Page 27 of The Playboy’s Playbook

Chapter Twenty-Three

MATT

Five Years Ago

“ Y ou need to get your life together, Matthew! You continue on this path and you will be alone.”

I rub my forehead, trying to soothe the drums pounding in my head. Like always, I block my mom out because quite frankly, I don’t see the big fucking deal about me going out and drinking with a couple of friends.

Mom’s rule is as long as I stay out of jail, I can have the freedom to do what I want.

I’ve obeyed her rule and haven’t been arrested.

If I’m too far gone, I always stay with a buddy, never driving home under the influence.

I would say that I’m being a responsible son by doing what my mom asks of me and in return, per her rule, I can do what I want.

And what I want right now is for her to stop talking so I can enjoy some peace and quiet before I regroup with my friends tonight.

“Matthew Andrew Foster! Are you even listening to me?” My mom’s shrill voice fills the room.

“Yeah, mom. I hear you loud and clear. Are you done now so I can get some sleep?” I ask, standing from the couch and walking to my bedroom to finally get some rest.

“I don’t understand,” Mom says, her voice sad. I close my eyes and turn to face her.

“You don’t understand what?” I ask.

My mom’s blue eyes look at me with sadness as she answers. “I don’t understand where I went wrong with you.”

“Mom, seriously.”

“Yes, seriously! I have given you everything you ever needed, everything you ever wanted! Yet, you want to throw your life away with friends who are always up to no good, in and out of the county jail! You keep on, you’re gonna be just like them and I am not bailing your ass out of jail!

” My mom turns around and stomps in the opposite direction.

I pull up to my apartment and cut the engine, but I don’t move.

My knuckles grip the steering wheel, my chest hollow where Laila used to be.

Everything went to shit too quickly, and I can’t blame anyone but myself.

I’m the one who caused all the pain — mine and Laila’s.

I let fear control me, afraid she’d leave me like my mom did. Now I’ve lost her anyway.

I need to get out of here, but Luke’s at work, and the only person I want to talk to hates me more than ever. I’ve got nowhere to go.

My phone rings. I reach for it, hoping it’s Laila.

It’s not. But this person might be the next best thing.

Twenty minutes later, I knock on the shiny red door and take a step back, waiting under the dimly lit porch.

I hear a small bark from behind the door and see a silhouette walking up through the frosted glass window panes.

The door creaks open and I’m met with the teary smile of my sister, holding her son, Hunter.

“Matty,” Hannah says, her voice tight holding back tears.

“Hey Han,” I say, equally emotionally.

She steps aside and extends her arm, letting me walk in. Her son bounces in her arms to try and get to me. I smile at him and look at Hannah as she happily passes her baby to me. I hold him tight to my chest and feel the tears well up in my eyes again.

“Oh, Matty,” Hannah says as she wraps her arms around my waist.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice weak.

Hannah nods her head and steps back, wiping her own eyes. “Come sit in the kitchen, Matty. I just brewed some tea.”

As we walk to the kitchen, I look around the hallway at all of the pictures, all of the moments I missed with my absence. I smile at the pictures of Hunter and their dog Bunny – it’s a Halloween picture of them both dressed like rabbits.

I look at another and see it’s my mom holding Hunter after he was born and I get sad again. I wasn’t there for my nephew’s birth, yet he’s so happy to see me – he doesn’t even know me.

I continue looking at the pictures and see one of Hannah and I at my high school graduation. In the background, Laila is smiling and taking a picture with her mom. I close my eyes and slide into the dining chair, still holding Hunter in my arms.

“What happened, Matty?” Hannah asks, not a hint of judgment in her voice. She sounds like a sister concerned about their sibling and loving and compassionate like a mother at the same time.

“I fell in love,” I say honestly.

“With Laila?”

I snap my head to face my sister and don’t miss the shit-eating grin on her face. “How’d you…”

“Oakridge is a small town, Matty. People talk. Not to mention, you two weren’t exactly hands-off at the fireworks show. At least that’s what Mrs. Bearman said when she dropped by mom’s shop.”

