Page 7 of The Lost Art of Finding Where You Belong (Lost Arts #2)

She pointed at him. “Listen to your own advice. Your entire life doesn’t revolve around him, does it?”

“It… shouldn’t,” Perian conceded.

“Wow,” she said, making a face at him. “You’ve got it bad.”

It was Perian’s turn to groan and collapse back onto the blanket. With a laugh, she flopped down next to him.

“I know,” he told her. “I’ve never felt this way before, and I’m clearly still figuring out how to keep functioning like a normal person at the same time. I mean, I think it’s normal to have everything feel big and overwhelming at the beginning.”

“That’s how it feels right now?” she asked, sounding more sympathetic.

He nodded. “I like him so much. And I like you and Kee and Molun and Arvus and Nisal and Delana and… most of the people here, really.”

In a sing-song voice, Renny pronounced, “One whole week without Cormal.”

Perian couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, there is that. I’m pretty sure Brannal took him for that reason.”

Renny nodded matter-of-factly. “They usually take turns. But I would have sent him if Brannal thought about leaving him behind.” She glowered. “Fireball to the face deserves a moat to the face.”

True to her word, Renny had not tried to have Cormal thrown into the dungeon, but it was equally obvious she had not forgotten what he’d done, and she was definitely not impressed with Secundus and how he treated Perian .

He blew out a breath. “I guess I’ve never been in the castle without Brannal. I know you and a bunch of my friends are here, and you aren’t all about to ignore me for the next week, but I just feel a little… unmoored. I know that’s silly.”

She patted his arm. “It’s not silly. He rescued you and brought you here and took care of you, and now he’s not here. It’s hard for me to remember what my life was like before Kee got stuck with me. I don’t know how to help him, and I don’t know anymore what life would be like without him.”

She sniffed, and then huffed a laugh.

“Thank you,” she said, clearly not to Perian, then filled in, “Kee says I’m an idiot and of course, I wouldn’t be without him even if everyone else could see and hear and touch him.”

“And you’d have me. Even if I’m pining a bit because Brannal isn’t here.”

Renny clucked her tongue. “Really, it’s embarrassing. What are you doing?”

He snorted. “I know. I have no shame. When I miss someone, everyone knows about it.”

“And when you don’t miss someone, does everyone know about that, too?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

“I’m just going to enjoy the peace and not needing to worry at all.”

She shook her head. “We should have a party.”

“We are definitely not going to have a party,” Perian said firmly, because he could practically see the idea gaining traction in her mind.

“But—”

“No,” he repeated. “There is no way other people wouldn’t hear about this party, and it’s not worth it if he comes back and thinks he’s the butt of some joke.” Perian grimaced. “Besides, it’s unkind.”

Renny made a harrumphing noise.

“No, but really. I have my personal opinion, and you have yours. Our friends are probably aware of how we feel. I try not to make it widely public. But how would you feel if you found out someone had a party to celebrate the fact that you weren’t there?

Even if it sometimes feels deserved, it’s not nice. ”

She huffed out a breath. “Party-pooper.”

“Literally,” Perian said.

And then they both giggled, and Renny pushed into his side, leaning against him.

“You’ re right, that would have been mean. I didn’t think of it like that.”

“I know,” he said, nudging her back. “I don’t always remember to stifle my uncharitable impulses, either.

But when I remember, I try to think if I would like someone behaving the same way towards me.

It definitely doesn’t always work, because I’m far from perfect, but I think it’s a good goal to have. ”

She nodded. “Yes, I’ll try to do the same.” She raised an eyebrow and was silent, so Perian waited for the comment from Kee. She made a face. “He says that a queen should always be thinking about her subjects. I say: bah!”

But they both knew she didn’t mean it. She was working hard on her lessons, took naps she despised so she could attend state events with her mother, and was slowly growing into the woman who would one day become a queen (if Kee was a figment of Renny’s incredibly detailed imagination or if they couldn’t figure out how to make Kee solid and visible and audible to everyone).

Perian could see how being an invisible, intangible king that only one person could see really just… didn’t work.

As he packed up the picnic, Renny asked him, “Are you going to be all right?”

“Of course,” Perian told her, making sure to sound as reassuring as possible, to push all his neediness into a box in his head. “I might still be a bit moody for the rest of the week, but this is something I need to get used to.”

“Because it’s worth it for the moment he gets back?” she asked.

“Exactly,” he agreed.

She nodded again, and he wondered suddenly if she’d been worried he was questioning his whole stay.

“Hug?” he asked.

To be honest, it was probably as much for him as it was for her. Her arms felt a little more forceful around him than they used to, like she really was getting stronger.

It was nice having something going right.

