Page 43 of The Wolf Lord's Mate

(Hello lovely readers! I already announced this on Patreon, but I will be taking the 23rd - 27th off from posting for the holidays, but will be back after that ?? )

The first thought that crossed my mind was to tell Nathaniel that he could not do that again; he could not simply kiss me or touch me on a whim, as if we were already bonded mates. He had opened a door that I thought I had kept firmly shut, and I needed him to know that he was not welcome.

But the moment the thought appeared in my mind, it was met with sharp ache in my chest, a pang of longing spreading under my skin as my belly twisted with a nauseas sort of fear. Only it was not fear aimed at Nathaniel or the bond, but rather the thought of it being by taken away. Of the thought of Nathaniel never kissing me again.

I ached for him, I could not deny that, but it did not change the fact that I did not want him.

And yet, was that really still true? I had told myself over and over, again and again that I did not want him—I could not want him, and that was the end of things. That was the way that it had to be.

I did not want to want him, that was still true, but it did not erase my desire. I could still feel the phantom press of his lips against mine, goose flesh raising across my arms at the thought of his fingers brushing against my skin.

I did want him. I wanted Nathaniel the way I wanted water—like it was a basic need to survive. Like I would cease to exist without it. Without him.

But what was desire compared to freedom? Comfort compared to curiosity and discovery? I could not have those things if I stayed with Nathaniel, his Wolfish nature would make him too protective over me to go out on my own.

Not to mention the effect his marking would have on me, binding me to him for the rest of my life. I did not know if I would even want to leave after we were bonded, and the idea of losing my will terrified me.

My desire urged me to submit to him, to bare my neck and give my body to him, but I was too afraid to let that happen. Too afraid of what would happen if I gave up control to him, or let go off the careful grip on my life that I'd had to have in order to survive in The Alleys.

Nathaniel could take care of me, I knew that, but I didn't know if I wanted him to take care of me. I didn't know if I trusted him to take care of me.

I had been taught my whole life to be wary of the world and the many beasts within it, and Nathaniel was the most dangerous beast of all. The most beautiful ones always are; tantalizing and seductive in their nature. And Gods was The Wolf Lord tantalizing.

I slammed the book shut and tossed it onto the table—there was no world in which I was going to be able to focus enough to read after Nathaniel's kiss.

This constant clash of my mind and my body was going to drive me to madness.

I kept myself entertained for the better part of the afternoon, but I found myself getting antsy, turning my head towards the door at any little sound. When the wind would rush through the trees or a squirrel would skitter past, I would find myself looking for Nathaniel to reappear and feeling oddly disappointed when he wasn't there.

There were only so many times I could sift through his books and poke around his cabinets, and I was more than happy to blame my boredom for my sudden desire for him to return.

I was not entirely sure when Nathaniel was coming back from his hunt, seeing as he had given me very little information about where exactly he was going, though I couldn't imagine that he had gone far. If he was close enough to hear me shouting for him, then he couldn't be more than a mile.

I couldn't tell if I was relieved or annoyed at the fact that he had left me at the cabin by myself, and found myself almost missing his constant interruptions. It was nice to have a moment to myself, however, and to be able to think without the pressure of his presence weighing down on me.

The fact that he had kissed me wasn't helping things, and I simply could not stop thinking about it. Nathaniel's touch had set my body alight, stirring up desire in my belly only to leave it unattended and half-formed.

It was an irksome feeling, to be needy and wanting without anything to fulfill it—and to not even be sure if I wanted him to fulfill it. Still, he should have at least allowed me to take penance in the form of a quick chastisement for what he had done, though I doubted he would feel bad about it at all.

Nathaniel's restraint was impressive, albeit practiced from the past few days, and I could not deny the embarrassment I felt from the fact that he had been the one to pull away from the kiss.

He had somehow taken control of whatever was happening between us, and I did not care for that one bit. Still, that did not mean that I couldn't try to take it back.

THE WOLF LORD'S MATE updates every Friday for free on Wattpad

OR you can read ahead on Patreon and get twice weekly updates on Monday & Thursday

patreon.com/CassidySmoke