Page 21

The weekend away was absolutely the best thing ever. Daddy planned so many fun things and I got to have a lot of Little time at the hotel. We used the jacuzzi tub Saturday night after our fancy dinner. Daddy turned the jets on and we had so many bubbles, a special soap that the hotel provided that was safe for the jets.

Coming back from that trip was sad, but Daddy had me sleep over at his place one more night. We stopped by my apartment just to make sure everything was okay, but then went straight to his place. I played some more until it was time for a shower and bed. Waking up Monday morning and getting ready for work was not fun. I wanted to stay home, but Daddy had to work too so we brushed our teeth, had a quick breakfast together, and then he dropped me off at my apartment before heading to work.

I was already ready and didn't have anything else to do, so I went to the bus stop again. I didn't try to hide this time and my siblings saw me with no problem. Jayden, again, crossed the street.

"Where have you been?" he asks, skipping formalities. "You weren't here last week."

"I didn't know you wanted me here," I say honestly. "I figured you wanted me to stay away."

There's a silence between us and again, I don't know what to say. I kind of wish Garrett was here with me. He always knows what to say to people.

"I can keep coming," I say. "I like to know that you three are okay."

"Mom is gone." I whip my head up to look at Jayden when he says that. I open my mouth to say something, but he keeps talking. "She left the day after I saw you. We didn't say anything about seeing you. Her and Dad had a fight or something and she just left."

"Is everything okay at home?"

"Honestly?" Jayden reaches up and scratches the back of his head. "They're getting better without Mom. I really think Dad is trying to turn things around. We watched him throw out all the alcohol in the house."

"He even helped me with my homework," a timid voice says behind me. I turn around to see Katy and Quinn standing there. They both look well dressed. Clean. Better than they were two weeks ago. Quinn was the one that said it. She has her dark hair in two braids and is wearing a blue-green dress with a cardigan. It's cute.

I look at Katy. She's wearing a long sleeve shirt with a pair of jeans. She has a hoodie over her arm, so I can't be mad that she isn't dressed appropriately. I can feel tears welling in my eyes and all at once, I'm surrounded by my siblings as we embrace. I can hear sniffles and I'm not sure if it's just me or if they're crying too.

"I've missed you," Katy says when we all part again. "You should come home."

"I have a home," I say. I don't mention Garrett, but I point in the general direction of my apartment. The one that I'm paying for but I haven't actually used in over a week. "Maybe I'll stop by the house, though. One day this week? I work over at the coffee shop downtown so I don't get off until later."

"We have to get back to the bus stop," Jayden says. "But yeah, I'll tell Dad and let you know what he says. He has a new job, which I think is part of this whole change. It's a corporate job so drug testing and all that." He says that last part softly enough it's just me that hears him. I give the girls each a hug and watch them go back across the street.

"I'm really glad things seem to be turning around for you three," I say honestly. "I'm still sorry that I left when I did."

"I get it," Jayden says. "I'm sorry for how I acted last time, but I get it. I'm still not sure if this new behavior with Dad is going to stick, but we'll see. I also understand if you can't ever forgive him. I was expected to help raise Katy and Quinn, but he never hit me. I didn't know that about him when you were living there."

As much as it pains me to think about my past, I'm also glad that my siblings never had to go through that. I'm sure there was abuse of the emotional and manipulative kind, but the fact none of them had to experience the physical abuse gives me some sort of relief. I give him a hug before watching him go across the street and get on the bus with the girls. They all wave at me from the window.

This time, I do pull out my phone and text Garrett.

Orion

Saw my siblings again this morning. I think they're going to be OK.

Garrett texts back almost immediately.

Daddy G

I'm happy to hear that, baby. Are you OK seeing them again?

I am okay. I know that it won't be a cut and dry reunion with our dad, not with the history we have. It's a start, though, that he seems to be doing better. Trying, at least. I'll go to see my siblings and be cordial to him, but I won't reach for a relationship if he doesn't offer it.

By the time I get to work, my brain switches from family and Garrett to coffee. I clock in and jump right into customer service mode. Tyler is back on my side and this week he seems much better. There are small bags under his eyes, but he seems to have energy today. We make small chit-chat between customers and take turns making the drinks and working the register.

I'm in a great mood all morning. Austin has a checklist, as usual, of things that need to be inventoried, stocked, or cleaned. I get through most of it before my break and plan to do the rest once I get back. That is, until the nephew shows up. He won’t become the official new owner for another two months, but he sure acts like it. We haven’t seen Kenny since that meeting.

