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TWELVE

TEDDY

S itting in front of my cubby, I’m crocheting a hat to give to one of the guys before our first game. If I don’t finish it and give it to one of the boys, we will lose. It’s a fact of the universe. You can’t tempt the hockey fates by not doing what they demand.

I’m singing Roar by Katy Perry when the guys start showing up and Porter interrupts me.

“Uh, whatcha doing there, bud?” He drops onto the bench next to me, still in his street clothes.

“Tap dancing,” I say as I force my hook through the fluffy green yarn. The first hat of the season has to be a team color.

“This is a weird goalie thing I’m not going to understand, isn’t it?”

“Don’t blame me for you not understanding things.” I grab the yarn and pull it through to create a stitch, then move to the next one. Shit. How many stitches am I supposed to have?

One, two, three, four ? —

“I’m not blaming you for?—”

“Five! Six! Seven!” I count loudly, so I don’t lose my spot and to hopefully make him shut up.

“What the fuck is happening in here?” Rizz, one of the second line defensemen, asks.

“Twelve! Thirteen!” I continue on in full volume. I swear if they make me lose count, I will stab them with my hook. Can’t they see I’m busy here?

“He’s doing goalie shit,” Porter says and gets changed. “You better get changed man, Coach is in a mood today.”

Everyone around us groans, and I lose my count somewhere around twenty-five. Fuckers.

“I’m about to be in a mood if you don’t fuck off.” I shove my crochet stuff back in the plastic bag, then into my gym bag.

“He’s not doing whatever that is naked, so I’m calling it a win.” Porter shrugs.

“Not since I got the yarn tangled around my dangly bits and got rope burn on my favorite buddy.” I shudder at the memory. It was horrible. A dark red line wrapped around my dick that burned like fire when I got hard or touched it. “Plus the teammate—who will not be given a name—refused to wear the hat when I was done.”

Rizz cocks an eyebrow. “I can’t say I blame him for not wanting to wear your dick yarn hat.”

“Wait,” Porter interjects. “Rope burn?” He looks pained and cups his own favorite buddy.

“It ruined my season!” I yell at Rizz, shoving him away from me. “I had to lube up to put my jock on! Do you know how hard it is to clean lube out of the goalie jocks? He’s dead to me. Everyone else wore the hats I made. Every. One.”

Rizz laughs while Porter covers his mouth but I know he’s laughing too. The jerks.

“Chick was desperate for it. Said she had a breeding kink,” Shredder sighs as he comes around the corner with his hands on his heart. “I might have met the one, boys.”

Breeding kink?

Porter groans and turns to look at him. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

Shredder pulls off his shirt and laughs. “Oh, I bred her alright. Every hole she had. More than once.”

“Isn’t breeding for making babies?” I ask, stripping my clothes off.

“I sincerely hope she didn’t get pregnant after that much baby gravy.” Porter crosses his arms and gives him that captain is mad look. Uh. Oh.

Shredder doesn’t look bothered but digs for his phone and starts swiping.

“Man was hard pressed, Captain. She was very breedable.” Blondie shrugs like there is no other answer.

“What makes her breedable?” I really need some clarification, but again, no one answers.

Shredder turns his phone around to show us a picture of a beautiful, short, curvy woman. She looks sweet, like she reads books to kids or something. What makes her breedable, though?

“Does the breeding need to be in more than one hole for it to work?” Seriously, I need answers.

Porter looks at me like I’m an idiot, but doesn’t say anything. Who can I ask about this? Tobi is out. He’ll just tell me I’m too stupid to live.

Breeding is a science thing. Mom will know.

Grabbing my phone, I send her a message.

Best Son Ever: i have a science question

Momma: Okay, what’s up?

Best Son Ever: breeding is 4 making babies right

The little bubbles pop up and disappear a few times. What is the deal with everyone today? It’s an easy question!

Momma: Yes. Some animals mate for life, some just for the breeding cycle. Either way, most of the time, the female selects the male to conceive with based on certain factors that are important for survival.

