Page 26

TWENTY-TWO

clodagh

“Clodagh,” I hear Lisa sigh heavily. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I glance over at Emmanuel. He’s currently on his phone too, but standing out on the balcony as he speaks to whomever is on the other line. It’s been two days since my birthday party, and we’re still holed up in his apartment.

“I’m okay,” I assure her. “Why do you ask?” She has no idea about Emmanuel, and I plan on keeping it that way for a while.

I just want to see what happens between us before I put a label on it.

Not to mention, Lisa will probably be pissed.

After the kiss, I vowed to get over him, and I tried. I really did.

"I don't know. You just sound... different," Lisa says, her voice laced with concern. "And you haven't been answering your phone much these past couple days. I was starting to worry. Since your birthday, you've been distant. Are you sure you're okay?"

I bite my lip, feeling a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry. I've just been... busy. You know, catching up on schoolwork after the party and all. I promise, I'm fine."

There's a pause on the other end of the line. "Clodagh," Lisa says slowly, "you know you can tell me anything, right? If something's going on..."

I close my eyes, hating that I'm keeping things from my best friend. But I'm not ready to share this yet, not when I'm still figuring it out myself.

"I know, Lisa," I say softly. "And I appreciate that. I promise everything's fine. I'm just... adjusting to college life, you know?"

Lisa sighs again. "Okay, if you say so. But remember, I'm here if you need me."

"I know," I say, smiling despite myself. "Thanks, Lisa. I'll call you soon, okay?"

After we hang up, I look back out at Emmanuel. He's just finished his call and is making his way back inside, a serious expression on his face.

"Everything okay?" I ask as he slides the balcony door shut behind him.

Emmanuel runs a hand through his hair, something he does a lot when he’s frustrated. "Just some business back in Dublin," he says vaguely. "Nothing for you to worry about."

I nod. I know he works for Jerry Houlihan, and I know better than to ask about the stuff that goes on within the Houlihan Gang. I’ve lived through enough violence; I don’t need to know the ins and outs of what he does.

“Just be safe, yeah?” I say softly. It’s hard to believe how much I care for him. Our lives have been entwined for so many years, I feel as though it was fate we ended up here. The question is, will it last?

Emmanuel's expression softens as he approaches me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Always," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "How about you? Everything okay with Lisa?"

I nod, leaning into his embrace. "Yeah, she's just worried about me. I haven't been very responsive these past couple of days."

Emmanuel pulls back slightly, his brow furrowed. "Do you want to tell her about us?"

I bite my lip, considering. "I don't know. Part of me wants to, but... I'm afraid of how she'll react. And I kind of like having this just between us for now."

He nods, understanding in his eyes. "Whatever you decide, I'll support you. Just know that I'm not going anywhere, Clodagh. This isn't just a fling for me."

His words make my heart skip a beat. "It's not for me either," I admit softly.

Emmanuel smiles that rare, genuine smile that makes my knees weak. He leans in, capturing my lips in a tender kiss that quickly deepens. As I lose myself in the kiss, I can't help but think about how much has changed in just a few days.

When we finally break apart, both slightly breathless, Emmanuel rests his forehead against mine. "I have to head back to Dublin tomorrow," he says reluctantly.

My heart sinks a little at his words. I knew it was coming; I just didn’t know when. He’s only just got here and now he has to go again. "For how long?"

"A few days, maybe a week," he replies, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. "I'll come back as soon as I can."

I nod, trying to hide my disappointment. "I understand. You have responsibilities there."

Emmanuel tilts my chin up, making me meet his gaze. "Hey, this doesn't change anything between us. I meant what I said about wanting to be part of your life."

"I know," I say, offering him a small smile. "It's just... I'll miss you."

His eyes soften. "I'll miss you too, baby. But we'll talk every day, and I'll be back before you know it."

As I look into his eyes, I see the sincerity there. Despite how uncertain I feel about us, I find myself believing him. Trusting him. I’ve always felt safe with Emmanuel and I still do.

"Okay," I whisper, pressing closer to him. "But let's make the most of tonight, yeah?"

