Page 19 of The Unseen (Echoes from the Past #5)
“He was reluctant, probably too embarrassed to lose his virginity in front of his friends, but they egged him on, as men do. He was the youngest, and his shyness amused them. He finally gave in. By that time he was so aroused, he could barely breathe. It was quick with him, but in some booze-soaked part of my brain, I was happy to have given him something to remember. I was so drunk, I could barely keep my eyes open after that. The next thing I knew, Robert had me in his car and he was taking me home. He brought me to my door, wished me a happy Christmas, and left, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.”
“So you led me to believe that my father was a rapist when the whole time you knew that to be a lie.”
“Quinn, how do you tell a daughter you’ve just found after thirty years that you had sex with three men you barely knew and enjoyed it? You would have thought me a world-class slag and wouldn’t have given me the time of day.”
“Why did Rhys feel so guilty then? Why did he not dispute the accusation?”
“He’d been drunk and had a hazy recollection of events, at best. When you told him I’d accused them of rape, he believed it. ”
“Would they have allowed you to leave had you wanted to, or would things have still gone the same way?” Quinn asked, needing to be sure of what had really happened that night.
“Robert offered to take me home after the other girls left. He didn’t force me, but he did manhandle me a bit, which I actually enjoyed. His persistence made it easier for me to give in.”
“Does Rhys know?”
“Yes. I told him the truth after both Robert and Seth denied the accusation.”
“Is that what drove him away?”
“No, I don’t think so. It was never truly right between us, not in that way.
Rhys has never been married or had children of his own.
He’s on the verge of a fresh start, a whole new phase of life.
Nothing will ever be fresh for me again.
I was married for more than two decades and gave birth to four children.
I’ve lived with my secrets since I was seventeen, and the lying took its toll.
I never told my husband about that night, or about the children that came from it.
It was a heavy burden to bear even though he never questioned my past. He was a good man.
He deserved better than the likes of me. ”
“Was that the only time you went that far—sexually, I mean?” Quinn asked, in equal parts fascinated and repulsed by Sylvia’s admission. Sylvia was certainly a lot more uninhibited than her daughter, and that knowledge came as something of a surprise.
“Getting pregnant and giving birth to twins does wonders for your perspective. I was afraid after that, spooked. I remained celibate for two years and then it was all monogamous relationships until I met my Grant.” Sylvia leaned forward, her desperate gaze fixed on Quinn’s face.
“Do you despise me now that I told you? ”
“No. I wish you’d told me the truth before. You’d have spared me a lot of anguish. I’m glad to know my father is not a violent man.”
“No, he isn’t.” Sylvia set the mug down on the coffee table and slowly got to her feet. She’d said her piece and now it was up to Quinn to decide how to proceed. “Is there a chance for us?” Sylvia asked as she prepared to leave. “Can we start again?”
“Sylvia, I would like you in my life, and in the lives of my children, but it’ll take time for me to learn to trust you. You’ve lied to me too many times. I can understand why you did it, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me to excuse. Please, give me time.”
“I want to see her,” Sylvia pleaded. “I want to see my girl. She’ll reject me out of hand if you tell her the truth right away.”
“I won’t do anything to turn her against you. She can meet you and decide for herself,” Quinn promised.
“I would appreciate that.”
“I will let you know when we find Quentin, but until then, I’d appreciate a little space. Can you give me that?”
“Yes. Ring me?”
“Yes, I’ll call you when I’m ready. Give my regards to Jude. I hope he’s well.”
“As well as can be expected. He’s signed on with a methadone program, but it’s very easy to revert to old habits, especially in the music business, where drugs are a way of life.”
“I’m sorry, Sylvia. It must be difficult for you to see your baby try to self-destruct and not be able to stop him.”
“You’ve no idea. Enjoy him while he’s tiny,” Sylvia said, smiling down at Alex. “Motherhood can be the most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to you. ”
Quinn walked Sylvia to the door and allowed her mother to kiss her cheek.
“I’m really proud of you, Quinn, for what it’s worth. You’re everything I never was or ever will be. You’re a star.”
“Thank you. That’s high praise.”
“It’s how I feel. I will love you always, no matter what happens.”
Quinn closed the door behind Sylvia and returned to the living room, where she scooped Alex up off the play mat and held him close.
“I love you so much,” she whispered into the baby’s downy curls.
“I will never let you down, I promise, and I will stand by you no matter what. You hear? No matter what.”
She held the baby so tight, he let out a whimper of protest, alerting her that she was hurting him. Quinn kissed him again and returned him to the play mat, her eyes full of tears.