Page 12 of The Unseen (Echoes from the Past #5)

NINE

Quinn lifted the baby onto her shoulder and paced the room, rubbing his back gently. He’d been fussy since she fed him just after Jill and Brian left, and cried as soon as she tried to put him down in his cot. “What is it, little man?” Quinn asked softly. “What’s troubling you?”

She continued to pace, hoping the baby would drop off to sleep, but he began to whimper every time she stopped. Gabe came into the bedroom, having finished clearing up in the kitchen. “Still fussing?”

“He won’t let me put him down. I’m exhausted.”

“Here, let me have him,” Gabe said as he held out his arms for the miserable baby. “I’ll get him down. Go to bed. You look knackered.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. You’ve got to be up in a few hours for the next feeding.”

“Thank you.”

Gabe held the child against his chest and cradled his head in his palm. Alex rested his cheek against Gabe. “I think he’s listening to my heartbeat.”

“He seems to find it soothing,” Quinn replied as she got ready for bed. “He likes it when you sing to him.”

“I don’t think I’m up for singing right now, but I’ll ring my mum. The sound of my voice might lull him to sleep.”

“It’s certainly worth a try.”

Gabe walked through to the other room and picked up his mobile.

“What do you say we lie down for a bit?” he asked the baby as he settled on the sofa with the child lying on him.

“There you go. Isn’t that comfortable?” Gabe pulled an afghan over them both.

Alex began to fuss again, but seemed to settle down once Gabe began to speak.

“Hi, Mum,” he said softly. “How are you?”

“Why are you whispering?”

“I have Alex with me. He’s having a hard time falling asleep.”

“I see. Have you tried singing?”

“I don’t want to give the child nightmares.”

“You have a lovely voice,” Phoebe protested. “I always took you caroling with me when you were a boy.”

“Yes, I remember cringing with embarrassment when you made me do a solo of ‘Silent Night.’”

“It was lovely. Your sweet young voice ringing out in the darkness of the winter night.” Phoebe sighed. “Anyway, how is Emma? Is she in bed?”

“She just fell asleep.”

“And Quinn? How’s she feeling?”

“Physically, she seems fine. Emotionally, I’m not so sure.”

“You must keep an eye on her, Gabriel. Postnatal depression can be a very serious thing.”

“She’s not depressed.”

“Are you sure?”

Gabe thought about that for a moment. He’d been sure up until a second ago, but now he couldn’t say with any certainty that Quinn wasn’t going through something other than the normal recovery from a caesarean section.

She’d been tense and a little distant, and shrank from him the few times he’d reached for her over the past few weeks.

Dr. Malik had given her the all clear, but Quinn had been reluctant to resume intimate relations.

Whenever she allowed Gabe to hold her or kiss her, she seemed miles away, clearly eager for him to release her so she could go to sleep.

“No, I’m not sure,” Gabe finally replied truthfully. “Is it common?”

“Unfortunately, it’s all too common, and most women are too ashamed to admit to it.”

“Why?”

“I suppose they’re afraid of being judged. People think having a baby is the most natural thing in the world. You’d think so, wouldn’t you, but there’s nothing further from the truth.”

“How do you mean, Mum?”

Gabe heard his mother sigh, probably thinking he was too obtuse to work things out for himself.

“Gabe, you became a parent to Alex at the same time as Quinn, but your body hasn’t changed, and neither has your routine, for the most part.

You still get up in the morning, go to work, come home, have dinner with your family, and go to bed.

The only real difference is that now your evenings are filled with children rather than watching a program on TV or reading a novel.

Quinn’s life has changed inside out. She’d gone through months of feeling unwell, to the point of having to be confined to bed rest, then having her body cut open to extract the baby.

She’s not the same as she was before the pregnancy, and might never return to the same physical condition.

And I’m not talking about losing the weight she gained during her pregnancy.

Everything is different, even her ability to feel desire. ”

“Really? That changes too?”

“Of course. Has that been a problem?” Phoebe asked carefully. She didn’t shrink away from asking difficult questions. Gabe was her only son, and she felt it her duty to help him in any way she could, so he might avoid making some of the mistakes his own father had made when Gabe was born .

“She doesn’t seem very interested.”

“Give her time.”

“How much time? Alex is nearly three months old.”

“As long as it takes.”

“I miss her, Mum.”

“And she misses herself.”

“What?”

“Gabe, up until a few months ago, Quinn was a working woman who could come and go as she pleased. Since Alex’s birth, she’s been tethered to him, her breasts his only source of nutrition.

She can’t even take a walk by herself without taking his feeding schedule into account or asking someone to mind him.

