Page 14

HOLT

“So, tell me about your store, Merit.” Nancy leans forward in her seat. “I wish there had been a children’s shoe store in town when Nate was little. It was a pain trying to find church shoes for him.”

Merit lights up like a Christmas tree. Her hazel eyes sparkle underneath the lights of the patio. I love watching her talk about the store. I guess it’s like me and football.

“What’s the name of it?” Jeff asks. “Jump something?”

“ Run and Jump and Twirl .”

My mom shifts a sleeping Ty on her lap. “That’s so unusual. How’d you come up with it?”

“My grandma. When I was growing up, there was a children’s store a couple of towns away, and my granny was always the one who took me shopping for new shoes. Every time I would try them on, she’d say, ‘Now, run and jump and twirl. Make sure they fit.’ It always stuck with me.”

My dad smiles. “That’s such a nice sentiment. Is your grandmother still with us?”

Merit softly clears her throat. “She is. My grandfather passed away when I was in high school, but Granny is still in very good health. She lives with my parents.”

Cullen opens a fresh beer. “They must be very proud.”

Merit turns bashful, looking down and politely folding her hands in her lap. I can’t help myself. I reach across, grab her hand, and bring it to my mouth, planting a gentle kiss on her skin. When I return her hand to her lap, I use the situation to my advantage. I plant my palm on her upper thigh, tethering myself to her. It doesn’t go unnoticed by me that she stops breathing. It also doesn’t go unnoticed by me that her eyes dart around the table to see who’s watching us.

And when she sees that everyone is watching us?

Well, she squeaks underneath her breath like a baby bird and tries to discreetly wriggle from my grasp.

She doesn’t have any luck.

Why? Because I don’t have any plans of letting her go.

Observing our interaction, Crutch chuckles and pushes away from the table. “I’ll go check on the kids.”

After they swam and ate, Nate started a movie for them in the theater room. He was supposed to come back out and join us, but if I had to guess, Laura guilt-tripped him into watching it with them.

Ella stands up and reaches for him. He’s not looking in her direction, but he immediately senses her and turns back to his wife. She whispers in his ear, and he nods. “I’ll go with him. We’ll be right back.”

After about ten minutes, they all come out of the house, kids included. Anna rushes over, worms her way between me and Merit, and hops up on my lap. I kiss the top of her head. For some strange reason, I love it when she smells like chlorine. “We had to stop the movie. Smelly Ellie has something to tell us.”

“She does?” I ask, looking over at my cousin.

“Well, we actually have something to give Laura. And we wanted you all to be a part of it.”

Crutch sits back down and pulls Laura onto his lap as Ella places a small box in front of her. It’s decorated in shiny silver wrapping paper.

Anna bounces. “Ohhhh, a present. Open it!”

Laura studies the box. “There’s still a couple of weeks before my birthday.”

Crutch laughs. “It’s a present, Little Girl. It doesn’t have to be your birthday or Christmas for us to give you a gift.”

Laura’s not like most kids. She thinks. A lot. And we can clearly see she’s thinking the entire time she unwraps her gift. Eventually, she pulls a silver bracelet from the box and gasps. “It’s beautiful.”

Ella leans over Crutch’s shoulder and spins the bracelet for Laura. “It’s a charm bracelet. You put little charms on it that remind you of special things. Or people or events. That way, you can always remember them. The older you get, the more charms you add.”

Anna leans forward, blocking everyone’s view with her head. “What are your charms?” she asks. I tug on her waistband, forcing her to sit back down.

Laura meticulously and methodically works her way through the bracelet. “This one is shaped like a baby. It has my name on it. Laura Margaret Crutchfield. And this one’s a book.” She smiles kindly. “Because I love to read.” She waits for us to nod and say how beautiful it is. “And this one’s a seashell.”

Crutch kisses her head. “To remember your first vacation to the beach.”

Anna basically screams in my ear. “Hey, that was with me! I was with you. Yay!”

“And this one is shaped like two hearts together. One inside the other.”

Ella points at it. “Your Mom picked that one. She said it’s always supposed to remind you of how much she loves you.”

