Page 44 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke (The Marlow Family Secrets #6)

Katherine looked at the clock when the door knocker struck, it was only nine o’clock. Richard had formed the habit of calling each morning since they had announced their engagement. But this was early even for him.

Thank goodness her stomach was not too ill at ease this morning.

She checked her hair in the mirror and smiled at herself. There were only two more days to go. Two more days and her conscience would have to cease whispering that she should tell John.

She went into the hall. Usually Richard took her for a drive, so they might talk privately. But when she entered the hall she stopped.

‘Katherine.’

John! ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I need to speak to you.’

She walked into the parlour, leaving John where he stood. He followed. She had not invited him in. She did not want him here. ‘Go away, John.’

Why did he have to come now?

‘You must listen to me.’

Without turning, she met his gaze in the mirror. He was a few feet behind her, and the door stood wide open beyond him. ‘You can have nothing to say I want to hear.’

‘Katherine.’ His hand lifted and he moved forward with earnest eyes. Not the duke, John. Her traitorous heart leapt out to him. But there was no future with him. He did not love her. He had insulted her.

The rage which had consumed her weeks ago flared back to life and she spun to face him, certain her anger burned in her eyes though she kept her voice to a harsh whisper, so her family would not hear.

They were eating breakfast in the next-door room.

They must have assumed the visitor was Richard too.

‘I am marrying Richard in two days, John. Go away. You will destroy everything.’

‘Let me speak, please? That is all I ask.’

She hated John suddenly, with a passion that overwhelmed her, and yet she loved him too.

His striking pale blue eyes held hers, and his hand slipped through his ebony hair.

She remembered the same gesture from watching him in the lake years ago.

Oh, John, go away. Go away before I cannot let you go again.

He stepped closer, and she couldn’t step away. ‘I love you, Katherine. I want to marry you.’

She shook her head. He was mad. Mere weeks ago he had offered her the position of mistress once more. ‘No. You do not love me, and I am already promised.’

‘I am serious. Listen to me.’ His whisper carried on the air and she hoped Castle had not hovered outside the door. ‘I need you. You are not his. You are mine. I cannot live without you.’

‘His…?’

‘Your saintly reverend.’

She knew exactly who he meant, she was challenging the way he had spoken.

‘Do not marry him. I want you. Marry me.’

He was selfish to the last. He begrudged her even the possibility of happiness. ‘And I suppose what I want does not matter.’

‘What you want is me. You said you loved me.’

He was so arrogant. Why must he do this now?

And why did her foolish heart have to listen?

She had never seen him so emotional, not even when he was young.

But she could not trust him. She would be secure with Richard.

Richard loved her. ‘Not any more, John.’ It was a lie.

There was unbearable pain in her heart. ‘Go away.’ Her whisper lowered. ‘I am marrying Richard.’

He held her hand. ‘No. Marry me. Why would you choose him?’

Because you were not here, and you did not offer, and… ‘You do not love me, John.’

‘I do, Katherine. I swear it. Listen to me. I thought I could not, but now I know I was wrong. I will fight for you if I must. I shall not give you up. Let him find someone else. You would be a duchess, not a reverend’s wife.’

She tugged against his grip. ‘Three weeks ago you wanted me as your mistress. What has changed? Nothing. This is just jealousy.’ He looked as though her words had pierced him and his hold tightened.

‘You are hurting me, John.’

His eyes clouding with confusion, he let her hand go and took a breath. ‘I… I cannot lose you. It has taken me too long to make this offer. Yes, I was an idiot before. But accept me now and have done. I beg you.’ He dropped to one knee.

‘Get up, John, I do not want you to beg. Please go. Richard will be here in a moment. Do not ruin this for me…’

‘It cannot be too late, Katherine.’

Her heart bled to see him so humble, but how could she believe him, when she knew his pride and possessiveness?

He had always had what he wished, and now it seemed he wanted her.

But she could not become a duchess. She shook her head as she whispered her denial.

‘It is too late, John. Just go. Please.’

She freed her hand.

He stood. She could see he had given in. ‘I have made a fool of myself then. I have lost you.’ His voice was husky with emotions.

She said nothing. If she tried to speak again she would only cry. Yet she longed to hold him and be held by him. Richard’s physical comfort had never felt the same as John’s.

His eyes, which were normally hard diamonds, were melted ice. ‘Katherine, do not send me away.’

She shook her head, fearing if she spoke she might change her mind. She turned and looked at the hearth. She could not bear to face him anymore. He had been unreachable all her life and now if she wanted him, she only had to say. She did not.

