Page 38

THIRTY-EIGHT

TEDDY

I can’t fix what is happening with Rhys’ family, but I can fix the shit with mine.

I think.

I hope.

Tobi has been avoiding me since he found us at the hotel, probably using my fucking location through our family share.

Bestest Son Ever: momma i need ur help

Momma: Of course, what do you need?

Bestest Son Ever: i need u 2 get tobi home

Momma: Why? You live in the same building.

Bestest Son Ever: hes avoiding me

Momma: And why is that?

Bestest Son Ever: ill tell u later

Momma: I don’t like it, but fine. When?

Bestest Son Ever: 2nite

Momma: Dinner time work?

Bestest Son Ever: ye

I’m supposed to have dinner with the team, but I can’t. I have to fix this for Rhys and Tobi. After a quick text exchange with Porter, he tells me good luck and to let him know if I need anything.

Teddy changed Rhys’ contact to My Love

Double Stuffed: im gonna talk 2 tobi 2nite

My Love: How are you going to do that?

Double Stuffed: got mom involved

My Love: Oh, that’s smart.

Double Stuffed: told u i was smart

My Love: Do you want me to come with you?

Double Stuffed: nah this is brother stuff

My Love: K.

Double Stuffed: wut the hell is that for!

My Love: What was what for?

Double Stuffed: the fuck you K.

My Love: What the hell are you talking about?

Double Stuffed: every1 knows K. means fuck you like the fu thumbs up

My Love: Who knows that?

Double Stuffed: lit-oral-e every1

My Love:

Double Stuffed:

We are going to have to address this later, because he might hate me after texting like that.

I get to my parents’ house with a jumble-y belly but determined face. Tobi is mad. He’s hurt, I know that, but we’re fixing this. We aren’t leaving until we do.

He can be mad at me, but he can’t keep ignoring Rhys. Rhys needs him, and he needs Rhys.

I open the door, and Mom is pulling what smells like pot roast out of the oven.

Oh. Fuck. Yes.

Savory, beefy, potato-y goodness.

“Hi Momma.” I give her a side hug once the hot dish is on the counter.

“Hey kiddo.” She leans her head against my shoulder for a minute, then steps away and gives me the mom look. I’m in trouble. I knew it was going to happen, but I was hoping to get Tobi less mad at me first. “I don’t know what you’ve done to your brother, but fix it.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I kiss her hair and go to find my brother. I say hi to Dad, give him a hug, get a look from him, and tell him I’m on it before knocking on Tobi’s door.

“I’m not hungry.” The words are almost angry like he’s said it before and not that long ago.

I open the door, quickly step inside and close it. He glares at me from his bed, curled up on his side.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“I know and that’s fine, but I have things to say.” I stand in front of the door like a wall so he can’t escape before he hears me out.

“I don’t care.” He sits up, anger putting some color in his cheeks. Jesus. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. This is not the brother I know. This guy is rumpled, exhausted, un-showered, and angry. So, so angry. “I stopped caring what you had to say when you started lying to me. Get out.”

“No.” I cross my arms and lean against the door. If he needs to yell at me first, so be it. I’m sure whatever he has to say, I deserve.

“What the fuck do you mean, no? This is my room! Get out!”

“No. Not until I’ve talked.”

“You don’t get to make excuses to make yourself feel better!” he screams, breathing hard.

“I’m not trying to make myself feel better. Be angry at me. I deserve it. I’ve been a shit brother for years and this is the nail in the coffee. I get that. But Rhys deserves better.” I’m breathing harder now too. Emotions are tangling in my chest like snakes. And not the good kind of snakes.

“Rhys is probably worse than you at this point! He was my best friend. He knew everything about me, and he still fucked around with you and lied to me about it! You, I expect to not give a shit about me or how I feel, but I expected better from my best friend. Even after I told him I was in love with him. He. Said. Nothing.”

Oh fuck. This is so much worse than I thought.

“You’re in love with him?”

He throws his hands up. “Yes, you obtuse meathead,” he huffs and stands. “Is that really all you heard? You’re even more oblivious than I thought, which is saying something.”

“No, it’s not all I heard.” I step toward him, wanting to hug him or punch him or both. I don’t know. Maybe shake him a little. “I heard that you’ve learned to expect me to fuck you over. That you can’t count on me to have your back.”

“How is that surprising? When have you ever done something that wasn’t for your benefit?” He doesn’t get it either.

I guess we’re doing this now.

“You know, for being as smart as you are, you’re pretty oblivious too.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re so fucking smart, Tobs. You have a full ride scholarship to a fucking a college in the Myth League because of your brain. That’s better than the Ivys even. You can talk to Mom and Dad about shit that I can’t pronounce, much less understand the concept of. You’re one of their equals.” A knot forms in my throat and it burns like a cinnamon Atomic Fireball. “All I’m good at is hockey. It’s all I have. I’m basically a dog begging for pats when they learn to shit outside.”

A tear trails down Tobi’s face, and he brushes it away. “Everyone loves you. No one gives a fuck about what I’m doing. They all just want to be around your greatness. They will stop mid-sentence with me to talk to you about hockey. When have they ever interrupted a hockey story to ask me about anything I was doing? Never.”