When she gets to the last charm, Laura pushes her glasses up on her nose. She searches the table, making sure everyone’s eyes are on hers. When she sees Nate on his phone, she not so subtly clears her throat. He rolls his eyes but quickly puts his phone away. It makes Ridge chuckle. “Smart man,” he says.

“And this one is a baby too.” She looks up at Crutch.

“Why don’t you check the other side,” he suggests.

She puts the charm so close to her face it nearly scratches her glasses. “Harlan Michael Crutchfield.” She gasps, just a half second before all the other women do.

Well, everyone but Merit. And that’s just because she has no idea what the hell is going on.

“It’s a boy!” Laura squeals. “You found out it’s a boy?”

Ella wipes her eye before a tear can escape. “Yes, this morning. I had the jeweler add the script as a rush.”

Everyone showers them with congratulations, including Merit. And the smile on her face tells me her words are sincere. Sincere and heartfelt. That smile is definitely not her fake smile.

“What a wonderful name, strong and perfectly unique,” she says.

Crutch smiles. “Thanks.” He steals a glance at Ella. “It’s a family name.”

We’re all excitedly talking about the baby when Merit’s phone vibrates with an incoming call. She checks the caller ID, silences it, and turns it face down on the table. It happens two more times. Eventually, she sighs and whispers an apology to me before excusing herself. She’s gone just long enough to pique my curiosity, and I’m about to go in search of her when she walks back to the patio table and sits down next to me.

I lift an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

She leans close, trying not to garner everyone’s attention, but that’s hard to do because there’s a slight lull in the conversation now that the kids have gone back inside and Raylee is trying to explain the different bottle types to Ella via a very complicated article on the Internet.

“I’m so sorry. It was one of my delivery guys. There was a mix-up with his route, and he needs to drop-off my order at seven tomorrow morning instead of eleven.”

Dana leans forward in her seat, not even pretending she didn’t hear what Merit said. “From what Raylee and Teresa tell me, you’re always at your store, Merit. You must work some crazy hours.”

I watch Merit’s face turn a sexy little shade of pink. “But I love it.”

I lean back in my chair and fold my arms behind my head. Merit’s eyes widen in hunger. I bite back my smile, doing my best to ignore her gaze. Because if I don’t? I might just toss her across this patio table and have my way with her.

In front of my parents.

And that’s just fucking gross.

“What she needs is more help. She needs to hire another part-time worker,” I add.

And now… Merit’s fiery little attitude is back.

I love it.

“Well, as I’ve explained to Holt, I’m trying to pay off a business debt, so every penny I save is a penny less I owe.”

“That’s certainly admirable,” says Jeff. “But take it from one small business owner to another, you have to be careful of burnout. You work too many hours and think you have to do it all yourself? You may very well turn your dream into a nightmare.”

Will nods. “Exactly. Having Cullen come in as my partner at the bar? Best decision I ever made.”

Needing to feel the heat of her body, I reach over and run my hand across the smooth skin of her thigh, leaving chill bumps in my wake. “See? That makes perfect sense.”

She watches intently as my fingers squeeze her supple skin. Her head lifts, and her kaleidoscope eyes bore into me. “Perhaps your concern is more self-serving?” she questions me, her comment laced with seriousness and a slight edge of anger.

I answer truthfully. “No, not more self-serving. I’m equally self-serving. I want more time with you, yes. But I do worry about burn-out. And you being in the shop alone at night.”

“I’m safe.”

“Until you’re not.”

She doesn’t answer, but she does furrow her brow. She’s absorbing the information, really thinking about it. And that’s all I can ask for at this point.

After a few moments, she snorts in disgusted resignation and sits back, shifting her leg in just the right way so my hand falls away. It takes only a split second for her to remember that we’re not alone. And it takes only two split seconds for her to cringe in embarrassment.

My whole family is sitting on the edge of their seats watching us, inhaling every last detail of our conversation, like they’re starved for air. Merit is mortified. Of course, I think it’s damn funny. Well, funny except for the part where she moved my hand away from her.

