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TWENTY-FIVE

clodagh

Three months have passed since that intense reunion with Emmanuel. Our relationship has only grown stronger, despite the challenges of his work in Dublin and my studies in Galway. We've fallen into a rhythm, with Emmanuel visiting as often as he can and me practically living in his apartment.

If someone had told me when I was taken by his dad that I’d fall head over heels in love with him, I’d have laughed in their face.

But the past three months have shown me he’s nothing like his father—something I already knew.

Emmanuel is beyond amazing. He treats me like a queen and would do anything for me.

We’ve still not told anyone about our relationship, and I know when Lisa finds out, she’ll be upset, but I need to have something that’s just mine and find a way that we can be stable and secure before I tell her.

I know she’ll have an opinion, and Lisa has strong opinions about things, and I know she’ll tell me what she thinks.

I don’t want her to know until I’m able to stand my ground and tell her this is what I want.

While I’m falling so hard for him, there’s still a part of me that’s fearful.

What if he walks away again? That’s something that, with time, will slowly fade.

Not to mention sessions with my therapist—once I find a new one.

The lady I had in Dublin helped me a lot to face my fears and sort my feelings in a healthy way once I got my head on straight and stopped the drinking.

I haven’t been to a therapist in about a year, and I think it could help me deal with my apprehension with Emmanuel.

I groan as the pounding in my head intensifies. I have a migraine and it’s only getting worse. Emmanuel’s on his way home and usually I’m awake and waiting for him, but I can’t right now. I need to lie down and close my eyes.

With every step I take toward the bedroom, my head pounds even more. It feels like it’s about to explode.

I stumble into the bedroom, barely making it to the bed before collapsing. The room spins as I curl up on my side, squeezing my eyes shut against the pain. I've had migraines before, but this one feels particularly brutal.

I'm not sure how much time passes before I hear the front door open. Emmanuel's home. Part of me wants to get up and greet him, but my body refuses to cooperate.

"Clodagh?" Emmanuel calls out. I can hear the concern in his voice.

I try to respond, but all that comes out is a weak groan. Footsteps approach the bedroom, and then I feel the mattress dip as Emmanuel sits beside me.

"Baby, what's wrong?" His hand gently strokes my hair as he presses a kiss to my shoulder.

"Migraine," I manage to whisper, wincing at even that small sound.

"Shit," Emmanuel mutters. "Have you taken anything for it?"

I shake my head slightly, immediately regretting the movement as a fresh wave of pain washes over me.

"Okay, don't move," Emmanuel says softly. "I'll get you some painkillers and water."

He returns quickly, helping me sit up just enough to swallow the pills and take a few sips of water. Then he gently eases me back down onto the pillow.

"Is there anything else you need?" he asks, his voice low and soothing.

"Just stay with me?" I whisper, reaching out for his hand.

Emmanuel squeezes my hand gently. "Of course, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

He kicks off his shoes and carefully climbs onto the bed next to me, pulling me close so that my head rests on his chest. His steady heartbeat and the warmth of his body provide a small bit of comfort.

As I drift in and out of a fitful sleep, I'm vaguely aware of Emmanuel's constant presence. He rubs soothing circles on my back, whispers words of comfort when I whimper in pain, and periodically checks to make sure I'm not getting worse.

Hours pass, and gradually, the pain begins to subside. When I finally open my eyes, the room is dark except for a faint glow from the bedside lamp. Emmanuel is still there, his arms wrapped protectively around me.

"Hey," he says softly when he notices I'm awake. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. This happens whenever I have my period," I mumble, my voice hoarse. "Thank you for staying with me."

Emmanuel presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Always, baby. I'm just glad you're feeling better."

As I look up at him, I'm struck by the depth of care and concern in his eyes. It's moments like these that make me realize how much our relationship has grown, how much we've come to rely on each other.

"I love you," I whisper, the words slipping out before I can stop them. It's the first time I’ve said those words out loud. I know I love him. I think I’ve always known.

It may have started out as a stupid crush when I was too young to know better, but the truth is, I love him so much it hurts to think about what could happen, given his job.

