Page 31 of The Playboy’s Playbook

Chapter Twenty-Seven

MATT

M y mind races, especially with Laila here. I hear the bedroom door open and sit up, ready to respond to her. Her footsteps softly pad down the hallway before a gentle knock on the door.

“Matthew?” Her voice is so soft, so much that I have to make sure I’m not hearing things and she’s actually calling for me.

“Come in,” I answer and the door opens slowly. Laila enters the room and closes the door behind her. I flip the lamp on and look at her and I can feel the worry on my face. “Are you okay? What do you need me to do?”

I let her look over the room, not wanting to interrupt her or make her seem like she has to leave. The last thing I want is for her to leave when I’ve been without her for so long.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she whispers.

“Did you have a nightmare?” I ask.

She lets out a sad chuckle. “No.”

We stand in silence, neither of us making a move. She looks up at me with her brown eyes and it’s only then that I notice they’re red and puffy. I hate myself for being the reason for her tears.

I finally let out a sigh and ask Laila the one question that plays in my mind over and over. “Do you hate me?”

Having her hate me with the possibility of her falling for me was easier than having her hate me and never getting the chance to be with her.

She stills and considers her answer, her prolonged silence making me nervous. “I don’t hate people, Matthew.”

“Then tell me what you’re feeling, baby,” I plead.

“Please, don’t call me baby,” she whispers.

“I know that you came over because you felt like you had to, but you didn’t. I’m glad you’re here, but I just…I wish it wasn’t like this.”

She scoffs and shakes her head, a few stray tears fall from her eyes.

“Then you should have told me the truth about everything. I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through or what you’ve been through on your journey.

But a lot of things could have been avoided had you been honest with me from the beginning. ”

I close my eyes and lean my head back. “I know, Laila, trust me. I am well aware of the mistakes I’ve made. I couldn’t risk losing you.”

“And you lost me anyway.” She turns and leaves the room, making her way back to my bedroom. A few seconds later, she emerges in the clothes she arrived in and I spring to action.

“Laila, you don’t have to go.” I chase after her, wanting to keep her here a little while longer. She’s grabbing her purse and keys, making her way to the door when I catch up with her.

“Laila, please! Do you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Because I will. I know that there is a very slim possibility in this lifetime that I can earn your trust back, but I will work until my last breath to do it.”

She turns and storms toward me furiously. “That’s where you’re wrong because there is no possibility in this lifetime or the next million that you earn my trust back!”

I drop to my knees in front of her and look up at her, letting tears fall from my eyes.

“Tell me then – what can I do to fix this? I will do anything for you. You want me to jump off a cliff into freezing cold water? Because I’ll go do that shit right now.

You want me to paint your house with an art brush?

Consider it fucking done. You’re the love of my life and no matter what or how you feel about me, I will not give up on us. ”

She looks at me and I realize what I said. I just confessed my love for her and I don’t care about the timing because she needs to know.

“I love you.”

She shakes her head and whispers, “I don’t care.”

She turns on her heels and swings the door open forcefully as she storms out of the apartment. I turn and grab my keys and chase her down the steps into the parking lot. It doesn’t register that I’m barefooted until the bottom of my feet hit the warm, rocky concrete.

I catch up to her just as she opens her car door. I grab her by her wrist and turn her to face me, which was the second biggest mistake I’ve made tonight. She yanks her wrist from my grasp and raises her palm, slapping me clean across my face before pushing me away from her.

I hold my face for a second, the stinging feeling hurting like hell before I step back to her and trap her against her car. She squirms and I let her before she tires out and slumps against the car’s door.

“If you think I’m letting you drive home in the dark alone, you have lost your mind,” I say roughly against her ear.

“I drove over here alone in the dark, didn’t I?” The fight comes back to her body, but I don’t let up.

“Laila, get your ass back inside and go to sleep. If you decide you want to leave as soon as the sun comes up, then you can go and I won’t fight you. But I’m not letting you leave here in the middle of the fucking night.”

Her chest rises and falls rapidly and she pushes back against me, this time with enough force to push me away from her body. She locks her car and stomps back up the steps to the apartment.

I follow behind her, keeping a safe distance in case she turns around with another open palm ready to meet my face – that girl may be tiny, but that slap could’ve knocked me down if she tried hard enough.

I know I shouldn’t have fought with her –I should have let her go because forcing her to stay here isn’t doing me any favors.

Laila locks herself in my room and I retreat to the spare room, sleep not finding me. Before long, the sun rises, and the soft sound of my bedroom door opening, followed by the front door closing, makes the last of my tears fall.

“Matthew! Matthew! Wake your ass up!” Luke’s voice booms, followed by his fists pounding on the bedroom door. I texted him after Laila and I had our argument and told him what I did. He immediately texted back and said he’d see me in the morning.

I knew he wouldn’t be happy and by the sound of his voice, he’s pissed.

“Open the damn door before I kick it in!” Luke shouts again. He’s burst through many doors to get to me over the years, so I know he’s serious and doesn’t care about breaking another one, but I want my security deposit back.

I quickly open the bedroom door, and Luke greets me with a punch to the face, sending me stumbling back, clutching my jaw. Can’t say I don’t deserve it.

“How could you? I can’t even find the words to say to you right now, I’m so fucking pissed.

I don’t hear from you for a couple of hours and you managed to drink a full case of beer and a bottle of whiskey!

And don’t try and deny it – I saw the fucking trash can.

” Luke points his finger at me, his voice deep and full of anger and disappointment.

“You don’t have anything to say?” Luke asks, setting his arms down by his side.

I just stand and take this lashing because what else can I do? I look at my best friend and I can tell he wants to cry. I hurt him just as much as I hurt Laila because all of the work Luke put in to make sure I was okay, giving me a second chance at life, went down the drain in less than a week.

“I’m sorry,” I squeak. I look at his gray eyes and I fall apart. “I just…I’m sorry, Luke.”

I walk to the bed and sit, hiding my face in my hands. Luke lets out a heavy sigh and a few seconds later, the bed dips under his weight. He sits next to me silently, letting me let it all out.

“Why can’t I be strong enough to resist a fucking bottle? Why can’t I be strong enough to actually put up a fight for the love of my life without fucking something else in the process? Why can’t I be…enough?” I cry.

And realization hits me that Luke’s here, which means so are the boys. I can’t have them see me like this. “The boys? I can’t be here like this, I need to leave.”

I jump up and put on my sneakers and move to grab my keys when Luke stops me.

“I dropped them off at my brother’s house, Matty. It’s just me and you.” Luke’s voice is softer now, a stark contrast to him just a few minutes earlier. “Sit back down.”

I follow his command and sit next to him on the bed and neither of us make a move to speak. We sit in silence and let the sounds of the thunderstorm in the distance fill the air.

“I didn’t sleep at all last night because I wasn’t just worried about you.

I was scared for you. I’m thankful that Laila came here and you weren’t alone.

Had you not told me that she came over, I was going to be here.

Your punishment would’ve been watching the boys all morning with a fucking hangover. ”

“Without Laila, I’m nothing. What do I do, Luke? I really fucked it with her.” The tears spill out of my eyes again. “I love her and I lost her.”

Luke pats me on the back and pulls me to his side into a hug. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and lets me cry. “Just give her time, Matty.”

Just give her time.