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" L ady Victoria!"
Cressida turned toward the voice and frowned. "I don't know this gentleman," she said. "You have many new friends these days, Victoria. Who is this one?"
Victoria turned too, and her heart sank. Benjamin was walking across the park lawn, a big smile on his face as he approached them. "Oh, dear," she murmured.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm not supposed to associate with him."
"What do you mean, you're not supposed to?"
"I mean that James has asked me not to."
Cressida raised her eyebrows. "And what of that?" she asked. "The duke isn't here, and I'm not going to tell him. Besides, what is this—another situation like the one with Lord Harbury, where he's ordered you away from a perfectly kind gentleman who wants nothing more than to get to know you?"
"Not exactly like that, no."
"Then what's going on?"
But Victoria had no more time to explain the situation, for Benjamin was now upon them. "Lady Victoria," he said warmly. "I'm so pleased to see you."
"It's nice to see you too," Victoria said, though she knew she shouldn't.
She was supposed to be avoiding Benjamin.
Somehow, now that the moment had arrived, she couldn't quite bring herself to do it.
It was just that he was such a good person—so kind, so easy to get along with.
Whatever had happened in the past between James and his stepmother, surely Benjamin couldn't be held accountable.
As James had said himself, Benjamin had been only a child.
"I wish James had been with you today," Benjamin admitted. "I would have liked to see him. But then, I imagine he wouldn't be too happy about seeing me."
Victoria bit her lip.
"It's all right," Benjamin told her. "You don't have to say anything. I know the answer. I know my brother doesn't want to see me. Truth be told, I'm sure he doesn't much like the idea of you seeing me either. I don't want to make trouble for you. If you need me to be on my way, I can do that."
"No," Victoria decided. "No, there's no reason you and I shouldn't talk. And maybe you can help me understand. I didn't feel as if James was telling me the full story when we spoke after you and I met the other day."
"Sit down and join us, sir," Cressida suggested. "I am Lady Feverton. The duchess is my sister."
"Of course. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Please, call me Benjamin."
Cressida glanced at Victoria in surprise, and Victoria remembers how taken aback she herself had been when she had first met Benjamin and he had asked her to address him so informally. It was certainly unexpected. Even hearing him say it now took her by surprise.
But it was what he wanted, and she was already breaking rules by talking to him at all, so why not? "What brings you out today, Benjamin?" she asked, hoping to show her sister by example that the informality was nothing to be too worried about.
"Well, to tell you the truth, it was my hope of crossing paths with James," Benjamin said.
"I told you that I had recently come back to London, of course, but what I didn't tell you was my reason for returning.
I had hoped to make things right with my brother—to establish a good relationship between the two of us. "
"Based on what he told me of your shared past, that might be difficult to do," Victoria said.
"I quite agree. We've never had a good relationship. But I have to try, I think. I'm hoping to marry soon, and family means a great deal to us—to Lady Katherine and to myself. We both like the idea of having my brother at the wedding, and as a part of our lives moving into the future."
"According to him, there wasn't much of a fraternal relationship between the two of you," Victoria said.
She felt a pang of guilt as she spoke—perhaps it was wrong of her to imply that she and James had talked about Benjamin.
She felt as if she was breaking confidence with James somehow by revealing their discussion behind his back.
At the same time, though, he had hardly told her anything at all, had he? That was maddening, and Victoria did feel as though—because he had asked her not to associate with Benjamin—she had the right to a bit more explanation.
If he was my husband, it would be different. Then I would accept that he had a right to command me. But that's not the way it is, so why should I do as he says?
"He's right," Benjamin said. "We had very little relationship to speak of.
But I always wished we did. I tried, when I was younger, but I was only a child, and it was easy for him to ignore me.
I never knew back then how much of the tension between us was simply the normal animosity that can exist between brothers in their youth.