Best Son Ever: so the girls decide if the boys are breedable?

Momma: For most species, yes.

“Who are you texting while your dick is out?” Porter asks me.

“Your mom, fuck off.”

The boys laugh and Porter sighs.

Best Son Ever: and wut makes a boy animal breedable?

Momma: You know I’m not a biologist, right? I also really need you to stop saying breedable.

Best Son Ever: its a science question u r a science person

Momma: That’s equivalent to me asking you about tennis rules because you play a sport.

Best Son Ever: n e way answer?

Momma: Females pick mates based on strength, size, some kind of dominance display, plumage, color vibrancy. All kinds of things.

Best Son Ever: thx! luv u

Do I need to dye my hair to be breedable?

“Actually, I think she decided you were breedable,” I say as I put my phone away. Everyone around me stops talking and turns slowly to look at me.

“What?” I meet everyone’s eye.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” Shredder asks me.

“That’s just science, bro. Girls pick their mate based on survival or who’s prettiest.” I shrug and put my clothes in my gym bag. “Congrats on being breedable!” I toss over my shoulder as I pull on my base layer.

“What are you all still standing around in here for? Get your asses on the ice!” Coach’s booming voice echoes through the locker room and we all hustle to get ready. Looks like Porter is right and we’re in for a rough practice.

Coach puts us through our paces and we’re all limping our way to the showers.

Once I’m clean, I grab a towel and dry off before walking naked back to my cubby. The guys are still talking, hopefully I’ve cleared up the breeding issue, so I jump up on the bench while they all groan and swing my hips around to helicopter my dick. I sing “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten as loud as I can.

Why is it so fun? No idea, but everyone should do it. I wonder if girls do this with their tits?

“That right there has to lower your breed-ability.” Shredder rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“Jealousy is ugly on you.” I jump down and start getting dressed. “Maybe your new nickname should be Breedable.”

“I will end your life,” Shredder says and while he’s watching me, I change his name in my phone.

Teddy changed Shredder’s contact to Breedable.

Am I breedable? Do I want to be breedable?

My dick says yes I do. Rhys is definitely breedable…

Finding his messages, I text him.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: am i breedable? r guys breedable to other guys since theres no baby making happening

The Enemy: It’s way too early for this.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: does the time of day make a difference in breed-ability

The Enemy: I am actually scared to ask where this is coming from.

I slide my Crocs on, grab my backpack, and head to the dining hall for breakfast.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: the boys wouldnt answer my questions so here we r

The Enemy: You asked the guys on your team if you’re breedable? Are you okay?

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: of course im okay y wouldnt i be?

The Enemy: Can you hear me sighing from there?

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: i know how sound works and it doesnt go thru buildings

The Enemy: I… I’m not touching that.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: will u touch my dick tho

I grab a chocolate muffin, a Red Bull, and a banana then sit down at an empty table. I do a quick scan of the tables around me but since it’s early, not many people are in here. Peeling the banana, I shove it into my mouth and take a picture to send to Rhys.

The Enemy: It depends on how nice you ask.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: ? does this up my breedable factor

Tobi sits across the table from me, and I choke on the fruit. Oops. My phone lets out a loud, fake moan and lights up with a notification from Rhys, but I slide it in my hoodie pocket.

“I’m not going to ask why you’re deep throating your breakfast.”

“Probably smart,” I wheeze. “You feeling better?”

“How did the dedication go with Rhys?” he demands, eating a bite of what looks like oatmeal.

Shit.

Shame tightens my stomach and I’m no longer hungry. Should I tell him the truth? Will it make him angry? Is it better to not tell him? I’m not good at keeping secrets.

I shrug. “Fine, I guess. The twins are intense, but their husbands are going to be my friends.”

My phone moans again and I try to keep a straight face, but it’s coming from my crotch and it’s funny.

Tobi rolls his eyes. “Of course they are. What were they like?”

“Why aren’t you asking him this?”

Deflect, deflect, deflect!

“Because he’s biased and I need an unbiased view.”