I sigh and lean back, bouncing Hunter on my lap as he mumbles to himself. “I didn’t tell her about my arrest and she found out. I don’t even know how.”

“Oh.” Hannah looks down at her hands in her lap. “Adrienne reshared a post from when you were first sentenced. My guess is that Laila saw it.”

Hannah picks up her phone from its spot on the table and shows me Adrienne’s latest post on her profile. “I figured you would’ve seen it by now. I’m so sorry, Matty.”

I continue to scroll and see that there are other re-shares, each from girls I was with in the past. The top re-share and comment is none other than a post from Rachel.

I feel bile rise in my throat and my skin heating up despite the air conditioning running. I set Hunter down and he wobbles over to the pile of toys in the corner.

“I think I’m gonna be sick. All of those girls knew what kind of person I was then. I didn’t want a relationship and they just aired out every filthy thing I did with them on the Internet,” I groan and clutch my stomach.

“Why didn’t you tell Laila, Matty? I’m sure she would have understood or at least heard you out.”

My chest rises and falls with each deep breath and I feel the one thing that I haven’t felt in a long time – four and a half years to be exact. I close my eyes and lean forward, placing my hands on my knees and shaking my head.

The feeling of the itch needing to be scratched by a sip of alcohol slowly builds with each breath I take.

You don’t need a damn drink, Matty.

“How’s mom?” I ask, trying to take my mind off of drinking. It doesn’t help.

Hannah seems surprised I asked, but she answers. “She’s good. She misses you. She always checks your page to see if you’ve posted anything new. I tell her that you never do, but she still checks.”

My heart breaks even more and I let out a cry. Hannah jumps up from her chair and wraps her small arms around me. Hunter stands and wobbles over to where we are and wraps his arms around my leg.

“I’m so sorry, Han. I was a shitty brother and son. I’m the worst uncle ever because I haven’t been here to watch Hunter grow up. I regret it. I regret it all,” I sob into my sister’s shoulder. She pulls me tighter and Hunter lets out a gurgle.

“Matty, you were a kid. You had to learn and if that meant falling on your ass, then that’s what it took. You’re not your past and you are most definitely not your mistakes.”

I look at my sister and see that she’s serious about her words.

For the first time in a long time, I feel loved by my family.

I’m lying on my couch when a heavy knock pounds on the door. I get up and open it, already knowing it’s not Laila. I find Luke standing there, holding Jen in one arm, a box in the other, and Clay clutching his leg.

“Care to explain why Laila called and said she’d drop your stuff off at my house?

I was surprised when she told me that, so I said I’d meet her to pick up whatever she had, thinking you left something important at her mom’s house.

Turns out, you left a lot of important stuff, Matty,” Luke says as he marches into my apartment.

He sets Jen down and he and Clay take off for their room, giving Luke and I privacy to talk.

“Clothes, underwear, toothbrush, shampoo and conditioner. Hell, she even threw in a squeeze toy for Nola. You can also imagine my surprise when she told me to email her if there were any questions. She has my number and told me to email her if I had any questions. I got a whole fuckin’ bunch, so you better get to talking. ”

I sigh and go back to my spot on the couch and run through the day’s events to Luke.

“I’m sorry, Matty.” Luke pats my shoulder.

“I can’t blame anyone or anything else except for myself. You told me what I needed to do and I just kept pushing it off.” I drop my eyes to the floor and ask the question I’m not sure I want the answer to. “How’d she look?”

“Like someone ran over Nola. Her eyes were so red and puffy, I thought she was having an allergic reaction at first. Not even Clay’s seashell costume made her smile,” Luke says, sounding equally upset.

“She’ll never trust me again, Luke. Hell, she probably won’t talk to me again.”

Luke sighs before he speaks. “She’s hurt, Matty, but can you blame her? You knew good and well that you should’ve told her about your record from the moment you started falling for her. Now, just give her time and space.”

I stare straight ahead, soaking in Luke’s words. I feel a tear fall down my cheek and I don’t bother wiping it away. Luke doesn’t give me shit for crying in front of him.

“I love her.”

Luke pats me on my knee and we sit in silence for a moment before he finally says, “And she still loves you.”