Page 24

TWENTY-ONE

clodagh

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

“Happy birthday!” Lisa says the second I answer the call. “I can’t believe it’s your birthday and you’re all the way across the country.”

The smile I have on my face is wide. It’s probably the biggest smile I’ve had in years. It’s been eight months since Emmanuel told me his father was no longer a threat; since we shared a kiss and he walked away, breaking my heart in the process.

"Thanks, Lisa," I say, trying to keep my voice cheerful despite the pang in my chest. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too," Lisa replies, her voice softening. "How's college life treating you?"

I glance around my dorm room, still feeling a bit surreal that I'm actually here. "It's... different. Good different, I think. Just taking some getting used to."

"And how are you really doing?" Lisa asks, her voice filled with worry.

I sigh, knowing I can't hide anything from my best friend. "I'm okay. Some days are harder than others, you know?"

There's a pause, before Lisa speaks again. "Have you heard from him?"

My heart clenches at the unspoken name. Emmanuel. "No," I say quietly. "Not since... well, you know."

"I'm sorry, Clodagh. He's an idiot for letting you go."

I force a laugh. "It's fine. Really. I'm focusing on my studies and trying to move forward."

As I say the words, I try to believe them. But the truth is, Emmanuel's absence is a constant ache, a hollow space I can't seem to fill.

"Well, enough about boys," Lisa says, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "What are your plans for today? Please tell me you're not spending your birthday alone in your dorm room."

I smile, grateful for the subject change. "Actually, my roommate, Jen, is taking me out for dinner and drinks later. She's pretty cool."

"Good," Lisa says approvingly. "You deserve to have some fun. Just... be careful, okay?"

I know what she means. Even though Jacob is no longer a threat, the fear and caution have become ingrained in me. "I will. I promise."

After we hang up, I sit on my bed, lost in thought.

It's my first birthday away from home, away from the people who've become my family, and despite the freedom I now have, there's a part of me that feels more alone than ever. I’m eighteen today and it’s not like anything I ever imagined. I always dreamed that I’d be in Dublin with Lisa and Tammy, having fun and celebrating. But that’s not the case.

And for a second, I wonder what today would’ve been like if my parents were still alive. Would Mom have made me pancakes like she always used to? Would Dad have embarrassed me with some cheesy card and a hug that lasted too long? Would I have even ended up here at all?

But none of that’s real. None of that’s happening.

Instead, after Emmanuel and I shared that kiss, I ran. I needed an escape. I became reliant on him. I began to fall for him. I was stupid, so damn stupid. I thought he felt the same for me. How wrong was I?

A knock on my door startles me out of my thoughts. "Come in," I call out.

Jen pokes her head in, her curly hair wild as always. "Hey, birthday girl, are you ready to party?"

I force a smile and grab my jacket. "As ready as I'll ever be."

We head to the bar and I try to push aside thoughts of Emmanuel, of home, of the life I left behind. Tonight, I'm just a normal college student celebrating her birthday. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Surprise,” I hear shouted as we step inside the bar, and I’m shocked to see so many people here. Including Tammy and Lisa. I rush to them, my arms outstretched. God, what are they doing here?

My eyes well up with tears as I'm enveloped in Tammy and Lisa's embrace. The scent of Tammy's perfume and the warmth of Lisa's hug make me feel like I'm home again.

"What are you doing here?" I exclaim, pulling back to look at them in disbelief.

Tammy cups my face in her hands, her eyes shining. "Did you really think we'd miss your eighteenth birthday, sweetheart?"

Lisa grins, linking her arm through mine. "We've been planning this for weeks with your roommate. You're not getting rid of us that easily!"

I turn to Jen, who's watching the scene with a satisfied smile. "You knew about this?"

She shrugs, looking pleased with herself. "What can I say? I'm an excellent secret-keeper."

As the initial shock wears off, I take in the rest of the bar. There are balloons and streamers everywhere, and a banner that reads ‘Happy 18th Birthday, Clodagh!’. I recognize some faces from my classes, and the friends I’ve made since I came here.

"This is... incredible," I breathe, feeling overwhelmed by the love and effort that's gone into this surprise.

As the night progresses, I find myself actually enjoying the party.