They went their separate ways, Renny off to her lessons, and Perian off to the stables.

Everyone there was used to his presence by now, and thankfully, no one questioned him about going out on his own.

Prince Horsey was still happy to see him and only him, and in no time at all, Perian had the moody and magnificent stallion saddled and was riding off into the royal park.

He made sure to go slowly at first, because he could feel the urge to gallop and gallop and gallop, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t push Prince Horsey too hard—or do anything stupid like head in the direction Brannal had gone.

(Prince Horsey was good, but it had been hours.)

Once he was reasonably certain he had himself under control, he gave Prince Horsey his head.

“Let’s go for a really good run.”

Since this aligned perfectly with what Prince Horsey liked to do, it worked very well. Perian leaned low over the pommel and stopped thinking, stopped worrying, let go of everything that was not the movement of this powerful horse and the landscape passing swiftly around them.

Thankfully, given that he had not planned to stay out all night and had no supplies with him, Prince Horsey brought them to a halt at the river where Perian and Brannal often stopped.

Perian had no idea how long he might have kept going before it finally occurred to him that he had to turn around and go back.

Patting Prince Horsey’s neck, Perian said, “Thank you. You’re a very smart horse.”

Prince Horsey nickered, like he knew it, which made Perian laugh as he dismounted.

It wasn’t quite so fun to sit under the tree without Brannal, but Perian wanted Prince Horsey to have a proper break, to be able to drink and crop grass and relax before they galloped home again.

Even alone, it was beautiful out here. The solitude was peaceful, even if Perian would prefer Brannal were here with him.

“I’m being ridiculous.”

Speaking the thought out loud did not seem to bring Perian more resolution to actually do something about it, unfortunately. He continued to sit, just breathing in and out, listening to the sounds around him, looking out over the beautiful vista.

He might have been without Brannal for more than twenty-two years of his life, but he wasn’t that Perian anymore.

Certain people and experiences shaped and changed you permanently, and he was sure that Brannal was one of those people for him.

But maybe it was important to make sure he didn’t get inadvertently shaped too far into something he couldn’t sustain on his own.

He was really enjoying exploring his relationship with Brannal.

For every misunderstanding they had, he felt like they were growing stronger, that they were truly figuring out how to be together—and the being together was great.

But Perian did still need to be able to stand on his own two feet.

He and Brannal had agreed to “enjoy what was between them,” and that’s why Perian was staying with him.

And while he had fast come to believe that was kind of…

everything forever , he was aware Brannal might not feel the same way.

They hadn’t been together very long yet. Perian wondered how long it had to be before you could start asking questions about the long term and have it be reasonable.

Prince Horsey came over to nudge him insistently, and Perian rose from the ground, brushing himself off.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me,” he said.

Should he be worried he needed a horse to take care of him? Or should he just be grateful for whatever help he was getting? Everything still felt slightly off kilter, and he wasn’t totally certain why.

They returned to the stable without incident, Perian got Prince Horsey all cleaned up, and then he fed him more carrots and sugar than was perhaps strictly good for him. Prince Horsey was not complaining, and Brannal wasn’t here to curb Perian’s impulses.

He headed back to Brannal’s rooms and cleaned himself up without being able to think of anything but how much more fun that was when he was doing it with Brannal. Dressed in clean clothes, he headed back out to the sitting room, the empty table, and the prospect of eating dinner by himself.

His father had died four years ago. He’d had years of eating alone. The prospect shouldn’t be this daunting.

He wasn’t very hungry yet. Maybe he’d start with some reading.

Given where his mind kept going, it was probably no surprise that he ended up with a book on demons.

The early information was basic, going over the four types and the best defense against them.

Perian already knew that wraiths were semi-corporeal and defeated by water, that nightmares could be stopped with earth (which was why most people wore a little bag of earth around their neck), and that carnalions were extra susceptible to fire.

Since carnalions could masquerade as human, they were harder to detect—but they could also be killed in pretty much all the ways that humans could.

Lesser demons were large, monstrous creatures that could be killed in any mundane way—assuming you were capable of killing something large and ferocious that was trying to eat you.

Unfortunately, the book went on to enumerate more specific dangers for each type of demon: nests, swarming, seduction—which all led to having the life energy sucked right out of you—and rending and tearing, which killed you gruesomely before your life energy was consumed.

This was accompanied with some truly unfortunate drawings.

The book had even managed to make seduction by carnalion look gruesome.

It was good to be educated, but in retrospect, delving further into the ways that demons could kill people while Brannal was off fighting demons was a dumb move.

Perian couldn’t seem to stop reading, but his hands had gone clammy, and he was feeling more than a little queasy.