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CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

JAX

L ate in the afternoon, The Aunts descend upon my home in a swarm and whisk the girls away to a salon to have their hair done and their nails painted, and the house is too quiet without them. I turn on Christmas music and pull out my ironing board, iron, and steamer before excavating my closet for my uniform. James comes over with his uniform in tow and we alternate pressing and steaming our uniforms.

Amanda assured me that she would make sure my children were fed, so James and I eat a quick supper of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the potato chips I keep in the house for Emma, before changing into uniform. It’s been a while since I’ve pulled this out, and I’m relieved to find that everything still fits as it should. With ribbons and medals in place and shoes polished to a high shine, I tuck my hat under my arm and step out to find my brother waiting for me.

“We look good.” James grins, straightening the wings pinned to his lapel and adjusting his bow tie before holding his hand out for a fist bump. I indulge him, and take over adjusting his tie so it sits straight, and he does the same for me.

“I can’t wait to see the girls.” The day Amanda took them dress shopping, I handed over my credit card and didn’t ask questions. I trust her with my kids, and I know that she’ll have them dressed to the nines tonight.

“I can’t wait to see Mandy,” James sighs, a dreamy-eyed look on his face that sends a sharp pang of loneliness straight through my chest. I consider, for a brief moment, calling Emma, but I know that she had meetings scheduled for today, even with her announcement last night, so I hold off. I can call her tonight, when this is all over.

It’s a short drive to James and Mandy’s house, and I’m nervous as we climb the porch steps to the front door. Before James opens the door he turns to me and rests his hands on my shoulders.

“Hey,” he gives me a lopsided smile, “take a deep breath. It’s just your daughters, there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“James, last year’s Christmas Eve party was a pajama party at the rec center. I’ve never done anything formal with the girls. They’ve never seen me in uniform, at least outside of pictures, what if I screw everything up…” I’m nervous, and I’m rambling, and James is laughing at me.

“There’s nothing to screw up, Jax. You go and you dance with your daughters. No pressure. Now get in there and see your girls.”

James opens the door and ushers me inside, insisting that I wait at the foot of the stairs for the girls to make an entrance. Tears sting the back of my eyes when I hear footsteps on the stairs and soon Mackenzie is standing in front of me looking five years older than she is. Her hair is pulled back in some sort of half-updo with curls cascading down her back, and she beams at me as she twirls, showing off the floor length green dress she’s wearing.

Right behind her is Alice with a shy, curious look on her face as she takes me in from head to toe. Her dress is the same deep green as Mackenzie’s, but has long lace sleeves and a thin belt at her waist. Alice’s blonde curls are pinned up with sparkling clips, and just as her sister did, she twirls to show off her dress. I swipe away the tears from my eyes as I kneel down to hug my daughters who’ve somehow grown up right before my very eyes.

Mandy comes downstairs next, dressed in a deep burgundy ball gown and at James’s sharp intake of breath I know it’s time for the girls and I to clear the room. I help them into their coats and give their aunt and uncle a moment together before we pile into the car and make our way to the party.

Lee and Elaine went all out. We step into the hotel and after hanging up our coats we pass through a photo area; the girls and I take a few photos together, I ask for one with each girl, and a few of the girls together. I take the girls’ hands in mine and we enter the ballroom together, where we’re greeted by Lee and Elaine.

“Grandma! Grandpa!” The girls twirl some more, showing off their dresses to their grandparents, Lee asks them to save him a dance, and Elaine takes them right over to the chocolate fountain in the corner of the ballroom.

“You boys sure clean up nice,” Mr. Owens says, shaking James’s hand when he enters the room behind us. “Glad you could come tonight.”

“I’m glad we could, too.”

Lee sends us on our way, and I make a beeline for the girls, encouraging them to step away from the chocolate fountain, and moving toward the tables arranged on either side of the ballroom. I grab a table and motion to James, saving the table. The girls sit down with their plates of fruit and cheese, and Elaine carries over two glasses of sparkling grape juice, leaving them on the table for the girls. Taking my phone from my pocket, I snap a few pictures of the girls, one of the room, and then take a quick selfie, sending all of the pictures to Emma.

Wish you were here. Merry Christmas.

