Page 15 of The Toymaker

Reality could be so unpleasant at times.

Worn out from the day, Riju had slept like a rock with Kit next to him in bed. The hours of nothing had been bliss, and during breakfast, he almost wished he could go back to bed.

He hadn’t heard Trig come home the night before, but he was at breakfast. Things were stiff, and Kit looked awkward as he ate on the floor since Trig hadn’t permitted him to sit with them.

They barely spoke, and Riju didn’t feel like helping in the shop, making anything downstairs, or even being around Trig. He wanted to keep Kit with him all day, but Trig told him to wipe down the inside of the windows and dust everything.

Riju curled up in the sitting room with the book about the toymaker and slowly read it, trying to make it last longer. How he envied the man. Probably nobody told him he wouldn’t be any good at his work.

It helped to take his mind off of things, and he was reading it a second time and hunched under his weighted blanket when Trig came in.

“Are you still not talking to me?”

Riju focused on the picture of a doll and a toy soldier dancing. “I don’t have anything to say.”

What was he supposed to say anyway? Sorry? He wasn’t the one who’d whipped Kit for dropping a coin because he'd had a cramp. He shouldn’t be sitting out in the shop with welts on his back.

It was too awkward to pretend yesterday never happened, and something about the faint tone Trig had used suggested it was Riju’s fault which meant he should apologize. Or maybe he was imagining it. He wasn’t sure.

Before bed, Kit had asked Riju what caused him to cry and get upset the most. If he made a mistake, did that cause it? Was it random? Was it being denied something? Or was it certain people? The physician had made Riju panic because it reminded him of a horrible day that he still hadn't told Kit about.

Trig came over and settled next to him on the couch. “Come on. Put the book down for a second and look at me. I know we had a rough day yesterday. It doesn’t mean we can ignore each other. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Riju said if he was particularly upset or crying, he felt as if things were too much in his head. Like he was overstimulated and ready to burst. Kit asked what seemed to cause the feeling the most.

“Come on.” Trig took Riju’s chin.

Honestly, the single common factor in the majority of his meltdowns was Trig. Riju didn’t often cry over much else anymore. If he did, it was usually because Trig had stressed him out earlier. In general, he sought to avoid or get away from whatever was too much.

Trig took the book and set it on the table in front of the couch before he grabbed Riju in a hug, forcing him to shift his legs from the comfortable position he’d been in. Riju held back a frustrated noise. He wasn’t a pet to be grabbed.

“See? This is what I mean when I say you’re not mature enough to be on your own. The shop still has to run, and if you’re pouting and hiding, you won’t make money that way.”

Riju’s face burned. Kit and Trig could manage it today. It wasn’t like the business would fail without Riju upfront, and he never cared before if Riju went for a walk or spent a couple of hours doing something not work-related when they weren’t busy.

If he had his own business and lived alone, it’d be easier since he could focus on work. Trig also couldn't upset him as easily, and nobody else would be pestering him. If he lived with Kit, he was pretty sure Kit wouldn’t tear him down one day and expect him to pretend nothing happened the next.

Trig sighed. “Listen, let’s go out and do something fun. Do you want to?”

What about the shop? Being present didn't count for him? Riju pulled away. “Like what?”

“I was trying to hug you.”

“It’s too much.”

Trig sighed. “Since Kit can watch the shop and make sure no one runs off with the merchandise, we can spend time together out in the city. We’ll get something to eat, and I’ve got a surprise for you.”

The last few words made Riju immediately think to say no because surprises weren’t always fun, and after yesterday, he couldn’t help but think it was bad. He'd rather have no surprises in life.

“What is it?”

“It won’t be a surprise if I tell you.”

“You can tell me.”

“No.” Trig chuckled. “We’ll take a walk and eat something first, okay?”

Riju still had to live there with Trig for a few more months since he had to make sure Kit was okay. Once Trig had his damn cock cage, that was it. Perhaps he could enjoy the remaining time, and they wouldn’t fight or argue. When Riju was ready to leave, he’d talk to Trig about it, tell him the decision was final, ignore anything unpleasant or nasty that was said, pack his room, and leave.

Trig couldn’t stop him from taking his stuff and walking through the front door. But if he said anything now, it’d sour their time, and Riju wouldn’t dare go when Kit was still there. He’d likely be okay overall, but he wasn’t going to risk it.

