Page 147 of The Wicked

I swung my hand, knocking off all the items on the counter; they fell with sharp clashes.

Jittery, I exited the bathroom, my gaze finding Zahra’s wary one from where she stood in front of a dressing table.

Her lips parted like she wanted to say something, but I was already walking towards her with a glare that I couldn’t even hide or morph into indifference.

“Elio—”

Her words ceased when I caged her with my body, locking her against the dressing table with one hand on either side.

I caught the sound of her breath hitching in her throat with a small gasp. “Whatever you think I’ve done—”

“Fix this,” I cut her off, my skin sucking in the warmth from her body.

She blinked, her brows dropping in genuine confusion. “What are you talking about? Fix—fix what?” I hated and loved the concern in her voice.

“Fix this!” My voice shook with withheld anger, and then I said between my teeth, “Fix me.”

Her chest heaved, and her frown deepened. “I don’t—”

“Don’t fucking feign innocence right now, Zahra. You know what you did.”

“What did I do?”

I drew in a shaky breath, leaning away from her, from the damning sweet smell of her hair and skin, from the familiar tightness in my chest that grew from the fondness of seeing her face and hearing her voice.

I brushed my hair back with a sharp, painful tug as I looked away from her.

“You have ruined my mind.”

“What—”

“Three weeks, Zahra.” I looked back at her. “I have not been myself for three weeks, and I don’t understand why because, believe it or not, I trulyreallywant to see you dead. I don’t like you, I don’t like you as a person; you have all the qualities that I despise in a woman and a person, you have qualities that mirror who I am, and I don’t want to be near it, I don’t want to want it, but—you did something to me. Somewhere between when we were being chased by the Russians and now, you did something to me; I know it.”

“I didn’t do anything to you; what are you talking about?”

“You are messing with my head!” I yelled. “I can’t—I can’t focus on anything; I can’t think properly because all I fucking see, think, and breathe is the thought of you for no goddamn reason, so fucking fix it!”

“Elio—”

“I am spiraling, Zahra. For the first time in my life, I amquestioning my actions, I am seeking morals I have never once cared for, and it’s all because of you. I might have just made a mistake because of your voice in my head, so take it away. Now.”

She didn’t speak for a long time, like she was trying to assess my situation in her head and come up with a solution.

After a while, she stood straighter. “Okay, breathe—”

“I am breathing.”

“I know, I just need you to calm down—”

“I am calm,” I snapped, knowing I was a long distance away from calm.

“What mistake were you talking about?” she asked carefully.

I bit the inside of my mouth, taking three steps backward before I turned and started to pace, trying to center my mind and my thoughts, wondering why every fiber of my being thought it was okay to confide in her or let her see this side of me. We weren’t friends, or were we?

“Elio—”

“I let someone live.” I dug my thumb into the palm of my other hand, trying to stop the shaking as I glanced at her, seeing her confused expression. “She’s pregnant, and I ruined her life and let her live. She should be dead.”