Page 35 of The Unseen (Echoes from the Past #5)
TWENTY-SEVEN
London, England
Quinn set aside the necklace and padded into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
She’d never had tea with lemon and sugar but had a mind to try it as soon as she purchased lemons, because that was how Valentina’s family always took it.
She smiled to herself as she dunked a teabag in her mug and added a splash of milk.
How fortunate for the Kalinins that Cousin Dmitri had finally received their letter.
He couldn’t have been kinder or more helpful.
Elena had been right in choosing to go to England instead of trying her luck in France, where they’d have to beg assistance from Alexei’s elderly aunt.
Things must have turned out well, since Quinn knew for a fact that Valentina had eventually married and had children.
She dismissed the argument she’d witnessed between Valentina and Dmitri.
It wasn’t unnatural for people to have a difference of opinion, and it wasn’t surprising that Dmitri wasn’t fond of the Jews.
The Russians and the Jews had never coexisted peacefully in Russia, and still didn’t.
Many Russian Jews had fled to England after the Revolution, and many more arrived after World War II.
Despite his years in England, Dmitri appeared to be deeply rooted in his Russian ways, and probably would remain so for the rest of his days.
Quinn carried her tea through to the bedroom where Alex was beginning to wake up from his mid-morning nap, like clockwork.
She changed his nappy and fed him, then went to the window to take a peek outside.
The day was overcast, but it wasn’t snowing or pissing down with rain, which was always a bonus.
Perhaps a brief walk. She liked to leave the house at least once a day, to remind herself that she wasn’t a hermit, and to make sure Alex got some fresh air.
She was just about to dress the baby in a warm jumper when the doorbell buzzed.
I hope it’s not Sylvia again , Quinn thought as she went to see who was at the door. She backed away in surprise when she saw Jude on the screen, waiting patiently to be allowed to come up. He looked nervous, stepping from foot to foot, as if he needed the loo.
“Hello,” he said shyly when Quinn opened the door to him. She stepped aside and allowed him into the flat. Even in his winter gear—a navy-blue parka, a striped scarf, and a knitted cap—he looked trendy and artistic.
“What are you doing here, Jude?” Quinn asked. Jude never visited or rang her voluntarily, and they hadn’t spoken since the day of Emma’s birthday party.
“I came to bring this, and to apologize.” Jude thrust a gift bag at Quinn. It contained a sweet brown teddy bear. “It’s for Alex. I thought he might like a cuddly toy. Maybe it will even become his favorite, like Emma’s Mr. Rabbit.”
“Mr. Rabbit has been demoted,” Quinn announced. “She has a new favorite toy now. But thank you. It’s adorable.”
Jude shrugged off his coat, as if he meant to stay for a while. “Look, Quinn, I’m really sorry about what happened at Emma’s party. I never meant to hurt her. You must know that.”
“You might not have meant to, but it would have happened just the same had Emma ingested the heroin you so carelessly dropped.”
“I know, and I have to live with that knowledge every single day. It’s realizing what might have happened that finally got me into rehab.”
“And are you clean? ”
Jude nodded. He actually looked healthier, if somewhat heavier. Without heroin, his metabolism was likely working at a slower rate, or maybe he had a better appetite now that he wasn’t strung out.
“So, what are you plans?” Quinn asked as she walked into the bedroom, where Alex was still lying on the bed. Jude followed.
“Oh, he’s sweet,” Jude said as he leaned forward to take a better look. “May I hold him?”
Everything inside Quinn wanted to refuse, but it seemed churlish, so she nodded. “All right, but only for a minute. We’re going out for a walk.”
“It’s not too bad outside,” Jude replied as he lifted the baby into his arms and smiled down at him. “He looks?—”
“Like Gabe. Yes, I know,” Quinn snapped.
“Okay, sorry. Right. You asked me about my plans. I’ve actually broken things off with Bridget and moved back in with Mum.”
“I thought things were going well between you and Bridget.”
“I can’t remain clean if I stay with her. She’s an enabler.”
“I see.”
“I’ve quit my band too.”
“So what will you do?” Quinn asked. Jude was obviously serious about his recovery, but he seemed to be purging all the things that normally made him happy.
“Logan got me a job at the hospital, as a porter.”
“And what about your music? Will you give that up as well?” Quinn asked. She’d seen several of Jude’s YouTube videos and he was truly talented .
“I want to focus on writing original music. I don’t know how well I can do that without the aid of heroin, but I mean to try.”
“Did it help you to compose?” Quinn asked.
“Quinn, have you ever been high?” Jude asked as he lowered the baby back to the bed.
“No. I smoked marijuana once, but I didn’t care for it much. It only made me hungry.”
“Life can be so colorless, so gray,” Jude replied.
His eyes filled with anguish as he tried to explain to her what he was feeling.
“When you’re high, everything is bright, bold, and pulsating with life.
The simplest things become beautiful and unique.
Some of the greatest songs in the history of music were written while under the influence.
The drugs blow open that door in your mind that leads to a hidden chamber where all your creativity, passion, and individuality are stored.
Once you’ve hit those highs, the lows become so much lower, and reality so much bleaker.
I really want to stay clean, Quinn, but the pull is so strong.
Even sex is boring when you’re not high. ”
Quinn glanced over at Jude, whose scarf had shifted while he was holding the baby. He had those bruises on his neck again, just like the ones she’d seen before and assumed were caused by his studded leather collar.
“Jude, are those bruises from a belt?”
Jude paled but didn’t look away. “Yes.”
“You know that what you’re doing is dangerous, right?” Quinn demanded. Erotic asphyxiation was not something to trifle with. She could think of at least three famous people off the top of her head who’d died because the game had gone too far.
“Do you believe some people are self-destructive by nature?” Jude asked.
“Are you saying you’re one of those people? ”
Jude nodded. “I suppose I am, or maybe I’m just an adrenaline junkie. Logan told me about Quentin, but the way,” he said, deftly changing the subject. “Any news?”
“Are you interested in meeting her?”
“Of course I am. Just look at what fun it’s been meeting you.”
Quinn wasn’t sure if he was mocking her but let the comment pass. “Nothing new. Drew Camden is trying to find out what happened to her once she arrived in London.”
“What if he doesn’t find her?”
“I refuse to even entertain that possibility. She’s out there somewhere, and with today’s technology it’s hard to imagine that someone can elude you for long.”
“Well, I hope he tracks her down for your sake. Anyway, gotta dash. I have a shift in a half hour. Thanks for talking to me. And give my love to Emma. But not to Gabe,” he added.
“I will. Thanks for coming by. And thanks for the bear. I’m sure Alex will love him.”
“I had one just like that when I was little.”
“Where is it now?”
“Mum threw it away,” Jude said sadly.
“Why?”
“Because I made a hole in it and stashed my heroin inside him.”
Since there was no appropriate reply to that statement, Quinn simply wished Jude a good day and shut the door behind him.
She was glad he wanted to stay in contact with her, but a relationship with Jude wouldn’t be easy.
As Quinn got Alex ready for their walk, she wondered if all families went through so much turmoil. Was it always this hard?