“All right.”

***

It had looked like rain earlier. The sky had cleared a little, and it was still chilly. Riju had his second favorite sky-blue coat and red cloak for warmth.

Trig glanced at him as they went down the street. “The coat still just doesn’t work, you know?”

“Okay.” It was easier to say nothing more since Trig had never listened before when Riju said how much he liked the bright blue with his red hair. He didn’t care if others thought it clashed or was too much. He liked the coat, damn it. It also wasn’t harming anyone either. If Trig was trying to make things up to him, whining about a color he liked to wear wasn’t working.

“I figured we’d go to the river first. Where do you want to eat afterward?”

Riju hated all of the taverns because they all smelled funny, although a couple of the ones Trig preferred were worse. “Anywhere is fine. Can we sit outside?”

“No, it’s kinda cold.” Trig looped an arm around his shoulders. “It’s nicer inside.”

For him.

Some of the awkwardness melted as they entered the city. The crowds didn’t bother Riju too much today. Trig mentioned he might change the shop around and do a new layout. Riju didn’t like that part because he was used to everything being one way, but he didn’t complain. He could handle it.

They went to the main bridge crossing the river and stayed to the side to avoid a couple of carts and a lone rider crossing it. Riju didn’t particularly like looking at the riverside docks that were tiny in the distance. He couldn’t see it, but he knew the warehouse where he’d been lured to once at the age of seventeen was down there, and he didn’t want those memories intruding.

“I want to go to the other side.”

They crossed and leaned over the railing to look at the water as it rushed by.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we could breathe underwater and didn’t need boats?” Riju watched the way the water rippled, never stopping, and never quite looking the same. “Travelers could let the water carry them along depending on where they want to go.”

“We’d still need boats to carry stuff.” Trig slipped his arms under Riju’s cloak. “And what if someone hit rocks on the way?”

It was still fun to imagine. It probably looked like they were hugging while Trig got his hand up under Riju’s coat and shirt to rub his side.

“See? You can’t stay mad at me.”

But what if he was? Did Trig think he could control how Riju felt? Maybe he had been trying the whole time because Riju was still just a thing and a trophy, right?

“I wish I knew what's going on in that mind,” said Trig.

After a time, he could probably tell Kit everything and even show him his tattoos. If they stayed together, he might be the one Riju could open up more to, and he wouldn’t feel like he was exposing vulnerable pieces. He should have known from the start that his reluctance meant something wasn’t right.

“I’m hungry,” he said.

Trig smiled at him. “Let’s go eat.”

The sun helped to warm them a little, but Trig still didn’t want to sit outside. Riju had gone with him to the local taverns plenty of times because Trig liked them. He would never compromise on that one thing and agree to eat outside.

Riju hated the smell as soon as they stepped inside one of the smellier ones. The stench of old ale wasn’t pleasant to start with. Cig smoke made a cloud around a few workmen at a table, and while most thought the fruity smell of tobacco was pleasant, he’d never liked it or understood the appeal. It didn’t help that the smoke grew foul after being trapped in a space for too long, and he was sure the owner never aired out the building.

Combined with old cooking odors and someone they passed who needed a bath as soon as possible, Riju was ready to be done and out by the time Trig picked a table.

The serving woman came to ask what they wanted to drink. How the stench of the place hadn’t driven her up the wall was a mystery to Riju.

He got water, Trig wanted ale, and the tavern was serving chicken stew. The woman walked off to fetch their drinks. The cloud of smoke around the workmen had grown larger. It was a wonder they hadn’t choked themselves yet.

“I’m so glad you don’t smoke,” said Riju.

“I was thinking of taking up cigars. It’s nice to sit by the fire with one after a long day of work.”

Riju stared at him, trying to figure out if he was serious or joking. Elira, would he have to smell smoke every night now?

“I was kidding,” said Trig. “I prefer breathing normal air.

“Good, because I’d never kiss you again.” The very thought of kissing someone after they’d been sucking in burned plant matter made him want to gag.

Thank Elira Trig didn’t want to hang around for long. Once they finished eating, he said it was time for the surprise and wouldn’t even give Riju a hint.

They ended up at the home of one of Trig’s friends. Bob. Or Greg. Riju couldn’t remember his name and hadn’t seen the guy in ages so he simply said hi to him. Somehow, the man remembered his name.