Ever the hero, Ridge comes to her rescue. “Well, speaking of early mornings, I have to report for shift at seven a.m. myself, so it’s about time for me to call it a night.”

Everyone else nods and begins to clear the table.

Merit snatches my wrist and pulls me close. “Oh no,” she whispers, “are they all leaving because of me?”

“Probably,” I say with a playful wink and stand up to carry some of the leftover plates into the kitchen.

It’s an hour before everything is cleaned up with everyone headed home, and now we’re in my truck making our way back to Merit’s condo. I catch her reflection in the darkened passenger window, and a soft smile curls on her lips. She’s thinking about something happy.

She looks content.

But that doesn’t mean I’m letting her off the hook.

I turn off the radio. “You got mad at me.”

Her smile quickly morphs into a frown. “No, I didn’t.”

That’s almost damn comical. “Mer? Seriously? You realize I can still see your face, right?”

She turns in her seat, ready to accuse me of lying, when I nod to the window. Realization dawns that I was looking at her reflection. She snorts and rolls her eyes, laughing at herself.

“So, care to answer that question again?”

“Yes, I did get mad at you. But it was just for a second. I can’t believe I did that in front of your parents, in front of everybody. It was so embarrassing.” Closing her eyes, she leans her head back against the seat. Her strands of brown, red, and black fan across the leather.

And I can’t help but think how fucking great it would look fanned across the pillow of my king-size bed.

She mumbles under her breath. “Now I understand why he said it was easier when I just kept my mouth shut.”

My ears perk up, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight. “Excuse me? When who said what ?”

She nonchalantly shoos me with her hand. “Oh, it’s nothing. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

My eyes scan the road, looking for the nearest place to pull over. When I throw the truck into park, she opens one eye and looks around. “Why’d you pull over?” Sitting up, she squints, looking at the building in front of us. She points to the darkened medical clinic. “Are you sick? The doc-in-a-box is already closed.” She furrows her brow, studying me like she has X-ray vision. “What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to the emergency room?”

I toss my ballcap onto the back seat and drag my hands through my hair. “Yep. There’s something wrong with me.”

Her eyes widen like saucers. “There is?” She blinks. “What’s hurting?”

“My heart.”

Her face pales. “Oh my god! Are you having a heart attack?”

She’s so damn funny.

I can’t help but laugh. “I’m not having a damn heart attack. I’m in agony because there’s too much you aren’t telling me. Those little comments of yours make me crazy. And I’m not driving another inch until you talk to me. Until you tell me what happened with Edward. What he did to you.”

Her excitement level drops like a lead anchor. “It’s just your imagination running away from you. I promise you’re making it out to be way more dramatic than it is.” She grunts, “I mean, than it was .”

I unbuckle my seat belt and get comfy. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that.”

She looks around, stalling for time, and spots a no parking sign on the side of the building. “You can’t just park here. It’s private property. We’ll get in trouble.”

She smiles triumphantly, like she’s actually won this battle.

Isn’t that cute.

Scrolling through the numbers on my phone, I find just the right one. He answers on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Steve. It’s Holt Hill.”

“Coach! Good to hear from you.” He rustles around on the other side. “It’s a little late. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s good. I’m sorry for calling so late. I’m actually pulled over in your parking lot right now. I know you probably have security cameras, so I just wanted to let you know so you wouldn’t worry if you saw a truck parked out front.”

“Something wrong with it? You need a jump? I’ve got cables.”

“No, my truck is running fine. I just needed a quiet place to talk to my girl.”

The good doctor pauses, trying to digest the information. “Oh. Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Well, we’ll see you on Friday night. Jake is really looking forward to the first game.”

“We all are. Thanks, Steve. And again, sorry for the late hour.”

By the time I hang up, Merit’s scowling at me. “So, I assume you know the owner of this fine establishment?”

“Yep. The doctor actually volunteers as our team athletic trainer. His son, Jake, is a junior. He’s our punter.”

“Oh,” she pouts.

I clear my throat, not giving her any leeway. I think I’ve made it more than clear that I’ve won this round.

Moving at a sloth’s pace, she unbuckles her own seat belt and leans back against the door, mimicking me. “Fine. What do you wanna know?”

