Page 53 of The Throne Seeker (Vallorian #1)

She looked down at the shiny crown. It used to look so grand, but now it looked like nothing but a chain.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want how I felt to alter what you’d do.

To get in the way of what you wanted. You wanted to be king, and you still do.

The seer confirmed it. Admit it, Tristan.

You want this more than anything, and rightfully so.

You are exactly the kind of king Cathan needs.

I can’t let my own limitations set you back from being who you truly are.

I love you for who you are. I can’t imagine there isn’t a girl alive out there who wouldn’t fall in love with you if only they met you.

You should be with someone who can rise where I have fallen short. ”

“Rose, how many times do I have to tell you? I want you . I only want you… Gods, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” he whispered, cupping her face gently.

She fought the urge to lean into his touch. She had to tell him. He had a right to know why she’d be forced to choose someone else. He deserved to know the truth—all of it.

“Tristan, there’s something I’ve been keeping from you. My—” She fought to keep her voice from shaking. “My mother and I have no money. We are all but destitute. That’s why I had my coming out ball, why I’ve been adamant about entertaining Grant.”

Tristan’s face contorted into full-blown shock. “What?”

Her eyes met his, filled with guilt. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But my mother and I felt it would be better for no one to know until everything was settled.”

“How can that be? Didn’t your father leave you with a fortune?”

“He left nothing but debt,” she corrected.

“That was why we had to leave last summer. When my mother discovered our fortune was nearly gone, we rushed home to salvage the situation. But it was already gone. He was a terrible gambler. He lost everything and paid for it with his life. All we had left was what little my mother had. We used it to come here. The manor, the money, our possessions, it’s all gone. ”

Tristan’s mouth hung open. “What?!” he spat angrily, betrayed. “How did I not know this about him?”

“Because I didn’t think it mattered. But now I see it matters a great deal. How do you think the council will feel when they discover my secret now, when they have another offer that is so much more enticing? The princess brings not only money, but land, livestock, soldiers, an alliance.”

Tristan’s eyes widened as he saw the truth in her words.

But he wasn’t having it. He shook his head in denial as he cursed under his breath and ran his hands through his hair.

“So now you just want to give up? My father and the council disapprove, so you just accept it?” Tristan took her hand in his.

“I’ll find another way around this. I won’t sign the contract. ”

She wished she didn’t have to resort to this, but it looked like she had no choice.

“Yes, you will. Because if you don’t, I’ll leave anyway, and you’ll never see me again.”

He became deathly still, his simmering eyes turning into hot, blue flames.

“Even if you refuse to sign the treaty or take the crown, I won’t marry you.” She wished her voice had come out stronger. Wished she didn’t have to break his heart like this. Wished there was another way to do this gently. But there was more to this than just politics.

Tristan paced in frustrated strides before swerving back to her. “So either way, I lose you?” he fumed, enraged. “You’re just going to force my hand and give me no choice? You’re going to just leave me? Again?!”

The dam in her eyes overflowed as a tear slipped out.

Thunder clapped over them with a loud rumble.

Tristan scoffed as he ran his hands through his hair again. “This has nothing to do with the treaty, does it? This is about yesterday. For sending Zareb away, for taking your sword.”

Her watery eyes finally looked back at him. “I admit I was angry, but—I’m not a child anymore. If I choose to wield a sword, that should be my decision. Zareb believed I could do it. Why can’t you?”

A new monster crept into his eyes. “That’s exactly why he had to leave!” he barked. “He was filling your head with ridiculous notions. You’re not made for that life. You’ll be royalty.”

“Ridiculous notions?” she said in disbelief. “I enjoy it. After all this time of feeling helpless, I feel like I can do something for myself. I’m good at it.”

“I can see how it might seem like you need it. But you’re just scared, and I blame myself for that.

You’ll feel differently once we find out who is behind all this.

I promise nothing like that will happen to you again.

I sent Zareb away because I care about you—because I didn’t want to see you get hurt. ”

“Is that why?” she challenged, trying to get to the root of it. “Were you really worried about my safety? Or was it something else?”

Another loud clap of thunder rolled over them, the pounding rain falling harder, filling the air.

“That is the only reason,” Tristan replied in a deadly sure voice.

Something inside her made her doubt, but it didn’t matter now. “I can’t stay here. Being here has been so much harder than I’ve led you to believe. I’ve tried to be here—to do this all for you, for my mother, but I can’t do it anymore.”

Tristan’s hands rolled into tight fists. He paced as if trying to think of something—anything to convince her to change her mind.

A flash of devastation flickered in his eyes as he said in a low whisper, “So this is your decision?”

Rose’s lip quivered as another wave of tears came to her eyes. Damn it.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as a tear slipped out.

He clenched his jaw silently, then nodded slowly, accepting her answer this time. He turned his back on her, going to his horse.

“Wait, Tristan, please,” she said, following his steps. “Please don’t leave angry.”

He spun sharply, pointing an accusatory finger at her. “I was ready to give up everything for you! It just shows that I alone was never enough for you… I was never your first choice anyway,” he added in a vicious voice.

A low blow.

Her face burned red. “That’s not fair.”

“I’m not going to stand here and beg for you to stay.

” He mounted his horse roughly, then glared down at her, his harsh gaze crashing into hers.

“I hope you live to regret this. I hope when you look back on this moment, you remember how you were the one who chose this. You were the one who chose to give up.”

She was so shocked by his cruelty, she couldn’t utter a single syllable. He didn’t give her a chance anyway. He rode away into the stormy weather, rain still pouring, leaving her to stand alone amidst the desolate ruins.

Her tears fell like the rain that fell from the heavens. Or perhaps hell.

She had known it was going to hurt. She’d known it would take a toll. But she hadn’t been prepared for the crippling agony welling inside her, for her heart to feel like someone had ripped it out and squeezed it as hard as they could.

Panic consumed every organ as she gasped for air, her heart beating so fast she could scarcely suck in a breath.

She looked down at her hands as she shakily wrapped them around herself.

She sank back against the cold stone pillar, sliding down to the mud-soaked floor, not caring if it ruined her dress.

Her heart shattered with every thunderclap that roared through the sky—breaking her soul down more and more until she was nothing but a pile of dust ready to be blown away by the first gust of wind that came.

She curled up in the fetal position and let herself cry. Let herself feel sorry for herself. Let herself feel every wave of disappointment, anger, and grief flow out of her. She let herself wish she was a different person, the person he needed.

But most of all, she wished she’d never come back at all.