How was it a surprise to see one of Trig’s pals? The guy hadn’t even seemed to like Riju being around the last time he’d come over. Trig and his friend made a bit of small talk about the guy’s oldest daughter who was out with her Mother and being measured for her wedding dress. Judging from a couple of things they said, Riju assumed Trig had seen his pal at the tavern the night before.

“Come on.” The man turned to lead them across his sitting room. “Sally’s already talking about what her wedding is going to be like, and I told her, ‘You’re eight and years away from getting married, so stop worrying about how many ruffles your dress is going to have.’ Here, you can climb over the gate, Riju.”

The first open door in the hallway had a little gate blocking it, and Riju went still as he caught sight of what was in the room.

“Go on,” said Trig. “We’re not going to keep one, but I figured you’d like to see them.”

The room was full of kittens. Hell yes, Riju wanted to see them.

“I knew this would get a smile out of you,” Trig said as Riju slung a leg over the gate.

“Thank you.”

“Have fun. Don’t get too attached.”

“You’re not coming?”

“Nah. I don’t feel like having a bunch of fur on me.”

“Be careful with them,” said the guy. “They’re only eight weeks old.”

“I will. Thanks.”

Trig went to sit in the sitting room with his friend as Riju crouched on the floor. The kittens marched over to investigate him, and he let them sniff his hand before he got on his knees to look at two who appeared to be twins. Both were white with pink eyes, and their forked tails were like little noodles. The others were white with brown and black patches. One was all black. He mewed, showing little bitty fangs and a pink tongue, and when Riju gently scratched his back, he arched it and squinted.

A few toys were scattered around the room which looked like something for storage since a few crates were against one side of the room. Mummy kitty was in a nest of blankets in a corner, and she curled up as if to say Riju could watch the kids so she could have five minutes of peace.

A couple hid under his cloak, and one attacked the ends of his hair. The black kitten climbed up his back. This was the best surprise ever! He cuddled one and examined his wee toes.

After a bit, he was lying on his back while surrounded by kittens. One curled up on his chest to purr, and another frolicked in his spread-out hair. Riju waved a feather with one hand and held a stick with a strand of yarn in the other so the kittens could attack the toys as they pleased.

He could stay like this all day, although he’d miss Kit. Why couldn’t they have brought him too? They could have closed the shop for a couple of hours. His Kit would probably love to see kittens.

“Kit, kit, kit, kit,” he mumbled to himself.

The kitten attacking the yarn grew tired and stretched out by him, and Riju gently stroked the one on his chest. It was amazing how their whole bodies vibrated when they purred. What did it feel like to them? Someone was attacking his bootlace, not that he was mad about it.

He let his attention vaguely wander to the two in the sitting room. The guy was talking about plans for the wedding. Riju stopped paying attention until he caught his name.

The man’s voice lowered, and Riju tilted his head. “You’re still with him?”

“Yeah. We're getting married. Not right now, but soon enough.”

“He still doesn’t talk much.”

“Watch it.” Riju barely caught Trig’s words. “I’m working on making him better.”

Riju didn’t catch what the man replied, and he barely cared anymore. Better. The word implied he still wasn’t good enough. Kit never said he needed to be better. He didn’t even say Riju needed to get better at making everything at the same time while cooking.

Why did he have to change for Trig? After this long, Riju was pretty sure whatever was different in his head wasn’t going to “improve.” He’d improved with certain tasks and abilities, but he was never going to be exactly like everyone else, and he’d never be like Trig who could strike up a conversation with a stranger at the tavern as if they’d known each other for years.

Most of the kittens wandered off to snuggle with their Mummy and nurse. The black one was more interested in the feather. Riju whispered a story to him about a unicorn that he’d made up once, although he kept changing little details.

“Are you having fun?” Trig stepped over the gate and came to kneel by Riju who held up the bent, mangled feather.

“He’s a valiant warrior.”

Trig chuckled and petted the kitten who swished his forked tail and eyed the feather out of his reach. “He’s cute.” He pointed at a faint scratch on Riju’s hand. “He got you.”

“He didn’t mean to.” Riju tickled the kitten’s nose with the feather. “Look at his little paws swiping!”

