Page 43 of The Playboy’s Playbook

Chapter Thirty-Eight

LAILA

“ I f you hand me another scrub brush, I just might scream,” Erica says once she leaves the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, I just want everything to be nice. Oh, could you take the filter out of the vent and change it? Oh, and then there’s the fan in the –”

Erica shoots me the nastiest glare and I immediately shut my mouth.

“Laila, chill. Matthew has been here plenty of times before. Why are you freaking out about one dinner?”

“When he and I are alone, things tend to get…complicated. I mean, things are complicated,” I sigh, plopping down on the couch. Erica joins me, followed by Nola who has finally calmed down.

I feel like Nola knows that Matthew is coming over because she’s been running in circles all day long. She refused to lay down for a nap and even used the bathroom inside, which she never does. I had to put her in her kennel for most of the afternoon.

“Then uncomplicate them. You clearly have feelings for him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have kissed him like you did at the reunion, went to the rodeo with him, or even agreed to this dinner. It’s not as complicated as you think. You’re just in your head about it.”

I tug on the ends of my hair knowing Erica’s right – she usually is.

“You don’t even like him, E,” I point out, making us both laugh.

“Very true. But I love you and you’re my best friend and if he makes you happy, then I don’t have much say in the decisions you make when it comes to him.

He just better watch his back because if he tries that shit again, that big, muscley man with the permanent frown isn’t the only one he’s gonna have to worry about,” she says, leaning back on the couch.

She pats me on my knee before getting up and grabbing her phone and keys. “I’m going home where I am going to try and not cry at the mere sight of a cleaning supply. You go shower, get pretty, and enjoy tonight. Call me later, okay?”

I stand and give her a big hug. “Thank you. For everything. You’re amazing.”

She pulls away and smiles. “I know. Bye Nola! Be better than you were this afternoon.” Once Erica leaves, Nola gets riled up again, so I put her back in her kennel, closing the door this time.

Matthew will be here at five and it’s four, so I only have an hour left to not only shower and get ready, but to get myself together mentally.

While Erica helped out with the cleaning, I cooked the food for tonight so it would be done by the time Matthew gets here. He didn’t really give me any ideas for what he wanted, so he’ll have to settle for a meal I typically eat – oven baked chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, and green beans.

I take a quick shower, careful not to get my hair wet. I rush to my closet and try to find something casual to wear. I settled on a pair of light washed, high-rise jeans and a cropped cream-colored sweater.

Just as I’m making my way downstairs to finish setting the dinner table, the doorbell sounds. Nola barks excitedly from her kennel and I take a look through the security camera before rushing to open the door.

“Hey,” I breathe as soon as Matthew comes into my view.

“Hey,” he says, a soft smile on his face.

I step aside, letting him enter the house and as he does, he places a soft kiss on my forehead before handing me a bouquet of flowers.

Pink carnations with baby’s breath. Always.

“You look beautiful.” He runs his eyes over my body and suddenly I feel shy. I shouldn’t feel this way because he’s seen every inch of me, but that was then. This is now.

“Thank you. I see we subconsciously decided to match with the colored sweaters,” I say with a smile, causing him to let out a little laugh.

He’s in jeans and a cream-colored sweater, too. His hair is a little damp, fresh from a shower. His cologne invades my senses, a mix of woodsy and spicy scents. I miss that smell wrapping me up like a blanket while I sleep at night.

“I didn’t really know what you wanted, so I prepared baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. I promise my green beans are better than the ones they serve at Hugo’s,” I say as I walk over to the kitchen sink to fill up a vase to put the flowers in.

“Sounds and smells delicious. Where’s –”

A tiny bark cuts him off and I smile to myself, my back still to him. “She’s in trouble for using the bathroom inside and refusing to lay down for a nap today.”

Matthew chuckles as he walks over to Nola’s kennel. “Ah, come on, Nola. You have to be a good girl for your mom. Now, I can’t get you.”

Nola whines and continues to bark at Matthew, begging him to release her from her kennel.

“You can let her out,” I concede. “But as soon as we start eating, you’re going right back in, missy.”

Matthew swiftly unlatches the door and moves to pick her up, not like he has to do much because Nola practically jumps into his arms and begins attacking his face with kisses.

Matthew’s deep laugh fills the room and for a moment, I forget that we’re not a couple anymore. Everything about right now feels normal, like we didn’t skip a beat.

“You can spend some time with her. I’ll make your plate.” I begin moving around the kitchen, piling food onto both of our plates while Matthew plays with Nola in the living room.

I can’t remember the last time Nola wasn’t concerned with what was happening in the kitchen. It doesn’t matter if I’m cooking or my mom is, if there’s more than one person around, Nola is going between the two rooms to see what’s going on.

But not with Matthew.

With Matthew, all Nola cares about is him.

“Dinner’s ready when you are,” I call out from the dining room.