Emmanuel's eyes darken with desire. "Absolutely," he growls, before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me toward the bedroom.

He walks us through his apartment and into his room, where he lies me down on top of the sheets of the bed. I get a swarm of butterflies in my stomach when he looks at me. His lips press against mine, and I’m lost in the kiss. Lost in him. I curl my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me.

The kiss steals my breath away, leaving my heart racing and my stomach clenching.

My breaths come in short, needy gasps as he takes his time, deliberately sliding each piece of clothing off my skin.

The anticipation is almost unbearable as I watch him slowly strip out of his own clothes.

Once he stands naked before me, he approaches with a predatory grace, his mesmerizing eyes locked onto mine—not straying to my body, but fixed on my face.

The intensity in his gaze is electrifying, making me feel as though I am the center of his universe, the only woman who matters.

He climbs onto the bed and hovers over me. “So beautiful,” he whispers as he positions his cock at my entrance. “I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you.”

My breath hitches at his words. God, what is he doing to me? I’m falling harder and harder for him.

He slides into me, slowly pushing his cock into me. Filling me up inch by inch. Stretching me with his thick length. I cry out as he bottoms out inside of me. God, it only gets better.

“Emmanuel,” I gasp, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist, pulling him even further into me.

His gaze hasn’t once wavered from my face, his expression soft and filled with an emotion I can’t identify. His movements are slow and precise.

“That’s it,” he urges as I match his pace, our thrusts in sync. I can’t stop grinding against his cock, loving the thrill that hits me as my clit presses against his pubic bone.

“Yes,” I hiss, his hands tightening around my hips. I try to quicken the pace but his fingers bite into my skin. “Please?” I plead with him.

He shakes his head. “No,” he growls, but he softens the blow by pressing his lips down against mine. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, tangling with mine as he steals my breath away. “I want it this way,” he growls, tearing his lips from mine.

I nod, unable to speak right now as he thrusts deep inside of me, his pace still painfully slow. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

“Good girl, baby. Take what I give you.”

His eyes stay on mine, giving me every ounce of his attention as he fucks me like he means it. It’s not long until my pleasure is rising. It’s a slow build, but with each thrust it rises a little more.

“Come for me, baby, soak my cock with your juices. I want to feel your pussy ripple around my cock,” he tells me, his teeth bared, his thrusts deeper, but his pace stays the same. Easy and filled with passion.

My orgasm shatters over me and I cry out his name, my entire body burning as I come. He grits his teeth and pushes into me once more, his cock sliding into me, and then he releases his cum inside of me, grunting my name as he does.

He tucks his head into my shoulder and shudders as he finishes coming. “Fuck, Clo, nothing has ever felt as good as being inside of you.” I tighten my arms around him, loving that he feels the same as I do.

He pulls out of me and collapses on the bed beside me, his arms going around me and pulling me into his side.

“When I’m gone,” he says thickly, his arms tightening around me. “I want you to stay here.”

I tense against him. What? I lift my head so I can see him. He’s got his don’t argue with me look on his face. “I have a dorm room,” I tell him pointedly. “One that I pay rent for. Why would I stay here when I have an apartment?”

Emmanuel's expression softens as he looks at me. "I know you have your own place, Clodagh. But I'd feel better knowing you were here, where it's more secure. At least while I'm away."

I frown, pulling back slightly. "What do you mean, more secure? Is there something you're not telling me?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It's nothing specific. I just... I worry about you, especially when I'm not here to protect you."

"Emmanuel," I say slowly, "I appreciate your concern, but I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for months now."

His jaw clenches. "I know that. But things are different now. We're... together. And that could potentially make you a target."

My heart races at his words. "A target? For who?"

Emmanuel hesitates, clearly struggling with how much to tell me. "There are people who might want to use you to get to me. It's just a precaution, Clodagh. Nothing's happened, and I intend to keep it that way."

I sit up, wrapping the sheet around me. "So what, am I supposed to just hide away in your apartment forever? That's not the kind of life I want, Emmanuel."