I watch from one of the cafe tables as he starts rearranging my station. He changes where we keep the chocolate pumps and to-go coffee cups, switching them around which makes no sense. Then he moves the drip coffees and all the sugar packets and creamer cups we provide for customers to make their own coffee if they want. Nothing he does makes sense. I can't hear them talking, but Austin walks up at one point and it looks tense.

When Cade walks away, Austin looks over at me and rolls his eyes, his shoulders dropping. I finish my lunch and clock back in a few minutes early. I don't like the way the new set up looks, but Austin says we have to just let him do whatever and hopefully he'll see that it isn't going to work.

"He's changing prices on things as well, going up on every single item," Austin says. "I'm sorry, Orion. I'm trying to get him to stop changing so much so fast."

"I know it's not you," I say. I turn back to look at the espresso machine and the set up now. I can't stop the laugh bubbling up my throat. "It just looks bad. It makes no sense to have the cups on that side."

"I know," Austin says, chuckling with me. "Let him have his power trip and he'll realize soon enough we know what we're doing."

"Whatever you say, boss."

Tyler walks over then and I can see that the day has hit him. He looks tired again, walking slower and he immediately leans against the counter. "You okay?" Austin asks.

"I'll survive." Tyler dismisses the question. "Cade just told me I needed to start upselling people for their coffees in the morning. I'm not making him enough money apparently."

Austin audibly grumbles at that and his brows furrow. "That's it. I know it's only been what, two weeks? I love this shop too much to see all this go down. You two, we are having dinner Friday night and we're going to discuss what to do. If you're planning on sticking around, that is."

"I don't plan on leaving," I say. "And dinner on Friday sounds great."

"If I have the energy by then," Tyler says. "I'll be there."

"Seriously, Tyler." Austin holds a hand out toward Tyler's elbow. "I'm not asking you to discuss your medical information, but are you okay? I know you were supposed to go to college with Amir but you stayed. Is everything okay? Is there anything we can do for you?"

"If you can find me someone that will take over making all the decisions and choices in my life, that would be great." Tyler laughs but Austin and I look at each other. We definitely have that in our lives. Well, I'm working on giving my Daddy the trust to take over everything for me. After this weekend and everything that Garrett did for me, I know that I can trust him with anything. We're supposed to be going over my finances tonight. "Why are you two looking at each other like that?"

"Um, so…" I look at Austin, at a loss for words.

"We kind of have partners that do that for us? We could definitely find someone for you that would be happy making all the decisions."

"What?" Tyler seems more intrigued than confused or anything. "How does that work?"

"Have you ever heard of Daddies? Or Mommies, depending on your preference of partners." Tyler's eyes nearly bug out at the question.

A customer comes up and I turn around to help them, leaving the two of them to talk quietly. The customer gets a drip coffee and has a pastry so I ring them up quickly, reaching in the wrong place for a cup. I grumble to myself as I take a step to the left and grab a cup and lid.

"Here you go." I hand the cup over and smile. "Have a great day."

I tune back into the conversation with Austin and Tyler.

"… I go at least once a month. It's a fun time to just let go and not worry about anything for a night."

"What are we talking about?" I ask.

"The club," Austin says. "Trying to convince Tyler to come with us one time."

"Did you confirm that he's even interested in… our lifestyle?" I remember the way Austin asked me about it, just jumping into it. Of course, I was in denial then.

"I did," Austin says. "And I told you I was sorry about how I asked you."

"I know," I say quickly. "I just missed the part of the conversation."

"Interested and it's… Daddies for me." He says the word slowly, like he's testing it out. I nod.

"I was hesitant at first," I say. "But when you find the right person, it just clicks."

"I'll have to look into it before I promise anything," Tyler says. "But I'll let you know."

"But we're still on for Friday, right?" I ask. "I'll see if Garrett is able to join."

"I know Remi is," Austin says with a smile. "Friday is usually date night but we'll make an exception. We'll consider this a bonding exercise or something."

"Bonding over how to get rid of the new owner," Tyler says with a nod. "I'm totally in."

We finish out the day without any more changes, thankfully. Despite Austin saying not to, I changed everything back to how it was this morning. I don't know when the guy is coming back in, but I'll deal with it then. I wonder if I could get away with a bit of gaslighting to make him think he moved it like that. Garrett is waiting for me out front this time, with his hazard lights on. Garrett must have told Remi about the drunk guy incident because he is waiting for Austin out front as well.

