Page 18

HOLT

“So, what happened?” Ridge’s voice cuts through the speakers of my truck. I can hear the confusion in his tone.

“Delaney’s the mistress.”

“Whose mistress?”

“Edward’s mistress. Edward left Merit for Delaney. She’s the one he was having an affair with.”

Ridge sucks in a breath. “No shit?”

I nod in the dark. “No. Shit.”

“Does Merit know about you and Delaney?”

“Well, she does now,” I say. “I tried to downplay it, but you know Delaney. She still wants everyone on God’s green Earth to know that I was with her. Despite my better judgment,” I mumble.

“I think we can all agree that you had no judgment during that time period. It’s like your brain went on sabbatical. In fact, I think Raylee still refers to it as the ‘dark age’.”

Despite my sour mood, I smile. “Try to be the one living it. It was darker than dark. It was… the inner ring of Hell.”

“Well, how’s Merit taking it?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know.”

Anxiety makes my heart pound. “She refused to talk to me last night. I barely had the truck in park when she raced inside her condo like an Olympic sprinter and deadbolted the door. After twenty minutes of me begging and pleading—and when her neighbor threatened to call the cops—I left. On top of that, she’s refused to answer any of my phone calls today.”

“Huh. That’s not good.”

Ridge. A man full of wisdom.

I keep my mouth shut so I don’t say something I’ll regret. My girl’s mad at me; the last thing I need is for my best friend to be mad at me too.

“So, what are you gonna do?” he asks.

“I’m headed over to her condo now. I’m gonna stand outside like a fool until she agrees to talk to me. Let the cops come. Let the fucking army come. I’m not going anywhere until she talks to me.”

Ridge’s voice lowers, growing serious. “And she’s worth making a fool of yourself?”

“Ridge, I’d become a fucking court jester for this woman.”

“Welp, that tells me all I need to know, man. Good luck is the only thing I can tell ya.”

“Thanks, brother.”

We hang up the phone and ten minutes later, I’m banging on her front door. After a few minutes, I call out to her. “Merit, I know you’re here. I see your car in the parking lot.”

Of course, she refuses to answer.

I brace myself against the door, leaning closer. A warm feeling courses through my body, calming the worry swimming through the pit of my stomach. “Mer, I can feel you. Leaning against the door, looking at me through the peephole. I know you’re there. And you know I’m not leaving until we talk. Please don’t ignore me anymore. Let me in. Please.”

After a few beats, I hear the turn of the deadbolt and the slide of the chain lock. She doesn’t open the door, but at least she’s unlocked it. I assume that’s the only invitation she’s going to give. Holding my breath, I open the door and walk into her condo. She doesn’t even turn around to acknowledge me.

But that’s okay.

Just the sight of her alleviates some of the pounding pressure in my head. And my heart.

A pressure, a need.

A need to make her understand. To make her forgive my horrible decision from the past.

And trust me, that’s what Delaney was.

A horrible decision, so full of regret.

And the pathetic thing is I knew the outcome before I even opened my own condo door to Delaney that night.

Poor judgment doesn’t even come close to describing it.

I stare at her backside, gazing at her body as she slowly meanders her way back to the couch. She’s wearing gray cotton shorts that are so short I can almost see the fold of her ass cheeks. Knowing Merit, there’s no way she would wear this outside of the house. Her hair is tangled in a lopsided ponytail, and her baggy sweatshirt falls down her shoulder, giving me a glimpse of her green tank top.

I don’t see a bra strap, and that thought alone makes my mouth dry.

She plops down on the sofa, dragging a white blanket across her legs, still avoiding my gaze.

I lift the bulging fast-food bag in the air and shake it. “Hungry? I brought double cheeseburgers and fries.”

She sniffs the air like a hungry little hound dog. She wants to ignore me; I know she does. But…Merit is curious. As always. She turns her head just a millimeter and discreetly looks at me from underneath her dark lashes. She’s trying to see what store name is on the food bag, but she’s out of luck—it’s plain white. When I tell her where it’s from, I can almost hear her stomach growl from across the room.

