Page 21 of The Lost Art of Finding Where You Belong (Lost Arts #2)
“I used to get so angry,” she said after a little while of silence interspersed with quiet sniffing.
“There was so much I wanted to do but couldn’t.
I mean, when I was really sick, just the idea of doing something was exhausting.
But when I was just tired and weak, and I was always told no and no and no…
When I got dizzy and collapsed and everyone was afraid that I would really hurt myself…
There were just so many noes. And it made me so angry, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
And eventually, I mostly stopped being angry. But that was worse.”
“And then you were sad,” Perian said gently, because he’d seen it, that deep melancholy that had called to him, even when he hadn’t known what he was stumbling into.
She nodded, blew her nose, and swiped at her eyes one more time.
“But then you came, and for the first time in a long time, you treated me just as I am now, not remembering the way I used to be or worrying about the overall health and safety of the princess. Just me how I am. And it felt a lot like hope. ” Her eyes still swam with tears.
They were so earnest. “I didn’t realize I’d almost forgotten what that felt like. ”
Perian’s eyes stung. “Now you’re going to make me cry.”
She held out the used handkerchief, and he laughed. “Keep it. Please.”
He managed to sniff and do a couple deep breaths of his own and not actually cry, but it was a near thing.
“I’m so glad you’re doing better,” he told her.
“Me too,” she whispered. “And I know it might not stay like this, but I’m going to do everything I can while I can.
And I think Mother saw that, too. Not too much too fast, like you said, because then I will set myself back.
But since I’m doing so much better, now is the time to try doing more, to see what happens. ”
“I’m sure you’ll be wonderful,” Perian assured her. “Whatever happens.”
She nodded, face determined. “I’m certainly going to try.”
Renny looked at the empty spot where Kee was. “Thank you.” To Perian, she explained, “He says he’s going to help every way he can, too. Except for cheating at the Old Tongue, because how would I learn? But I mean, do I really need to know if he can tell me what it says?”
Laughing, they playfully argued back and forth about the benefit of having your own personal translator that no one else could hear but finally agreed the gaps while he answered might be a little bit awkward, especially if other people kept talking, not knowing you were listening for an answer.
Renny held up her hand and said with mock hauteur, “Excuse me. I need complete silence before I give you a perfect translation of this text. It is simply how I do things. ”
They giggled again. Perian loved seeing this side of her, the playful, happy person who had faced a lot of challenges but was still fighting to persevere and triumph.
Perian was sending every wish he had out into the world that Renny would keep getting better, that she wouldn’t have any setbacks, and that she would be able to ride and do everything she wished.
“If you get to a point where you’re allowed to have non-Warriors on your rides, I’d be happy to join you,” Perian told her.
“I’d like that.” Renny smiled at him. “I’m sure Mother is going to go overboard with Warriors at first, but hopefully I can invite you along soon.”
They finished the picnic chatting about nothing in particular, and Perian left feeling very much in charity with the world, even if his arm did ache a bit.
Horse riding on his mind, after returning the picnic supplies, Perian changed into riding gear and made his way out to the stables.
“How are you today, my magnificent animal?” Perian asked.
Prince Horsey rocked his head back and forth, flicking his mane around, which Perian took to be an indication that he was not impressed with Perian’s absence.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t ride yesterday,” he told the horse. “I ended up getting hurt and then fell asleep in the afternoon.”
He held up his arm, as if that would help with anything, given that even if this horse could see and understand stitched-together injuries, it was buried under several layers of clothing.
But to his surprise, Prince Horsey quieted and leaned his head over the door of his stall to whuff at Perian’s arm and nose it gently.
Perian wondered if he could maybe smell the traces of blood.
“Yeah,” Perian explained, “someone attacked me with a knife, but they’re gone now, and the doctor stitched me up, so it’s going to be all right. If we go for a ride today, do you think it could be a gentle one?”
A nearby stable hand asked, “Are you sure you want to go out on this horse today? If you’re injured, it might not go well.”
Perian flashed them a smile as he caught sight of the cylindrical beads in their hair. “Thanks for thinking about me, but I’m altogether sure that if I don’t go out on this horse, he’s going to be very unimpressed.”
