Page 31

TWENTY-SEVEN

clodagh

I’m brimming with excitement and nervousness.

Today is my last day of exams before the Christmas break.

Once they’re finished, I’ll be heading home; packing a bag and driving to Dublin.

I’m so excited that I’ll be spending Christmas with Emmanuel, Tammy, and Lisa.

Which means it’s time to tell Lisa about Emmanuel and I.

As I leave the exam hall, I can't help but glance down at the engagement ring sparkling on my finger. A smile spreads across my face as I think about Emmanuel and our future together. But first, I have to face Lisa and tell her the truth about us.

I know she’ll be upset and hurt, but I know I did the right thing.

I needed to give Emmanuel and me the time to focus on our relationship, just as she needed with Maverick.

I’m so happy for my girl. She’s in love and happy.

Not only that, but she too is engaged. She called me not long after he proposed.

The guilt I felt when she told me hit me hard.

She’s been so open and honest with me about her and Maverick’s relationship and yet I’ve hidden mine for the longest time.

Sliding into my car, I glance at the time.

I’ve got an hour to get to the doctor’s appointment.

The past few weeks, I’ve not been feeling the best. I had put it down to stress, especially with Emmanuel gone, but I went to the doctors for a blood test and just a general check up.

Today, I get the results from that test. I’m slightly nervous about what they’ll say, but I’m really hoping it’ll just be from stress.

I try to calm my nerves as I sit in the doctor's waiting room.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions—the joy of getting engaged to Emmanuel, the stress of final exams, and now this lingering worry about my health.

I fidget with my engagement ring, the weight of it still unfamiliar but comforting on my finger.

"Clodagh O'Rourke?" the nurse calls. I stand, taking a deep breath before following her to the examination room.

Dr. Valls enters a few minutes later, a warm smile on her face. "Hello Clodagh, how are you feeling today?"

"A bit nervous, to be honest," I admit. "But otherwise okay."

She nods understandingly. "Well, I have your test results here. Your blood work came back normal for the most part, but there is one thing that stood out." She pauses, her expression softening. "Clodagh, you're pregnant."

The world seems to stop for a moment as her words sink in. Pregnant? My hand instinctively goes to my stomach.

"I... what?" I stammer, my mind reeling. "But I'm on birth control..."

Dr. Valls nods. "Birth control isn't one hundred percent effective, as you know. Based on your hormone levels, I'd estimate you're about twelve weeks along."

Twelve weeks. My mind races back, counting the days. It must have happened right around the time Emmanuel proposed.

"Are you okay, Clodagh?" Dr. Valls asks gently. "I know this must be a shock."

I nod slowly, still processing. "Yeah, I'm just... surprised. My fiancé and I hadn't planned on this happening so soon."

"Well, you have options," she begins, but I shake my head.

"No, I... we want this baby," I say, surprising myself with how certain I feel. "It's just unexpected."

Dr. Valls smiles. "Alright then. Let's talk about prenatal care and what you can expect in the coming months."

The rest of the appointment passes in a blur of information about vitamins, diet, and future check-ups.

As I leave the clinic, my hand rests on my still-flat stomach.

I'm going to have a baby. Emmanuel and I are going to be parents. The doctor managed to fit me in with a scan this evening. I’m supposed to be going back to Dublin tonight, but I know Emmanuel will be okay with me missing the girls’ night out Lisa invited me to.

Lisa is meeting up with a few of Maverick’s friends' wives. I was apprehensive about going as I don’t really know any of them. Thankfully, I now have an excuse.

I pull out my cell and call Emmanuel. Now isn’t the time to tell him. It can wait until I’m home in his arms.

“Hey, baby, everything okay? How did the exam go?”

"Hey," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "The exam went fine. I’m hoping I aced it. I have a last minute doctor's appointment about my migraines," I lie. Emmanuel has asked me a few times to get an appointment and see if the doctor can do anything about them.

There's a pause on the other end of the line. "Is everything okay, Clodagh?" Emmanuel asks, concern evident in his voice. I love that he cares and I know he’ll worry.

"Yeah, everything's fine," I assure him quickly. "They managed to squeeze me in, which is great, so I’ll be heading back to Dublin right after the appointment."

"Alright," he says, though I can tell he's not entirely convinced. "You're sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure," I say with a smile. God, I really am so lucky to have him. "I love you, Emmanuel. I'll see you tonight."

"I love you too, baby. Text me when you’re leaving."

After we hang up, I take a deep breath. I hate keeping things from Emmanuel, but I want to tell him about the baby in person. This isn't news you share over the phone.

I’m in a daze for the rest of the afternoon. I deep-cleaned the apartment, changed the sheets, scrubbed every surface I could find — but none of it helps. I’m still a mess.

* * *

The technician is friendly and chatty as she prepares me for the scan. "First baby?" she asks with a smile.

I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

God, this is all so surreal. I wish Emmanuel were here, but he’s needed in Dublin.

The past two months have been hectic with work for him.

I’m far from stupid; I know exactly what he does.

He’s a killer; in fact, a sharp shooter.

It didn’t take me long to work it out. While it terrifies me that he could be caught or even worse, killed, I know it’s who he is and I love him.

I just pray nothing will ever happen to him.

"Don't worry, love. This is the exciting part," the technician assures me as she spreads gel on my stomach.

As she moves a wand over my abdomen, I hold my breath. And then, suddenly, there it is on the screen—a tiny baby with a flickering heartbeat.

"There's your baby," the technician says softly. "Looks to be about twelve weeks along, just as the doctor estimated. Everything looks perfect."

Tears spring to my eyes as I stare at the screen. That's my baby. Mine and Emmanuel's.

The technician begins to measure everything, making sure everything is okay.

I’m unable to pull my gaze from the screen.

God, so beautiful. I never expected this to happen.

Sure, a few years down the line, maybe, but now?

No. But watching our baby on the screen, I can’t believe that we’re going to be parents, that the beautiful baby is ours.

"Would you like a picture to take home?" the technician asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yes, please," I manage to say through the tears.

It takes a while to get cleaned up, but I leave the clinic clutching the ultrasound photo. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. I just pray Emmanuel will feel the same.

Entering the apartment, it’s already dark outside and I hate driving in the dark, but I’m so excited to head back to Dublin and spend Christmas with everyone I love.

The past three years, I’ve spent Christmas here in Galway with Emmanuel.

Tammy joined us last year and I promised her I’d be in Dublin this year.

I start to pack my bags. I’ll be in Dublin for at least two weeks.

I only have six months of college left and then I’ll be back in Dublin full time.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with my degree in business management but that will come once I actually complete my degree.

I also want to visit my family at the cemetery. It’s been so long since I went. I still miss them every single day, and my heart hurts knowing they’ll never meet my baby or see me walk down the aisle, but I know they’ll be happy that I am and I hold that close to me.

I zip up my bag, taking one last look around the apartment to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. I have my purse, which holds the sonogram picture, something I can’t wait to show Emmanuel the moment I see him. As I grab my keys and head for the door, I pause, my hand resting on my stomach.

"Well, little one," I whisper, "are you ready for your first road trip to Dublin?"

I can’t stop the smile that forms on my lips. This is going to be one of the best Christmases I have ever had.

Climbing into the car, I see it’s almost eight p.m. I’m going to have to stop off and grab something to eat on the go.

It takes around three hours to get there, so it’ll be almost eleven o’clock when I arrive in Dublin.

The only positive thing about this is that it’ll be late and the traffic won’t be as bad.

I quickly send a text to Emmanuel, letting him know I’m finally leaving.

God, this day is perfect. I’m so damn happy.