“I was thinking if you do something, we could take one. I haven’t pushed it lately, but you do need to work on making more eye contact with all of the customers and looking at them the way I do.”

Elira, this again? He didn’t get it. Riju did sometimes, but it got tiring, and it was easier to look elsewhere for the most part. It required less thinking and didn’t make him feel so icky in his head. Even his other trick of looking at their hairline or chin was too much to do all day.

When he did, it still wasn't right since Trig said his stare could be unnerving.

“If you smile more, relax your body, and work on looking at them, you’ll find it’s easier, and you'll soon have no problem with looking at anyone.”

“I do look at them.” Riju gently scritched the kitten’s ears which made him purr.

“Not always. I notice. And staring isn’t appropriate either. We've been over this.”

“Kit doesn’t mind.”

“Yeah, well…” Trig paused. “He also likes repeating words, and I've been thinking he’s a bit…off.”

“No, he’s not.” Riju side-eyed him. Kit was wonderful.

“To you, he’s probably not. I noticed he gets a bit of a blank look like you when I’m talking to him. He pays attention to what he’s told, but…”

“Maybe he's just thinking and focusing.”

Trig raised an eyebrow. “It kind of reminds me of you in a way. Anyway, this is something you need to work on and get better at. With practice, it’ll get easier.”

Riju’s skin crawled at the thought. “No.”

“Do you want a kitten?”

“Not that badly.”

Trig sighed. “I’ll get one if you do this. I’ll deal with the fur, and you’ll have a fuzzy little pal. A cat is better than a doll.”

Like he dealt with Riju while he tried to turn him into something he just couldn’t be?

“When he grows up into a cat, he’ll probably be so close to you, he’ll sleep in your bed most nights and purr you to sleep,” added Trig. “As long as you give him ear scritches, of course.”

“I don’t really want to get one,” Riju fibbed even though the idea of having a cat was pretty exciting. The charm was lost when it was used as a bartering piece.

Trig paused. “Okay. We should get going.”

***

Kit brightened when Riju stepped into the shop with Trig. “Did you have fun, Masters?”

“We saw kittens at Trig’s friend’s house,” said Riju.

Kit’s mouth dropped as Trig tugged on Riju’s arm. “You got to see kittens, Master?”

“One was all black, and he loved attacking a feather-”

“He’ll tell you about it in a bit,” said Trig. “Watch the counter for a bit more.”

“I want to tell him now,” Riju said as he was led down the hall.

“It can wait. I'm sure he knows what kittens are like.” Trig brought him into his room and was practically on Riju before the door was shut.

Trig’s hand between his legs was enough to distract him along with the tongue in his mouth. Then he remembered he wasn’t good enough.

“You’re better at kissing compared to before. See? Practice makes perfect.” Trig walked him back toward the bed, and his erection pressed against Riju.

His fingers threaded through Riju’s hair to grab and pull with just the right amount of pressure, and his other hand slid up under his coat and shirt to touch his skin. Riju’s cock was thickening from the sensation, and then he also remembered he was like a pet, and not good enough unless he was doing exactly what Trig wanted.

Once Trig pushed him down onto the bed to get on top, Riju couldn’t stand to have him touching anymore.

Elira, he couldn’t do this. He wasn’t sure if he could manage it tomorrow or a week later. He didn’t want to have sex with a man who didn’t even think he was mature enough to live on his own. He wasn’t a trophy or a thing to train, and the thought of fucking Trig in the months ahead made him feel like a sex toy.

Riju turned his face. “Stop.”

Trig paused. “What?”

“I don’t want it.”

Trig got off of him. “You don’t even want me to suck your cock?”

“No. I’m tired.”

Tired of this.

“Okay.” Trig kissed his cheek. “Do you want to sleep or relax?”

“I want to tell Kit about the kittens. Kit, kit, kit, kit, kit.” Riju could imagine Kit’s face while he heard about the tiny kittens and their bitty paws.

Trig huffed. “Please stop. I don’t need to hear Kit repeating it too.”

Riju’s face burned as he got up to adjust his trousers and will down his partial erection. Fuck. How could he avoid sex until he got out? Maybe he should just be honest, and if Trig got mad, oh well. Riju could try to suck it up and deal since freedom would be on the horizon. It’d probably devolve into another fight.

A man who loved him shouldn’t be able to hurt him so much.

He needed Kit.