Emmanuel's eyes widen slightly, a mixture of surprise and joy crossing his face. For a moment, my heart races as I wonder if I've said too much too soon. But then his expression softens into a tender smile.

"I love you too, Clodagh," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "So fucking much."

Relief and happiness wash over me as Emmanuel pulls me closer, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. When we part, he rests his forehead against mine, his eyes locked on mine.

"I've wanted to say it for weeks," he admits softly. "But I was afraid it might be too soon. That I might scare you away."

I shake my head slightly, ignoring the lingering ache. "You could never scare me away, Emmanuel. Not anymore. I'm in this for the long haul."

His smile widens. "Good, because so am I. You're it for me, Clodagh. The only one I want."

I lie in his arms, loving that he feels the exact same as I do. God, I can’t believe how happy I am. How happy he makes me.

"How's your head now?" Emmanuel asks after a while, his fingers gently massaging my scalp.

"Much better," I murmur, leaning into his touch. "Still a bit sore, but the worst has passed."

He nods, pressing a kiss to my temple. "You should try to get some more rest. I'll be right here if you need anything."

As I drift off to sleep in Emmanuel's arms, I can't believe how far we've come. From the trauma of our past to this moment right here, it's been a long and sometimes difficult journey. But lying here, safe and loved, I know it's been worth every step.

* * *

Opening my eyes, I’m surprised to see sunlight streaming through the curtains. Emmanuel is still beside me, his breathing deep and even in sleep. I take a moment to study his face, relaxed and peaceful in a way I rarely see when he's awake.

Carefully, I slip out of bed, relieved to find my headache has mostly subsided. I make my way to the kitchen, deciding to surprise Emmanuel with breakfast in bed.

As I'm scrambling eggs, I hear footsteps behind me. Strong arms wrap around my waist, and Emmanuel presses a kiss to the back of my neck.

"Morning, love," he murmurs, his voice still husky with sleep. "How are you feeling?"

I lean back into his embrace, smiling. "Much better. I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

Emmanuel chuckles, the sound rumbling through his chest. "Well, don't let me stop you. Though I'd rather have you for breakfast."

I playfully swat his arm but can't help the shiver that runs through me at his words. "Behave," I tease. "Food first," I insist, turning in his arms to face him. "Then maybe we can discuss... dessert."

Emmanuel's eyes darken with desire, but he nods, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before releasing me. "Alright, I'll set the table while you finish cooking."

As we sit down to eat, Emmanuel reaches across the table to take my hand. "I've been thinking," he starts, his thumb tracing circles on my palm. "Maybe it's time we told people about us. Lisa, your friends... my family. I’m pretty sure Jer already knows. The bastard always knows everything."

I pause, a forkful of eggs halfway to my mouth. "Are you sure? I mean, I want to, but..."

"But you're worried about how they'll react," Emmanuel finishes for me. I nod, grateful he understands. "I know it won't be easy, especially with Lisa. But I'm tired of hiding how I feel about you. I want everyone to know that you're mine, that we're together."

My heart swells at his words. "I want that too," I admit softly. "I'm just scared. What if Lisa can't accept it? What if your family thinks I'm not good enough?"

Emmanuel's grip on my hand tightens. "Listen to me, Clodagh. You are more than good enough. You're everything to me. And if anyone has a problem with us being together, that's their issue to deal with, not ours."

I take a deep breath, nodding slowly. "Okay. Let's do it. Let's tell them. Maybe I can talk to Tammy first and then maybe Lisa?"

“Baby, you don’t have to tell Lisa until you're ready to.”

"I love her, but I don’t want her to try and taint what we have," I say, hating that I’m keeping a secret from her. "I love you, Emmanuel. I don't want anyone to think badly of you. I know Tammy will be understanding, so I can’t wait to tell her."

He stands up, pulling me into his arms and kissing me deeply. When we break apart, both slightly breathless, he rests his forehead against mine. "I love you too, baby. So fucking much."

As we finish our breakfast, we start making plans. We decide to tell Tammy first. It won't be easy, but with Emmanuel by my side, I feel like I can face anything.