Page 118 of The Throne Seeker (Vallorian #1)

I t was as though a tornado had blasted its way through Tristan’s room.

The bed lay in disarray, its fabric torn and exposing scattered goose feathers.

The wooden bookcase had tipped sideways, slumping against the corner wall.

Books were strewn across the floor, fallen open, and the normally well-organized round table was overturned with parchment scattered everywhere.

The fireplace flickered as the sole source of light, all the candles either knocked over or snuffed out.

Tristan hardly noticed Rose’s arrival as he grabbed a chair and hurled it against the stone wall with a fierce grunt. He didn’t stop at that; he just kept smashing it into the ground over and over.

“Tristan!” she called. “Tristan, stop, stop!” She rushed over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he hurt himself.

Tristan dropped the chair, his chest heaving. Tears of anger filled his eyes as pain roared deep inside him. He dragged his hands through his hair, yanking it as he sobbed. He staggered backward and collapsed onto the bed’s edge, scattering a puff of feathers into the air.

Tears welled in Rose’s eyes as she felt his aura crashing into her like a tidal wave. His soul was a bottomless pit of darkness—empty and devoid of hope. And he was sinking deeper. Fast.

She knelt between his legs so he’d have to look her in the eye. She gently took his face in her hands, tilting his jaw to meet her gaze, ignoring the smell of alcohol on his breath. “Tristan, it’s me,” she murmured, brushing a tear from his cheek. “Hey, hey, it’s me. It’s just me.”

His sparkling ocean eyes crashed into hers like a fierce storm. However, after a moment, the sea settled, as if he finally understood who he was looking at. When a fresh tear slipped out, she wiped his cheek again.

“They’re gone,” he whispered with despair.

Her eyes pricked again, her heart crippling with his. “Yes… they’re gone.”

He took a shaky breath, pulling his face away from her hands. His expression turned heart-wrenching as he squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head into his hands. His shoulders shook from his shaky breathing. “How am I supposed to do this?” he whispered into his hands.

Rose grasped his wrists and pulled them away from his face. She lifted his chin, making him look at her. “Look at me, Tristan,” she demanded. “You can do this. If anyone in Vallor can do this, it’s you. You are good, and it’s hard for good men to be king. You were born for this.”

He pulled his face from her grasp again. “I’m not good,” Tristan admitted with self-loathing. “That’s why I lost you.”

She froze, taken aback. “That’s not true.”

“You know, a small, foolish part of me still had hope,” he said, his cheeks tearstained.

“Hope that you’d tell me you couldn’t live without me.

That you’d come back and miss me just as much as I missed you.

Instead, I find out you weren’t missing me at all.

” His eyes looked up to hers, but she couldn’t meet them.

“How long have you been in love with him?”

She gathered the courage to face the deep-blue abyss that matched the sea. “How do you know I love him?”

He glared at her through hardened eyes. “I know you. You look at him like he’s the entire starlit sky… and you love stars.”

She sucked in her cheek and bit it. “I only realized it a few weeks ago.”

“Have you been with him all this time?”

She nodded weakly. “After the wedding… he saw how broken I was. He wanted to help me, give me space to heal.”

Tristan’s mouth twisted. “He helped, alright… helped himself to you.” He rose to his feet, pacing through the wreckage of his room while running his fingers through his disheveled hair.

Rose knew what he was trying to do. “Don’t blame him. He didn’t steal me from you.”

“But that’s precisely what he did, isn’t it? In hindsight, he knew exactly what he was doing. Pretending he was helping. Setting it all up perfectly. It’s all just so convenient.” He kicked the broken chair.

His aggression didn’t faze her. “You don’t get to play the innocent card in all this, Tristan. You did your fair share of making sure I could find no one else. You and I both know you were being cruel to dissuade other suitors.”

“ I was being cruel?” he exclaimed. “Is that what you think? I was protecting you! I didn’t want you to have to marry solely for the fact you needed it to survive. I wanted you to have the opportunity to find someone you loved.”

“You think Grant couldn’t love me?” she challenged.

“I know he didn’t love you! If he did, he would’ve married you whether or not you had money. But what did he do as soon as he learned you were destitute? He left!” He shot a pointed hand toward the door. “You think I’d entrust you to someone like that?”

