Page 25 of The Way Home (Pathfinders Lake Romance #5)

Heat flashed behind his eyes, the same as they had when I straddled him on the floor. It was what had given me the boost of confidence to take what I wanted. “You sure did, and it was hot as fuck.”

“You didn’t mind?” I asked carefully.

“Not at all. You can take charge any time you want. I loved the hell out of it.”

Jeremy made me feel like I had power. I’d been with a few partners that assumed since I preferred to bottom that I was naturally the submissive one.

Not that we were kinky or anything, but that they were usually the ones that led things in the bedroom.

I’d had a hard time speaking up and taking what I wanted.

When Jeremy and I were young and still learning what we liked, it had been an open and safe space for us to explore together.

I trusted him, and even though he liked to tease or joke around, he’d never made me feel like I couldn’t speak up.

In fact, he often encouraged me to find my words.

In those words, he gave me power, and I liked it.

I’d been the one to tell him to fuck me, but he’d helped me get the words out.

“Thank you, Jem. That means more than you know. It might not be all the time, though. Sometimes, it’s nice to not be in control, too. I mean, I was the one waiting all come-hither-like with my ass in the air.”

Jeremy grinned. “What a beautiful sight it was, too. I hope I get to find you like that again, and if I do, I promise I am not wasting the opportunity.”

Again . It was a tiny little word, but it carried a lot of weight. It made my heart flutter to think about. “Soooo… are you saying you want it to happen again? Us, I mean.”

“I thought it was pretty obvious, but let me be as clear as possible.

I want you , Riley. Any way I can have you.

Sure, I would absolutely love to spend more naked fun time with you—I'm dying to explore every inch of your body, but I will take whatever you are willing to give me.

Even if it means just being friends. I've just missed you so damn much, and I can't bear the idea of losing you again.”

Jeremy sniffed and wiped at his eye, looking away. I squeezed his hand to draw his attention back. “I've missed you, too, Jem. I never stopped thinking about you. It's why it was so hard for me to be around you all these years.”

His hand left mine and he folded them in his lap. “I was here the whole time, Ri. Waiting and hoping you would see me or talk to me. I never even knew what happened, why you ended things.”

The hurt in his words made my chest ache.

I had been in such turmoil over having to break things off with him that I pushed him away, hard and fast. A clean break, except it was never clean and never a real break that could mend over time.

It was a sprain that reinjured itself every time I allowed myself to admire Jeremy.

“You remember why we moved out here in the first place, right?

My dad was awful and my mom did everything she could to take care of us, including moving across the country for a new start.

She worked so hard, and she deserved so much.

When she brought me over to introduce us, I saw how happy she was.

For the first since I could remember, she was truly happy.

I… couldn't mess that up for her. How could I tell her she couldn't be with a good man who loved her and treated her right because I loved his son?

After all she'd been through, I had to put her happiness first.”

“I wish you would have talked to me about it. We could have figured something out.” Jeremy pushed his plate aside, half his sandwich uneaten.

I folded my arms over my chest, trying to shield myself from the emotions of the past. “I was young. I didn't know how to talk about it. Besides, it didn't feel worth it. You didn't seem like you were all that upset about it anyway.”

Jeremy sat up straight, his brows pinched, and he bit out, “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Jeremy. It was like the bed was barely cold before you filled it with someone else. I had to watch you parade person after person in front of me. It hurt. A lot.”

“I…” Jeremy held up a finger, and then slowly lowered it. “I was young, too. And I was hurting. I lost someone I loved, and even though you were there, you weren't. Being with someone, anyone , was easier than being alone.”

So much anger and hurt, years of it. Too much. “I'm sorry, Jem.”

He gave me a half-smile. “I'm sorry, too. Who knew teenagers weren't the most sensible and reasonable people who use their heads to work out problems?”

I huffed a soft laugh. “Someone should probably get the word out about that.”

Jeremy's smile stretched wider. “We can't change the past, but we can honor it and move forward.”

Love honors the past and love is the way forward. He'd said the same thing about the pathfinder legend. We couldn't change what was, but we could look ahead. “So… where does that leave us now?”