“That’s a bullshit question. I wanna know everything.”

She folds her hands in her lap and circles her thumbs around and around. I’m on the verge of chastising her when she interrupts my thoughts. “He was my first boyfriend,” she says with a simple shrug. Her head cocks to the side in thought. “Well, I guess he’s been my only boyfriend.”

Burning cold anger swirls deep in my stomach.

If she thinks I’m not her boyfriend, she’s wrong.

Fucking dead wrong.

“I went to a small private school. Our county is pretty rural, and the public schools aren’t the best. My graduating class only had forty-eight. It was all the same kids I’ve known since kindergarten. The boys were more like my brothers. Dating one of them never even crossed my mind. It never crossed theirs, either. I mean, we didn’t even have a senior prom because it would’ve been just too weird. Instead, we had a big party at someone’s house.”

She shakes her hands, freeing them of their captivity and smiles softly. “Everything was so different when I came here for college. I mean, there were people everywhere. My American Civ class had more people in it than my entire high school. Everything was…big and overwhelming.

“I met Edward on my second day in college. I was in the campus bookstore. My arms were loaded down, and I couldn’t see what was below my feet. I tripped on a box. Books went flying everywhere, and I nearly busted my face on a metal shelf. But…he caught me. He asked me out, right then and there. My second day of college and someone had finally asked me out on a real date.” She purses her lips. “So, I said yes.”

I hate that she met him. I hate that she said yes.

I hate that he was her first date, her first boyfriend.

If only she had gone to a different university…

Then, it could’ve been me. It could’ve been us falling over each other in the bookstore. It could’ve been us all these years. I could’ve had an actual healthy relationship, instead of the useless, mindless shit I had.

The shit that made me skeptical of ever finding love. Love like my parents. Love like my sister. Love like my cousin.

Love like the one I now feel.

Fuck me… yeah, it’s there. My love for her is like a living organism, growing and thriving and multiplying every single day. In my blood, in my bone marrow. With every passing minute, Merit is feeding off my soul, replenishing my cells with more of her .

In high school and college, girls wanted the conquest of bedding the star quarterback. And once the NFL came calling, girls wanted the conquest of bedding the star quarterback who had a fat bank account. A bank account with more zeroes in it than the majority of the world will ever see. Hence, the lies that have been poured like molasses across my feet by other women, making it so heavy and sticky I can barely walk sometimes.

But Merit’s different. Isn’t she?

When I don’t immediately join the conversation, she lifts her eyebrows, silently asking me if I want more.

I’m not necessarily looking forward to hearing about her life with her peckerhead ex, but I need to know.

To know her, I need to know what happened to her.

What turned the goofy, happy girl with two broken arms into the woman who fake smiles and orders side salads?

I nod.

The corner of her mouth tilts up. “I was so excited. He was handsome and nice. And so mature. I mean, there I was, fresh from high school, and he was starting his second year of law school. I was completely shocked when he asked me out.” She softly chuckles. “We had our first date that night. From then on, we were together.”

“You never dated anyone else? I mean, y’all were exclusive?” I ask.

She snorts. “Well, I was exclusive. But now, I wonder if he was exclusive with me? I mean, looking back now, I wonder if he cheated on me back in college.” She sadly shakes her head. “I guess there’s no way to really know.”

“So, you’re saying he was a mega asshole back then too. It’s not just a recent development.”

She gifts me with a smile. “You could say that. An asshole gene embedded in his DNA, maybe?” She laughs at her own joke and accidentally hits her head against the truck window. “Ow,” she mumbles and rubs the back of her head. “Anyway, we got married the summer before my senior year.” She looks out the windshield, emotionally distancing herself from the next comment. “I caught him having an affair two years ago. I walked in on them. In our bedroom. We immediately separated and finalized the divorce about a year and a half ago.”

Well, that’s certainly a condensed version of events. “That doesn’t answer my question. What did he do to you?”

“I told you, he didn’t do anything.”

“Don’t lie, Merit.”

“Mmmm?”

