Page 149 of The Wicked

“Continue,” he said like we had done this a thousand times before, and I would know the words.

Surprisingly, I continued talking. “… No matter how bloody or gruesome; I leave no stone unturned, my word is law, and if I go against it, I lose myself.”

“Elio.”

I blinked. Coming out of my head.

“Did you mean that?” she said, concern and question in her eyes.

Goosebumps littered my skin at that flash of… memory?

“Elio—”

“I—I don’t know.” I shook my head, looking away from her. “Yes, I wanted to do it, but I didn’t want to,wantto do it because I don’t think that’s who I am—”

“Who are you?”

My grip tightened around her hand. “I don’t know. I am a different person when I’m with Casmiro and Angelo; I am different when I’m with Elia; I am different when I’m with my soldiers and associates; I am different when I’m with normal people outside my world…” I looked at her. “I’m different when I’m with you.”

Her eyes widened, and I caught her pupils dilating in reaction to my words.

She had captivating eyes.

I looked down at our hands together, my thumb absentmindedly stroking her knuckles. “There are so many versions of myself that I don’t know which part of me is real anymore. I don’t know who my name belongs to.”

“I think your name belongs to the person before me, trying to find who he is.”

“Hm.”

My mind flashed to the memory I had somehow seemed to have forgotten. The man questioning me had been in uniform, which meant it was from my time in the army. Did I make up that memory, or did it… happen? Why had I forgotten it if it happened?

My father had sent me there after I was diagnosed with what my mother had… He said he was going to fix me… Did he have them do something to me?

“Where’s your mind?”she asked in Spanish.

I met her gaze.“Nowhere,”I lied, then frowned, my eyes searching hers. “Why are you sitting here, willingly talking to me?”

“What?”

“Why do you care—” I stopped and reworded the question. “Do you care?”

She looked caught off guard by my question, and I watched her draw back from me, subtly taking her hand from mine, leaving it cold. I had the strongest urge to take her hand back, but I didn’t want to cross a boundary or scare her away, so I just clasped my hands together instead.

Zahra swallowed. “I—I have a hero complex. I think. I’m not a monster; even though I do not like you, I won’t leave you when you’re clearly going through stuff you need to talk about.”

“So… you care?”

“That’s not care; that’s me. I’ll do it for anyone, even if it’s a stranger on the fucking street.” She looked uncomfortable, tucking her hair behind her ear as she added, “It’s who I am.”

I said nothing; I just sat there staring at her while she squirmed.

“I mean—you kind of did blame me for your state, and part of why I talked to you was because I didn’t like you accusing me of your unstable state of mind.”

“Oh, you are a huge part of the reason, Sport.”

She opened her mouth to counter my statement but closed it again like she had forgotten what she wanted to say. I took the liberty to continue.

“From the moment you left that boardroom till now, I’ve been unable to stop thinking about you.”