Page 17 of The Way Home (Pathfinders Lake Romance #5)

Riley

W e were fine. Everything was fine. It was no longer a mantra I was repeating to myself. I actually felt it. It had been a couple of days since the whole… bathroom incident, and I thought it would make the situation worse with Jeremy, but it didn't.

I didn't know what compelled me to go in, but when he came back from his run all revved up and feral, I couldn't stop hearing him say how horny he was, and how much I’d been feeling the same and trying to deny it.

The curtain helped me pretend it wasn't him.

It could have been anyone. Like a hole-less glory hole.

A fuck for the sake of a fuck and nothing else…

well, the idea never really appealed to me.

With the help of some friends in college, I'd come to understand I was demisexual and needed a connection with someone to want to get to the naked bits.

I'd tried to have casual hook-ups, believe me, I tried, but I couldn't get into it.

I needed more. I needed to know the person, to know their heart and feel drawn to it.

Which was a part of what was so frustrating to feel this unruly desire I couldn't seem to shake when it came to Jeremy, but I knew his heart and was drawn to him.

For one moment, though, I could sink into it and give my body and my mind what it desperately craved.

The anonymity of the curtain was a joke, really.

There was no hiding who was there. Not with the sounds he made, or the silhouette I could see through the mostly-opaque material.

It was him. It was Jeremy, and I let go. Holy shit, it felt incredible, too.

It was like years of pent-up need released out of me.

Who knew a little shared solo time with my stepbrother was exactly what I needed?

With that out of the way, I felt myself relax and didn't have to brace myself every time I was in the same room with him.

Jeremy's flirting and casual touches didn't make me flinch or go instantly hangry—horny and angry.

Was there still some guilt over it? Of course, but it no longer ate away at me.

Besides, Jeremy's attention made me feel like I stood in the sunlight on a perfect, spring day.

He'd given me a few quick kisses on the lips over the past couple of days.

Nothing that needed reciprocation or suggested he was wanting more.

The first one surprised me when he came back from his run and apologized.

After that, though, I couldn't help the way my lips tipped up every time he did it.

Jeremy had always been a touchy, affectionate person.

I didn't realize how much I'd missed those casual moments.

They made me feel seen and valued. I'd only had one guy I dated that was openly affectionate.

I thought it was what I wanted at first, but it became more smothering and performative than anything, like I was always expected to respond and take things further.

A kiss never came without a squeeze or a grope, and, for this demi, it tended to kill the mood instead of crank it up.

With Jeremy, it was different. I knew he wasn't trying to push me into anything.

It was just who he was, and I savored each slight brush against my mouth.

Was it still murky ground considering our relationship?

For sure. While it was just the two of us here, I decided to allow it.

Siblings could kiss, right? It was just like hugging, no big deal.

If nothing else, it reminded me of something I needed and would have to find the words to ask for in future relationships. I deserved to feel the way Jeremy made me feel. That was a problem for future me, though. For now, I was going to do my best to enjoy our time together, however it looked.

Jeremy came into my room as I was checking my emails on my phone and flounced down on the bed making me bounce.

“Gahhh! I'm getting cabin fever. I don't think I can sit around another day while I wait to hear from the school.” He flipped over and propped his head up on his hands, looking up at me.

“Do you want to get out of here? Maybe we can go into town and check out some of our old haunts?”

I couldn't help but smile at the hopeful expression on his face.

That he wanted me to come with him didn't hurt either.

“That sounds nice. I've been wondering if everything looks the same.

I didn't really look when I was driving in because I was exhausted after traveling and just wanted to get up here.”

Jeremy popped up until he was sitting on his knees with a gleam in his eyes. “Yeah, really?”

“Really. I just need to get dressed and brush my teeth.”

Jeremy gave me a high five, our hands smacking loudly together. “Hell, yeah! This is going to be great. Thank you!”

He hopped out of the room, leaving me chuckling in his wake. Getting out of here was probably a good idea for both of us.

I stared at the clothes I packed, not sure what to wear, but decided to go casual.

