Page 34

" W ill you be able to bring the cats with you to Lord Harbury's estate?" Cressida asked, leaning down to stroke Hades.

"Yes, I will," Victoria said. "I made sure to ask him whether it would be all right.

After the way James reacted when he first encountered them, I didn't want to take any chances.

But it seems he's telling the truth about his eagerness to marry me.

I have the impression that he would agree to anything I asked for. "

"Isn't that lovely?" Cressida said. "You deserve a gentleman who is willing to make you feel so desired, Victoria. You deserve a husband who wants to be married to you so ardently that he is willing to give you anything you ask for in order to make it a reality."

Victoria sighed. "Perhaps," she agreed. "But I don't know how to process this. How can he possibly want to marry me so much? He hardly knows me, as I reminded him on the day he made his request. And yet, he acts as though that makes no difference."

"Well, as you know, Matthew and I hardly knew one another when we married," Cressida reminded her. "And yet it's been a wonderful thing for the both of us. Perhaps Lord Harbury hopes your story will be a similar one."

"I told him that he shouldn't count on it," Victoria said. "I told him that I didn't think I would ever be able to fall in love again."

"Is this because of that man?" Cressida meant Jonathan.

She had never been able to bring herself to refer to him by his name.

Victoria knew that her sister harbored even more resentment toward Jonathan than Victoria herself did, a fact she usually found comforting.

It was a good thing to be shown such love.

But today, she didn't wish to think about Jonathan at all. "It has nothing to do with him," she said.

"Because I know he's the reason you haven't gone out into society these past few years."

"That's true, but I haven't thought about him at all recently," Victoria said honestly. "There's simply been too much else going on."

"Like this proposal."

"Among other things."

"You really ought to open yourself up to the possibility of finding love, Victoria, even if it feels unlikely to you right now.

I didn't think I could ever love Matthew, but now the two of us are so happy together that it's hard to believe we ever doubted our potential as a couple.

I'm so grateful for the fact of our marriage that I hardly know what to say about it.

But if I had listened to my instincts from the start, it would have never happened. "

"I know that," Victoria said.

"Well, that's why I say you should do your best to keep an open mind as you go into this marriage. You never know. You might be surprised by it," Cressida said. "You might find yourself falling in love after all."

"I know," Victoria said. "I know anything is possible. But it doesn't seem very likely to me, that's all."

"Why not? If it's not about…that man…then what's holding you back? Isn't Lord Harbury a kind person?"

"Oh, he's been very nice," Victoria said. "I told you how welcoming he has been to me, how he's made me feel that he wants me to have whatever I want to make me happy and comfortable in this new arrangement."

"You did mention that," Cressida agreed. "That's why I'm so surprised to hear you say so confidently that you can never love him! What's the matter with him?"

"There's nothing the matter with him," Victoria sighed. "It's me. I'm the problem."

"But I don't see how. It's not that you're incapable of love.

Whatever you may think about that, I know that you have a great capacity to love others, Victoria.

I see it in you every time we're together.

And as your sister, I know you better than anyone in the world, and I know what a loving person you are. You cannot convince me otherwise."

"I think that perhaps a person reaches a point in her life when her heart has been broken too many times," Victoria said. It was the closest she dared come to the truth. "I don't think I could possibly extend my love to another person. Not again. Not after everything."

"I don't understand," Cressida admitted. "You say your heart has been broken too many times, but what do you mean? Other than the first time?—"

"Jonathan."

"Yes, him. Who else have you ever loved? You didn't love your late husband. You hardly knew him at all."

"No, you're right. I suffered no heartbreak when he died," Victoria agreed.

"So then what are you talking about?" Cressida asked. "When did you have your heart broken? Is there something I don't know about?"

Victoria looked away. She couldn't confess to it.

"Victoria…no, surely not. The duke?"

"I never meant for it to happen," Victoria whispered. "Truly, I didn't. I never thought…"

"You fell in love with the duke? I thought you didn't even like the duke."

"I didn't like him. I don't know. Something changed.

We spent so much time with one another, and…

he really is a good man, Cressida. I thought he was selfish at first. I couldn't look beyond the fact that he was trying to have me removed from this house.

But now I can see that he really does care about me, and about what happens to me.

He was never just trying to reclaim the place as his own.

It was always bigger than that. And…he's been through some hardships. "

She couldn't tell her sister what James had confided about his past, about what his stepmother had done to him.

That was James's story to tell or not to tell as he saw fit, and she knew it.

