Page 11

Chapter Ten

H e was still laughing to himself as he got back to Brannal’s rooms.

“You’re in a good mood.”

Brannal was writing at his desk.

Perian went to tuck the blankets out of the way again. “Yeah, I’m doing all right, thank you.”

“You look like you were rolling around on the ground.”

“What?”

Perian looked down at himself, peered at his clothes, and let out a curse, trying to brush at what were surely now stains thanks to showing Renny all those tumbles.

“I didn’t think about the grass and dirt. No wonder I’ve convinced half the castle that I’m the most inept lover who ever existed.”

“Oh?”

Perian waved a hand. “I was in such a rush earlier I forgot to pick up the food for lunch and had to go back for it, and then on the way back, I managed to imply that the food was better than anything else I might have done.”

Brannal made a pained face. “Ouch.”

“Yeah,” Perian said, laughing. “It was a misunderstanding. But it’s not like I could demonstrate how wrong they were.”

An eyebrow rose. “Could you not?”

“Well, no, I mean—” Perian belatedly understood. He tried not to smirk. “Oh, have I jeopardized my reputation with you, too? Do I need to prove myself?”

Brannal’s lips quivered, but he managed to keep a straight face. “You do, rather.”

Perian let out a theatrical sigh. “Well, if I must…”

“You must,” Brannal agreed, firm and dry.

Only then they spoiled it by grinning at one another and rushing to the bedroom.

They shed clothes as they went. Brannal had already gotten rid of the pauldrons and sword, but as Perian knew well, there were still plenty of layers to be divested of. Perian was naked much more quickly, and being the nice person he was, he went to help Brannal with the last of his clothing. This probably made the process take ten times longer, but they were both nicely worked up and kissing hungrily by the time Brannal pushed Perian onto the bed and climbed on top of him.

Perian would never, ever get tired of the feel of Brannal’s skin against his, the warmth and heady sensation that buzzed through him and made him want to wrap his limbs around the other man and never let him go.

“I want to be inside you,” Brannal murmured against his ear.

“Yes, please,” Perian agreed.

That sounded like an excellent idea. Brannal fumbled at the bedside cabinet and retrieved a vial of oil. Perian twisted around on his stomach and climbed onto all fours. He looked over his shoulder and batted his eyes because he had no shame.

“How’s this?”

Brannal’s eyes were so dark they were nearly black, hunger written across his face, and it made Perian smile. Brannal gave him a light smack on his ass.

“Cheeky,” he said.

This only made Perian laugh, because how could it not. Perian appreciated a man who still had a sense of humor in the bedroom. He made a sound that was entirely undignified when it was Brannal’s tongue rather than his finger that swiped across his hole. Brannal had an extremely talented tongue. Perian had only once before had someone lick him there, and it was a million times better when it was Brannal. He licked and nibbled and thrust, making Perian squirm and moan and try to shove himself onto the man’s tongue with an entire lack of dignity—but Perian was pretty sure there really wasn’t any dignity when this was happening, and it should simply be enjoyed to the fullest.

He couldn’t imagine anything better than the other man thrusting into him. Brannal replaced his tongue with his fingers and in short order, had three delving inside Perian, only making him more desperate.

“Come on,” Perian urged. “In me, please.”

“I want to see you,” Brannal said.

“Yes,” Perian agreed eagerly.

He twisted around onto his back, and they lost a few precious moments getting a pillow under his hips, Brannal between his thighs, and one of Perian’s legs up over Brannal’s shoulders, because Perian was flexible, and wasn’t he trying to prove something about his desirability?

Then Brannal’s cock was pressed against Perian’s entrance, and every other thought disappeared. All Perian could focus on was that point of connection, of that hard flesh pressing inside him, opening him up and filling him at the same time. Perian closed his eyes, concentrating on nothing but the slick slide as Brannal pushed into him and made them one.

When Brannal was buried as far inside Perian as he could go, he wondered if there was a way to preserve this moment forever, to capture and keep it, because he didn’t ever want it to end. He realized his eyes were still closed, and he opened them to find Brannal watching him with a focused, intent expression.

Without meaning to do it, Perian found himself beaming.

