but I didn’t care.

“Shawn,” she gasped, unable to finish her thought.

“And I would take that fraction of you any day and anytime. Even if it means I have to pay for it,” I finished.

Arlene swallowed, her eyes on me.

I couldn’t stomach my body being close to her, but her being so out of reach that it nearly made me insane. I was only getting the parts of her I paid for, and in my heart of hearts, I wanted more than that.

“But that’s not the point, Ally,” I stammered, my words clumsy. “It’s just…things are complicated. You know that.”

“Then if things are as complicated as you said, you really shouldn’t have come here.”

I sighed. “I know.”

She sighed too. “Shawn, I think we should both call it a night and go to bed. Maybe you had too much to drink at the banquet and can’t tell what’s going on.”

I knew that excuse would be the best way to handle all of this, the easiest copout, but I just couldn’t bring myself lie.Both my mind and my mouth failed me. How could I explain the tangled mess of emotions I was feeling? The way the sight of her made me feel so alive?

The thought of sharing a conversation and a laugh with her was the one thing I looked forward to after a busy day. I’d been willingly drinking terrible beer for two weeks straight just so I could win her over.

I paced her apartment, more than sure that hiding and pretending would do neither of us any good, especially me. I’d fallen in love with her, whether I wanted to admit it or not, and there was no going back.

“Okay,” I said, standing in front of her, ready to put it all out on the table. “Arlene, look, this whole thing…it’s gotten out of hand. Late-night talks, spending the weekend together…this weren’t supposed to mean anything.”

She nodded and urged me to continue, so I did.

“I was trying to keep myself and my heart at arm’s length so I could easily detach when the time came,” I said, “but that didn’t happen. That was far from what happened. Somewhere along the way, things changed. I have no idea when specifically, but I know I’ve cared about you from the first moment I met you. It became more than just a distraction from my real life. It became an important part of my life. You became an important part of my life.”

I searched her face for any reaction that would tell me to either keep going or stop, but I wasn’t getting anything from her. The anger in her eyes had slowly melted away, so that was a good thing.

“Important?” she echoed, her voice barely a whisper. “How important?”

I swallowed. This was it, the point of no return. But there was nothing more I could do about it. Could I really say it? Could I say the three words that had been on my mind for weeks?

Taking a deep breath, I met Arlene’s gaze head-on. No more beating around the bush, no more waiting. She needed to know how I truly felt about her.

“You’re so important that it scares the hell out of me,” I admitted. “Important enough that I can’t stand the thought of losing you. Important enough that I left the banquet in the pouring rain because I wanted to be with you, to feel your warmth.”

Arlene didn’t say anything, but I could hear her heart pounding continuously in her chest, just like mine was. A long silence stretched between us.

“Arlene,” I said, my voice confident and full of all the emotions I’d been feeling for weeks. “I love you.”

I wanted to scream those words from the rooftop with everything in me.

The gasp she let out was soft, but it was still loud enough for me to hear it.

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally whispered.

I shook my head. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m not looking for an answer right now.”

I couldn’t mention my family yet, or that I just found out I had a mate. I would tell her as soon as I could, but I didn’t want that news to steal the moment we were having.

She nodded, a silence following.

Then she said, “I need to think about all this.”

Selfishly speaking, I didn’t want to give her any time to think through all the backlash that could come our way, especially given that I’d just found my mate.But pushing her might end up with an immediate rejection.

“Of course,” I responded. “I’ll come back in the morning when we’ve both thought things through.”

I moved toward the door and paused when I reached for the doorknob. I silently pleaded that whatever conclusion Arlene came to tomorrow would be positive. I wasn’t ready to lose her yet.

Had I ruined everything? Had I been too brash, too blunt? Was I wrong? My heart bounced like a criminal’s waiting for a verdict.

But I didn’t turn back again. I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, the cool morning air slapping me in the face. Reaching my car, I slumped into the driver’s seat, turned on the car, and put on the heat.

I pulled out my cell phone and called Ethan, who answered on the third ring.

“Hey, Ethan.”

“What’s up?” he asked, his voice groggy from sleep.

“I need to speak to you. It’s an emergency.”

There was a small pause from his end, and I could tell he had just checked the time. “This early?”

“Yeah, meet me at my apartment.”

He yawned and mumbled, “Sure thing.”