Page 25 of The Therapist

The conversation is beginning to drive me crazy and I wish again that I had never gotten involved with this woman. ‘Are you saying you know something I don’t know, Ben? Is that what you’re saying?’

‘Look, I never wanted to tell you this – I mean Sandy told me when I was treating her and it should have stayed between us if she didn’t mention it to you, which I assume she hasn’t – but…’

‘But?’

‘The guy has a record. Mike has a record. I mean not officially anymore because it was for something he did when he was sixteen so it’s considered done with because he hasn’t been arrested for anything else ever but he did hurt someone, pretty badly.’

‘Oh God.’ I cover my mouth, my stomach churning. ‘What did he do?’

‘I don’t have all the details but what does it matter? That’s why I’m giving this to you. It’s filled with blanks so worst-case scenario it will make a loud noise. It’s just to show him if he turns up here or at your house.’ He holds the gun towards me but I still can’t take it.

‘This is ridiculous, Ben. Even if he…did something in his past, I still can’t have a gun.’ My mind is whirling with what he has told me. How dangerous is Sandy’s husband? What is on his record? What did he do?

‘Look,’ says Ben, his eyes on the gun, ‘you’ve never had a negative experience like I had back home in the UK and I hope you never do, but I hate the idea that he could come to your house and scare you or…’

‘Ben…I do understand how hard that was for you. I can’t imagine going through something like that but I really don’t think I need a gun. It’s so extreme.’

Ben runs his hands through his curls. ‘I didn’t tell you everything, Lana, not everything that happened.’

‘Then tell me now,’ I say, touching his arm. ‘I’m listening.’ I need to know why he is suggesting something so over the top as me having a gun. It’s not logical.

Ben sits down behind his desk with the gun in his hand.

‘The woman who stalked me, Carla, made my life very hard, and something I’ve never…

’ He hesitates and then he looks up at me.

‘I was in a relationship, a good one, and we were going to get married, and then Carla found out and she terrorised Bianca, my fiancée. She posted about her on social media, saying all sorts of ugly things, and Bianca was a nurse so Carla called the hospital where she worked and reported her for sexual assault – an absurd idea but it still had to be investigated. Bianca took it all as well as she could but each time Carla did something else, I could feel her withdrawing from me and all the drama. The police weren’t much help.

We filed protective orders but Carla was too far gone to care.

And then one day Carla turned up at Bianca’s apartment with a knife. I wasn’t there.’

‘Oh my God, that sounds awful… Was Bianca hurt?’ My stomach sinks with each new fact he offers and I understand his desire to have a gun, to use it to destress. It must help him to feel in control of a life that, at one point, felt very out of control.

He shakes his head. ‘No, she managed to call the police and Carla was arrested but she was out after a day, on bail, and still accusing me and Bianca of a whole lot of crap. She told the police we stole from her; she accused me of sexual assault.’ Ben turns away from me to look out of the window behind his desk, clutching the gun close to him.

‘The police weren’t sure who to believe, and to be honest, they weren’t much help. ’

‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this?’

He turns around again. ‘Because that incident was the last straw for Bianca. She broke up with me, and after the police cleared me, I knew I needed to get away from Carla, as far away as possible. I’m a dual citizen so I came here.

And fortunately, I was lucky enough to find you and you gave me a job and you’ll never know how much I needed that. ’

‘I am so sorry that happened to you.’ I move to go and touch him, give him a hug or squeeze his arm, but then I stop, not wanting to cross any professional lines.

I do feel dreadful for him. During my training I heard stories about therapists who were hurt by their patients, physically and emotionally, but I never thought I would have to confront such a thing.

‘Thanks, but I only told you because you need to know that I understand patients can be dangerous, and the violent husband of a missing patient is…capable of anything.’

‘I understand.’

‘Hopefully nothing will happen. This is just in case or until she turns up or…just keep it, okay? I’ll get it from you when I get back in a couple of days.’ He holds the gun out to me again.

‘Okay.’ I reluctantly take the small weapon from him. I will put it in a drawer in my desk here at work and hide it somewhere Iggy will never find it at home. This whole thing feels absurd and I’ll probably never have to even look at it until Ben gets back and I return it to him.

‘I’ll see you in a couple of days.’ He smiles.

‘I hope everything works out with your family,’ I say. ‘Are you actually flying home?’

I know I’m being nosey but his parents are in the UK and that would mean he needs more than a couple days off.

‘I’m not but I have to deal with a lot of stuff over there and I can only do it at night. I’m completely exhausted and I know it means I won’t be the best for my patients so I need to take the time off.’

‘I hope you sort everything out.’

‘I’m sure it will be fine. I hope that this whole thing with Sandy…goes away.’

‘That’s what I’m hoping for too.’ Clutching the gun in my hand, I leave his office, making sure to conceal it at my side so that Kirsty doesn’t see it.

I put it in my desk drawer, hiding it under a folder, and I am more relaxed when I can’t actually see it anymore.

Once it’s hidden, I decide on getting a coffee and stand up. Picking up my bag, I open the office door and see Ben and Kirsty enclosed in a tight hug. ‘I’ll miss you,’ I think I hear her say but I’m not sure because I step back and close the door to my office quietly.

Are he and Kirsty involved?

After a minute, I decide I’m being ridiculous and open my office door. Kirsty is sitting behind the reception desk, her gaze concentrated on her computer screen.

‘Has Ben gone?’ I ask her.

‘I think so…but he may have left when I went to take my mug back to the kitchen,’ she says with a small smile, and I don’t stop to question her, just say, ‘Getting a coffee,’ and leave via the stairs.

Why would she lie to me?

Back in my office, as I wait for my next patient, I know I should use the time to catch up on paperwork but I don’t feel like it.

Instead, I sit in my chair, staring at nothing, and allow myself a brief fantasy that Sandy turns up tomorrow, angry that I spoke to the police but alive and well.

That’s the best-case scenario. But the worst case…could be things unfolding the way Ben thinks they might.

What if Sandy is hurt? What if she’s trapped somewhere?

And what if Mike does turn up at my work or at my home?

All the terrible possibilities circle in my mind, and all the while I’m conscious that I’m in possession of a handgun that I have no idea how to use.