Page 13 of The Toymaker

Riju said nothing else as Trig widened his eyes and was quiet for a few seconds. “This is kind of sudden, don’t you think? Did you just wake up this morning and think of it?”

“I’ve put thought into this. It’s not sudden.”

“I mean, you just suddenly ask?”

How else was Riju supposed to ask?

“It’s not a good idea,” said Trig. “We’ve already talked about this before.”

“It was quite a while ago,” said Riju.

“My point still stands.”

“This isn’t an apprenticeship like a carpenter or a blacksmith. Still, once Kit leaves, I’ll be twenty-seven, and I’ll have been working as your apprentice for longer than the typical seven years. I have enough skills to make what I want and start a toy shop. You still have the money in the account for me, right?”

At the Raven’s Landing bank, Trig had set up an account with both of their names on it. The business wasn’t about to go under anytime soon, so it was intended as a safety net in case anything ever happened. The money would be there if Riju needed it.

“It’s for emergencies,” said Trig.

“But I could use it for the initial expenses along with my savings. I’ll pay it back later, and I might not even need half of it. Also, you did say it was my money.”

“I meant only for emergencies. Nothing else.”

“You didn't say that.”

“Well, I said it was in case you needed it if something happened to me. I think it’s kind of obvious that you can’t use it for anything else.”

“Nothing’s happened to you, and if you let me use it, I could get set up faster. I’m not saying I’d take it all either. I’d also pay it back over time, and with my own shop, you wouldn’t need money set aside for me-”

“It’s only for real emergencies. That’s why I add to it, and we don’t use it for anything including business expenses. Besides, I was planning for us to spend a decent chunk, and when you do that, having extra elsewhere is always a good idea even when your business is doing well.”

“Spend it on what?” asked Riju. Didn’t he just say it was for emergencies?

“Something for us.”

“Okay, but even without the money, I’d still like to move out. You’ve taught me a lot besides how to cut a piece of wood or braid a whip. Or to use the whip.”

“And…?”

“I want to try living on my own,” said Riju. “I’d also like to open my own kind of toy shop to make dolls and such.”

Trig leaned back in his chair. “No.”

“Why not?”

“You should stay and work here. A toy shop for you is just…” Trig rolled his eyes and shook his head like the idea was utterly preposterous.

Riju squinted and hugged Red to his chest. “I have a lot of practice with dolls. I could expand because I know basic wood carving. I can also sew, so I can make soft toys, rocking horses, and-”

“It’s not that you can’t make the merchandise to sell,” said Trig. “When I set you to make an item here, you’re capable. You have the general stuff down. I know you can shape a piece of wood and sand it or make a dress for a doll. There’s more to a business than that.”

“A children’s toy shop would probably do great here,” said Riju. Only two places sold that sort of thing, and one was a pawn shop. The selection was random if they had anything at all, and the toys were usually old and used. A certain general shop in Raven’s Landing also sold toys, but it was only when the owner’s wife felt like making a couple to put out.

“You’re right. There’s no place dedicated to toys here. The problem is I don’t think you’re mature enough to live alone and run your own business. I’m pretty sure most toymakers don’t still play with dolls. You do, and you’ve already got a huge collection.”

Riju glared at him.

“You’d probably keep making them for yourself, and eventually, you’d end up with-” Trig waved a hand. “A few hundred.”

“I will not.”

“Mhm. Besides, what if the business fails? I’d take you back here in a heartbeat, but that’s something you’d have to consider. Plenty of people have started a business, worked hard, and watched it fail. It’s not guaranteed even if there’s not much competition in the area.”

“What if it doesn’t fail?” asked Riju. “You make it sound like I'm doomed, and I haven’t even started.”

“Did you think about us?” Trig gestured between them. “We’ve been together for several years now.”

Yes, Riju had thought about that last night while stroking Kit’s hair. Trig was the first one in life to give him a chance even though he’d been skeletal, dirty, soaked from the rain, and digging through a midden out of desperation. Charity had been scarce lately, and Riju hadn’t eaten in three days. His last meal had been part of a meat skewer he’d found abandoned on the ground. Trig could have kept walking and pretended not to see him. A lot of the citizens in Raven’s Landing had done so.

