Page 46 of The Truths We Burn

They took a boy who already hated himself and made him hate the world.

I want to believe her, and maybe some part of me that was long buried did believe there is good in me.

That I could hope and dream. That maybe I could even have Sage permanently. That we would work out in the end.

But when you kill your own mother, all the good you are ever given dies with her.

Sage

There’s only one good thing you could count on West Trinity Falls for, and that is to throw legendary parties. The adjacent town, thirty minutes from Ponderosa Springs, is our biggest rival and our polar opposite, but they know how to have fun.

While we were raised on the thrones of wealthy families and years-old names that carried us through life, they fought for every ounce of money they had. They’re our version of the wrong side of the tracks.

The Wastelands.

A place where good girls like me should never be spotted, but when you grow up rich, when you have everything, you are always seeking more, pushing the boundaries just a bit too far when it comes to drugs, partying, and drinking.

Coming here always ends in some disaster of a fight or police bust, but students keep coming. It’s hard for kids looking for trouble to stay away from a place built on it.

House parties, drugs, and raves. If it was fun and illegal, West Trinity did it.

This is the last place on the face of the Earth I want to be tonight.

Watching my “boyfriend” tweak on coke while we’re surrounded by his barbarian friends who are just as fucked-up. I’d been to one of these raves before, my sophomore year, and it smelled the same.

Weed, alcohol, and sex.

They’re using a retired house of mirrors for the event, just as they had before. The main entrance is filled to the brim with bodies on a makeshift dance floor, while the halls are filled with mirror mazes. Finding your way to the bathroom while drunk is basically impossible.

My head is aching from the rainbow-colored lasers that strobe through the room, a thin veil of mist just above the moving bodies. House music and screams vibrate around, and to make matters worse, I’m stone-cold sober, much to Easton’s distaste. He’d pulled me here so I could loosen up; he’d told me I had been too stressed lately and thought a rave party was just what I needed.

In short, he wanted me to be drunk so he could get laid, considering I hadn’t touched him since before Halloween, and that was five months ago.

It’s not like he isn’t getting it elsewhere though. If he thinks I’m blind to his sleeping around with other girls behind my back, he is just as stupid as I always thought.

I fiddle with the glow-in-the-dark bracelets that stack up and down my arms, knowing that being left here long enough will mean my mind will start to drift away. Checking over to make sure Easton is occupied, I pull my phone out, my stomach flipping when I see the name across from the green message icon.

Morning Star.

Rook originally put “The Devil” in as his contact name, but I’d changed it later without him knowing.

Morning Star: Ready to ditch yet?

Me: Wish I could. Gotta stay until the end. He’s already questioning where I’m always headed lately. Sneak me out later?

Morning Star: Already planned to.

I’m typing my response when he messages me again.

Morning Star: You better not smell like him.

I snort, rolling my eyes, knowing he’d probably smack my ass for doing so.

Me: How very primal of you.

I’ve never had a secret this big before. Yes, my past trauma is a hidden truth, but if people found out, the only person it would hurt is me. If someone found out about Rook, the downfall would be painful.

A part of me hates it, sneaking around, hiding away at the lake house. I want to go on real dates, to actual movie theatres, maybe grab dinner that isn’t takeout. I want more to us than steamy kisses inside school broom closets. Yet, even as secretive and cryptic as we have to be to the outside world, this is the realest relationship I’ve ever had.