“Well, there is that,” the stable hand said, eying Prince Horsey warily .
“But,” Perian said, dragging out the word and looking at Prince Horsey, “I’m going to need help getting you saddled, so you’re not to make a fuss, all right?” Eying the stable hand, Perian added, “You’ll help, right?”
“Of course,” they said with the look of someone who really didn’t want to but knew exactly what their job was.
It actually went better than even Perian thought it would. Prince Horsey was almost docile when the stable hand helped with the saddle blanket and saddle, as Perian did what he could but then had the stable hand tighten or recheck things. Perian patted Prince Horsey’s neck.
“You’re so good to me, thank you. The doctor and my friends will be so annoyed if I pull out the stitches or hurt myself.”
Perian led Prince Horsey out to the stable yard, and that was the point at which he realized mounting was going to be a problem. He sighed.
“I think I need a mounting block. I somehow don’t think Prince Horsey will want me to mount from the right, and I should not put so much weight on my forearm.”
The stable hand nodded and darted off, and a few moments later, Perian was in the saddle.
Prince Horsey tossed his head.
“I know that was embarrassing,” Perian hissed. “But it would have been worse if I ripped open my stitches, failed to pull myself up, and then had to get the mounting block, right?”
Prince Horsey huffed a loud breath Perian chose to interpret as agreement.
He nodded his head at the stable hand in thanks and nudged Prince Horsey, and they were off. They took it easier than normal, and Perian wasn’t totally sure if it was because he was exhibiting more caution or if Prince Horsey was really just that smart.
He decided it was definitely the horse when he stopped at a stream and just tilted down to get a drink, at which point Perian realized that had he dismounted, he might have had a lot of trouble getting up again.
“You’re very smart.”
It wasn’t the exhilarating experience they often had together, but it was nice just the same, time for Perian to enjoy the beauty and quiet of nature.
Perian turned Prince Horsey back towards the stable a bit earlier than normal when he yawned for the second time .
He used the mounting block to dismount to make extra certain he wasn’t straining his arm, and the stable hand helped him unsaddle Prince Horsey.
“As long as you stand still, I can still brush you, all right?”
Prince Horsey liked being brushed, and since this was almost entirely using Perian’s right hand and arm, it wasn’t too much of a strain.
Perian was definitely tired by the time he was finished, though.
“You look all done in,” the stable hand said sympathetically.
Perian nodded. “Which is embarrassing, since we didn’t even go for a big run.”
He barely remembered to feed Prince Horsey an apple and a couple of carrots, then he waved goodbye and headed for his bed. He definitely needed a nap.
Thankfully, it seemed he was not as tired as yesterday, because he woke on his own and found he’d only slept for a little over an hour and was in good time to get ready for dinner.
He cleaned up, having neglected to do so before he fell into bed, carefully dressed in clean clothes, and was waiting in the sitting room when Molun and Arvus arrived with Nisal.
“Look who we found,” Molun said cheerfully. “More company!”
“The more, the merrier,” Perian agreed. “How much of a buffer do you think I need?”
“As long as you don’t mind loud and boisterous, you’ll be fine,” Molun told him.
“And we’ve seen you in a pub, remember,” Nisal pointed out.
Perian grinned at them. “True.”
In truth, he was a little nervous, and he was thankful for the company.
In a pub, he was surrounded by strangers, and he didn’t really care what they thought of him.
He had a vested interest here in these Warriors and Mage Warriors liking him at least enough not to cause trouble for Brannal and their friends.
Most people in the room had probably heard about his injury because it had resulted in one of their own being expelled.
Onadal was the one who had invited him, and Perian trusted the man wouldn’t let anything get truly out of hand, but he didn’t actually know how people were going to react.
Going in with three people at his side definitely helped.
The room was full of Warriors, noisy chatter, and the sounds of many people eating.
But his friends clearly did this regularly, because they just nodded and waved, calling out greetings and smiling as they moved through the room toward Onadal, who waved them over.
“Glad to see you,” he said to Perian, nodding at the others. “Thank you for joining us.”