He’d loved Trig, and a part of him didn’t want to move out.

“I know I don’t say it a lot, but I do love you,” said Trig.

“I do too, but maybe I need this. It also doesn’t mean we have to break up. Two people can be together and not live in the same house. You say you want me to have a good life and learn more. You’re also trying to keep me from doing something that I want and could probably do quite well at. I never had a real chance to do it before, and I want it. I think I should have some independence without you deciding for me to stay here. We could still see each other and be together.”

There was more to it, and something told Riju to not blurt it all out. If Trig wanted another slave in the future, and the contract ended up being the same as Kit’s, Riju didn’t want to be a part of it. If he lived elsewhere, he could completely break things off, and it would be much easier when they weren’t in the same home. He wasn’t helping to pierce anyone who’d been roped into it or anything else inappropriate that Trig decided. If he still lived with Trig, and they argued again over the same issue, it would be a lot harder to refuse and put his foot down on the matter.

In fact, it wasn’t if. Trig had broken a couple of special rules for a Master and slave relationship, and he’d dare to do it again because he’d grown comfortable with it.

Breaking things off completely if needed would hurt, but Riju’s limits had been pushed too. He also needed time without Trig constantly around to figure out things in his head because perhaps splitting up for good was a better idea, and he was sure saying so was smart. He hadn't made a firm decision.

Riju’s moving out didn’t mean their relationship was over. The thing was, there was a chance it might happen at a later point.

“I want us to stay together,” said Trig. “When I got you-”

There was that wording Riju had grown to dislike. It wasn’t, “when we got together” or anything similar that he would consider appropriate. He hadn’t noticed it for ages, but one day, he’d realized the wording didn’t sound right. Trig might get a meat and spinach pie for them to share for dinner, or Riju could say, “I got more cloth to make doll clothes” if he didn’t use the word bought.

Trig saying he got Riju made it sound like he was an item or a fancy pet he’d acquired, not a fairy being and lover with proper thoughts and emotions.

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked, trying to focus on the rest of Trig’s words.

“I didn’t think we’d end up in a relationship like this. Once you were a bit more comfortable here, and you became my apprentice, I thought that was it.” Trig made a motion with his hand. “We’d be like friends, I’d be your boss to teach you how to do stuff, and if I had a lover, you wouldn’t be involved. I didn’t expect you to be interested in me or even interested in sex. You said you were still a virgin.”

Said. For Elira’s sake. Riju had been a complete virgin, and the wording irritated him. They’d argued a few times due to Riju’s refusal to fully undress or bottom, and Trig thought he’d been raped in the warehouse. No one had ever touched Riju before like that, and he didn’t feel like getting into it again. “Before, I was focused on survival. If I had a few coins, I wasn’t going to spend it in a dirty whorehouse to experience sex. Here, I didn’t have to constantly think about where my next meal would come from, and I have needs too, you know?”

“I know you do, and since we started a relationship, I’m glad we did. Why do you think I mentioned us getting married in the future?”

When Trig had mentioned it once before, marriage had seemed sort of exciting. Why not spend the rest of his life with Trig? Something about it had also made him uneasy in a way that he hadn’t quite been able to put his finger on. Trig had said they didn’t have to rush into it, especially since he was still an apprentice.

Something he’d mentioned a couple of times over the years had later made Riju worry.

“Once Kit goes, I think we should get married within a year since we've been together for quite a while already,” said Trig. “We could plan a trip for a change of scenery and not worry about work right away while we're newly married. That’s what I was thinking we’d spend a decent chunk on. It’d be something for both of us.”

Riju looked toward the window where snow had started sprinkling on the cobblestones. It wasn’t cold enough for it to stick.

Getting married sounded nice. In fact, it sounded great. They’d have a holiday, stay somewhere, take a break from work, and Riju would fuck Trig’s brains out. Wasn’t that what a lot of people wanted? To get married to that special person and live out the rest of their life with them? They’d already been living like a married couple. They divided housework, ran the shop, and slept in the same bed, although not every night.

But there was more.

“Well?” asked Trig.