“Now that we’re older, wiser, and hotter?” Jeremy teased. I gave him the eye roll he was expecting. “Wherever we want.”

To be able to forge our own path… the idea sounded pretty nice.

But what if what we wanted took us down two different paths?

Where did this stop? Did we stay side-by-side until we hit the fork in the road and split off into separate lives?

The idea of having to watch him live life from the sidelines again was nearly unbearable. “Where… where do you want it to go?”

Jeremy scooted his chair around the side of the table until his knees rested against mine. He took both of my hands and looked me right in the eye. “Since we clearly were shit at the whole communication thing the last time, I'm just going to lay all my cards on the table."

I breathed in deep, bracing myself for whatever might come. “Okay.”

His rich brown eyes pierced into me as the setting sun shone through the window, casting a perfect glow on his golden skin, making him look even more enchanting than ever. How long did I avoid looking directly at him? Now, here he was before me, and I got to take him all in.

“I’ve never been one for relationships. Yeah, I like sex, I like the feeling of closeness that comes with intimacy, but I haven’t really allowed myself to connect on a deeper level with anyone.

The truth is, I’ve been hung up on an ex for a really long time, and no matter who I slept with or how much fun we had, it was temporary because it was never the right person. ”

“Oh.” I couldn’t help the disappointment in my voice. Of course, in all this time, he would have had a relationship that left an impact. I shouldn’t be surprised. It had been over a decade, and we had been kids. I tried to pull my hands away, but he held them in place.

“See… I met this guy. He was tall and lanky and had these glasses that would fall down his nose and every time he pushed them back up, it made me giddy. And then he choked on an orange soda, and I was a goner right there.”

My brows pinched, and I tilted my head as it sunk in that he was talking about me. “Wait. What? Why?”

Jeremy moved to the edge of his chair, one leg between mine, and leaned in close to cup my cheek. “I told you… I happen to like nerds.”

“I was a nervous mess.”

Jeremy shook his head and smiled. “You were charming without meaning to be, which I loved. And I just felt good being around you. As I got to know you, I fell in love. Maybe it was young puppy love, but I felt it then, and I still feel it now, Ri. Being near you makes me happy and feel whole again, like the part I’ve been missing is stitching itself back together.

Do I want to have sex again? Yes, absolutely, one-hundred percent, fully on board with that. ”

I had to chuckle at his enthusiastic point.

“I want more than just something physical, though. I’ve had that, and it was never enough. With you, I want it all. I want the quiet moments of simply being together. I want the dinners out, and the science exhibits. I want to be with you .”

My heart felt like it was about to burst. This whole thing felt too good to be true. “You mean it?”

“I really do. I’d almost given up hope on us, but then you were here, in the shower no less, and hope ignited again.”

His words overwhelmed me and choked me with emotion.

I threw myself forward, wrapping my arms around him.

Jeremy held me tight, just held me. Now more than ever, I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

In his arms. If there was ever a person in my life to fight for, it would be him.

I just didn't know if I was strong enough to do it on my own. Jeremy was the strong one.

I sat back, lifting my glasses to wipe my eyes, and choked out, “I want you, too, Jem. I’ve always wanted you.

Always loved you. I tried to forget you, to leave you behind and move on, but I couldn’t.

You took up so much space in my heart that I didn’t have room to give to anyone else.

I desperately want this to be real, but… it scares me, too.”

Jeremy reached up, brushed his thumb along my cheek, and gave me a look of understanding. “I know. So let’s talk it out. What about it scares you the most?”

I blew out a deep breath. Talking it out meant sharing my fears and not keeping them to myself, or having to carry them on my own. I placed my hand on his where it rested on my cheek and leaned into it.

“Our parents, first of all. I don’t want to hurt them or cause any problems for our family.” I winced at the idea. Our family.

Jeremy popped his lips as he thought of what to say.

“Here’s how I see it. I think we both got pretty lucky in the parent department.

There’s a reason they are so perfect together.

From what I know of Jackie, she wants you to be happy more than anything.

And my dad, well, he’s dying for me to bring home someone more than once.

Lucky for me, I know he already likes you, so he’ll be happy to see a friendly face. ”