She heard him leave the room, and heard the front door open and Castle say, ‘Your Grace.’ It closed.

Katherine collapsed into a chair and wept.

Richard arrived barely a quarter of an hour later.

By then she had composed herself and she walked into the hall to greet him as she always did. Yet she could not deceive nor use him any more – nor deceive herself. She could never let Richard touch her in a marriage bed. She could not marry him. She still loved John.

Her father was in the hall, having realised it was not Richard who had called previously. ‘Why did the Duke of Pembroke pay his call?’ he asked Katherine.

‘What has happened?’ Richard was beside her in a moment and his arm was about her. He guided her back into the parlour and closed the door on her father.

He had been her defender and her sanctuary for the last two years. He did not deserve what she was about to do to him. She met his gaze.

‘Katherine?’

‘Ask Castle to send for tea if you wish some, and then I need to speak to you.’

‘What did Pembroke have to say?’ Richard did not move. ‘Tell me?’ He held her hand.

The gesture reminded her of John clasping her hand only moments before and tears spilled over, trickling down her cheeks.

‘Tell me,’ Richard urged.

She had to. She had to be honest with him. ‘I cannot marry you. I still love him.’ Anger flashed in his eyes and she felt deceitful and false, as though she had tricked him.

He did not let go of her hand. ‘I suppose he came to buy you back. What has he promised you? Do not cheapen yourself, Katherine.’

‘He asked me to be his wife.’

‘His wife?’

‘He begged me. But I cannot do it. He does not love me. He is just jealous of you. But, I am sorry, he made me realise I cannot accept you either. You are a good man, and a good friend, but I love John.’

His gaze narrowed to a glare but unlike John, Richard did not argue nor plead.

He let go of her hand. ‘Very well, as you wish.’ He probably knew her better than John did; no matter what he said she would not change her mind.

‘I shall say goodbye then.’ She nodded, not knowing what to say.

She was hurting him as John had hurt her.

Why can I not love where it is sensible to love? ‘I am sorry,’ she said again as he turned.

He looked back. ‘I understand how you feel for him; it is how I feel for you.’ She was crushing this good, opened-hearted man. She was as cruel as John. ‘I shall resign the parish today. I can no more stay now than we could have stayed together.’ He turned and left.

Her legs felt unsteady as she went into the hall, desperate for the safety of her room.

‘Whose?’ Phillip’s voice bellowed through the door that Castle held open.

She heard Richard speaking outside, in a low bitter tone, but she could not make out the words.

‘How long have you known this?’ Phillip shouted.

Oh no! No! Richard had told him.

Her father was standing just inside the door, looking at her with accusation in his eyes.

Phillip came through the door, his expression one of fury, his hands clenched into fists. ‘He says you are with child. Are you?’

She said nothing. She could not breathe.

Phillip glared, and behind him their father had flushed red with anger. ‘Well, of course you are. Why would a reverend lie?’

‘It is Pembroke’s?’ her father said. He glanced at Phillip. ‘I told you.’

Then her mother was in the hall too. ‘What has she done?’

‘Is it him?’ Phillip said to Katherine.

‘What has happened?’ her mother asked.

And now Jenny was behind their mother, looking into the hall.

‘Is it?’ Phillip shouted, as though he needed to hear Katherine admit it.

‘Yes,’ she answered.

‘I told you to stay away from him!’ her father roared.

‘God, Kate, he has been favouring me. Is this why?’ Phillip breathed.

‘I do not understand?’ her mother cried.

‘Katherine?’ The last came from Jenny.

‘She is carrying John’s child,’ Phillip said bitterly as he looked at their mother.

‘I am sorry,’ Katherine whispered.

‘The bastard,’ Phillip said on his breath and then he turned and walked back out the door.

‘Phillip! Do nothing rash! Do not challenge him. Katherine will be to blame,’ her mother shouted. ‘Do not risk yourself for her!’

Phillip stopped, turning his anger on their mother ‘For her? If you had cared for her a little more, perhaps she would not have turned to John.’ Looking back at Katherine, he said, ‘Do not worry, I will sort this.’ Then he left.

Panic-stricken, Katherine turned in the opposite direction. She would not see either Phillip or John hurt because of her.

Her mother’s accusation ringing in her ears, Katherine fled back into the parlour, and when she reached the French door her fingers fumbled to free the lock.

‘Katherine!’ her father called from the hall.

She heard him coming as the lock clicked loose, and then she was gone.

She ran across the garden and through the back gate onto John’s land. She ran and ran, racing Phillip to Pembroke Place. He was in the curricle, but the route by road was much longer.