But at the same time, she couldn't deny that she had been affected by what he had shared with her.

She had begun to see him as a person, someone who had been through struggles not so different from her own.

That had been the moment she had begun to lose control of things, she thought—it was impossible to go on thinking of him as a villain once she knew that much of his story.

And once she'd opened the door to thinking of him as an ally, once she had surrendered her animosity, falling in love had been much easier to do.

She still hadn't meant to do it.

She still didn't know how it could have happened.

Cressida was looking at her with pity in her eyes. "Oh, Victoria," she said softly. "I knew you had become fond of him, of course, but I had no idea it was this serious."

"It isn't serious."

"If you're in love with him, I think that's serious."

"I never said I was in love."

"You didn't have to say it. It's written all over your face. I can see it in your eyes. I know what you look like when you're in love."

"How can you? I've never been in love before."

"Never? What about…?"

"I wasn't in love with him," Victoria said. "I can see that now."

"You can see that now because you're in love now," Cressida said quietly. "You can see that now because you have something to compare it to. Isn't that right?"

Victoria closed her eyes.

"It's all right," Cressida said quietly. "You don't need to feel embarrassed about this, Victoria."

"I don't know how I could have allowed it to happen. I never meant for it to happen."

"I know. I understand. Believe me. I never meant to fall in love with Matthew either."

"But that's different, Cressida. Can't you see how different that is? Matthew is your husband. And besides that, he returns your affection."

"You don't think the duke returns yours?"

"I think that if he did, he would be trying to stop me from marrying someone else," Cressida said. "If he felt anything for me, he wouldn't want to see me married to Henry!"

"What did he say when he found out about Lord Harbury's proposal?"

"To tell you the truth, he hasn't spoken to me about it at all," Victoria said. "At least, not since it happened. He told me that Henry was coming to propose, and he said that I should accept the proposal."

"Well, that doesn't mean he doesn't return your feelings," Cressida said. "Perhaps he doesn't know what to make of the way he feels. Men aren't always good at this sort of thing, you know. Maybe he fears that you would reject him if he was honest with you about what he felt."

"I don't think so," Victoria said gloomily.

"He hasn't spoken to me since then. It's obvious that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I think he told me to accept the proposal because he's simply ready for me to be on my way.

He's been clear from the start that he wanted me out of the house, and now the opportunity has finally come.

He's found me a good match—someone who wants to marry me, someone who cares about my well-being and has the means to provide.

The only problem with the arrangement is that I don't want it! "

She was breathing hard by the time she finished speaking, and Cressida reached out and took her hand. For a moment, the two sisters just sat there together.

Persephone wound her way around Victoria's ankle with a purr that would ordinarily have been soothing. Today, it hardly caught Victoria's notice at all. She was too distracted by her emotions.

"If you don't want it," Cressida said gently, "why did you say yes to it?"

"Because the duke is never going to want me," Victoria said.

"At least by doing this I can get out of his house and move on with my life.

I won't have to face him every day. I won't have to look in his eyes and feel as though my heart is breaking all over again, knowing that I will never have him.

I can leave him behind me, and that's all I want. "

"Victoria…are you sure? Have you truly thought about this? Maybe you should take some more time," Cressida said.

"How could I possibly do that? I've already agreed to this marriage.

I've already told Lord Harbury that I'll be his wife, and he has already begun to make the plans.

If I change my mind now, I'll have betrayed a kind man who has never done me any wrong.

I'll have doomed myself to spending more time with a man I love who doesn't return my affections.

I may even have sabotaged the last chance I'"ll ever have to marry at all. "

"I thought you didn't wish to marry."

"I thought that too. But if the alternative is to spend the rest of my life pining over someone I can't have…well, by comparison to that, marriage no longer sounds so bad."

Cressida sighed. "I still think you've given up too fast," she said. "If you truly have feelings for the duke…"

"Cressida, James doesn't care for me."

"But from what you're saying, it sounds as if he never actually told you that," Cressida pointed out. "It sounds like you're making an assumption."

"I'm not making an assumption. I'm drawing a conclusion based on evidence.

I'm being perfectly logical." She thought about the kiss—the kiss she would never confide in anyone about, not even her sister.

"If he had feelings for me, Cressida, he would have told me.

I'm sure of it. If he felt anything at all for me, I would know.

You must trust me when I say that he doesn't care, and he's ready to be rid of me. "

Cressida held her hand and said nothing at all. Her doubt showed on her face, but she took pity on Victoria and did not argue the matter any further.