It wasn’t like this was a date or anything, because it absolutely was not.

Once I was dressed in my faded blue jeans and hoodie, I went out to the living room and found Jeremy wearing an extremely tight navy henley shirt that did nothing to hide his muscled arms and chest. Of course, he paired it with skinny jeans that did the same glorious work for his bottom half.

It was hard not to stare, but at least I managed not to drool.

Jeremy did the full up-down on me, even though my rather unmuscled body was covered by my loose hoodie and straight-leg pants.

When he read my hoodie, he smiled. I had to look down to see which one I’d picked out.

It had a picture of Pluto, the former planet, not the dog, and it read, ‘Pluto, still a planet in my heart.’

“God, you’re cute!” Jeremy said with a soft laugh and a shake of his head.

My chest warmed at the compliment and how easily it fell from his lips. Another one of those things that would spoil me for anyone else. He set the bar high, and he did it without even trying. “Thanks, I guess. It’s just a silly science thing.”

“So what? You like science, and I like hearing you talk about science. You get all hyped about it, and it’s adorable. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Jeremy winked and made the butterflies in my belly wake up again. Though they never fully went dormant around him.

“Welp.” I popped my lips with all I could say without blurting out something really sappy or ridiculous.

Jeremy simply laughed and nudged my shoulder. “Come on, let’s go. I’m dying to see if Sal’s Pizza is still open. I’ve had the biggest craving for their cheeseburger pizza. I haven’t been able to find one anywhere else.”

“You know you could just order a cheeseburger, I’m pretty sure you can get those anywhere.”

Jeremy drew in a loud gasp and put his hand to his chest. “How dare! It’s not the same thing, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.”

I held my hands up in surrender. “Please accept my sincerest apologies for insinuating you could have a cheeseburger by itself instead of some monstrous hybrid situation.”

“It’s not monstrous, it’s chemistry, darling. You should appreciate the combining of different elements to make something entirely new.”

Pursing my lips to hide my smile, I said, “I hate it when you use science against me.”

When he got to the driver side of his car, he looked over the roof at me. “You know you love it.”

Sigh . I did, actually. And just like that, it felt like we were right back to that first summer together.

I’d fought it for so long. Being in his presence had only brought pain at the missing what we once had and knowing it could never be.

In this moment, though, I couldn’t figure out why.

After letting my defenses down and letting him in, I felt safe with him.

But then we were in this little bubble alone.

What would happen when we leave, and he goes back to his hundreds of lovers, and I try to find someone who could never compare to him?

Settling into the passenger seat, I slid a glance over to him.

Jeremy seemed perfectly content and happy, and damn, if it didn’t make me want to feel the same.

Perhaps, for now, I could let go of whatever the future might bring and simply enjoy being in the now with him.

We had so much more than just a sexual connection when we were younger.

I loved spending time with him. Then… and now.

And, damn it, didn’t I deserve to enjoy myself for once?

“You okay over there?” Jeremy asked as he started the car.

“Yeah. I think I am.” I leaned my head back against the seat and felt my lips curve upward.

Jeremy drove down the long driveway and his hand landed on my leg, giving it a light squeeze.

I let his hand stay there, enjoying the touch, knowing he wouldn’t try to slide it up, pushing for it to be something other than a mere connection between us.

Jeremy might flirt or tease, but he never pushed.

Eventually, I moved my hand to rest on top of his, not locked together, just as a way to hold that connection. We finally pulled into town, and I had this strange stirring seeing the familiar buildings and streets, especially with Jeremy at my side.

I’d gotten away as quickly as possible after high school, needing to put space between us so I could breathe. When we came to the cabin for the holidays, we didn’t usually come this far into town, staying closer to Pathfinders Lake.

“Wow. Everything looks the same,” I said softly as I stared out the window.

“Mostly. I think there’s been a few changes. Oh! Remember the arcade we used to go to?”

One side of my lips tipped up. We spent a lot of time at the arcade that summer. It was one of the few places to go in town, aside from the church. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, I hate to tell you, but JP is gone.”