“But for why? Are you doing an experiment on them?” I don’t know what to say.

Tobi sighs. “No, you troglodyte, it helps to be able to give advice to him on how to handle situations if I have more information.”

“Mom said to stop using science words to insult me.”

Tobi slams his hand down on the table. “Can you stop being insufferable for five minutes so I find a way to help my best friend?”

That’s a punch in the gut. He’s right. I should be trying to find ways to help, I thought I was, but maybe I’m wrong. Is it also wrong that I want to be the one to help him?

Rhys and Tobi have been friends for years. I’ve always stayed out of their business, so why do I want to be in the middle of it now? It’s not fair. Now that I really can’t have him, he’s all I want.

“What do you want to know? His brothers are terrifying. Pretty sure one of them is into burritos, dominos, and shiitake mushrooms.”

He blinks at me a few times. “Excuse me?”

What the hell does it stand for? “You know that BDSM stuff.”

Tobi sighs and shakes his head. “Honestly, how have you learned nothing about sex being in locker rooms? Is that really what they told you it stands for?”

What does being in a locker room have to do with learning about sex?

“Sports teams aren’t giving us sex ed lessons.” I think back over to the years I’ve played. “At least, not for hockey. I don’t know about other sports.”

Tobi grabs his tray and stands. “I don’t know why I even bothered.”

He stomps away so I can get back to my breakfast and my phone. But he spoiled it. I take a sip of my energy drink and try to find a way to make me feel better. Mom always makes me feel better.

I pull up the family group chat.

Best Son Ever: mom tobi called me a science word to insult me

Momma: Tobi, we’ve been over this.

Party Pooper: FFS grow up, Theodore!

Momma: The two of you really should have learned how to get along by now.

Best Son Ever: ye tobias! stop being a bully!

Party Pooper: Learn how to spell!

Momma: Tobias, that was uncalled for.

I snicker to myself, turning to look at Tobi across the hall, who’s glaring at me. Oh well.

A message from The Enemy pops up so I open the chat and read what I’ve missed.

The Enemy: One, I know you can take more than that pathetic excuse for a banana.

The Enemy: Two, yes, men who are attracted to other men can find them breedable. It’s a thing. Just because no one is getting pregnant doesn’t mean it isn’t a lot of fun to try. Search for it on Reddit and you’ll learn a lot.

The Enemy: And three, are you breedable? Yes. But I can’t breed you since you’re my best friend’s brother and I’m not willing to destroy that friendship over a hole.

All solid answers. I’m not even mad about it. Slightly disappointed but, not mad. At least we’re on the same page. We can’t let down our teams or Tobi.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: Reddit here i cum.

The Enemy: Come. And stop it.

Likes to Suck Gods’ Dick: wuts the difference

Why does talking to him make me smile?

He makes me feel better and he’s not even here.

I eat my breakfast and clear my tray as I wait for his answer. This conversation has me chubbing up a little. My brain says hooking up with him again would be a bad idea but my dick says it would be worth it.

The Enemy: Cum is the physical fluid, the ejaculate. Come is the action of orgasming. Noun vs verb.

Teddy changed Rhys’ contact to Ejaculate.

Ejaculate: Very funny.

Rhys changed Teddy’s contact to Needs A Breeding.

“Ha!” I laugh the rest of the way to my class and put my phone on Do Not Disturb so I don’t get in trouble. Again.

Needs A Breeding: am i supposed 2 know what a verb is

Ejaculate: How are you in college without knowing what a verb is?

Needs A Breeding: stop distracting me im trying 2 learn things

Ejaculate: It’s been a busy day for your brain, you might need to give it a rest.

Needs A Breeding: ill rest it after class coach gets mad when we skip

The room is filling with students and as I slip my phone into my pocket. I see the last message from Rhys and laugh.

Ejaculate: Can’t have Team Daddy getting mad.

Needs A Breeding: my new nickname isnt sexy

Ejaculate: Maybe that will be good.

Needs A Breeding: y

Ejaculate: So I stop thinking about you breeding me.

It doesn’t work.