“I’ll come get you when your mom and I are done.” Matthew places Nola in her kennel and latches the door in place before joining me in the dining room. I cut on some music for background noise to fill the silence before sitting down at the table.

Matthew and I are sitting across from each other at the dinner table, neither of us moving. Suddenly, all of the bad memories I tried all year to suppress come rushing back. I nervously tuck my hair behind my ear and begin cutting up the baked chicken. Matthew immediately digs into his plate.

“How is it?” I ask.

He smiles softly. “Delicious. You really outdid yourself, baby.”

I smile and turn my attention back to my own plate. “I’m glad you like it.”

We continue to eat in silence for a few more minutes, the soft sounds of Luke Combs and our forks scraping against our plates filling the air. We finish off the last bits of our food when Matthew finally breaks the silence.

“So, how has work been? And school. How has work and school been?” he asks.

“Both have been good. I’ll finish school this November, which is great because after the holidays, work really starts to pick up,” I answer, moving to get our empty plates and carry them into the kitchen to wash them.

Matthew stands and takes the plates from my hands and begins washing them instead.

“You don’t have to –”

“I want to,” he says, his back to me as he begins scrubbing the plates before rinsing them off and placing them on the drying rack.

I go to get Nola from her kennel to take her outside, but once again, Matthew moves me out of the way and takes the lead.

“I can do that, Matthew.”

“I know you can, but I want to,” he says, his eyes blazing into mine.

I sigh and sit on my couch as Matthew takes Nola outside. Once they come back in, Matthew picks Nola up and joins me on the couch, stretching his arm over the back of the couch.

I want to scoot closer to him, but I choose to remain in my spot. Nola doesn’t quite pick up the hint that I need to keep this distance between us and begins pawing at me, trying to get me to move closer.

Traitor .

“Uh,” Matthew starts, nervously. “I think she wants you.”

“No, she wants us to sit closer and hold her together.” Like we used to do.

“Oh,” Matthew says, his ears turning pink. “You don’t have to move closer if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine, Matthew.” I shift closer to him and instinctively, his arm rests around my shoulders and Nola moves to sit between us, making contact with both of us. Soon, she closes her eyes and finally goes to sleep.

“I guess all she needed was you to finally go to sleep,” I say softly, petting Nola behind her ears.

“No,” Matthew shakes his head before turning to look at me. “She just wanted you to sit down for a second with her.”

“I guess you know Nola better than I do.”

“No, I know her mom. And I know that you spend every free moment you have sitting with her, petting her, loving her. She’s content that way. She just acted out to get your attention.”

“When did you become a pet whisperer?” I ask, keeping my voice low.

He looks at my lips and I can tell that he wants to kiss me, but he doesn’t make a move. He’s showing a lot of restraint because I can see every emotion swimming through his eyes.

“I know I said how much the boys missed you and all, but Laila you have to know that…I missed you, too,” Matthew says, his voice soft and full of sadness.

I sigh and close my eyes. “Matthew…”

“No, just…let me say this. Please,” he begs. I nod for him to continue.

“I know I fucked up. I know that I’m an idiot.

I thought I was protecting you from my past, but I was actually hurting you more.

I’ll never forgive myself for the pain and stress I caused and brought into your life.

But I want you to know that I am still truly, madly, and deeply in love with you.

That’ll never change. Nothing that happens between us will ever make me not love you with my entire being, until my dying breath. ”

He reaches over Nola’s head and grabs my hand. “Please, give me another chance. Give us another chance.”

I feel like I’ve been holding in tears all week since I first saw Matthew at the dog park. I shift and put Nola on Matthew’s lap, moving to stand to get some space because suddenly, the air from my lungs has disappeared.

“I just…I thought a year would be enough time and I have forgiven you, don’t think I haven’t. It’s just…how can we come back from that? You kept a big secret from me, Matthew. You going to jail, even for a night, is something I should’ve known.”

Matthew follows suit, setting Nola down in her playpen instead of her kennel before walking over to me. Once he reaches me, he shifts on the balls of his feet, tucking his hands into his pocket nervously.

“Laila, if you can’t find it within your heart to love me, then I won’t stand in the way of you finding your true love.

It’s your call. The ball is out of my hands and into yours now,” he says, tears pricking the back of his eyes.

He steps closer to me, taking my hands in his, bringing his lips to place kisses on the backs of my hands.

“I love you, Laila. Always.”

He releases my hands and turns and walks away from me, making his way to the front door. I stand in the doorway as I watch him climb into his truck. He turns back to me and I catch traces of tears falling down his face.

I bring my arms closer to my body, hugging myself as tears fall from my eyes. I resist the urge to run to him, kissing the tears away, loving the pain away.

But I don’t.

I stand in place as he turns over the engine and backs out of the driveway. I’ve watched him drive away countless times, but this time feels different.

This time feels like the end.