I lean over the console in the SUV and kiss Garrett. "Hi, baby. How was your day?"

"Long," I say, sitting back down. I buckle up and he pulls off down the street. "We're having dinner Friday night and our co-worker is interested in the whole Daddy dynamic so now Austin is on a match-making mission. Even though there's a nurse that comes in that is definitely smitten with Tyler already."

"Wow, you really did have an eventful day." Garrett looks over at me and he takes my hand into his. "How are you from this morning?"

"Good," I say. "A little hesitant to believe them, but hopeful. I'm thinking of going to see them on Wednesday. Would you come with me?"

"Of course, baby. Then maybe you would want to go meet my parents tomorrow?" Garrett lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. His eyes flick to me and then back to the road. "I told my mom about you on Friday and she's excited to meet you."

"I'd love to, Daddy."

"Tonight is for us, though. I promise it won’t be as bad as you think." I nod. I know he told me on the way home from the hotel that it isn't as bad as I think it is. I'm most nervous about this, but he's already seen the numbers and he hasn't left me so that has to be a good sign?

When we get to his house, he has dinner waiting for us already. A Mexican style lasagna. I wish that I could cook, but I'm also more than okay with my Daddy feeding me yummy food like this. We eat in silence. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because the food is so good. And messy. Daddy has me hop in a shower before we get to work.

"Okay." Papers are spread out around the coffee table and we're sitting on the couch. Garrett is wearing a pair of glasses that look more hot than nerdy on him. I don’t comment on the fact that he needs them, but I definitely picture him wearing them while we’re doing other things. "I have two budgets that I want to show you. I don't want you to make any decisions today but at least think of these."

I nod and he starts going into the details. I don't know how he did it, but he called the credit card companies and got my interest rates down. He also got one of them to knock over two hundred dollars off. There's a very detailed budget that allows me to save some money while also putting away some more to upgrade things I need. A new smartphone is listed under the small goals, a car and driver's license is listed under big, long term goals.

"This is the second budget," Garrett says. He sounds almost hesitant. "Just look it over and you can think."

I take the two sheets of paper from him. It has a lot more money in my savings and has only one new goal listed.

Buy out rental contract.

"What does that mean?" I ask, looking at him. He takes my hand in his and smiles softly.

"It means that I want to offer you to move in with me," he says. "I know it's only been a couple months since we met, but I love you, Orion. You're stuck with me. I would love for you to move in here, if you want."

I don't know what to say. My mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out. That is a big decision. I don't want to live here for free and I don't see rent or anything on this budget to account for me living here. That would have to be negotiated.

"Don't decide now," he says. "I just want you to know that is an option."

I'm nervous on Wednesday. All day, I can't stop thinking about what I'm going to say or how I'm going to react seeing my dad and being back in that house. I'm doing it for my siblings. For myself, to find whatever closure I can and finally move on from that part of my life.

Meeting Garrett's parents last night was fun. His dad cooked us a gourmet dinner and his mom shared all kinds of stories about him and his siblings growing up. Neither of them seemed concerned about our age difference or the way that Garrett picked the foods and put them on my plate for me. The conversation flowed and we talked and had a great time. I was invited back anytime, with or without Garrett, before we left.

Now, as each minute passes at work, my stomach twists a little tighter at the thought of seeing my own family. I go through the motions of cleaning everything, double checking that it's all spotless. I'm stalling, I know I am. Especially when Garrett texts me that he can see me cleaning the same thing for the third time.

"Good luck tonight," Austin says as we walk out together. He locks the shop up and we part ways. I told Austin what I was doing today.

"Are you ready for this?" Garrett asks when I get into the car. I'm really getting used to him picking me up.

I think about his offer again, of moving in with him. We've only been together for two months, moving in together that soon would be a record of some sort I'm sure. I know that I love him, but breaking my lease would require paying three months of rent. I can't afford that and I won't let Garrett do that either. He’s not pushing me to make a decision and I’m grateful for that.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I say. "I'm glad you're here with me, though."

"I'll always be there for you," he says with a smile. I stifle my immediate reaction to clap like I’m listening to the Friends theme song. Instead, I return his smile and he drives off.

When we get to my old house, I don't get out right away. I can see the porch light is on and there's light coming from around a set of curtains in the main room. I don't know if much has changed inside, but that was the living room when I was still here. Garrett doesn't push me to get out of the car. Even when Jayden appears in the doorway and waves us in, Garrett just takes my hand and squeezes it.

