Page 16

My heart is absolutely gone. I no longer own it, or even control it. Dramatic sentiment for an almost-forty-year-old, sure, but it's the damned truth. Orion came in and stole it, and I let him.

When we wake up on Saturday morning, I'm greeted with the most precious sight. Orion's hair is messy, sticking up in several places against the pillow. His clothes don't match at all; he's wearing a red shirt with a graphic of a turtle and a rainbow on it, mismatched with a pair of blue shorts that have a subtle darker blue zig-zag pattern on them. The shorts barely come to mid-thigh on him, and right now they're bunched up, revealing the edge of the diaper he's wearing.

Putting that on him last night was a whole new experience. After playing for half an hour, where he fully sank into Little space, I sat him at the table and spoon fed him his dinner. He ate about half of it before asking if he could go finish playing before bath time. I followed him upstairs, where I saw he had been into just about every toy I have in the house for him now.

I started the bath and then walked back out to join in his play for a few minutes. He was laying on his stomach, a stuffie in each hand, and narrating a story that was unfolding in his mind. His imagination runs wild, that's for sure. He was having so much fun and I joined in with my own stuffie where I was needed since he only had two hands. When I called time to take a bath, he put up a bit of a fight that his story wasn't finished yet. I had to negotiate that we could leave them where they were and he could have a few minutes after bath time to finish playing.

Orion was totally okay with that once he realized there were toys in the bath as well. I didn't get duckies, as Austin suggested, but there were a few squirty toys and a plastic pirate ship wheel no bigger than my own hand, that Orion squealed over.

While he was fighting other pirates and making up a new storyline, I jumped in the shower and cleaned up quickly. Once I had the towel around my waist, I washed his hair and body. I had to get a little stern with him when he kept refusing to dunk his head or turn his body so I could clean him off properly. It wasn't until I sighed and said that playtime afterward was in jeopardy that he finally listened to me. I felt bad, but we've discussed the rules and consequences if he doesn't listen.

Now, though, he's still asleep. He has a paci in his hand and the bottle he fell asleep drinking is sitting on my bedside table. It's the aftermath of such a perfect night with my Boy. I love him so much.

I move slowly, sneaking out of bed without waking him. After he cried in the car yesterday, he needed last night. I want that to continue as long as possible so I plan to wake him up with a fun breakfast. I remember growing up, my mom would make us Mickey Mouse pancakes on Saturday mornings while we watched cartoons. The party today isn't until four, so we have plenty of time to take it slow.

The thought of Orion being Little around others today gives me a bit of anxiety. I know that the others are all nice and will welcome him no problem. Orion's regression is a bit younger than the others, though. I'm not sure how it's going to work. I know he likes to play and I'm certain that Austin will be a great host to him, but I hope that they understand Orion is more into soft play. And the nonverbal thing. Last night, it wasn't so much, but once he settled down in bed and took the bottle, there wasn't a word said between us the rest of the night. His hand had done the same thing as last time, trailing slowly down my body until his fingers wrapped around my soft cock. I remind myself to ask him about that today. I don't mind it at all, I find it cute actually that his sleepy brain tells him he needs to hold on to something.

I plate the two pancakes I made, one plain for me and the other cartoon shaped with syrup on the side. I also peel an orange and put half on his plate and half on mine. I grab a bottle of water for myself and a sippy cup of milk for Orion. I don't know what kind of headspace he'll wake up in, but I'm hoping this morning we can spend it playing together.

Orion is still asleep when I creep back into the bedroom. It's only six-thirty, but we went to sleep a little early last night and we have a fun day ahead of us. I set our plates and drinks down on the dresser and cross the room to the bed. I lay a hand on Orion's shoulder and shake him gently. He doesn't stir and that makes me smile.

"Honey, wake up." I lean down, lips close to his ear. "I have breakfast. I made pancakes."

Orion rolls onto his back, but doesn't open his eyes. I sigh, leaning down once again to kiss him. I start at his adorable nose, then his cheeks. I make dramatic kissy noises all the while and by the time I kiss his lips, he's smiling.

"Come on, baby. Let's eat and then we can play before we leave the house." I glance up, trying to judge what it looks like through the curtains. "It might be nice enough we could take Riley for a w-a-l-k." I spell the word because saying his name was already enough to get his attention. I don't need him getting too excited right now.

Orion peeks one eye open at those words. He catches my eye and then closes it, dramatically breathing in and out to pretend like he's still sleeping. It's… I don't know a sufficient word that is more than adorable, but it's that. I laugh under my breath and lean down once more. This time, my hands pull the blanket off of him while I blow raspberries on his neck. He loves it and the room fills with laughter.

"Daddy!" He says through giggles. His body is turning this way and that underneath my wandering hands. "I awake!"

"Good." I stop all movements and smile down at him. He gives me the same smile back. He sits up and moves to his knees, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Good morning," he whispers.