He sits up too, his eyes narrowed. "No, of course not. I'm not asking you to change your whole life. I just... I need to know you're safe when I'm not here. Just for now, while we figure things out."

I look at him, seeing the genuine concern in his eyes. Part of me wants to argue, to assert my independence, but another part understands his worry. After everything we've been through, maybe a little extra caution isn't such a bad thing.

"Okay," I say finally. "I'll stay here while you're gone. But I have classes and a life. I won’t be stuck inside all day."

Relief washes over Emmanuel's face. "Thank you," he says softly, pulling me into his arms. "I promise I'll make it up to you when I get back."

As I settle against his chest, I can't help but wonder what I'm getting myself into. This relationship with Emmanuel is new and exciting, but it's also complicated. There's so much pain from our past, not to mention so much we don’t know about one another.

But as I listen to the steady beat of his heart, I realize that I'm willing to face those challenges. Because being with Emmanuel, as scary and uncertain as it might be, feels right. It feels like coming home.

"Just promise me one thing," I murmur against his skin.

"Anything," he replies without hesitation.

"Promise me you'll always be honest with me. Even if you think the truth might scare me or push me away. I need to know I can trust you completely."

Emmanuel tilts my chin up, his eyes meeting mine with unwavering intensity. "I promise, Clodagh. No more secrets between us." Emmanuel's voice is solemn, his eyes never leaving mine.

I nod, feeling a mixture of relief and apprehension. "Okay. Thank you."

He pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Get some sleep, baby. We'll talk more in the morning before I leave."

I fall to sleep tucked safely in his arms. I’m falling so hard for him and I don’t want to stop it. It’s always been Emmanuel for me.

* * *

I hear rustling and I wake to find Emmanuel already dressed, packing a small bag. My heart sinks. Our time together is coming to an end, at least for now.

"Hey," he says softly when he notices I'm awake. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I sit up, pulling the sheet around me. "It's okay. What time do you have to leave?"

He winces. “Soon. I was going to say goodbye before I left.”

I sigh. “It’s okay. Do you need a hand?”

He gives me a soft smile. “I’m all good, baby. Thanks.”

I quickly move to the bathroom and get ready.

When I exit the bedroom, he’s waiting for me by the door, his bag at his feet.

Fuck, he’s leaving already. Sadness hits me, but I bury it deep.

I always knew it was going to happen; it just came about a lot sooner than I had hoped.

But I feel a lot better about us than I thought I would.

I feel secure, I trust him, and I believe he wants this, that he wants me.

Emmanuel pulls me into a tight embrace, burying his face in my hair. "I'm going to miss you," he murmurs.

I wrap my arms around him, breathing in his scent. "I'll miss you too. How long do you think you'll be gone?"

He pulls back slightly, meeting my eyes. "A week, maybe two at most. I’ll call you once I’m in Dublin.”

I nod, knowing that it’s around a three-hour drive. I’ll be worried until I get that phone call. “Go,” I tell him. If he doesn’t leave now, I’m going to find it harder to say goodbye.

Emmanuel presses a kiss to my lips, and the moment I sink into his embrace, he sweeps his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss. I moan softly, my fingers gripping his shirt as I lose myself in the sensation.

When we finally break apart, we're both breathless. Emmanuel rests his forehead against mine, his eyes closed.

"I have to go," he says reluctantly, but makes no move to leave.

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I know. Be safe, okay?"

He pulls back, cupping my face in his hands. "Always. And you stay safe too. Remember to call me if anything feels off, no matter how small."

"I will," I promise.

Emmanuel kisses me one last time, quick but full of emotion, before grabbing his bag. At the door, he turns back to look at me.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he says, his eyes intense. “Fuck, Clo.” He shakes his head, his eyes closed.

I feel that deeply. I know what he’s feeling because I feel the exact same. "Me too," I whisper, pressing my hand against my chest.

He gives me a blinding smile and his eyes hold promise of what’s to come. He winks and turns to leave. With that, he's gone, the door clicking shut behind him. I stand there for a moment, the apartment suddenly feeling too big, too empty without him.

God, I never thought I could be so happy yet so sad at the same time.