Page 11

SHANE

I’d watched Vanessa’s SUV leave that morning, with Calder in tow.

It was hard to describe what it felt like watching Calder go back to his old life, a place I never could’ve followed him.

Everything between us had just been a detour on his way back to Vanessa, on his way back to the way things were meant to be.

I was broken in a way I’d never been before, despair threatening to sink me down to the ground.

The ache in my chest was only getting worse, no matter how much I tried to ignore it.

But this was how it was going to be.

An ache in my chest. Calder happy, somewhere else.

I decided to throw myself into work, ignoring my stomach being in knots, my dry throat scratchy with something I couldn’t name.

Heartbroken, I found myself pounding nails into a fence post that didn’t really need fixing, tightening bolts on a gate that no one really used.

The work helped take my mind off Calder temporarily, the pain in my body returning as soon as I remembered that he’d existed.

Still, there was enough work to do on the ranch that I knew I could find ways to give myself some reprieve from Calder for a few minutes at a time.

Maybe it’s time to buy that land.

It was an errant thought, but one that became increasingly louder at the front of my thoughts.

It didn’t help that I was still here , memories of Calder around every corner.

Maybe if I changed my surroundings, there was a chance that I wouldn’t be so haunted, with less of Calder to remember.

Maybe I could get over him completely, with so much new work that would go into running my own farm.

I simply wouldn’t have time to think about Calder, my bones sore after every day, my mind only focused on what I needed to do next.

It was a blissful thought, having no time or room to still be in love with Calder?—

In love with Calder?

I inwardly groaned at the realization.

Shit.

I was in love with Calder.

I stopped what I was doing, setting down my tools. I took a seat on the ground beside them, as I rested against the side of a barn.

This is a disaster.

Was that why I’d felt so awful? Because I was in love ?

And what the hell was I supposed to do about it?

The man I was in love with had just driven off with the love of his life.

Was I supposed to chase after him? Was I supposed to ruin things between him and Vanessa just so I could feel like I had a chance?

I closed my eyes, letting the truth settle over me.

There’s nothing I can do.

I was in love, and it didn’t matter at all.

Because Calder was gone.

“Shane?”

I was back outside, busying myself with work. I groaned at the sound of Calder’s voice, annoyed with myself for being so desperate to hear his voice that I was fully hallucinating.

“Shane…?” His voice got closer to me, followed by the sound of quiet footsteps. I turned to look over at him, watching his slow approach, his hands down at his side.

“What do you want, Calder?” My tone wasn’t welcoming. “Did you forget something at your cabin?”

“What?” Calder paused for a moment before his face lit up with a realization. “Oh. Did you think I left earlier?—”

“You did leave. With Vanessa.”

“We just went to Canyon Creek Diner,” he replied. “We just… needed to have a conversation.”

His eyes locked with mine, something serious behind his gaze.

“What kind of conversation?” I finally stopped what I was doing. “What did you two need to talk about?”

“I needed to let her know the truth. About who I am. Who I’ve always been.

” He took in a deep breath. “And what I want and don’t want for my future.

” Calder closed the distance between us.

“Shane, before I met you… I wasn’t being honest with myself, about anything.

I wasn’t ready to admit how I really felt or what I really wanted. But now that I know you…”

He paused, like he was thinking through his words.

“Shane, I don’t want to hide who I am anymore.

I don’t want to pretend to be anything I’m not.

And when we’re together, I don’t have to pretend about anything.

You make me feel so… accepted. So calm. Like I don’t have to be anything other than myself when we’re together. ”

Silence filled the space between us, as Calder had an expectant look on his face.

“Shit.” He took a step away from me. “You don’t feel the same way, do you? I just embarrassed myself. I’m sorry. I can have my stuff out my cabin ASAP?—”

“Sorry. I was just…” I shook my head, trying to shake out my thoughts at the same time. “Calder, I thought I was never going to see you again. And now, here you are, saying that you… want to be with me?”

“Yeah. I want to be with you.” Calder let out a shaky laugh. “That’s all I was trying to say, all rambling aside.”

