Page 9 of The Way Home (Pathfinders Lake Romance #5)

Jeremy

I had to laugh. Riley looked like one of those sad pound puppies in the commercials asking for donations.

Lost, uncomfortable, wounded, and yet a little bit of hope behind his eyes.

I wanted to pull him in close and wrap my arms around him.

Not yet, though. We weren't there yet, even if I wished we were.

At least he wasn't running away. He stayed. Riley wanted to stay.

“Now, we talk. You can't go slinking off and closing a door between us.”

Riley bobbed his head as he kept his gaze locked on the water at his feet. His were completely submerged, while my toes barely dipped into the water. His long legs were on display, and I wished I could run my hands over them. Nope. Focus, Jeremy.

I gave Riley a minute to see if he would start things off, but it looked like it was up to me. “What brings you out here? I thought you didn’t visit the cabin except for holidays.”

He gave me a sidelong look for a moment before returning his concentration on the water. “Like I said…things have been rough for a while. Pretty much all the way around. Jobs in my field are harder to come by than I expected. Housing… well… it helps to have a job, and relationships…”

Riley clamped his mouth shut. I wasn't thrilled to hear about his love life, but if we were going to find a way forward, we had to carve away at this wall between us. “It's okay, Ri, we can talk about this stuff. We're both adults here.”

He bit his lip, and his cheeks flushed. “Yeah… I don't think I'm ready for that conversation.”

I held up my hands, somewhat relieved, because I didn't want to hear about him having the perfect partner. I would be happy for him if that was the case. Mostly . Though, I was pretty certain I would have heard from the parents if he was in a serious relationship.

“All right, we can just table it for now. So… here? What brings you back to Pathfinders?”

“Mom was the one who suggested it. She thought it would be good for me to take a little break from everything and clear my head, which has been remarkably un -clear lately.”

“Yeah. Coming home always helps me when my head is loud, too. There is something about the trees and the water. It's all a bit… magical .”

Riley quirked his lips as if he was trying not to smile. I'd always felt the magic of the place, but after telling him about the local legend and the lake's namesake when we were younger, it became something we shared.

“It is.” The words came out soft and with a hint of wonder in them. He coughed and cleared his throat. “What about you? Why are you here? Or do you just come out a lot?”

It had been far too long since we’d talked, and it was blaringly obvious now as we tried to pull out basic information from each other.

I'd tried but had to settle for hearing about him through Jackie.

“I don't come as much as I used to—” when I was still hopeful of having a secret rendezvous with Riley “—but I try to visit the cabin a few times a year. It might actually end up becoming my permanent residence again, if everything goes well.”

It was still surreal to think I could be living here again.

To get to have this view and run the path we'd taken to get here.

With Riley currently at my side, it felt like things were finally falling into place.

Though, the Riley thing wasn't exactly how I imagined it with how stilted things currently were between us.

“Really? How so?”

I turned to face him and couldn't help the smile that stretched across my face. “Oh my God! Get this! I'm interviewing this week to be head football coach at Stony.”

He angled toward me, his knee bending and touching mine. “Wait. What? Seriously? I didn't know you were interested in coaching.”

“If you had asked me five years ago, I probably wouldn't have considered it.

I've been in a bit of a job transition phase for a while now, too.

Turns out being a star running back in high school isn't exactly resume-worthy.

I did some personal training for a while, which I liked okay, but it was still missing something.

The one-on-one was great, and I liked helping people feel more comfortable and confident, but I miss being a part of something bigger.

When Dad told me Coach Lewis was finally retiring and the spot was going to open up here, I had this whole light- shining-down-from-the-heavens moment.

Maybe there's a small chance I could actually still be a part of something I love.”

This time Riley smiled genuinely, and damn, it was a beautiful sight, especially with the way the sunlight glinted off his glasses.

His hair was short now, parted to the side, and he had dark stubble on his square jaw that looked lickable, but his smile…

yeah, that was the best part. “That's great, Jem.”

My heart jumped every time he casually dropped his old nickname for me. It felt so good to hear again. Having Riley's approval meant a lot to me, too. “Yeah? You think? I don’t sound pathetic for wanting to return to my football days?”