Rather than waiting to see if she’s read the text, I drop my phone into my pocket and find myself something to drink before the lights dim and Lee is welcomed to the stage. The room falls silent as Lee speaks, welcoming us all, and reminding us why we’re here. None of us in this room would be here if not for Lee and Elaine Owens caring enough about the veterans in their community to bring us together, offering support and community when we needed it most.

James drops a hand on my shoulder and squeezes tight. We owe a lot to Lee Owens. We’re here for him, and because of him.

“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Lee declares and laughter breaks out across the room. “You’re here to party, and the dance floor is officially open.”

“Girls,” James holds out his hands to my dates, “may I have this dance?”

“And just what am I supposed to do?” I ask, with a laugh.

“You’ll figure something out.” James winks and leads the girls to the dance floor, leaving me alone at the table with my lemonade like the spinsters in the book he made me read. I watch as Mandy joins James and the girls on the dance floor, the four of them busting moves to the upbeat song in way that I don’t think I’d even try, but when the music slows, and James takes Mandy in his arms, I find my way to my girls, sharing a slow dance with them both.

After our dance, the girls and I find our way to the table laden with Dad’s baked goods. He’s been working for days on cookies and tarts and finished up with the last of the pastries just this morning, and he’s passed off Christmas breakfast and dinner responsibilities to Jake, Penelope, and me. I’ve got breadsticks and lasagna for dinner, and no idea what my brother has planned for breakfast, but it’s sure to be good, and Dad deserves the break after pulling off the food for this event.

The girls make quick work of their snacks and then head right back to the dance floor, holding hands and twirling and having the best time together. I slip my phone from my pocket, quickly checking for a response from Emma.

Merry Christmas, Jax. See you soon.

Soon, but not soon enough.

I hate the idea of her spending Christmas in a hotel in California. Sure, she’s got her, now former, teammates out there, but it’s not the same as celebrating with family and friends. With the people you love. And sure, selfishly, I wish I could spend Christmas morning with her and the girls. I wish I could have her with us when the girls wake up and run downstairs to Mom and Dad’s tree, that I could spend the evening with her wrapped up in my arms by the light of the tree and the warmth of a fire in the fireplace.

After dancing to three more songs, the girls come back to the table for a little break. A break that ends when their Grandpa Lee requests a dance with them and they happily agree. As I watch the girls with Lee, the man who took a chance on an angry teenager, a man who has been an intentional part of our lives, even after his daughter left. A man who has every reason to be angry and resentful, but instead pours into our lives everyday, I am filled with gratitude for him and for Elaine.

“He loves those girls,” Elaine sits down beside me, eyes locked on her husband, a wistfulness in her tone as she echoes my thoughts. “Jax, I don’t know if I’ve ever said thank you.”

“For what?” I turn to fully face her.

“For giving us a place in their lives. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, and to be honest, for the first few years it wasn’t for us either. Our relationship with Angela will never be what it once was, and the girls don’t replace what we lost, but they give us so much love and so much joy, and that’s because of you.”

“You’re right,” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “It wasn’t easy, especially right after she left, but the thought never even crossed my mind to exclude you from our lives. We needed you. Especially in those early days. If not for you and Lee, and my family, I truly don’t know where the three of us would be.”

“Well,” Elaine swipes her thumb under her eyes, a rare show of emotion from her. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” As one song drifts to the next, my girls show no sign of stopping, and I’m not going to sit here all night long, so I hold out a hand to Elaine. “Dance with me.”

She looks like she wants to protest, but offers me a smile instead as I lead her out to the dance floor.

“As long as we’re on the subject,” She’s using her principal voice, and I can’t help but laugh. “I’ve assured Ms. Mitchell that her being a part of your lives is not going to be an issue for Lee and me. In fact, if you’d like to get a move on with that, we’d all be grateful.”

For a moment I’m too stunned to speak. All I can do is shake my head in bewilderment. I don’t know when she and Emma would have had a chance to talk, but I’m weirdly glad that they did. Not that I need outside approval for our relationship, but it does smooth over some of the rough, awkward edges of the blending of our families.

Once she’s home, I intend to get a move on as Elaine suggested.

I just have to make sure the timing is right.