I was too young to know, I had no perspective on the world yet. "
"We were always close growing up," Cressida remarked. "I have heard of siblings who aren't that way, of course, but that was never Victoria and myself—and thank goodness for that. I think I would have grieved to know that I had a sister right there and yet had no ability to get close to her."
"Then you know just how I feel," Benjamin said. "And now that we're adults, I'd like nothing more than to set matters right."
"James said the trouble was your mother," Victoria said. "Apparently the real tension was between the two of them."
Benjamin sighed. "Well, I suppose she did play favorites," he agreed.
"And that's a shame. I didn't see it when I was young, but I can see it now.
Of course she favored me. I was her son, and he was her stepson.
It's regrettable. I don't think he deserved to know that he was the least favored in the household, but he was older than I was, and wiser, so of course he noticed it.
He couldn't fail to see that my mother always doted on me, always provided me with treats and praise, and he was forced to do without. "
"And what of your father?" Victoria asked. "Surely he treated the two of you as equals?"
"He simply wasn't around that often," Benjamin said.
"When he was, yes, he treated us equally, but he was also distant with us.
And then, too, he was besotted with my mother.
I wonder sometimes if that bothered James as much as anything else did—that he couldn't count on Father to take his side against Mother. "
"One wouldn't expect a young man to set that much store by his stepmother's opinion," Cressida remarked.
"I mean, I'm sure it was frustrating to know that he wasn't the favorite, but why didn't he set the whole business aside and focus on something else—his education, perhaps, or time spent with his friends?
It's hard to believe that this could be such a problem that it would affect him all these years later. "
"Well, James was always a bit of a sickly child," Benjamin recalled. "I can remember numerous instances when he was forced to take to his bed for weeks at a time."
"Really?" Victoria was surprised. "He's perfectly healthy now."
"Yes, I suppose he grew out of it. I understand that can happen sometimes.
But when he was young, his illness prevented him from getting out of the house and making friends.
He couldn't go away to school because he might have taken ill there, so he was forced to study at home.
That was one thing Mother did for him—she persuaded Father that he needed to stay home and learn from a tutor instead of going off to school, because he didn't have the constitution for it.
I can remember a big argument surrounding all that.
James was very angry when he was told that he wouldn't be able to go away to school.
But really, it was the best thing for him.
Mother did care for him. She just…preferred me.
Her own son. It was a flaw on her part, but she wasn't completely heartless. "
Victoria nodded. "That makes sense. I hadn't realized all this about his past."
"I'm glad to hear that he's doing so much better now," Benjamin said. "And I want more than anything to find a way to heal our relationship. Will you help me, Victoria?"
"Oh—I don't know if I'm the right person to do that," Victoria said.
She didn't want to tell Benjamin that James had ordered her not to speak with him.
She thought she understood the reasoning a bit better now—James must have been ashamed of the things he had guessed Benjamin might tell her.
If he'd been in poor health as a child, maybe that was something he found embarrassing.
Maybe he hadn't wanted her to know, and he'd guessed that Benjamin might bring it up.
She wished he hadn't felt the need to worry about it.
It didn't change the way she thought about him.
Whatever he'd been like as a child, he was still the same person he was right now.
In fact, having overcome adversity made him seem stronger to her.
She wished she could go home and just tell him that, but it seemed unlikely that he would take it very well, since it would mean admitting that she had spoken to Benjamin against his wishes.
"Will you try?" Benjamin asked her. "Will you ask him to speak with me, at least?"
Victoria bit her lip. "I'll see what I can do," she said. "But truly, I don't think you should count on my ability to resolve this for you, Benjamin. I am not sure I'm the right person."
"If you'll try, that's all I can ask," Benjamin said. "It would mean so much to me."
Victoria felt filled with dread at the prospect of confronting James, but at the same time, she knew she had already done more than she should have by having this conversation at all. It seemed only right, now that she follow through.
"All right," she told Benjamin. "If it means that much to you—I will try."
Table of Contents
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- Page 28 (Reading here)
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