Page 16 of The Therapist

‘Is that all you wanted to ask about?’

I shake my head. ‘Look this is a bit hard but…Sandy didn’t turn up for today’s session and I’m…’ I don’t finish the sentence.

Ben sits back in his chair. ‘Concerned?’ he asks.

‘Yes, and I wouldn’t discuss this with you unless…I mean especially with what you’re dealing with but I’m apprehensive that something may have happened.’

Ben swings his glasses around as he thinks. His face looks very different without them, as though he’s naked.

‘It’s a cause for worry,’ he agrees. ‘I’m assuming she’s told you everything…’

‘Yes, but I am having trouble getting to the real truth of the situation, or at least I was. I find her a little…’ I hesitate, ‘unreliable.’

‘Well, we’re all unreliable narrators of our own lives,’ says Ben.

‘I know…I know that and I have been worrying that I am judging her a certain way when I shouldn’t be, and then I met him last week, her husband, and he…

’ I shake my head. ‘He turned things around on her, said she is the one who makes things physical. I mean he seemed to be telling the truth but then so did she and…’

Ben puts his glasses back on. ‘That’s one I haven’t heard before. I mean it’s amazing that you even got the guy to come in. But she actually never mentioned physical violence to me… She kind of skirted around it. I always suspected it but she never actually used the words.’

‘But you saw the black eye – I mean the first time I met her she had a black eye and when I asked about it, she told me she walked into a door…not that I believed that.’

‘Yeah, right, she told me’ – Ben runs his hands along his desk as he thinks – ‘she told me that her son had a temper tantrum and threw a toy at her.’

I sit with the vastly different reasons Sandy has given us for a moment.

‘That’s disturbing.’

‘Yeah, I agree with you,’ says Ben. ‘It’s a sure sign that something very wrong is going on.’

‘Well,’ I say, ‘I did advise her to take some time away from him. Things got pretty heated in our session and I told her to contact the police.’

‘Probably not bad advice. I mean I don’t like to tell patients what to do normally but when it’s a question of personal safety…’ Ben drums his fingers on the desk.

‘Yes, that was my thought.’

‘And now she hasn’t turned up,’ says Ben and I can hear some anguish in his voice. Do we both carry responsibility for this? Sandy was his patient. He’s invested in this as much as I am. Any good therapist would be troubled.

‘She’s also not answering her phone,’ I tell Ben.

‘What do we do?’ he says, standing up and going to the window.

‘Can you use your mobile to call her? She has my number and she must know the office number, but if you didn’t give her your phone number, she may answer. Perhaps she’s angry with me for pushing her to report.’

Ben turns around and grabs his mobile from his desk, and I watch as he bends over and taps on his computer keyboard, pulling up Sandy’s number from when she was his patient. He dials and we wait but I can hear the sound of the phone ringing and ringing before he shakes his head and ends the call.

‘Maybe you should have left a message. Perhaps she would get back to you.’

‘I don’t think she would. She may be angry at you but she was really mad at me.

’ I can see how much this bothers him, and in light of what he told me about his stalker, I completely understand and I’m feeling some guilt as well now.

He entrusted me with this patient and I may have screwed up.

I can’t let Ben take responsibility for this.

I was in the room with Sandy and Mike. I advised her, possibly more than I should.

I look at my phone. Half the session I was supposed to have with Sandy is now over, but if she turns up, I will still see her, not something I would do for any other client. I have left Ben’s office door open so I can hear if Kirsty greets anyone at reception.

‘What would you do?’ I ask.

He sits down in his chair again. ‘Honestly, I don’t know.

Maybe… Look, all you need to know is that she’s okay.

Maybe give it until tomorrow and then if she still doesn’t answer, try and go to her house.

I mean, if you do decide to go, I could come with you because you shouldn’t go alone.

I know it’s weirdly unprofessional but if I was that concerned, I would go, just to make sure she was okay. ’

I can’t imagine what Sandy would think if I turned up at her house, but at the same time, what other choice do I have?