“Hi,” he said, which really didn’t make any sense at all.

But Brannal’s lips tipped up, and he leaned closer to kiss Perian, which changed the angle and made both of them groan with pleasure, the sound lost in their lips coming together.

“That’s so good,” Perian mumbled. “You’re so good.”

If they could just stay like this forever, Perian would die happy.

Only then Brannal started to move, and Perian revised his assessment. This. He wanted this to go on forever, the heated thrusts, the burst of pleasure, the slide of skin on skin, and Brannal staring at Perian, lost in his eyes. It wasn’t fast and furious, but it felt so good, like they were locked in a loop of extreme pleasure. Who needed anything else if this could keep going and going and going? Gradually, the speed of Brannal’s thrusts increased, and as much as there was a part of Perian that was begging to come, the bigger part of him just wanted to drown in the experience, to enjoy every single second of Brannal filling him up and fucking him.

Perian watched as Brannal’s breathing increased, his chest heaving, his thrusts speeding up again, sweat sliding down his skin. Perian loved it. Faster still, the sound of skin on skin more vivid. Faster again, and Perian had to lift his hands and press them against the headboard to prevent himself from sliding up too far, to push back so that he could keep cradling the man’s cock in his body.

The thrusts became erratic, finally, Brannal losing his rhythm, and with a cry, he came, body spasming as he emptied in Perian. Perian closed his eyes, slammed by the wave of pure pleasure that washed through him as his body followed Brannal’s into orgasm, basking in the—

A vice wrapped around his neck, cutting off his air, and Perian’s eyes flew open to find that… Brannal was strangling him? Perian smacked him in the arm and managed to croak out, “Ow! What in the name of all the elements are you doing?”

Brannal’s grip loosened at the same time that he pulled out of Perian, scrambling back until he was off the bed, and they were both left looking at one another with shocked and somewhat horrified expressions on their faces.

Perian swallowed, a hand coming up to massage his throat as he sat up. “Uh, I don’t like to judge anyone for what they like in the bedroom, but I do kind of like to talk about it before it happens. You know, to make sure that everyone is on board.”

Perian liked sex. He liked a wide variety of sex. But he didn’t like the kind that caused pain for a partner. If all parties enjoyed it, good for them, but it didn’t work for him.

Brannal still hadn’t said anything.

Perian was going to have to say this out loud, wasn’t he? He cleared his throat, which felt raw and a bit bruised.

“I guess I could have been more clear about what I like and don’t like. I don’t enjoy pain, either giving or receiving. I mean, a little tap on my ass like you did earlier was totally fine, but that didn’t actually hurt, you know, it was just a sensation, and I’m not—”

Brannal partially reached out his hand, an aborted motion, but it at least cut off Perian’s rambling.

“I’m sorry,” Brannal said, voice low and rough. “I, uh, was a little overwhelmed, and I overreacted. I don’t like pain in the bedroom either.”

“You like pain outside of the bedroom?”

Brannal shot him an unamused look.

“Too soon for humor, right, sorry,” Perian said quickly.

“Stop apologizing,” Brannal said tersely. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“Are you all right?” Perian asked.

He didn’t sound all right. It seemed like something they’d been doing had triggered Brannal, and it was not good at all.

Brannal sucked in a ragged breath. “I think maybe I need to get some air.”

“All right,” Perian said carefully. “I’m assuming you don’t want company?”

He made it a question in case he was reading this wrong, but Brannal shook his head hurriedly, scrambling for clothes with a distinct lack of his normal coordination.

“No, no, I’ll be fine. I’ll just… I’ll just get some air.”

Perian nodded because he didn’t know what else to do.

“Right. No problem. I’ll just be here. Unless—” Oh, Perian really was an idiot, and he hurriedly offered, “Shall I go? This is your room. I can definitely find somewhere else to sleep. I should—I should definitely do that.”

Perian shouldn’t be asking the man he’d clearly traumatized in some way if he wanted to deal with Perian in his space. Only then Brannal approached the bed again and reached out to lightly squeeze Perian’s arm.

“Stay,” he said. “Please. I’d feel better if you stayed here.”

That was really clear, so Perian nodded. Brannal pulled on the rest of his clothes, gave a sort of awkward inclination of his head, and then he was gone.