“He might not have done something physical to you, but he sure as hell did something to your spirit, and more than just criticizing your bowling game. It’s written all over your face.”

She turns and stares out the windshield again.

“Tell me the truth.”

She looks down at her hands. She slowly lifts them, studying her fingers for a moment. Scoffing, she shakes them out and slides them underneath her thighs. “It happened slowly. I didn’t even realize it was happening. It was just small stuff, you know? I mean, he was my first boyfriend. I thought maybe all relationships were that way. Well, I mean, I knew my parents and grandparents were different, but I thought maybe you only reach their level of love and fun and comfort once you had been together for a really long time.” She swallows. “I guess that sounds silly, huh?”

It doesn’t sound silly. It sounds damn heartbreaking. “What started small? Tell me.”

“Suggestions. That’s the best way to describe it. Little suggestions here and there. ‘ Why don’t we go here to eat instead? Why don’t we do this instead of that? Let’s hang out with so-and-so tonight instead of your new friends.’ Before I knew it, he was politely telling me which classes to take. What to wear. Who to talk to. It got worse when we married and he passed the bar. He immediately started to work at the firm, and I had to be the perfect little wife to match with his perfect new career.”

My fist is clenched so tightly my muscles twitch. I drag my hand across my chin, scratching my facial hair and trying to loosen the tension coursing through my body. I give her an encouraging nod, not wanting to break her train of thought.

“My hands, for example. He said I move them too much when I talk. I accidentally knocked a drink out of his hand one time when we were at a bar in college. That’s when he told me to start folding my hands in front of me. He said it made me look refined.”

She shifts in her seat. “Black dresses. I always had to wear black dresses. I’ve always loved bright colors, but Edward said that wearing yellow to a business dinner made me look flippant. It always had to be those sexy, little black dresses. He said they made me look sophisticated. But some of them made me uncomfortable.”

Her eyes flare with anger, just thinking back on the past. “And every year, we had to go on vacation to the beach with some of his friends and their wives. Of course, he wanted me to look like all the other perfect women there. I had to wear a skimpy bikini with full hair and makeup. And jewelry! I had to wear full jewelry—to the beach; can you imagine? Let me tell you…it sucks to have a gold and diamond necklace stuck to your neck fat with sweat and sand.”

I nearly laugh.

Nearly.

“He didn’t want me to talk unless someone spoke to me. He said my accent made me sound like a country bumpkin. He didn’t want me to drink beer. He said it was uncouth for a woman. So, I had to drink wine. I freakin’ hate wine. It all tastes like it needs a cup full of sugar poured into it. Anytime we went out for dinner, I couldn’t order a big steak. All the other women in his life ordered salads and grilled fish. Well, grilled fish stinks! So, that only left salad. I couldn’t even clean my own house or mow my own yard. He always hired people to do it because manual labor was beneath me,” she says with air quotes. “I guess he forgot I spent my whole childhood playing in dirt and sod.”

She leans forward, scooting closer to me. “I never even had a chance to make real friends in college. We always had to hang out with his friends. I lost touch with all of my high school friends because he didn’t want me to talk on the phone. He said he wanted to be my best friend.”

Her lip trembles just a small fraction before she steels it. “He always made excuses for why he couldn’t go with me to visit my family.” She takes a defeated breath. “And he had a rule about children. We couldn’t even start trying to have a baby until I was thirty-four and he was forty. He was terrified that pregnancy would ruin my body. He said he needed to reach his sexual peak before I got all…” her voice trails off to a whisper, “fat and stretched out.”

That lowlife piece of shit.

I’m irate.

I’m blinded by rage.

Shaking her head of bad thoughts, she leans her elbows on the console of my truck, propping her chin in her hands. “You know what else? After the first year of dating, we didn’t even watch TV in the same room.” She tries to smile. “He couldn’t stand old movies.”

I study her face and the myriad of emotions hidden behind her curtain. And I read each one of them like a book. Pain, sadness, anger, annoyance. They’re all there, making Merit even more beautiful.

She blinks, waiting on me to say something.

I take a deep breath. “So, he tried to change you?”

“No. He tried to break me.”