"Best morning," I respond, wrapping my own arms around his back. "I made you a special pancake."

"Special?" His eyes are wide and he shows me nearly all his teeth with that smile. I stand up and grab our plates, sitting his down on the sheet. I move the blanket fully out of the way before sitting down with him. Riley's head is on the edge of the bed between us, eyes clocking our every move.

"No food for the dog," I remind Orion. I know he's snuck things to Riley before and once or twice is fine, but I'll have to make sure it doesn't become a habit.

"No way," he says, his eyes shooting to me. His face is serious. "I don't share Mickey. I love it, Daddy."

"I'm glad." I cut the first bite of my pancake before looking back at Orion. "Do you need me to cut your food?"

"I good," he says. I watch him hold the fork by wrapping his whole hand around it, like he's holding a bike handle. It takes him a moment, but he finally gets a piece ripped off and dunks it into the syrup on the side. HIs food is on one of his new plate sets, so the syrup has its own little compartment. "I did it!"

"Good job, honey."

We eat like that, playful banter between us, until both of our plates are empty. Orion uses the sippy cup no problem, but I see him looking over at his bottle from last night. I make a note to pack one in his bag for today. It was a tip Remington gave me; buy an actual diaper bag and fill it with whatever you'll need for events. We wouldn't take it out in public, but for the club or playdates at each others' houses, I can see how it would be handy. I'll double check with him before we leave if he wants to bring it or not.

Riley left us at some point to go downstairs. When we're finished with our food and head down, Orion goes straight to the back door to let him outside while I fill his food and water bowls. I watch both of them from the kitchen island, smiling at the muted sounds of Orion's laughter when Riley runs toward him again and again. He's standing where we were last night and the thought of what we did flashes back through my mind.

When the two of them come back inside, Riley heads straight for his food while Orion stands by the door with his hands by his side. His cheeks are flushed and it takes me a moment to see the welling of tears in his eyes. I rush across the room and stop in front of him. He looks up at me without question.

"I peed."

I look behind him, about to ask if he went outside, but then I remember he's wearing the diaper. He puts a hand on his groin area and we both look down.

"Are you okay with that?" I look back up at his eyes. He takes a second to look up at me. He shrugs his shoulders and I know he's thinking hard about this. "Honey, are you okay with that?"

After my second question, he nods. He gives me the sign that he doesn't want to talk and I accept it. I take his hand and pull him upstairs into the playroom where we keep all his toys and supplies. We got the bunk beds put together last Sunday. The structure takes up a fourth of the room, but there is plenty of space for the rest of his things. I move to the dresser where I've organized the clothes that didn't go in the closet and some supplies, like lotions, creams, and such.

I pull out a pair of training pants and another diaper, asking which he'd like to wear. He looks at both before deciding on the training pants. They're still padded and have a fun squiggly design on them, but they're not made to hold anything if he has an accident. I tell him this and he nods with a smile.

"Lay down on the bed and Daddy will change you."

I grab the pack of wipes from the top left drawer before turning back around. Orion is already on the bed, shorts around his ankles. I keep my laugh to myself at the sight. It's too cute. He lets me maneuver him as I clean him up. When I pull him to his feet to pull his shorts back up, I kiss his thighs and then his stomach. I can see the muscles on his stomach quiver at the touch of my lips.

"Tickles," he says with a laugh. I situate his shorts on him and stand up. He holds his arms out, resting his elbows on my shoulders and looking into my eyes. "Up."

"You want me to carry you?" He nods and I can't say no to him. He isn't heavy at all, something that is also on the list to talk to him about. I don't know if he's seen a doctor for any sort of check up since he's lived on his own. When he wraps his legs and arms around me, he rests his head on my shoulder, facing the room. "Where am I taking you, honey?"

"Paint?"

I walk out of the room and down the hall. I set up the paint station in front of the window on Monday. Orion was at his apartment for the evening and I didn't have anything else to do. I may have also gone to a local art supply shop and bought some additional items. The first thing was a washable rug on the floor. The floors in the upstairs are carpet and I was warned by the cashier that even washable paint is hard to get out of carpet. The desk is a white wood color. It has two drawers in the front and a plank across the bottom to either put more supplies, or if Orion is like me, to put his feet. The left drawer is filled with paint brushes, colored pencils and crayons. The other has stacks of the thicker paper recommended for watercolors and two coloring books.

Orion's eyes are jumping from spot to spot, taking everything in as I show him. I can see he's happy without words. It makes my heart leap once more just watching him. "How about you start painting Daddy a picture while I clean up? I'll be right back and I'll color with you."

He doesn't say anything, but doesn’t argue when I sit him down in the chair that came with the desk. I watch him for a second to see what he's going to choose. He pulls out three paint bottles, a canvas, and one of the brushes. There's also a paint tray he finds toward the back of the drawer.