"You can do this, baby." He moves his hand to my thigh. "The moment you need to get out of there, though, just say the word and I promise no one will stop us."

"I love you," I say, looking up at him. "You are honestly the best thing in my life."

"I love you too, honey." He lets go of my leg and opens his door. I wait for him to come to my side before unbuckling. We walk up to the house hand-in-hand. Jayden's eyes are wide as he takes Garrett in. I introduce them quickly.

"This is Garrett, my boyfriend."

"You're huge," Jayden says after a quick handshake. "Dude, I wish I could get muscles like that. I need your gym routine."

"I can do that," Garrett says with a nod. Then he looks at me. "Your brother is great at making excuses to not go."

"Hey, I go for moral support."

"And the sauna," Garrett adds. I smile. He goes often on the nights I stay at the apartment, but I’ve gone with him once or twice on the weekends when we’re together.

"And the sauna."

My smile fades when I see my dad step through the kitchen and into the living room. We're still a whole room apart from each other, but I feel my heart start to race and my hand is getting sweaty. Garrett pulls me closer to him so I'm pressed against his body from shoulder to elbow.

"Hey, Orion." His voice is deep, deeper than I remember. He looks older too. His hair is gray, despite only being in his late forties. He has wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. He's slim, too.

"Hey." I say. I clear my throat. I look around the room. It's clean, if a bit lived in. The carpet is stained from years of us growing up. It looks like it's been cleaned a bit, not as dark as I remember. The table, which always had papers and mismatched items strewn about, is empty. Quinn is sitting at the table, a notebook and textbook open. I remember how we always did our homework in our rooms because it reduced the risk of our parents yelling at us for any given reason.

"I'm glad you could make it," he offers, a bit hesitant. I know I'm giving off the vibe of not wanting to be here. Part of me doesn't, but I know if he's really putting in the effort Jayden says he is, I can at least come by and see it for myself. "Do you want anything to drink? We have water or tea."

"Water would be great," Garrett says. "For both of us."

Garrett turns back to me when we're left on our own. His eyes search mine before he pulls my face against his chest. "You're doing great, baby. Just give me the word if it becomes too much."

"I will," I whisper against his skin.

I take a closer look at the details of this house. I'm surprised to see that there are photos of me on the wall. There aren't a lot and obviously they stop when I'm a teenager. The last two years of living here weren't good. There were no family photos taken or anything. I don't remember half the photos being here.

"Here you go," my dad says, coming up behind us. He has two bottles of water in his hands. His eyes flick to Garrett and back to me.

"Garrett, this is Randall. Randall, Garrett is my boyfriend."

I watch them shake hands, feeling a rush of nerves shoot through my body. It's a different type of feeling. Instead of being nervous for my dad to meet my boyfriend, I'm more nervous that my Daddy is seeing this part of my life, where I came from.

My dad turns back to me. "So, I hear you're working at the coffee shop. Shade Grown, right?"

"I am," I say. I press my lips together and nod. "I like it there."

"That's good," he says. "Listen, can we talk? In the other room?"

"Um." I look at my siblings who are now watching us from the dining room and then to Garrett. He nods, the look in his eyes promising me that he won't be far. "Okay."

I follow my dad to the hallway. I'm still within sight of Garrett, but I don't think any of them can hear us.

"I'm glad you came by," Randall starts. I don't know if I want to call him dad or not, even in my head. Seeing him after all this time has my brain so confused. "I want to start by saying I'm so sorry for how we raised you. I know that doesn't mean a thing and it's just a word, but I truly mean it. You didn't deserve any of it. Your mom and I— we weren't good for each other. We didn't deserve to have any of you.

"I want you to know that I'm serious about changing. I've joined an AA group each week and I'm starting counseling. I think we're all going to go to a family therapist, but I'm working on myself right now."

"That's good," I say. I don't know what else to say. Seeing him, standing in this hallway, memories come back to me. Those years that I got yelled at, pushed, and smacked for not being the parent they expected me to be when I was just a child myself.

"I don't expect us to have a relationship tonight," he continues. "But I would like to try and rebuild whatever we can. Completely on your terms. I know that I did a lot of unforgivable things, but I would like us to get to know each other as the people we are now."

I nod. I can give him a chance. It might take a while for me to trust him and to work through what he did to me, but I can see that he means what he is saying. I want to be in my siblings' lives more than ten minutes five days a week. We don't hug or shake hands. He nods and offers the smallest smile before turning around and walking back to the kitchen.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," he says. "We're having baked spaghetti and garlic bread."