His gaze softened, and he smiled lightly. “It's not pathetic.”

I didn't realize how worried I'd been about what he would think, or why it mattered so much, but to hear even the smallest bit of acceptance encouraged me to continue.

“I've been working really hard on it, I swear.

I've done a lot of half-assed things before, but not this.

Something just clicked for me. I have been working really hard to get ready for the job.

I want it, and I know I can do it. Now, I just have to get through the interview and convince them I'm not the same person I was in high school.”

A hand landed on mine, his long fingers curling over it, giving a gentle squeeze.

The action practically paralyzed me, but I forced myself to not look, not draw attention, because this was the first time in a lifetime he'd touched me like this.

Riley looked straight into my eyes, the tiny golden flecks sparkling in his green eyes. “You are, though, Jeremy.”

It took me a moment to understand, too caught up in the intimacy that felt so familiar and so new at the same time. “I am what?”

“The same.”

“Oh.” My heart sank at his words. Is that how he saw me? Is that how everyone saw me?

Riley squeezed my hand again. “That's a good thing. Those kids would be lucky to have you on their side, and the school would lose out on a great thing if they let you walk away.”

“You really think so?”

“Of course, I do. You have a light that draws people in and makes them want to stay in your orbit.”

I blinked hard, trying to force the growing mist from my eyes.

It was nice to hear, especially in a voice I'd dreamt of for so long.

Nice to touch, to be touched by him, to be in his presence in this way.

I missed the shit out of this. As nice as it was, I couldn't make sense of it.

If he thought so highly of me, why had he been pushing me away for the last ten years.

“Not you, though, right?”

Riley pulled his hand back and turned away from me. Just like that, the coldness crept between us once more. I shivered as if an icy breeze had whipped around me.

“I… can't answer that.” He stood up abruptly. He took his socks out of his shoes and stuffed them into his pockets. Apparently, he needed to get his shoes on so he could get away from me as quickly as possible.

That was it! A mix of frustration, anger, hurt, and sorrow filled me, and I couldn't put my mask on or pretend everything was fine, not anymore. I shot to my feet. “What happened? What did I do to make you hate me so much?”

My words came out harsher than I meant to, and he looked as if I'd kicked him. Good . Because this whole thing fucking sucked, and I deserved some answers.

“I don't… I don't hate you. I tried to, but I can't,” Riley whispered, his voice shaky.

“What does that mean? You tried to hate me? That feels pretty shitty.”

Riley let his head hang down, staring at his feet. “It means it would be so much easier if I did.”

I threw my arms up. “Well, I'm sorry I've been such an awful person to make you wish you hated me.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and took a careful step forward. “But you're not. That's the problem.”

“And why is that a problem?” I took a step closer.

“Because… I… it just is, okay?” Riley's voice cracked, which almost made me want to back down. Almost . I couldn't let it go, not after how far we'd come.

“Sorry, Ri. That's not good enough. You're going to have to be completely clear. Help me understand why you can barely stand being in the same room as me. You owe me that.”

The world's heaviest sigh flowed out of him, making me brace myself, because clearly whatever this was had been weighing heavily on him. “It's hard to be around you, Jeremy, because… because it hurts too much.”

I took another step closer until he had to tilt his head down to look at me. We were on a precipice of something, and it had my heart racing. I lowered my voice, trying to keep calm as I asked, “Why does it hurt you to be around me?”

Riley pinched his eyes shut. “Because I can't have you.”

My breath hitched, and it felt like everything stopped working. My brain, my heart, and my body were all frozen in place. With great effort, I managed to unlock my jaw and make my mouth move. “You can have me.”

Riley's eyes were still closed, and he shook his head. “No. Not the way I want to.”

His words were the key to unlocking my systems. Not only that but they seemed to send a power surging through me.

Without another thought, I pushed up on my toes, pressing my lips against his.

Riley's eyes flew open, and he went completely rigid.

For a moment, I thought I'd made a mistake, but then his hands found their way to my hips, and his mouth softened, moving against mine.