I head downstairs to clean up quickly. My phone is buzzing on the counter and I see Rachel's face flashing on the screen.

"Hey, Rach." I balance the phone between my ear and shoulder so I can turn the faucet on.

"Long time no talk. Or see. Where have you been hiding out?"

I roll my eyes at this. It has been a while, but I'm not hiding. I play along though. "Just trying to avoid you. I keep getting roped into helping with things whenever I see you."

"That's not— Actually, that might be true. That's not the point though. I hear through the grapevine that you're bringing your Boy to the playdate today?"

She says it casually, if a bit excited. Rachel is a close friend and we hang out as often as we can. It's mostly at the club, but like with the camp, I've tagged along to a few playdates or the rare occasion we all go out to a bar or something. I love that our little group isn't always playdates. I don't mind them, but I like the balance. I'm sure now that Orion is in the picture, I'll enjoy the playdates a lot more. Either way, I see it as a way to hang out with my friends.

"We're still on the fence about it," I say honestly. "We'll be at the party, but I'll have to talk to him. He hasn't had any Little time in front of anyone but myself."

"Is there anything we can do to make it easier for him if you do stay?" Rachel is in full Mommy mode now. I love that my friends are so empathetic.

"He's not one for rough housing," I say. I don't want to give away too much without Orion's permission. "He plays pretend and likes to make up stories, but he also goes quiet sometimes."

"Is that something we should watch out for?" Rachel sounds like she's taking notes. No doubt, she'll have a talk with Luke, to let him know to not overwhelm Orion.

"No, it isn't anything specific. Most of the time, he's just wanting cuddles, but others, he just likes to play without talking. He's upstairs painting right now. I might bring some coloring books with us if he decides he wants to stay."

"Have you seen Austin's room at their house? It's crafts galore. I'm actually jealous of it."

I hear laughter coming from upstairs and then Riley's bark. It sounds playful, but I can only imagine what they're doing up there. "I think I have to go. Orion's been way too quiet and now he's laughing."

"Have fun!" Rachel says, a tone of 'oh you shouldn't have left him alone' clear in her voice. "See you later, Garrett."

I hang up the phone and finish up the last dish. Orion's laughter is less, but I can still hear it drifting through the house. When I walk up the stairs, I'm greeted with Orion's big, brown eyes and cute smile. That smile is deceptive though, because there is paint smeared over his face and arms. I look down at Riley and drop my head into my hands. My dog now possesses two very brightly colored eyebrows. One is blue and the other red. Orion has blue, pink, red, and purple on his skin.

"I painted!" Orion says happily. I look back at him and try to turn my grimace into a smile. It's tough, but I manage.

"I see that." I step closer to him, looking over his shoulder at the desk. "Did you paint anything on the canvas?"

There is what I'm assuming is supposed to be a car of some sort. It's got a swirl of colors and I see the paint tray is all mixed together. The caps to the bottles are open too. I definitely should have been supervising for his first time using these paints. They’re much different from the cheap watercolors the last time.

"I think we've done enough painting." I move around Orion's chair and start collecting the bottles of paint. "We're going to make a new rule, okay? No paint unless Daddy or another Mommy or Daddy are with you, okay?"

"I sorry." His head is down and he's fumbling with his hands.

I stop what I'm doing and kneel down in front of him, my hands covering his. "Honey, look at me." I wait until he does, reminding myself that it's just paint and he didn't get it on the floor or anything. He is just having fun, much needed fun that he wasn't allowed to have growing up. "I'm not mad at you. Painting is a lot of fun, but we have to keep it not on our bodies, or the dog, right?"

"Yes, Daddy." His voice is still barely above a whisper. An idea pops into my head and I smile at Orion.

"Do you want to go to Austin's tonight for a playdate?" I see the way he shrinks in on himself, his shoulder barely rising in a shrug. "What if I could get someone there that could do face paint for all of you? Then you can get your whole face in whatever colors." I know the club hires out for events and I have the boutique's business card as well so I'll call and see what I can do.

"Really?" His eyes nearly pop out with excitement. I nod.

"Only if you're good and you help Daddy clean this up. I'm going to take Riley into the bathroom and clean him off and you clean this up." Orion nods. "Bring the paint tray into the bathroom when you're done and we'll get you in the bath to clean you off too."

"I not in trouble?"

I lean forward and kiss his lips. "No, baby. Not in trouble. We just can't make big messes like this inside, okay?"

I call for Riley to follow me into the bathroom. He's always loved water, so I don't have to fight him to walk into the shower of the guest bathroom. Before I clean him up, though, I pull out my phone and take a picture. This will definitely be going up somewhere. I also text Remington so he isn't blindsided for tonight.

Garrett

Hey, decided to stay for playdate after all. Do you mind if I bring a face painter for the boys? I'll explain when we get there.

Remington

Oh, Austin is going to go ballistic for that. As long as it's someone that's OK and aware of the situation, I'm good with it.