‘Should I call the police maybe?’

‘And then what?’ Ben asks.

‘They would do a welfare check and then I could relax without having to get involved at all.’

‘But that might inflame things,’ he says, ‘and she would probably stop coming if you did call them and then there’s the matter of exactly how violent Mike is.’

‘Well, at the session she brought him to, he seemed almost…shocked at the idea that he hurt her. Which makes me think he’s even more dangerous than the usual abuser,’ I tell him.

This has just occurred to me. What if Mike hurts his wife but is able to mentally distance himself from his actions completely?

It means that he might be capable of anything.

But also, what if Mike is telling the truth and maybe the session that he came to has made everything worse and Mike has simply…snapped?

I feel sick as these two possibilities tumble through my head.

I have not been my best self in this situation.

I have looked at Sandy, who is so beautiful, and allowed that to cloud my judgement because of my own insecurities.

But I know that she is manipulative as well.

I’ve seen evidence of that when she turns her tears on and off.

Ben’s intercom buzzes and he answers, ‘Yep.’

‘Mr Surry is here,’ says Kirsty, and I glance down at my phone. My session with Sandy is nearly over.

‘Great, thanks,’ Ben replies.

‘I’ll leave you to it,’ I tell him, standing up.

‘I wish I could help more, Lana, but I honestly don’t know what the right move is.’

‘Thanks anyway, I’ll figure it out. I may give her until tomorrow.’

‘I hope she gets in contact. Let me know if she does.’

I leave his office, walking past the waiting room, where I can see my next client, Violet, is already waiting for me.

Violet is never late and I think she uses these sessions for company as opposed to anything else.

Her daughter lives overseas and Violet is terrified of the idea of moving, as her daughter wants her to.

I’m working with her to embrace the idea of changing her life at seventy but I understand her fears.

I try Sandy’s phone one more time and then I open my office door to let Violet in.

The morning passes quickly with back-to-back patients and I try to put Sandy out of my mind so that I can concentrate on doing my best for my patients.

At 2.30 p.m., as I finish a late lunch, Kirsty buzzes me and I feel my heart lift a little because surely this is Sandy to apologise for missing her appointment this morning.

‘Damien called to say he can’t make it today. He’s got to go to an emergency dentist appointment.’

‘Okay,’ I say, thinking of my 3 p.m. client who is, it must be said, a frequent canceller. Damien has a problem with alcohol but because he covers it so well, he doesn’t believe he has a problem. He is only seeing me because his wife makes him. It will take me some time to get through to him.

‘And he was your last client for today,’ Kirsty adds.

‘Thanks,’ I reply.

It’s nearly 3 p.m. and Iggy is spending the afternoon at his friend Jack’s house. I only have to pick him up at five thirty. I suddenly have some time spare.

Impulsively, I grab my bag. I need to know that Sandy is okay or I’ll get no sleep tonight at all. Visiting her at home will be crossing a lot of lines but I need to do it, just to make sure. And I have to admit that I’m actually fascinated to see where she lives.

‘Ooh, early mark,’ says Kirsty when she sees me with my bag.

‘Yes. Sandy didn’t call, obviously?’

Kirsty shakes her head. ‘No respect for other people’s time. I’ll bill her.’ She smiles.

‘Okay.’ I wonder if I should tell her that I’m heading over to Sandy’s house now.

I immediately decide against it. It’s not professional, and what I’m really hoping for is to be able to go to her house and see her without her seeing me.

It feels a bit cloak and dagger but I need to know that she’s all right.

I glance at Ben’s office door and see that he’s with someone so there’s no way I can interrupt him and ask him to come with me.

Maybe I should wait? Leaving via the stairs, I go back and forth with each flight, but finally, I decide that I’m doing this for myself and I don’t need to involve anyone else.

And with each step I take, I try to convince myself that Sandy is fine and that all I’m doing is making sure of that.

I’m just making sure.