“I’m not hungry.”

I take a look around. Based on the yogurt container sitting on the kitchen counter and the protein bar wrapper on the coffee table, I’d beg to differ. After pulling two bottles of water from the fridge, I make my way over to the couch, and I pretend it doesn’t fucking shred my heart into small bits when she pulls her legs away, scrunching against the corner so she doesn’t have the slightest chance of touching me. I spread the food out—placing hers gently in front of where she’s sitting—and start eating my own.

I eat like my life depends on it, praying that she gives in. Praying that she makes it a little easier for me. Eventually, she sighs dramatically and starts devouring her own meal.

We eat in complete silence.

Even the television is muted, frozen on whatever movie she was watching. I can’t tell what it is, but I know it’s an old one, of course. And even though it’s still a hundred degrees outside, there’s a Christmas tree on the screen.

I toss my trash in the empty bag and lean back. “Are you watching a Christmas movie?”

She grabs the remote and turns off the TV. “It’s my favorite movie.” She has a little bit of burger and fries left, but instead of throwing them away, she carefully wraps them up and takes them to the fridge.

“What movie is it?” I ask.

She spins around, leaning against the counter. Her face is hidden in the dim light, but I see her shoulder shrug. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

She stands a little straighter. “What do you want, Holt? Why did you come over?”

“You know why I came over. We need to talk.”

She’s standing like a statue. It’s probably the same way she stood next to Edward a thousand times over.

And I hate it.

She looks down at the floor. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Mer, if you think I’m giving up that easy, then you’ve got another thing coming.”

After a second, she growls and holds her head high. The Merit I know is in there finally making an appearance. “Fine. You wanna talk? I’ll listen. Only because I have nothing better to do.” She stomps back over and flops down, once again sitting as far away from me as humanly possible. The leather makes a sticky sound against her thighs as she shifts. “Just say what you have to say and get out. Sir .”

For the first time since my arrival, she looks at me head-on, and what I see rips the breath from my lungs. I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to breathe again.

Her eyes are bloodshot and swollen. Her cheeks are ruddy, and the tip of her nose is raw from blowing it. Glancing behind her, I see the side table is covered in tissues.

She’s been crying.

Over me.

Over us.

My hand darts out, eager to pull her into my arms, but she tsks me, hissing like a snake.

I tug the ballcap off my head and twirl it around on my fingers before setting it on the coffee table, stalling for time, trying to figure out how to get the jumble of words and emotions from my brain to my mouth. I guess I’ll start with the simple stuff first. “Have you checked out the Internet today?”

“You mean have I seen our pictures from the football game plastered all over every tabloid blog and social media account? Yep. My family called. Their phones have been ringing off the hook. Even my granny’s sewing club from church called her and wanted the scoop.” She grabs at her blanket, fiddling with the fringe. “At least Chloe’s pictures didn’t make me look like some kind of troll.”

She looked beautiful. She always looks beautiful.

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugs. “I knew it would happen. You warned me. I was just surprised that Chloe didn’t give my name.” She snorts, “Although, it didn’t take long for people to figure out who ‘ local area family friend ’ was. People are posting my name in the comments. They’re writing about me—my customers, Edward’s old friends, even my middle school English teacher.”

“And that bothers you? People knowing about you? Knowing about us?”

She stares at me. Her eyes are void of the vibrant greens and yellows that I’ve come to love. They’re dull and lifeless. The only streaks of color are the red blood vessels branding her.

A roadmap of her tears.

She shakes her head. “Funny thing is, Holt, it doesn’t bother me near as much as you and Delaney.” Her lips thin. “That’s what bothers me… you and her.”

“There is no me and Delaney.”

“But there was. And you lied. And those two things break my heart.”

And those words break mine. My voice is thick in my throat, choking me. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for being with her? Or sorry for lying to me?”

“I didn’t—”

She sits up straight, raising her voice. “And don’t say you didn’t lie! Downplaying it and not admitting what it was is the same.”

I open my mouth, but she cuts me off.

