Page 65 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke (The Marlow Family Secrets #6)
John stayed beside her for two days. Refusing to leave even when his mother or Mary offered to stay with her in his stead.
She was glad.
She could not stop thinking of being tied on that bed every time she shut her eyes, and in her sleep she heard Mr Wareham say he was her father over and over.
When the morning of the third day came, the doctor agreed to her attempting to get out of bed and John left her so she might wash and change.
It felt awful to be without him. It felt like it was an end.
Katherine’s absence rankled within John like a canker. But he had agreed to let his mother help her dress.
When he returned she was paler.
‘I will carry you to the chair,’ he said.
‘I can walk. It is my shoulder that is wounded not my legs.’
He smiled, noting with a feeling of warmth that she must be feeling better to berate him. ‘Very well, but you will take my arm, and you are only going as far as your sitting room today.’ She gave him a half-smile but conceded, sliding to the edge of the bed, while lifting her hand.
He took it, but her fingers gripped too tightly as she rose. ‘Wait a moment, my head is spinning.’
‘Let me carry you.’
‘No.’ Her determined gaze met his.
‘Very well.’ Swallowing back his irritation and his need to cosset her, he braced her fingers on his arm.
He liked it when she turned to him for comfort.
He did not like it when she turned away.
And here was a lesson to him. Is this not what Katherine had complained of the night of the last ball?
She liked him turning to her, too. ‘Ready?’
She nodded but her smile stiffened.
‘Is it hurting?’
‘Like the devil,’ she whispered.
‘Do you want to take another dose of laudanum when you are settled?’
‘No,’ she answered, grimacing. ‘It makes me feel sick and too sleepy, and I fear what it does to the child.’
John’s mother interrupted their tête-à-tête. ‘Get settled then, and I will send for some sweet tea. Mary can read to you, too, and that will distract you.’
John walked Katherine into the other room and saw her into a chair, then stepped back and let his mother and Mary fuss, begrudging their presence. He had become too used to being alone with Katherine, he was not ready to share her with others yet.
‘May I see Kate, Mama?’
John turned.
Georgiana, one of his much younger sisters, stood at the sitting room door.
At his mother’s and Katherine’s agreement, she came in, carrying a rolled sheet of paper.
‘Mama said you were poorly, Kate. We drew you a picture to make you feel better.’
‘That is very sweet of you, Georgie,’ his mother said as she handed the paper to Katherine.
‘It is lovely,’ Katherine exclaimed, as she unrolled it. ‘Thank you, Georgie, and thank your sisters.’
‘David wanted me to bring the spider he found and put in a jar this morning, but I told him you would not want it.’
Laughing lightly, Katherine shook her head. ‘You are right, I would not. You may tell him I appreciate the thought, but I do not like spiders.’
John laughed and it brought Georgiana’s attention to him. Stiffening her spine, she curtsied, looking meek and nervous, and then she hurriedly disappeared.
The truth could not be more obvious: Katherine had won his siblings’ hearts already, while he still scared them. As you were terrified of your grandfather. It is your own fault. You choose to be like him .
He did not want his son or daughter running from him like that.
There was a knock on the open sitting room door.
‘Kate?’
It was Edward.
‘Phillip is here, he is waiting in the hall. He has brought your father to see you.’ Edward hesitated, as though he sensed some undercurrent. ‘I was not certain you would wish me to bring them up.’
Katherine lifted her hand for John to hold.
He caught it in reassurance. ‘Do you want to see him?’ he asked.
‘You will stay with me?’ Her eyes were wide with insecurity. This was not going to be an easy meeting. She had not seen her father since the day they had married.
Squeezing her hand, he answered, ‘Of course.’ Then he looked at Edward. ‘Send them up.’ Glancing at his mother, he added, ‘Can you send for that tea too, but leave us? I think this conversation would be better in private.’
As his family drifted away, John fetched Katherine a footstool.
When Phillip and her father arrived, the tea tray was on their heels. John bid the maid pour and asked Phillip and Katherine’s father to sit.
Neither man did. Instead they hovered on their feet, her father’s hands clasped behind his back, while Phillip’s clutched his gloves.
John remained on his feet too, watching them, trying to gauge what was going on.
The maid passed a cup to Katherine, before bobbing a deep curtsy and leaving the room. The other cups were left on the tray, none of them accepted.
Phillip spoke. ‘Father has something to say to you, Katherine.’ His words were terse. John looked to Mr Spencer as she did. He straightened defensively, but the look he gave to Katherine was apologetic.
‘I am sorry, Kate. I should have told you this long ago, but I could not find either the words or the moment. Phillip said Mr Wareham told you he was your father. He is not. I know because I am.’
The tea cup in her hand wobbled, and John hurriedly took the cup and saucer from her hands and set them aside.
The little colour she had regained had faded.
He set a hand on her shoulder, though he was as shocked as she was.
Her father pressed on, his eyes darting between Katherine and John. ‘My marriage to your, to Philip’s, mother was arranged by our parents. We were not happy. It is no excuse, I know.’ He glanced at Phillip, and then back at Katherine. ‘I was fond of your mother, Katherine.’
‘She took her own life,’ Katherine said.
‘She had lost her position, she had no income, she was?—’
‘Alone,’ Katherine interrupted. ‘Papa, you had left her alone.’ Katherine was horrified by the revelation.
‘What could I have done? I was married, Kate. I gave her money…’
‘You could have not touched her,’ Phillip growled.
‘Hindsight is no good,’ her father threw at Phillip. Then he turned back to Katherine. ‘I cannot change what happened. But your mother and I took you in, and I raised you as my daughter.’
‘I am your daughter! And you never told me.’
‘I am sorry.’ He blushed.
This man had left her suffering, when he knew how lonely she had felt.
John looked at Phillip. ‘You knew?’ He felt angry with Phillip too. Everyone in Katherine’s life had let her down.
Phillip’s gaze met John’s. ‘Since I was fifteen. I worked it out, challenged him, and he confessed.’ He looked at Katherine. ‘I have always wanted to tell you, but it was not my place to speak.’
‘At least I know why Mama hates me now,’ Katherine whispered.
‘She does not hate you. She hates what you came from,’ her father answered. ‘Phillip has pressed me to speak of this to you for years, but I have never had the courage. Was I wrong?’
‘Yes, you were wrong! You let her treat me like I am nothing, when I am yours…’
‘I’m sorry, Katherine.’
John had kept apologising to her, sorry was not good enough . John saw it in her eyes. Putting things right, treating her as she deserved, that was what needed to be done. She was the sort of person who just kept giving while people took. John was going to give back to her now.
He stepped forward. ‘I think you have said enough for today.’
Mr Spencer’s gaze flew to John.
‘Let me show you out,’ he said.
‘But—’ her father began.
‘You may call again tomorrow, when Katherine has had a chance to think and decide if she wishes to maintain any connection with you.’
‘Your Grace?—’
‘No complaints. Let Katherine rest.’
‘I will speak with you again tomorrow, Papa, if you stay in town.’ Again, Katherine gave – she always would because compassion was embedded in her soul.
‘I will leave you alone to talk to Phillip, while I show your father out.’
Their journey downstairs was littered with warnings, as John made it clear Spencer was to recognise Katherine openly and as John spoke he heard the words himself and knew he must do the same.
He had built up the courage to marry her, but not the courage to show the world he loved her. He would show them now.