Perian blew out a breath and sank back onto the bed and tried to wrap his brain around what had gone from the very best sexual experience of his life to the worst. He didn’t blame Brannal, now that he knew it hadn’t been intentional, but he hated whatever had happened that had made Brannal react that way.

Eventually, Perian rose, cleaned himself up, and remade the bed, because he didn’t want Brannal to be confronted with potential bad memories when he got back. It grew later and later, the sun setting, full darkness coming on, and it finally occurred to Perian that Brannal might not be coming back tonight—and he might have asked Perian to stay here so he would know Perian wasn’t anywhere else.

It was a very long and very sleepless night.

The sun rose eventually, and so did Perian. It was hard to feel both horrible about the part he had played in what had happened and entirely sorry for himself, but he was apparently managing it. Perian cleaned himself again, hoping that would somehow make up for the fact that he hadn’t slept, but his eyes still felt gritty and his head as though it had been stuffed with cotton. He dressed without his normal care, didn’t even change the beads in his hair, and then headed into the sitting room. He was too early for breakfast, apparently, and he couldn’t bear the thought of either eating it alone or eating it with Brannal after what had happened, not if there was the same discomfort as last night.

He left, made it halfway down the corridor and then went back for the blankets, because he didn’t want to have to return later. He briefly contemplated finding one of those runners and asking for help to move his belongings to a guest room, but he managed to push away the impulse. Maybe that would be the best solution after what had happened, but whatever the reasoning behind it, Brannal had asked him to stay last night. They should actually discuss this before Perian made any decisions.

At the very least, Perian should wait until he was less sleep-deprived. He wandered aimlessly for a little while, got a number of strange looks from the people he passed, and finally found himself in the library. The shelves of books seemed oppressive this morning, like they were staring at him and judging him for making a mess of everything. He wondered if he’d read enough of them, or if he’d found the right one, he’d somehow have been able to avoid whatever it was he’d done yesterday that had made such a mess of everything.

He didn’t think there was a book here entitled How Not to Be an Idiot, Perian. Seriously, What’s Wrong with You?

Eventually, after wandering the shelves, mostly staring at nothing, Perian dragged himself up into the window embrasure, wrapped one of the blankets around himself and stared into space. He might have dozed fitfully, but the changing light through the window thankfully made him realize it was nearing lunchtime. He feared he wouldn’t be good company today, but he thought it might be worse to just sit here listlessly, never mind disappointing Renny.

Perian was already a disappointment to one of the most important people in his life today. He didn’t need to make it two, did he?

With a sigh, he made himself move, folding up the blankets again and climbing down from the window embrasure. He reminded himself it wasn’t that long ago that he hadn’t even known Brannal, so this really shouldn’t be affecting him so much, should it? That really didn’t work. Because it wasn’t how long you knew someone, it was the impact they had on you, and Brannal and Renny had definitely made a resounding impact.

Perian thought he had made an impact too, or was making one, only now he feared it was entirely the wrong kind. He huffed out a breath and hurried towards the kitchen. He could at least remember to get the food this time, could try to have everything go as smoothly as possible, and although he would definitely not spill all of the details to Renny, if she asked how he was, he could admit that he wasn’t feeling great today.

Renny probably wasn’t going to decide she didn’t like him anymore just because he was having a bad day. And if she did decide that, well…

Well, if she did decide that, then that was her choice, and it would mean fewer reasons why Perian was here in the castle. He could always leave, he reminded himself, even if part of him twisted itself up in knots at the very idea. He wasn’t a prisoner here, and he could choose to go home. He had an entire home that was available to him, and honestly, just at the moment, the idea of being far away from people didn’t seem so bad at all.

If you were alone, you couldn’t mess things up with the people you cared about.

Perian retrieved the food from the kitchen and realized only after he’d left that he’d got some weird looks from the people there. Had he remembered to say thank you? Had he even said anything at all? Or had he just stood there like an idiot until someone shoved a basket at him? For a moment, he thought about going back and apologizing, but he could do that when he returned the empty basket.