“You said you don’t need a slave long-term. It’s an itch that needs to be scratched.” Riju kept his gaze on the snow outside. “I can see getting the craving for someone you can do more with because I’ll never be like Kit. I’m fine with sharing, and I like to dominate another since I can’t do that to you, but if we get married, I don’t want thirds anymore. I’d be your submissive, and you’d be the dominant in our bedroom life. That’s it.”

“I’m not into poly marriage. I wouldn't marry anyone but you. The third would be for a temporary relationship.”

“I don’t want temporary thirds either,” Riju clarified. “For me, marriage is a thing I want with one other person with no one else. You’ll be my dominant, and I’ll be your submissive like now. No thirds. Not for a year, six months, or even one night.”

“But we’re basically living like a married couple now who engage in poly relationships at times. I don’t see the problem with occasionally inviting another for periods.”

Riju did, thanks to those words right there. He’d clearly stated an expectation for marriage, and Trig had said “but.” He looked at Trig, waiting to see if he’d say anything else.

“What?” Trig shrugged.

Riju drew his feet up into the chair and sat Red on the edge of the counter. “That’s it? I’m supposed to accept what you want and deal with it?”

Trig tilted his head. “Put up with it? You’ve been okay with it.”

“Did you hear what I said?” asked Riju.

“Yes, I heard you.”

“I said what I want in a marriage , and it’s a pretty common expectation. Plenty only want them and their spouse. Nobody else. You’re just-” Riju flapped a hand. “I’m supposed to simply accept it if you want a slave later even though I said I don’t want it. We live like a married couple, but marriage is different. You might not see it that way, but I do. We’d be going to the Temple, mixing our future, and bonding. I think you heard me, but you weren’t truly listening.”

Trig sighed. “I was.”

“No, you weren’t. There wasn't even a suggestion for any form of a compromise-”

Trig smacked the arm of his chair. “It sounds like you’re not willing to compromise! Don’t come at me with that.”

“With your attitude on thirds, I think it’s obvious we won’t fit together for marriage,” said Riju.

“Am I supposed to say I’m sorry, and I don’t want to marry you anymore?”

“If a slave to fully dominate is a thing you have to have at times, then it’s not going to work out in the future,” said Riju. “How is that not obvious? This is now. Just because I’m happy with what we do now doesn’t mean I want it later because marriage is different no matter how you word it. I’m not going to marry you and be fine with you bringing another man in.”

“How is that fucking fair to me?”

Riju’s throat tightened. “Fucking fair?! You don’t want me to live on my own and start my own business. You want to marry me and have others later when I just fucking said I do not want a poly or open marriage even for a night. No thirds, Trig. How is it fucking fair to me if you’re screwing another guy when you know I don’t-”

“For fuck’s sake.”

“It’s all what you want. I’m supposed to do everything you expect and forget about what’s important to me.”

Trig made a frustrated noise. “You damn near make me want to rip out my hair. Would you be willing to shift our relationship so you’re a slave?”

“You know that’s not going to work for me. You’ve even said so.”

“It looks like I’m not the only one unwilling to compromise.” Trig stood to go around the counter.

How did this turn into Riju feeling like he’d done wrong?

“I just did!” Riju practically shouted at him. “You know I like dominating too. Did you hear me demand that of you? No, because I know you’re not into submitting at all, and I said I’d be the submissive. I wasn’t asking you to be a switch or to completely flip our roles for good because I know you wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t yell at me,” snapped Trig.

“You’re being mean and completely putting down every single thing I say, but how dare I yell at you.”

“I’m not being mean. It sounds childish when you say that. Pfft. You expect to go out on your own.”

“Because I don’t think marriage would work out for us since you’re so insistent on having another at times, and I also want to do something on my own. I bet you wouldn’t let me start my own business if we married.”

“Why would we have two businesses?” Trig smacked his fist into his open palm as he stood by the window and turned. “We have this one and don’t need another.”

“Because I don’t want to make sex toys for my whole life! Two people can get married and have separate jobs too.”

“Well, I’m saying no.”

“A compromise would be me leaving after Kit’s contract is done. I start my own business and live in my own home. We can see how things go later.” With the way the conversation was going so far, it wouldn’t get better, and Riju would end up leaving him for good after a time. He could already see it now.