“And I’m not saying you should’ve told me everything about your past. But, c’mon! You lived with the woman! I mean, she’s here ... in the same town as you. Plus, she used to work for Edward. Couldn’t you put two and two together? You have a college degree, damn it. Think!”

A small flurry of excitement blossoms in my chest. I’m crushed that Merit is upset; I’m beyond devastated knowing that I’ve hurt her.

But…

Her fire? Her passion?

Even though it’s in anger, a small part of me is so glad to finally see it. To be the one who brought this energy out of her.

The Merit I met a few weeks ago kept this part of herself hidden. And she sure as hell never would’ve shown this side of herself to Edward.

“I had no idea she worked for Edward. I had no idea she was the one he had an affair with. I promise. If I had, I would’ve told you.” I sigh. “We don’t run in the same crowds. Believe it or not, we haven’t even bumped into each other since I moved back home. I’ve been home almost two years now, and last night is the first time that I’ve seen her.”

“You didn’t know?” she asks, her eyebrows lifting up in suspicion. “No one posted anything about her? She didn’t try to tag you in something or whatever the hell you call it.”

I can’t help it. I laugh.

Which Merit doesn’t like.

I scrub my hand across my mouth, literally wiping the smile from my face. That’s definitely one of the things I love about Merit. She’s oblivious to social media. Sure, she has stuff for the shop, but Kyra actually does all the posts. Merit has nothing personal out there.

Well, she didn’t. Until today.

I confess, I did read some of the comments on the tabloid pages. I’m thrilled to report that her middle school English teacher found her bright and eager, with a wonderful aptitude for diagramming sentences.

“Mer, you know I don’t have social media. You know I quit all of that stuff the second I could.” When I was in the NFL, I was forced to keep up with all the latest technology. I was even required to create a certain number of posts each week, and that quota increased if I didn’t meet the magical number of likes and reposts that the bigwigs wanted to see.

“She didn’t call you?”

“When things ended, I changed my phone number.”

She chews on her plump bottom lip. “Who ended it?”

“Me.”

“Why?”

“You want the long answer or the short answer?”

She thinks for a few seconds, weighing the heaviness of my question. “I have to know, Holt. For my own sanity, I have to know everything.”

I nod, wishing I didn’t have to rehash the worst time of my life. And trust me, it was bad. Much worse than injuring myself and ending my whole football career.

Bile rises in my throat. My body physically tortures itself when I have to say her name. “Delaney. We met back in high school. I went over to Ella’s school to see her for something, and Delaney was there. She was a year younger than me. She flirted, so being a male teenager, obviously I asked her out. I think we went on three dates before I cut things off. I told her I needed to focus on football. The truth was, I could see the writing on the wall. Her true colors started to show after just the first date. Calling and texting all the time, even when she knew I was in school or at practice. She seemed normal enough, but something was just off . I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I could definitely sense she had a manipulative side.”

My mind swirls with a memory, like water running down a drain. “She was a snob. Her dad is a big-time financial advisor, and he’s also a State Senator. So, of course, they never hurt for money. I remember taking her to a movie, and this girl Beth was working as an usher. She went to the same school as me. I didn’t really know her because we hung out in different crowds. She was really smart, but also really shy. Well, we were late to the movie because Delaney took so long getting ready. Beth held a flashlight for us so we could make it up the stairs. I remember Delaney making a comment about how old and stained and ugly Beth’s shoes were.” I look down at the floor, shaking my head in shame. “I know Beth heard her. And I didn’t say a damn thing. I kept my mouth shut.” I lift my head, searching for Merit. “Later, I overhead some teachers talking. They were talking about donating money so Beth could pay for an overnight field trip. Her parents had filed bankruptcy because of medical bills. Her mom had cancer.”

Merit’s already sad face frowns. “That’s so sad.”

“I know. I never forgave myself for not saying something.” I swallow, trying to move on. “Anyway, Delaney wasn’t too happy that I didn’t want to date her anymore. She called and texted so much after I ended things that I had to block her number. She showed up at my practices and games, telling everyone she was my girlfriend. I made the mistake one time of telling her she looked nice in her cheer uniform. She wore the damn thing everywhere after that. After a few months, she finally gave up. She started dating someone new. But I still did my best to avoid her whenever I could.”

