Page 64 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke (The Marlow Family Secrets #6)

John stripped and washed then returned to Katherine’s bedside.

‘She is not conscious,’ his mother said when he entered the room. ‘But the wound has been stitched and the doctor said her heart seems strong. She just needs time.’

He looked at Katherine. Her head rested on the white pillow, her skin paler. She had lost a lot of blood.

She would have scars to remind them both of this, scars which would remind him he had failed her.

He moved a chair, placing it beside the bed, and took up his vigil.

‘The child is unharmed,’ his mother said, ‘and Katherine is to have fluid whenever she rouses…’ It all washed over him. He just wished her to open her eyes and speak.

‘You may go, Mama, I will stay.’

‘You need not sit with her alone, John.’

‘I would prefer it. She probably cannot hear me but there are things I want to say.’

His mother nodded then, and leaned to press a kiss on his forehead, her fingers brushing his cheek. ‘She will get well.’ He was not convinced.

He looked at Katherine as the door clicked shut.

John gripped Katherine’s fingers which had been resting on the covers.

His thumb stroking across her palm, he pictured the colour of her eyes, fiery with anger and then bright with need in the light of the tower room.

‘I am sorry. I will not hold you away again. I am going to change. Live and help me change…’

He closed his eyes and leaned on the bed, pressing her cold fingers against his brow as he prayed, making a deal with God. He would give up everything, anything, for her.

* * *

‘John, you have to eat. Katherine would tell you the same,’ his mother pressed.

‘I am not hungry.’ John’s eyes stayed on Katherine. He had spent hours during the night pleading and begging with God to let her wake, to let her live. Nothing had changed.

There was a knock.

‘Enter,’ his mother called.

‘I brought you some plum cake, and coffee, John.’ It was Mary. ‘I knew you would refuse to come down.’ She set the tray on a chest at the bedside. ‘Has she woken?’

He glanced up, but only for an instant. ‘No. But her colour is better.’

‘Phillip is downstairs, he only just received Papa’s note. He asked to see her.’

‘Send him up.’

As Mary left, John squeezed Katherine’s fingers gently, then let go and stood. He moved to pour some coffee.

Phillip looked shocked and ashen when he walked into the room. ‘How did it happen?’ He took the chair John had vacated, lifting Katherine’s fingers.’

‘I will leave you alone,’ John’s mother said.

John looked at Phillip. ‘Do you want anything…’ he said, nodding towards the tray.

Phillip shook his head. ‘Just tell me how this happened?’

John explained Wareham’s past and then told Phillip about the note, and where and how he had found Katherine.

‘Why was she there?’

‘My mother and aunt left her at an orphanage she had decided to sponsor. The groom accompanying her was tricked into leaving her alone. Wareham must have been following her. I should have realised he might go after Katherine. I cannot bear the thought of losing her.’

‘She is a fighter,’ Phillip responded. ‘She will survive, if only to make your life hell for putting her through this.’

A laugh cracked from John’s throat, a broken sound of pain. Instantly Katherine groaned and moved to sit up, her hand slipping from Phillip’s.

Within a moment John was beside the bed, leaning past Phillip and resting his fingers on her clavicle, gently pressing her back. ‘Katherine, stay still, you have been hurt.’

When she lay back on the pillow his hand dropped to take hers. Her fingers tightened about his grip and his heart beat harder with relief, and hope, and love, as his thumb brushed her hand.

Her eyelids flickered open.

‘Katherine.’ He smiled, but then it slipped as he remembered the last time they had spoken and all that had happened since.

‘My shoulder hurts.’

‘I know, darling. You were shot. You have stitches. The bullet tore right through your shoulder. You will need to take it easy for a long while.’

He could see her memory returning, flashing behind her eyes. ‘Where am I?’

‘Home. Safe. Phillip is here with you.’

Tears glittered in her eyes as she looked beyond John for her brother.

‘Katherine.’ Phillip leaned forward. John straightened and stepped back, letting her hand go.

She reached out. ‘Phillip.’

‘John and I have let you down. I knew about Mr Wareham, too, Kate, he has been stealing from John. We should have told you…’

John saw her clasp Phillip’s hand tighter. ‘Mr Wareham said he is my father. Do you think he is? Why would he?—’

‘He lied.’ There was anger in Phillip’s response as he silenced Katherine. ‘He can only have said it to be cruel. Do not believe it.’

Phillip knew who her father was, John would swear it. His voice had held too much conviction. But Phillip had always said no one knew.

John glanced at Katherine, frowning. She’d not noticed Phillip’s odd reaction.

‘I must go, Kate, I am sorry.’ Phillip stood, then leaned to kiss Katherine’s forehead. ‘I will come back soon. Do as John says and rest.’

John moved out of the way, but he was dumbfounded by Phillip’s sudden haste. He had not long come.

Phillip said goodbye, shaking John’s hand, then his heels rang on the parquet floor as he left the room.

John faced Katherine, unsure what to say.

‘I am sorry, John.’

‘You have nothing to be sorry for.’ He sat beside her and held her hand, while his other wiped her tears away.

‘I should have known you dismissed him for a reason, but I felt sorry for him.’

His thumb stroked her hand. ‘It is not your fault. You asked me and I did not tell you.’ Unable to look at her, John’s head bowed under the weight of guilt.

‘I used you, Katherine, terribly. It is I who am sorry, sorrier than I can ever say.’ He looked back up and faced the eyes that had enchanted him from the moment of their first reunion.

‘I should have told you why I laid him off when you asked me. What you said the night before last was right. My life is like a Chinese cabinet with a hundred different drawers. I open and shut them depending on where I am and who I am with and what face or knowledge I am to display to the world. I do not put you away and forget you, but yes, I have tried to hide you in a drawer in my life. You are precious to me. You have been from the beginning. I did not want to share what we have with anyone else. But I heard what you said.’

‘I went to an orphanage?—’

‘I know.’

‘I liked it.’ Her eyes lifted to the canopy above the bed. ‘I am going to work there, in the day when you are not here.’ She glanced back at him. ‘The children have so much love to give, John, and they need someone to give it back.’

Because you think me incapable of providing the love you need. He sighed and rose, still unable to discuss his feelings easily. He was unchanged. He had to change.

‘You ought to eat and drink something. You lost a lot of blood.’ He left her bedside to ring the bell.

‘Do not leave.’

‘I am only going to ring for a maid.’ I must change.

He pulled the cord, then came back to the bed and sat beside her, holding her hand once more. ‘Can you no longer love me, Katherine? Have I killed what you felt for me?’

A little choking sound came from her throat as she tried to sit up and then winced.

‘Shall I fetch you some laudanum?’

‘No, but I would like to sit upright.’

He collected cushions from chairs about the room to prop behind her back, then carefully helped her sit. ‘Better?’

‘Yes. Why did you not come home yesterday?’

He sat down. Be honest, John, change . ‘Because I was avoiding this conversation. I knew you were right and I am too arrogant to simply admit it. I am a fool…’

She smiled at his self-mocking tone. ‘I wish you would be like this outside the house.’

‘If I must be different outside the house to keep your love, Katherine, and to make you happy, I shall be.’ She did not answer. ‘You do not believe me, do you?’

She shook her head. ‘You have promised before.’

‘And not changed… I shall this time, and you must recover. So I can prove it to you.’