Trig groaned and turned back to look out the window.

“We could still see each other, and I’d even come to do classes with you when you teach one. If you get a slave, we could spend time together and share him.” As long as Trig didn’t pull the same shit. “If Kit wanted, maybe we could start our own relationship and work things out.”

“With Kit?” Trig turned. “Are you fucking serious?”

“While I’m out, maybe I’d like to have a relationship of my own too since we’re not married. What’s wrong with Kit?”

“Do you realize what you’re asking? There’s a difference between you and me being together with a third at times. That, plus you and him having a relationship…What if he gets jealous?”

“He’d be aware of how everything is. If he's not okay with it, he doesn't have to take part. If he agrees, we’ll take care to balance things so nobody feels like they’ve been forgotten.”

“Poly relationships get more complicated with more people. Three people is one thing. Four is another. It works for some, but I don’t see it working for us.”

Riju narrowed his eyes as he studied Trig’s expression and tried to ignore his throat which was still tight. Trig was in control overall with their current situation. Maybe he didn’t like the idea of Riju having a relationship outside of Trig because he wouldn’t be in control of it. He wanted Riju to stay at their shop and do whatever Trig decided, so it had to be a control thing.

Plus, if Riju decided he liked another man and wanted to marry him instead, he’d be in a better position to break up with Trig.

Besides, he didn’t think Riju could manage anything without him.

“You think I can’t do stuff on my own, don’t you?”

Trig let out a rough laugh. “I’ve made sure you can do things on your own. You were picking through the rubbish when I found you, and you looked like a stiff breeze could have carried you off. I taught you to bathe every day, clean your teeth, and take care of your hair. I made sure you had proper clothes and taught you my work. You can do all of that stuff now because I taught you and helped you the best I could. I did it so you could do it on your own, and you’ve been doing it for years. I’ve even tried to ensure you’ll be okay by yourself if I ever get sick or have an accident.”

“You don’t want to let me do something truly on my own and try to live the life I could have had in some form if my childhood was different.”

“I highly doubt you would have had a decent life if your parents didn’t kick you out,” said Trig. “Did your parents take proper care of you?”

“No, but-”

“You have everything now because of me. What you are right now is because of me.” Trig tapped his chest. “Me. If I hadn’t gotten you to follow me that day, you might even be dead now.”

“Then why can’t you let me go so I can use what you taught me to live and do what I want? Why can't I be independent and explore a different path? How would you like it if another forced you to do only what they wanted? Marriage definitely isn’t going to work for us without changes on your part which you don’t appear willing to consider. Also, if you didn’t intend for us to be lovers at first, was I supposed to hang around here for life?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t think years ahead at first because I had to deal with you in the present.”

Deal. Like a pest.

“That was more pressing. I was focused on feeding you and gaining your trust so you wouldn’t be so terrified. You were practically like a wild dog at first…”

Riju froze in his chair. “I’m not a dog, and I never have been.”

Trig’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean it like-I meant because of your actions. You bit me on the first day!”

“Because I couldn’t fight you off any other way, and I thought you were going to lock me in the basement. I’m not a pet either, and I don’t appreciate being compared to a wild dog!”

“Riju-”

“That’s what you saw in me later, isn’t it? I’m something to show off because you think you can fix me, and you got me this far. You don’t listen when I say I don’t want to make eye contact with all of the customers because you think you can force it on me, and then I’ll be ‘fixed.’ It’s why you continuously argue with me when I-”

Trig suddenly approached the counter and smacked his hand down on the surface. Riju snatched his doll away.

“That right there is a reason why you can’t be on your own,” he snarled.

“You’re being mean, and you scared her.”

“She’s a fucking doll, and she doesn’t have feelings or emotions.”

Tears pricked Riju’s eyes. He knew she didn’t think or feel, but it was something he’d gotten used to before when he’d figured out a way to make his parents stop arguing at times. Later, it was easier to say how the doll felt, or would if she were real. He was scared of Trig because he’d never been so mad before, even when Riju bit his hand that first day.