“I want to be with you, too, Calder—” Before I had a chance to finish my response, Calder’s hands were on my waist, pulling me closer to him. His mouth was on mine then, as we both smiled into the kiss.

“You really thought I was never coming back?” he whispered, his forehead pressed against mine.

“Whatever you decided, I just wanted you to be happy.”

“I wouldn’t have been happy without you, Shane,” he murmured. He brought his lips back to mine and I melted against him, relief flooding my system.

Just then, something crossed my mind. “Wait.”

“What is it?”

“We should, uh, relocate,” I replied. “Us hooking up once on the ranch is a fluke. Twice and people might start thinking we prefer to hook up outside.”

“Don’t we?” Calder smirked.

I playfully rolled my eyes as I took his hand in mine, walking us over to my cabin.

“What did you think? The first time you saw me?” Calder asked as he sank down on my couch. He held a cup of freshly brewed coffee in his hand. “You can be honest.”

“The first time I ever saw you? Or the first time I saw you after your accident?”

“Both.”

“The first time I ever saw you…” I let my words trail off as I thought about the question.

“I think, the first time I saw you, I thought you were the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen.

And when I saw you after your accident, I thought the same thing.

But I was also terrified that I was never going to see you again. Both times.”

“The first time I saw you, I thought you were… handsome.” Calder lightly chuckled. “But I don’t know if I was willing to admit that part to myself just yet. I just liked looking at you sometimes. More than I liked looking at other people.”

“Happy you came to your senses.” I smirked before my expression turned serious. “Seriously, though, Calder. I thought I was going to die or something, when I thought you left. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Everything just felt so dark. Empty.”

“That’s how I felt when I thought about leaving you behind,” he murmured. “Shane, it felt awful. Just thinking about having a future without you.”

“Have you ever felt anything like that before?”

“No. Have you?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I feel kind of stupid, though. Not realizing what it was.”

“What it was?”

“Are you really going to make me say it first?”

“Say what first?” Calder grinned. “I have no idea what you could possibly be referring to, Shane Stratton.”

“You’re ridiculous. You know that, right?”

“Ridiculously hot, according to you.” Calder shifted closer to me on the couch, his arm wrapping around my shoulders. “Nice cabin, by the way. It’s exactly what I was expecting.”

“Meaning?”

“It’s neat. Tidy. Organized.” He nodded. “All very you. Everything’s exactly where it’s supposed to be.”

“That’s me. Everything exactly where it’s supposed to be.”

Calder moved even closer to me, his chest pressing towards mine. “Is that how you feel right now? Like everything’s exactly where it’s supposed to be? Do I fit in with your life, Shane? With you?”

“Like the missing piece to a puzzle,” I said, breathless. I could barely handle being this close to him without touching him, every part of me aching for it. Calder seemed to be reading my mind as he gingerly pressed a hand to my face, thoughtfully brushing my skin with his fingers.

We stayed like that for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes.

I turned my head into his palm, gently kissing his hand, kissing his wrist, kissing his arm.

Calder stopped me when I got to his elbow, instead encouraging me to press my back against the couch.

I did what he wanted me to, resting against the couch, my attention on his every move.

Calder shifted into my lap then, chest close to mine.

He placed a hand on either side of my face before he bent close to me, his mouth meeting my own.

I let out a sigh of relief as we kissed, so glad for the physical touch, each part of me singing with excitement.

Calder seemed to feel the same way, as he deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping between my lips.

I groaned as his hands slid up to my hair, gripping it tight.

It felt like he was loosening something inside me, something I’d been holding back for much too long.

“Calder…” I groaned again, as he moved his attention down to my neck, kissing and sucking my sensitive skin.

At the same time, he started to buck his hips against mine, grinding himself against me in a steady rhythm.

I whimpered, feeling perfectly helpless, my cock growing hard beneath him.

Calder picked up his pace against me, teasing me as his lips moved back to mine, capturing my every groan in his mouth.

A few seconds later and Calder’s hands were sliding underneath my shirt, his fingers quickly finding my nipples. He took each one between his fingers, still grinding against me, now playing with my chest in time with the rest of his movements.

“Fuck, Calder…” I moaned his name. “Are you trying to make me come on myself or something?”