I dance with Lisa, laugh at Tammy's attempts to dance, and even manage to relax enough to have a drink. I’ve never felt as happy as I do at this moment.

I really lucked out in not only having Lisa and Tammy, but also Jen.

Today has been better than I could have ever imagined.

* * *

It’s after midnight. Tammy and Lisa left a while ago, heading back to Dublin—Tammy didn’t have a drink and I know she hates being away from Mister Whiskers for too long.

I’m buzzed. I can feel the effects of the alcohol hitting me.

It’s been years since I’ve had a drink. I wave to Jen as I make my way outside, needing a breather.

I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Happy birthday, Clodagh."

My eyes snap open at the sound of that familiar voice. Standing a few feet away, hands in his pockets and an uncertain expression on his face, is Emmanuel.

My heart races, a mixture of anger, longing, and confusion washing over me. "What are you doing here?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

He takes a step closer, his dark eyes never leaving mine. "I couldn't... I couldn't let your birthday pass without seeing you."

I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling vulnerable. "You had no problem staying away these past eight months."

Emmanuel winces at my words. "I know. I'm sorry. I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go."

"The right thing?" I scoff, anger rising in my chest. "You broke my heart that night, Emmanuel. Even when we talked after, you never really came back to me. Not fully. That was the moment I lost you.”

He runs a hand through his hair. "I wanted you to have a normal life, Clodagh. A life without danger, without looking over your shoulder. I thought if I stayed away, you could have that."

I shake my head, tears threatening to spill. "That wasn't your decision to make, Emmanuel. You don't get to decide what's best for me."

He takes another step closer, close enough now that I can see the pain in his eyes. "I know that now. I've regretted walking away every single day."

My heart pounds in my chest. God, I still want him. "So why are you here now? What's changed?"

Emmanuel reaches out, his hand hovering near my face before he drops it back to his side. "I couldn't stay away anymore. I tried. God knows I tried. But I... I miss you, Clodagh. More than I thought possible."

I swallow hard, trying to ignore the way my body reacts to his close proximity. "You can't just show up after eight months and expect everything to be okay."

"I don't," he says quickly. "I know I hurt you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I had to see you, to tell you how sorry I am. And wish you a happy birthday."

I study his face, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the tension in his jaw. He looks like he hasn't slept well in months.

"I'm angry with you," I finally say, my voice low.

"You left me when I needed you." Finding out that the man who haunted my dreams, the one who murdered my family, was dead and I was safe, finally, was both freeing and terrifying all at once.

I needed Emmanuel. He was the man I could count on.

He was the one I knew would keep me safe.

Emmanuel nods, accepting my words. "I know. And you have every right to be angry."

I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what I'm about to say. "But... I missed you too. Even when I didn't want to, I missed you."

His eyes light up with hope, and he takes another step closer. We're barely inches apart now. "Clodagh, I?—"

I pull in a deep breath. God, he’s so beautiful.

His lips slam against mine, and I freeze, remembering the last time we kissed and how much it hurt for him to walk away, but that fades and my body reacts instinctively, melting into his embrace as our lips move together.

The kiss is desperate, passionate, filled with eight months of longing and unspoken words.

His fingers tangle in my hair and one of his arms wraps tightly around my waist, pulling me closer.

I moan deep in my throat, loving the way his hand twines into my hair. The kiss goes on and on and I don’t want it to ever stop. But he pulls back, resting his forehead against mine.

“Come home with me,” he says thickly.

I laugh. “To Dublin?” I ask incredulously. “Emmanuel?—”

He shakes his head. “Baby,” he says thickly, “you’re here. That means I was always going to come. I won’t be here all the time as I’m needed in Dublin, but I’ll be here whenever I can be.”

I blink. “What are you saying?” I whisper.

“I bought an apartment. I fucked up walking away from you, Clodagh, while you were too fucking young for me. I should have let you know just what I was wanting.”

I swallow hard. What the hell is going on? “What do you want?”

His hands frame my face. “You,” he says simply. “It’s always been you.”

I stand there, stunned by Emmanuel's words. My heart races as I try to process what he's saying.

"Me?" I whisper, hardly daring to believe it. "But... you left. You walked away."