“People want to be around me because I’m dumb. They want to laugh at me. I’m a damn clown. No one takes me seriously. No one asks me for advice on stuff that matters. That’s you. You’re the reliable one.”

He’s shaking his head like I’m the one not understanding, and maybe he’s right. We’re coming from two very different places, and I don’t know how to bridge the gap but I have to try.

“Do you know how much respect I have for you?”

“What?”

“Being smart is a big responsibility. People expect shit from you, hold you to a higher standard. There’s no room for being wrong or making mistakes. That’s terrifying. It’s so much easier to be a moron and not have anyone expect anything from you. I respect the shit out of you for being you. For taking a stand and demanding people treat you with respect. It’s too much pressure for me.”

Tobi squints at me. “Are you saying you pretend to be dumb?”

I laugh, but there’s not much humor in it. “Not really. I am kinda dumb. I really thought there were gators living in the sewers. I watched this show about how they clean the sewer systems in big cities and the entire time, I was waiting for them to mention the gators. They didn’t. Not one time. I looked it up on my phone and the internet said it was a myth. I didn’t know that.”

Tobi chuckles and wipes his face.

“And until I was like seventeen, I thought you couldn’t take a shower during thunder and lightning storms because little witches would come out of the shower head.”

He looks up at me and cocks his head. “Is that why you would lose your mind when I would turn on the tub during a storm?”

“Yes! See! I was saving your life!”

“That makes a lot more sense now.”

“I didn’t even know how to have real sex. Rhys had to show me.”

Tobi makes a face. “I don’t think I want to ask about that, even if it sounds objectively funny.”

“I’m still not sure porn is real.”

“What—no, don’t tell me.” Tobi sits on the edge of his bed, leaning his elbows on his knees. I think it’s like an olive tree or something, so I sit next to him. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I don’t expect any different.” I sigh. “You can punch me if you want.”

“Now that I have permission, I don’t want to.”

We sit in silence for a minute, just processing.

“We didn’t want to hurt you. We wanted to avoid hurting you. We fucked up.”

“No shit.” He looks at me with that unamused expression. “What’s the thing Mom always says? It’s better to admit when you’ve done wrong than to add more wrong doings by lying about it?”

“That’s a lot of words, Tobs. Not sure I understand half of them,” I scoff, but he smiles a little. “Be mad at me. Take it out on me. I’m the one who told Rhys we needed to keep it quiet. It was for a lot of reasons, not just you, but he wanted to tell you.”

He looks at me like he actually wants the answer. “What were the other reasons?”

“Hockey.”

“Of course it was hockey. What specifically?”

“Pacifically.”

“No, the Pacific is an ocean on the west coast. Specific means explicit or detailed.” He pauses for a second, but I don’t have a response. “Anyway, what about hockey made you want to keep Rhys a secret?”

“You really don’t know athletes, do you?”

“I try not to, why?”

“We’re a competitive bunch.”

He fake gasps. “No way.”

“Yes way. And since I was fu—fooling around with a player on a rival team, I was afraid the guys wouldn’t trust me,” I say sheepishly.

Tobi nods. “I can see that. Do they know now? You guys just played against each other, right?”

“Yeah, we did. Some of the guys know now and I talked to Coach before the game. I told him to let Lancelot play instead of me.”

“Wait, what? You told your coach to bench you? What the fuck?” The fact that he’s mad on my behalf makes me smile a little.

“I felt like a traitor, like I was letting my team down by fucking the enemy.”

“Please tell me you didn’t actually say that to your coach?”

“I did.”

“And he still let you play?!”

“He demanded I play, actually.” I shrug. “He told me to make them work for it, Rhys included, because they wouldn’t want the win any other way. He was right.”

We sit in silence again and the smell of dinner is starting to seep in, making my stomach grumble.

“I don’t know how to get over it,” Tobi admits. “I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m heartbroken.”

My shoulders drop and I stare at my hands in my lap.

“I don’t know how to be happy for you,” he continues. “When I see you smiling at your phone, I’m going to assume it’s him, and it’s going to hurt all over again. Same for the reverse.”

I nod and pick at my fingernail. “Will you talk to him, please? I know he fucked up too and I know it’s really fucking selfish, but he needs you right now. And I think you need him, too.”

I lean my shoulder into his and watch him from the corner of my eye. He’s looking at me again, tears threatening to fall.

His voice is a soft whisper that I will never master. “Okay.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“I’m in love with him, too.” I meet his gaze even though it’s hard. “That’s the second time I’ve said that out loud.”

His lips tip up in a smile, but his eyes are swimming. “He’s pretty easy to love.” His voice breaks and I give into the need to hug him.

Tobi’s wall finally breaks, and he cries. Soaking my shirt in his pain and betrayal. With everything in me, I hope this means we’re on our way to some kind of recovery. He’s my brother, my little brother, and I’ve done a shit job of protecting him.

“I love you, little brother.” I say against his hair, and he lets out a pitiful whimper. “I’m sorry I haven’t shown you that. I’ll do better.”