“Everything I do is to try to make you better and more normal because of this…regression thing you do.” Trig waved at him. “You’re practically like a kid at times with this toy obsession, and you get so focused on shit, it’s hard to steer you away. You need to be more like an adult. You’re not capable of living alone, running a business, and juggling a relationship with me and another guy in private. People don’t understand you, and while I can handle things like you repeating words twenty times in a row, others think you're odd and don’t like that shit. Life on your own isn’t going to be easy. Some thanks it is to get yelled at.”

“I’ve thanked you plenty of times before because I am grateful you gave me a home and everything else,” Riju said in a small voice. “But you won’t let me even try to d-do-I-”

Everything tangled for a second as he clutched Red. What could he possibly say to get through to Trig? Why had he thought today would be any different? Trig couldn’t be diverted from what he thought or wanted either. There was no point in mentioning the book either because he wouldn’t give a shit.

“Breathe and calm down so you don’t get your words mixed up. You’re twenty-six, and I still have to remind you of this.”

Because he was the one upsetting Riju.

He sucked in a breath. “I-I want to make dolls, and I want to see little kids smile when they receive toys that I couldn’t have as a child because nobody bought me toys, and I only had Dory’s doll after she d-died…”

The rest of the words vanished because he hadn’t meant to mention his little sister, and the tears he’d been trying to hold back finally burst out.

“Do you think customers are going to stick around or come in if you act like that and have no one else to take over the shop?” asked Trig. “You need a lot more time and practice to control yourself better and act more like an adult. What if that physician ever walked into your store, not knowing who owned it, and you had a panic attack?”

Only a few people could cause that response, and the rest were dead now.

“I feel sorry for you when you have a panic attack because I know shit happened to you. At the same time, it’s a bit ridiculous. It’s been years. Get over it. You’re an adult and need better self-control.”

The words were like a slap.

“Once you get over this, you’ll see I’m right. Perhaps you’ll see you need me, and with whatever mental illness you have, you’ll always do better with me and won’t be able to manage life by yourself. You’re not like everyone else, and I don’t see how you even expect to be.”

Riju dragged himself from the chair and hurried into the hall as he swiped at his face. Because Trig would always be right. It would always be what he wanted, and he didn’t care if Riju felt trapped there in the future and didn't get any real independence. Everything he’d been worried about or suspecting lately was true.

Trig didn’t truly respect him, and his words had proved it. Riju might as well have gotten on his hands and knees and barked since he was almost like a pet. Trig would “fix” him the best he could, but he’d never be good enough to live independently and make decisions without factoring Trig into it.

He’d never be good enough as himself.

He slammed his bedroom door shut, got onto his bed, and yanked his weighted blanket around himself. Shivering, he tried to keep his breath from hitching so he could stop crying. He wanted to go downstairs and hug Kit on their pile of cushions once he wasn’t so overwhelmed, but he didn’t want to leave his room either.

Trig would complain too. Riju was being too childish. Blah, blah, blah. The whole time, he’d refuse to see he was the one upsetting Riju because he wouldn’t let him go out and do what most adults did: be independent.

Why couldn’t Trig be the man Riju thought he had for the first few years? He’d seemed perfect back then and not controlling. It was going to be the same thing over the years if Trig had his way. And Riju was supposed to be okay if they got married and knew Trig was fucking another guy, or being fucked by him.

Thank Elira he hadn’t dared to go through with something he’d thought about a few months ago. He’d never do it now. Not with him. Trig didn’t deserve anything else from Riju.

That was why he’d held things back and been leery despite thinking maybe he should give it a chance. Deep down, he’d known things wouldn’t be what he really wanted.

He managed to stop crying and was sniffling when he heard Kit scream from downstairs.

“Master! Master!”

Riju dropped his doll and bolted for the door. The metal squares sewn into his blanket clanked as he let it fall to the floor. Trig was already pounding down the basement stairs when Riju reached them, and he followed.

Kit was on the floor and crying with one leg drawn up.

“What happened?” demanded Trig.

“Master-it-”

“Relax with the title, and try to breathe.”

“It’s my calf! I don’t know why-it cramped really bad.”

A little relief replaced Riju’s panic. It had only been a cramp, and Kit had panicked. He wasn’t truly hurt. Trig cut the rope binding Kit’s wrist and helped him to stand.

“Which calf?”