Shaking his head, he tried to push away some of the worst thoughts. He was going to see Renny. They were going to have a picnic together, and he was not going to be the reason a twelve-year-old girl was depressed. No, he would get his act together, and it would be fine, totally fine. All right, bad choice of words. It would be… acceptable.

He’d been walking without paying any attention to where he was going, but thankfully, his legs seemed to know where the quadrangle was. He was nearly there when a voice caught his attention.

He’d recognize it anywhere because it generally sounded this angry and upset when he was around.

Cormal was saying, “You’re supposed to be resting! And you’re not supposed to be alone! What do you think you’re doing? What if you collapsed again and no one was there to see you?”

And then another voice spoke, and Perian’s blood ran cold.

“I was feeling better, and I wasn’t alone!”

That was Renny.

Perian rushed forward without thought.

“Not this again!” Cormal snapped, sounding dismissive. “There was no one with you!”

“I was meeting someone!” Renny practically screeched.

Perian reached the entrance to the quadrangle and saw that Cormal had hold of Renny by the elbow.

“This has to end!” Cormal snarled. “You’re twelve years old, not a child any longer. Your brother is dead!”

For a terrible moment, they all stood frozen, an awful grief etched on Renny’s face. And then Perian started to run, rage overtook Renny’s expression, and just like Perian had taught her, she stomped on Cormal’s instep and kneed him square in the groin as she screamed, “He’s not, he’s not! I hate you!”

Cormal let her go with a high-pitched yelp of pain as he bent over. Renny bolted towards the garden.

Perian reached Cormal, who had gone down to one knee and hunched over.

“What in the name of all the elements is wrong with you?” Perian demanded. “You don’t say that to a little girl!”

“She’s not—!” Cormal started.

Perian didn’t stop to listen, he just bolted after Renny.

He could only guess where she’d gone, but a secret hiding space seemed like the best bet given everything that had just happened. Perian had never raced through the path faster, dodging trees and bushes and bursting through to the secluded area. Renny was on the ground, sobbing her heart out. Perian flung himself to the ground beside her and hauled her into his arms. She fought him for a moment, and then she seemed to figure out who it was because all the fight went out of her and she clung to him, sobbing into his chest.

“He’s not! He’s not dead! I swear—I swear he’s not.”

“All right,” Perian told her, rubbing her back and holding her close. “I believe you, it’s all right, we’ll figure this out.”

She continued to cry and cry, a storm of tears that told him more clearly than any words from either her or Cormal what had happened to her brother.

Eventually, he managed to shift them so they were on the blanket, sort of perched on it, because he hadn’t completely unfolded it. But he made sure to unfold it enough that there was room for two, Renny in Perian’s lap, and a space next to them for the brother Perian feared would never sit beside his sister again.

Renny started to shiver, so Perian got the smaller blanket tucked round her, still rubbing her back and murmuring anything he could think of to try to calm her. He told her it was all right to be sad and angry, that it was good to let emotions out, that they would figure this out. He might have mentioned that some people were ignorant asses, and he might have promised he would stay and that Renny wouldn’t be alone.

Finally, she was quiet, and he realized she had fallen asleep. He made sure the blanket was tucked securely around her, and then he just sat there, with a little girl asleep in his arms, his coat and shirt wet with her tears. Maybe there wasn’t anything so wrong with his life after all. Perhaps things weren’t going to work out with Brannal. Perian would really like it if they did, but both of them were alive, and both of them were reasonably well, as far as he knew. He’d definitely lost perspective, and this poor little girl in his arms had just reminded him to get his act together.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there when Renny startled awake. It had to be pretty weird to wake up in someone’s lap.

“It’s Brannal,” she mumbled.

He didn’t understand what she meant at first, but then the bush rustled, and a moment later, Brannal pushed his way into the secret hiding place. How had she—?

Brannal looked grave and very concerned, but his expression softened a little as his eyes fell on the blanket-wrapped bundle that had taken over Perian’s lap. Renny refused to move.

“Everyone is concerned about you, pr—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Renny said, refusing to look at Brannal but not hesitant to interrupt him.

“Cormal would like to apologize.”

Renny’s fingers tightened where she was still clutching at Perian.

“I won’t talk to him. I won’t !”

