Page 50 of The Therapist

Every day, I wait for a message from him, but he’s being quiet for now, lying low until we can be together. That’s the smart thing to do, obviously.

We didn’t get the two million but the money I took from the mortgage will get us started. We can go anywhere and be together. He’s taking care of it for me.

It was the perfect plan. Lana would kill Mike for us and then I would turn up and claim the insurance money and Lana would go to jail. That was just a bonus, an added extra that I never thought of.

I knew who she was the moment I saw her, recognised her instantly despite the fact that she’s not Lardy Lana anymore.

I remember her ugly little friend and how the idiot couldn’t take my little jibes.

I was sad when she killed herself because then I only had Lana to play with and she hid out in the library.

It was such a delight to see her and know that she was going to be part of the game Ben and I were playing.

I didn’t quite anticipate her figuring things out but I couldn’t control everything.

It doesn’t matter. I don’t care about her. I want to be with the man who understands me, who has managed to touch a part of my soul that I never thought I had.

They are making me speak to a therapist in here and she keeps telling me that I’ve made a mistake about Ben, that he doesn’t really love me, that it was all a game and I was being played. She’s wrong, she’s absolutely wrong.

We were playing together. We are meant to be together. He’s my soulmate and he can’t live without me. He told me that over and again.

All that keeps me going is thinking of seeing him again. Knowing that he is out there waiting for me helps me sleep at night despite the noise and the light and the crazy women who are in here. I don’t belong here with the mad people, the criminals and degenerates.

Each morning, I wake up, knowing that I am a day closer to being free of everyone and running to the man I love. I see us on a beach together, cocktails in our hands, laughing about what we’ve managed to do.

‘Burkhart,’ the guard says as she unlocks my cell door.

I stand, wait patiently.

‘Your children are in the family room,’ she says and I plaster a smile on my face, make sure that tears shine in my eyes.

‘Thank you,’ I say as I follow her. ‘I can’t wait to see them,’ I tell her, even as my skin crawls at the idea of them touching me. I haven’t seen Mike since everything happened. He has some stupid little restraining order against me but I wouldn’t want to go near him anyway.

‘You’re a good mum,’ she says. ‘Even in here it’s possible to be a good mum and I know that you’re trying.’

I sniffle a little, my acting very practised now.

The door to the family room opens and there they are. My tickets out of here.

‘Mummy,’ shouts Lila and she launches herself into me, wrapping her arms around me, but Felix doesn’t even look at me. I will have to work harder with him. It’s important that when they leave, they go home and tell their darling daddy that they miss me and want me to come home.

‘I’ve missed you both so much,’ I say, letting a few tears fall as the social worker watches me. Stupid woman.

And then I settle down to play with my children, willing the hour to pass quickly so that I can be alone again, alone with my thoughts of Ben and the life we will one day have together. It’s going to happen soon. I can feel it. I can absolutely feel it.

Mike

‘Beer, Mike?’ asks Liam, and Mike nods, taking an ice-cold can from Liam’s hand.

On Friday Liam holds a BBQ for their small staff of five. ‘Just a way to say thanks for all the hard work every week,’ Liam has explained. It’s a warm spring day, the sun bright in a perfect blue sky, and as Mike opens the beer – non-alcoholic, for now – he lifts his face, feeling the heat.

He’s happy in the new job so far. They’re very busy and making sales seems easy because everyone loves the high-end furniture and Mike loves feeling like he’s selling something someone actually wants.

He’s also earning a lot more than he was with Paul, which is good because he really needs the money.

He’s still trying to work out exactly how to move forward with Sandy. Right now, there is a social worker who comes and takes the kids for a visit with her once a week. But he’s not sure what’s going to happen once she’s sentenced.

According to Elise, the social worker, ‘She seems disinterested in seeing them after a minute or two and sometimes it feels as though she is performing for me. As if it’s more important that I see her as a good mother than that she connects with the children.’

Perhaps Elise shouldn’t have told Mike this but he’s glad he knows that the social worker is seeing the same things he has seen for years.

Lila is too little to register it but Felix has noticed something.