“My right,” sniffled Kit.

Riju took his arms to steady him. “Try to relax. Don’t tense your leg.”

Kit hung onto Riju who tried to stop his shivering. Even though he’d be okay, he never wanted to hear Kit scream again. Trig crouched and rubbed the back of Kit’s calf.

Kit glanced at Riju. “What’s wrong?”

Riju remembered he probably looked like he’d been crying. “Nothing. I want to make sure you’re alright.”

“Is it any better?” asked Trig.

“Yeah. It doesn’t hurt like before. It was really bad, and I tried not to move-”

“Take a few steps on it.”

Kit seemed fine as he walked a few feet away. “It hurt so bad, I didn’t know what to do. It came out of nowhere.”

Riju had woken up from sleep with one a few years ago, and he still remembered how jarring the unfamiliar, sudden pain had been.

“Cramps happen,” said Trig. “You’ve never felt a cramp before?”

“No.”

“If you haven’t had one before, I suppose it can be a bit shocking. I think you should have some tomato juice.”

Kit squinted. “Why?”

“My Grandma used to say bananas are good to eat afterward so you don’t have more. Cramps mean the body is lacking something. You won’t find any bananas around here at this time of year. Tomato juice is another one. It’s got something in it that helps. You probably won’t have another one, but it’s better to be safe.”

“They’ll have tomato juice at the general shop on Farthing Street.” Riju remembered seeing it there before.

“Go grab a jug,” said Trig. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Kit, but you’ll drink a glass just in case. We’ll all have juice with a pinch of salt. It’s good.”

“I’ll be back.” Riju approached Kit for a hug. He was pretty sure Kit wouldn’t try to hold him back from life or say mean stuff when he was clearly upset. Or act like Riju would always be helpless without him.

Kit hugged him, and he clearly wanted to know why Riju had been crying. How much had he heard of their argument from downstairs? Riju didn’t look back at Trig as he went upstairs.

“Is everything okay?” Kit asked in a low voice.

“Everything’s fine,” said Trig.

Everything was not okay. Of course, Trig probably thought Riju would stay there forever like a good little doggie.

The thought nearly made him steam while he splashed his face in the hall privy room and dried it. Afterward, he put on his red cloak, grabbed his coin purse from his bedside drawer, and left.

Once Kit's contract was up, Riju was leaving too. After today, he wasn’t going to continue as if nothing happened. If Kit didn’t want to have something with just Riju and preferred to go…His throat tightened as he swiftly walked down the street. He’d miss Kit, but he wasn’t going to hold him back and be like Trig by forcing him into things he wasn’t fully okay with.

Trig would probably be furious and say more nasty shit. Let him. Riju would get a cheap place and figure out his own way in life. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t like everyone else and enjoyed dolls. He’d make kid’s toys, and even if he failed at it, he’d get a job somewhere.

He wasn’t going to be a man’s pet to fix.

He kept his gaze down as he walked and breathed in the chilly air. Out in the city, he managed to calm himself down a little, although the racket around him was irritating. It was a day where he’d rather be in a silent room with only Kit. They could read or do something quiet next to each other.

The general shop they often went to had jugs of pressed juice from the last harvest time. A cramp was likely no reason to worry, and Kit probably didn’t even need the juice. It was better to be sure. Food had all kinds of things in it that were good for the body, not that anyone truly understood how it all worked.

On one of the back shelves, Riju spotted a jug with the word tomato on the handwritten label, so he took it to the counter.

The shop owner said the price and took the offered money. “You like red, huh?”

“It’s my favorite color.”

The man’s eyes swept down. “It’s a bit much, don't you think?”

“No.”

The man raised his eyebrows. “Enjoy your red juice.”

He would, and who cared if he wore his red coat and cloak despite having red hair? He carried the jug back home, and once he was in the kitchen, he poured a glass for Kit and added a couple of pinches of salt to make it taste better. He’d have a glass later, and Trig could pour his own damn juice.

He was coming down the stairs to the basement when he heard Trig’s voice.

“What do you say?”

Riju froze on the bottom step. His pretty, sweet Kit was on his hands and knees, his forehead was on the floor, and from his back and rear, he’d clearly been whipped as punishment.