“His parents were the reason he had to leave. He would have nothing without their approval.”

He jerked his hand back and pointed at himself, poking himself aggressively in the chest. “I would’ve given all the money and good standing in the world for you!” Tristan yelled. “No matter what people said.”

“What about Xavier?” She tried not to rise to his anger. “What’s your excuse for him?”

Tristan’s eyes darkened like a crazed animal’s.

“You mean my so-called brother who cut your neck open? Who used you? Do you forget it was me who found you bleeding out into the sea? Who held your unconscious body, praying to the gods you weren’t dead?

He’d have only hurt you. All he does is hurt you, over and over, and I couldn’t let him do that again. ”

“That wasn’t your decision to make!”

“I’m sorry!” he yelled in dire desperation, stepping forward. “I’m sorry if how I went about it was wrong, but I was trying to protect you.”

Rose’s glare softened. In his own twisted way, what he had done was out of self-preservation, just like thorns on a rose—they protected themselves not out of malicious intent but to make sure they endured.

She knew because that’s how she had survived her father.

And Tristan… Tristan was going down the same path.

“I understand you have your thorns,” she said, almost to herself. “That’s why I can forgive you. And if I can forgive you for all you’ve done, don’t you think you can forgive Roman and I?”

Tristan cringed. “Please,” he pleaded. “Anyone but my brothers.”

She shook her head slowly. “It’s too late for that.”

Tristan’s face twisted in pain as he stepped towards her again, determined. “Tell me you don’t love me.”

She hadn’t been expecting that. Her mouth stumbled to respond. She wanted to reply no, but for some reason, she couldn’t.

Her siren refused.

His eyes came within inches, barging into hers. “Tell me honestly. Is there any part of you that still loves me? Don’t bother trying to lie. I’ll know if you are.”

Damn him for knowing her so well. She wasn’t a good liar. She never had been.

She tried to avoid the question. “Tristan, it doesn’t matter?—”

“ Answer me! ” he shouted.

“Of course a part of me will always love you!” she cried, tears spilling over her lower lids.

She hated him for making her say it—loathing herself for feeling that way in the first place.

“But you watched me cry inconsolably over something you had done and you didn’t even notice.

You didn’t even flinch . You were so caught up in your own needs that you neglected mine because you were scared of the answers. ”

His desperation took over. “I’m sorry.” He lowered his voice.

“You’re right. I should’ve asked. But I care.

I care so much I can scarcely breathe. I’m sorry I sent Zareb away.

It was wrong of me. I see that now. I shouldn’t have taken your sword.

I did so many things wrong. But please, Rose, please don’t do this to me. Don’t be with him .”

She stood firm. “I can’t change the fact I love him, and I wouldn’t want to… And more importantly, you have a family to look after. You need to find a way to forget about me.”

Tristan choked back tears, pacing again. “How am I supposed to do that, Rosalie?” he yelled, his hands balling into fists. “How?!”

“It’s just my siren making it harder for you to let go,” she said, not knowing if it was true or false. “You wouldn’t be acting this way if it wasn’t.”

He gave a heartless laugh, withdrawing from her. He went to the bottle of alcohol on the nightstand and took a swig.

Without warning, he threw the bottle across the room, shattering the glass.

She jumped at the crash.

“ Why ?” Tristan screamed. “Why couldn’t you love me how I loved you?

You should have cared! Your heart should have bled out the way mine did.

Your body should’ve ached like mine did when you left!

You have no idea what it feels like to see the love of your life entirely and utterly fine without you! ”

Her vision blurred at the confession. Tristan calling her the love of his life hit harder than she wanted it to. But he talked about pain like she didn’t have any.

She had lost him, too.

He took a small step closer. “I’ll tell you why. Because you never truly loved me… and that…” His voice drifted off, defeated. “That will be the end of me.”

Her blood boiled.

How dare he?

“I never loved you?” she echoed in a dangerously calm tone. “Do you know how it felt to see you get married before my eyes? To feel so sick my entire insides were exiting my body? Do you even know what that did to me?”

“You told me you wouldn’t have been with me either way! You wanted me to be king!” He pointed an accusatory finger at her.

“I wanted you to be king because I knew you wanted to be king.” She jabbed her finger back at him. “And don’t stand there and pretend you didn’t.”