He’s reluctant to go, whines about it and has to be cajoled into the car with the social worker with promises of pizza and ice cream for dinner afterwards.

Mike never wants them to accuse him of keeping them away from their mother so he will keep encouraging the visits. Right now, the only thing he has been able to tell them is that Sandy ‘did something bad’. Felix is asking more and more questions but he’s trying to figure out how to explain it.

Next week, he’ll see a therapist that Lana recommended for the first time so hopefully she can help him figure out how to talk to the kids.

The truth is that Sandy will always be in their lives because she is their mother, and only when they are old enough to make a decision on whether or not they want to see her will he be able to leave it to them.

He hates to think of how much damage she can do as they grow up but he knows that there’s no way he will be able to stop the children seeing her without going to court.

And there is always the possibility that she simply turns her back on them.

That’s not something he likes to think about because it will cause his children pain and suffering and they’ve been through enough.

He’s having divorce papers drawn up now and he’s hopeful she’ll sign them without a fuss. Although that seems unlikely.

He’s also hopeful that the therapist can help him figure out how to get this anger, this ever-churning anger against his soon-to-be-ex-wife, under control as well. Especially since the call from the bank.

At some point in the last few months, Sandy remortgaged their house, taking an extra two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, setting him back years in his mortgage payments.

The giant life insurance policy wasn’t enough for her, it seems. Any expectation he had of getting the money back disappeared with Ben, and even if Ben is found, the money has probably been secreted away.

He couldn’t quite believe that Sandy had the audacity to ask him to put up the house for bail. He almost laughed. Almost.

‘You done with that beer?’ Mike hears and he turns to see Emily, who’s in charge of all the administration in the company.

They have bonded over being single parents and plan to get their kids together next week.

Emily’s son is Felix’s age, and from what she’s said, it sounds like the two of them might hit it off.

‘I am, thanks,’ says Mike, chucking the bottle into the bucket she is holding. ‘Why don’t you let me take that?’ he says, reaching out for it, and she giggles.

‘Ever the gentleman,’ she says, her green eyes sparkling with good humour.

‘I try.’ Mike laughs, the warmth of the compliment running through him.

He walks around picking up anything that can be recycled as the BBQ ends.

Mike climbs into his car, looking forward to seeing the kids. He’s a lot better at running things now and the house is mostly orderly, mostly clean, and the kids are good with suggestions on what he should cook for dinner every week.

He stops outside the school with a few minutes to spare before after-school care is done and he takes out his phone, opens it to the picture he has of Ben or Simon or whatever his real name is.

He was in the hospital room the night Mike nearly died. But he left just before the police arrived, and from what Mike understands from talking to the public prosecutor, Sandy is devastated about this and only this.

The fact that she nearly murdered her husband and the father of her children, that she will miss her kids growing up, that she will be in prison for a long time, means nothing compared to the loss of the man she thought was her soulmate.

The police have been unable to find him, although they probably haven’t looked very hard.

But Mike knows where he is. The private detective Lana asked to look into him was very helpful when Mike called him after he got out of the hospital. He is, as Lana told him, very good at his job.

Ben/Simon is afraid to leave the country but he’s left the state.

And next week, Mike has some sales calls in Queensland, which is where Ben or Simon is hiding.

A babysitter has been organised and Mike will have a lot of time to do what needs to be done.

Maybe he can get his money back but he’s already kissed that goodbye. That’s not why he’s going to find him and speak to him.

On Tuesday he will surprise Ben or whatever his name is in the cheap motel where he is holed up. On Tuesday he will allow the dark rage inside him out, just for a short time and only against one person. And then, on Friday, he will see the therapist and begin putting all this behind him.

He’s not a perfect man but he is going to try and be a better man so he can be a better father to his children.

But first he needs to see the man who nearly took everything from him, including his life. It’s what he needs to do. It’s the only way he can let this all go.

He’s not his father, and he knows that. But sometimes a man can be pushed too far.

Perhaps a better man would let it go, would be grateful to have survived and would move on, but Mike isn’t quite ready to be that man. Not yet.

And next week can’t come soon enough.

***

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