Perian rubbed a hand down her back and shot Brannal a look. “Renny, no one’s going to make you talk to him if you don’t want to.”

“Your mother is concerned,” Brannal continued.

Renny sniffed, but then she blew out a breath, and this sounded a bit more resigned. Perian gave her a pat.

“You don’t want your mother to worry, do you?”

A little shake of the head, where it was still buried against Perian. He had felt like that this morning, like if he could just curl up small enough and not face reality, maybe nothing bad would happen. Or at least nothing worse .

“What do you say we get you cleaned up a little. I’ve not looked yet, but I’m pretty sure you smeared snot all over me.”

A snort that was almost a little bit like a laugh, and then a tear-stained face tilted up to look at Perian. He smiled gently at her.

“Oh, yes,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Snot everywhere .”

“Not everywhere ,” she said indignantly.

He nodded, widened his eyes, and intoned, “Everywhere.”

And there it was, a little smile as her lips tipped up at the corners. There was a tight ball in Perian’s chest that made it feel like he couldn’t quite breathe properly. He knew grief, and he didn’t like that Renny felt so much of it, but he also knew it wasn’t any use for anyone else to tell you how to feel or when to feel it. But you could maybe try to mitigate it a little.

Perian pulled out his handkerchief and then flourished it in the air.

“Brannal, a little assistance, if you please.”

A moment later, Perian was running the now-wet handkerchief over Renny’s face, wiping it carefully clean. When he’d finished, Brannal handed over his own handkerchief so that Perian could dry her face.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “Apart from terrible.”

She nodded. “Ever so slightly less terrible.”

He nodded back. “Do you think you had better go and see your mother now?”

She shrugged, and she didn’t let go of Perian or make any move to actually stand up.

“Are you afraid?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Of Cormal?”

She shook her head.

“Of your mother?” he questioned carefully.

She shook her head once more.

“Of what, then?”

“Everything’s going to change. Brannal is going to tell you everything, and then you won’t treat me the same way.”

“Hey,” he protested, lifting her chin gently so she would meet his eyes instead of staring at his chin.

“Nothing’s going to change, not with you and me. We can have another picnic tomorrow. Assuming the kitchen staff will give me more food. I, uh,” he looked around, “don’t seem to have today’s basket. I must have dropped it.”

Brannal interjected, “I think you will find you threw the basket at Cormal.”

Perian had almost forgotten he was there, and he didn’t remember tossing the basket at all.

Dryly, Brannal added, “He was not impressed.”

And it was this, finally, that got Renny to move. She whirled around so that she was facing Brannal, and her words were fierce and imperious. “Perian is not to get in trouble. I don’t care what Cormal says.”

“I’m not sure—” Brannal started.

With an angry grumble, Renny climbed off of Perian and rose to her feet, brushing at her dress and hair and face.

“Fine. I will speak to Mother myself.”

Perian eyed Brannal. Had he just used her friendship with Perian to get her to do what he wanted? He couldn’t decide if that was objectionable or clever. It was true they couldn’t just stay out here forever, and if Renny’s mother was worried, they really should reassure her.

Then Renny spun back to Perian, her eyes big and pleading, still red-rimmed from her tears.

“Do you promise you’ll come for a picnic tomorrow? No matter what?”

“I promise,” Perian told her solemnly, even as he realized that might not be in his power.

What if Cormal did lodge a complaint and have Perian kicked out? What if he went all the way to the Queen?

But given everything Renny had just been through, Perian couldn’t imagine telling her anything else. She clearly needed someone on her side, and Perian was perfectly willing to be that person.

Renny threw her arms around him and hugged him, and Perian hugged her back. She was definitely too skinny, but there was a tenacious strength in her just the same.

With a sigh, she pulled away and went over to Brannal. She took the hand he held out.

“Go back to our rooms, please,” Brannal told Perian. “If you could go straight there, that would be for the best.”

Perian could only nod. Brannal maintained eye contact for another moment, but if he was trying to tell Perian something, he couldn’t make it out. He didn’t think it was eye contact for “Make a run for it, Cormal’s going to have you thrown in prison.”

With a last lingering look, Brannal ducked back out through the bushes, and Renny went with him.