Merit’s brow furrows. “I don’t understand. You lived together? You went on one date, maybe a few, and then moved in with her? Your parents let you live with a girl while you were in high school?”

She’s so freakin’ funny.

“Mer…do Ray and Teresa really seem like the kind of parents who would let their seventeen-year-old son move in with a sixteen-year-old girl?” I ask, referring to my parents by their names and chuckling.

Instead of answering, she folds her arms across her chest and pouts, casting daggers my way.

More like steak knives.

Very large and very sharp steak knives.

“Sorry. I’ll finish.” She nods curtly, and I pick up where I left off. “After college, I was drafted to the North Carolina Bearcats. I moved up there and bought my condo. I was midway through my first season and going through a little bit of a depression. So much had changed in my life in such a short time. I was vying for play time with the veteran quarterback. And I missed the fun of the game.”

I drag my hand through my hair, scratching my scalp. “Don’t get me wrong, college ball was hard. My coaches worked us. They took me from childhood into manhood. But through it all, it was still fun . But all of a sudden, I wasn’t having fun anymore. I had a job. Knowing that my whole livelihood was riding on how well I performed was a tough pill to swallow. I mean, I wanted to be able to support my parents when they retired, the rest of the family, you know?”

I take a deep breath. So deep my lungs burn. “One night, Delaney just showed up at my door.”

“Uninvited?” Merit asks.

I nod. “I don’t know how she found out where I lived, or how she made it to North Carolina from Alabama, or how she even got past the doorman.”

Her eyes flicker to the darkened television. “But you didn’t send her away?”

I wish I could say yes. But that would be a lie.

And I don’t lie to Merit.

“No, I didn’t. I was so relieved to see someone from home. Someone who knew me before I was an overnight millionaire.”

“So relieved you immediately gave her a key and her own toothbrush?” Despite the anger in her tone, her voice quivers. It reminds me of a plastic bag shaking in the wind.

There’s no point in sugarcoating it. “I guess you could say that.”

“Seriously? I was joking.”

“I didn’t know me inviting her in would lead to a relationship, would lead to us living together. If I had known that, I would’ve slammed the door in her face.”

Merit pretends to scratch her eye, but really, she’s wiping at a tear.

“She came in…” I shrug, trying to find the right words, “and she just didn’t leave.”

Merit shakes her head, a grimace of disbelief etched on her face. “I don’t even understand what you’re saying. Why didn’t you just ask her to leave?”

“Well, at first, I skirted around the subject, trying not to be rude.”

She closes her eyes. Her eyelashes fan across her face, granting her a look of calm in the midst of her sadness and fury. “You mean, you didn’t wanna throw the woman you just slept with out to the curb.”

I try to play it smart and not specifically answer that question. “Every day I would leave for work, and she would come up with some excuse as to why she needed to stay, saying that she would just lock up for me when she left. But when I came home, she would still be there. With more of her stuff—clothes, shoes, toiletries. Everything.”

Her eyes slowly open. The swirls of brown shift, dancing in her watery eyes like falling ribbon.

Despite the seriousness of our conversation, my body reacts to hers. I shift in my seat, trying to adjust my growing problem, because I don’t think Merit would necessarily appreciate me sporting an erection while I’m talking about living with Delaney.

“I could’ve put a stop to it if I really wanted to. But, like I said, I was lonely and depressed. It felt good to come home to someone. Someone kind and gentle and attentive. It felt good to have a friend. I knew she was putting on an act. Delaney’s been a lot of things to a lot of people over the years, and kind has never been one of them. But I ignored it. I knew she was lying, and I ignored it so I could pretend to be blissfully happy.”

“So, what happened?” Merit reaches for the box of tissues. When she sees that it’s empty, she lifts her shirt and wipes her nose.

Definitely not something anyone else would’ve done. Not Delaney. Not Bunny. Not the supermodel.

And I fucking love her for it.