Page 76 of The Truths We Burn

Is gone.

It’s amazing how things change while you’re away.

How the world just continues spinning and moving even after people die or, in my case, are sent into exile.

Class this morning had been awkward for maybe ten minutes after I’d sat down, but Rook had quickly excused himself to the bathroom and never returned. Then I had proceeded to drown out the lecture, falling into a hole of plotting.

Trying to grasp how in the hell I’m going to get them on my side. How I’m going to get them to believe me when I tell them I’m on their side and want to be a part of their revenge. They’re never going to let me help if they don’t trust me. But I have to try.

My best bet, my only bet, is going to Silas.

If I could somehow talk to him long enough, I could explain to him that all I want is to ruin my father. To squish him beneath my feet until he no longer exists. To help end his life, and then I’ll be out of their hair. I’ll never bother any of them again.

He would understand more than any of the other boys how important this is to me.

I’d become the talk of the campus, just as I suspected I would, but while they’re busy participating in the rumor mill, I’m listening for things.

Listening to all the things I’d missed when people thought they were merely whispering.It’s amazing the shit people will say when you have headphones in, thinking you are listening to music when you’re just waiting for them to talk.

I’d heard in one of my classes that Jason Ellis threw last year’s homecoming party and got his black card taken because his house was fucked afterward. There had also been a gun that went off at the freshman-year orientation game, and hell had frozen over because it would seem one of the Hollow Boys was off the market.

Years ago, that last bit of information would have made me laugh. How could anyone want to date guys that psychotic? That fucking full of chaos and bad reputation. It wouldn’t have made sense to me.

But now, it doesn’t seem that hard to believe. If they’re anything like Rook, they all have secrets underneath their exterior. Ones that once you see pieces of, once you understood even in the slightest bit, it’s hard not to grow attached to them and to the darkness they carry.

The sad fact was I didn’t even know all the things Rook kept inside. There were still traumas and secrets he’d hidden from me, and I still fell for him.

It’s a scary thought, knowing that the only person in Ponderosa Springs who has dirt on me is Rook Van Doren, a notoriously vicious Hollow Boy. The information he holds would not only cripple me if anyone found out but break my heart all over again.

I tug my long overcoat farther around my shoulders as I speed walk across the grounds. January in Oregon means snow, and today is no exception. The white-covered campus is eerie even with the return of students from winter break.

The gargoyles that stare down at you, which some believe are actually cameras. The frozen water fountains in front of some of the halls. Snow covering the sharp tips of the towers, and harsh winds blowing across your skin from the sea breeze due to it being on the coast as you walk through open spaces.

I made it to the Salvatore Dining Hall just before my nipples froze off, pressing my hands into the doors and feeling the warmth from the heat inside brushing my cheeks. I cup my hands in front of my mouth, blowing into them as I move past a few other students I don’t recognize.

I would think I’d be used to the over-the-top buildings and what they held inside, but each space I walked into at Hollow Heights reminds me of why it’s so sought-after. The dining hall is huge, the ceilings incredibly tall with circular chandeliers with two tiers, each holding clear bulbs that almost look like candles. Rows and rows of horizontal tables six chairs long are squeezed inside the space.

Taking a second to stare at the ceiling that is similarly painted to the Sistine Chapel in honor of the historic building, I make my way through the line to grab food for lunch. I desperately try to blend in with everyone else, something I would have never done before, but now it feels like I had to in order to survive.

I tuck my head down and tap my right ear so that my AirPods will play music in order to block the sounds of laughter and friends rejoicing. The Righteous Brothers play smoothly inside my head, warming what little bit of soul I have left.

Once I’ve gathered my food, I quickly find a table that is empty off in the corner away from prying eyes and make myself comfortable before I start to shove my food into different corners of my tray. I’d gotten so used to the dividers in the ward that the thought of my food touching makes me want to vomit.

I’d been away too long, so long that the ward felt more like home than this place. I just hope this wouldn’t take very long so I can finally leave. I’m not sure where I would go, but I know I want out.

Before, I’d had dreams of Hollywood or Los Angeles, but when I think about going there now, I just feel empty. It doesn’t feel right. Nothing feels right anymore.

“Sage?”

Fuck my life.

“I’d heard you were back, but I didn’t actually buy it! I can’t believe you’re back! We missed you.”

I lift my eyes to Mary’s, stabbing a grape with my fork simultaneously before pushing it into my mouth as I lean back in my chair. Lizzy stands next to her, waving awkwardly.

Mary’s words don’t match the look on her face. She is full of triumph as if she’s won my spot on the Ponderosa Springs’ throne, and to some degree, she definitely has.

“That’s sweet.” I chew the fruit. “Same here. All I thought about while I was locked inside of a psych ward was my two very best friends.” I smile sweetly, blinking way too many times than necessary.