That baby is her priority twenty-four hours a day.

That’s not an easy transition from being in charge of your own time.

It’s a difficult adjustment, especially for a woman who’s worked steadily, and often traveled for her job, for the past decade. ”

“Did you have difficulty adjusting when I was born?” Gabe asked, genuinely curious.

It was only since he and Quinn got together that he’d begun to learn more about his own mother.

She’d never talked about herself much, probably because after years of her needs being overlooked, she hadn’t seen the point.

“In my day, no one had postnatal depression.” Phoebe scoffed.

“At last no one ever admitted to it. I was besotted with you, but I have to admit there were times when I felt angry, weepy, and trapped. Your father wasn’t much help, God rest his soul.

He’d sooner go to his study and smoke a pipe while reading a fishing magazine than give me an hour to myself.

Those first few weeks, I barely bathed. I was terrified to leave you unattended.

Eventually, I developed a routine and used those precious hours when you napped to see to my own needs.

I wasn’t a working woman though. I didn’t have to balance my career accomplishments with taking care of a newborn. ”

“Are you saying that Quinn might resent the baby?”

“It’s not unnatural to experience moments of resentment.”

“Does she resent me?”

“She might. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, son. What she’s going through is natural and will all work itself out in time.”

“Now I feel like an insensitive clod.” Gabe carefully shifted as Alex’s little body grew heavier in sleep.

“Gabe, you’re a wonderful husband. You’re so much more understanding and helpful than your father ever was. Just don’t take it for granted that Quinn is all right. Talk to her. Help her. She’s going through a lot, especially now.”

“You mean Quentin? Quinn spent decades fantasizing about finding her family, and now that she has, she’s had nothing but heartache and disappointment,” Gabe said, angry on Quinn’s behalf.

“I don’t know if I agree with that.”

“No?”

“Gabe, no family is perfect. Of course, Quinn imagined the best possible version of her parents and possible siblings. Reality takes some getting used to, especially since she was blessed enough to grow up in a family where she was loved and cared for. Seth is a good man. He’s straightforward, solid, and seems to genuinely care for Quinn.

I see a long-lasting relationship blossoming between those two.

And Logan has been wonderful. He’s a good boy. ”

“What about the rest of them?” Gabe asked snidely. “It’s not every day your brother locks you in a cemetery vault and leaves you to die.”

“What happened in New Orleans was regrettable, and I’m sure Quinn will carry the emotional scars of that betrayal for the rest of her days, but her relationship with the others can still improve.”

“Mum, Sylvia is emotionally unavailable at best, a compulsive liar at worst, and Jude is a tragedy waiting to happen.”

“Maybe so, but tragedies happen in all families. And as for Sylvia, well, you have to try to understand where she’s coming from.”

“And where is that?”

“Her mother left her at a time when she needed her most. The teenage years are difficult for a girl. Sylvia must have felt abandoned and emotionally adrift, and likely tried to find what she was missing in other ways. Instead, she wound up getting pregnant and having twins, one of them seriously ill, without the support of her family or the children’s father.

She was seventeen, Gabe. Only twelve years older than Emma. ”

“Mum, how can you compare?”

“Do you think Emma might not have gone off the rails had Jenna died when Emma was older? She was very lucky to have you and Quinn to love her and look after her, but things might have been very different. She might have ended up in foster care, or with someone who couldn’t cope with her emotional needs. ”

“How is it that you see all these things and I don’t?” Gabe asked, smiling in the dark. “You’re incredibly astute.”

“When you look at things from the perspective of old age, you see many things you might have missed when you were a young person. There’s no substitute for life experience, and the ability to listen.

Besides, it’s always easier when you’re not the one going through the harrowing experiences life throws at you. ”

“I love you, Mum. ”

“And I love you. Now, go put that baby in his cot and go to bed. You sound tired, and you mustn’t allow your performance at work to suffer. Few people make allowances for new fathers.”

“Good night.”

“Good night, son. I can’t wait to see you all at Christmas.”

Gabe disconnected the call and set aside the phone.

Alex was sound asleep, his breathing even.

He was warm and soft, his downy head damp against Gabe’s chest. Gabe kissed the top of the baby’s head and carefully sat up, so as not to disturb him.

He carried him to the other room and laid him in his cot.

Alex lifted his arms, as if declaring surrender, and turned his head to the side, his mouth slightly open.

Gabe had never seen anything as perfect as his tiny son, and he felt a pang of regret at missing the first four years of Emma’s life.

Phoebe’s words still rang in his ears. Perhaps he’d been too hard on Sylvia and Jude.

The most important things in life took time and effort.