Page 177

FIFTY-FIVE

AIDEN

“Who else needs ice?” the team trainer, Rory, asks as she holds up another pack.

Beside me, Beckett raises his hand. His black suit is rumpled, and his tie is missing, as are some of the buttons on his shirt.

With a tsk , she presses the packet against his face. “Liv is going to be pissed.”

Gavin laughs, but it’s cut short when he winces and clutches his ribs. “Fuck, that hurts. But yeah, Liv is going to kill you.”

Brooks leans against the lockers across from us, shaking his head. “A bunch of grown men throwing fists. Idiots.”

I snort in response, taking in the sorry sight around me.

Beckett hits me with a glare. “We did it for you.”

My heart sinks, and my face heats. “I’m sorry.”

Beside Brooks, War is sporting a swollen lip, but he grins. “Don’t apologize. That was the most fun I’ve had all season.”

“Cap misses the fights,” Brooks muses, his tone light. In the next heartbeat, though, he’s staring me down, his mouth a flat line. “You going to tell us what the fuck happened out there?”

Once again, my heart rate spikes. I flex my hand, searching for some semblance of control. “I had a panic attack.”

“Yeah, we got that part. But why?” Gavin asks, his brow furrowed in concern.

Every eye in the room is trained on me as I take a heavy breath. “I have anxiety and depression. I’ve been working on coping skills, but today, they just weren’t enough.”

“You’re the happiest person I know,” Daniel says from the corner, his tone far more subdued than usual.

“Means nothing,” Fitz says, running a hand down his face.“I’ve been on antidepressants for years.”

War nods. “Same.”

My heart stumbles as I look from Fitz to War. “What?”

He shrugs. “Sometimes we can’t do it on our own.”

“But,” I stammer, grappling with the reality I’ve been thrown into, “doesn’t it affect how you play?”

“Some meds can affect some people that way,” Fitz says. “But honestly, it’s more likely to have a positive effect than a negative one. So long as you take the medication regularly and check in with your coach ”—he hits me with a look laced with a heavy dose of reality—“and you’re regularly monitored by the team doctors, as well as your own.”

Shame washes over me. Slumping, I hang my head. “I really fucked this up. I get why you were considering benching me.”

Gavin scoffs. “We were what ?”

“Somebody sent me a screenshot of your texts,” I say, keeping my focus locked on my lap.

“What texts?” Brooks shuffles up to me so we’re standing toe to toe.

Still avoiding eye contact, I nod to my phone on the shelf in my locker.

Brooks snatches it and grasps my face to unlock the screen. Then he’s sucking in a breath and tossing the device to Gavin. “That’s not real. This has Sebastian written all over it.”

“That motherfucker,” Gavin growls as he hands the phone to Beckett.

Beckett grunts. “We’d never.”

My mind swims. What the fuck? Clearly, I no longer know what’s real and what’s not.

Though one thing is for sure. I let my team down by keeping secrets.

War takes a step forward and points at me. “Don’t.”

Forcing myself to look at him, I frown. “Don’t what?”

“Blame yourself. You cannot control your depression. All you can do is control how you handle it. Now that we know that you’re struggling, we can help you. In fact, as captain, I’m enacting a new rule. Everyone sees a therapist weekly. It’s good for all of us. Consider it team bonding.”

“Thought we already bonded over the glitter dick,” I say on a dry laugh, trying to make light of the situation. I can’t believe this is happening right now.

War scans the room, wearing a stern expression. “Pierced dicks and therapists. It’s our new motto. New guys, make sure you’re taking notes.”

Jorgenson swallows audibly. “You want me to pierce my—” He doesn’t say the word, like just saying it out loud will hurt.

“Yeah. Team-building activity. You’re up first, followed by Keegan. Then we’ll have a team therapy appointment.”

With a shake of my head, I raise my hand. “I appreciate it, man. But no one else has to get pierced.”

Hall lets out a massive sigh. “Dammit, I was really hoping?—”

War glares at him. “You need help, man. Seriously.”

Gavin drops onto the bench beside me. His shirt is tattered, and there’s a cut on his cheek. Body angled in, he stares me down, his brown eyes full of affection. “You are the heart of this team. I should have seen that you were struggling. I’m sorry I missed it.” He grips my shoulder and squeezes. “We’re going to get you the help you need. But Aiden, you have to know, the three of us love you and only ever want to support you. I’d never discuss your career with the two of them behind your back.”

I take a shuddering breath, fighting back the tears threatening to fall. “I should have known that. You’re a great coach. I was just in a dark place. Am in a dark place. And…I need more help.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Sara says from the doorway, a hand over her eyes.

“Everyone’s dressed, crazy girl,” Brooks says, already striding to her.

“Press is waiting. I’ve told them that Aiden won’t be speaking tonight.”

Standing, I shake out my hands. If I don’t do this now, I might lose the courage. “No. I won’t be taking questions, but I will be speaking.” I scan the guys around the room, and when all I find is support, I look back at Sara. “But can you grab Lex for me? I could use her there.”

Sara gives me a small nod. “Of course.”

“What are you going to tell them?” Gavin asks as he follows me out of the locker room. We’re a mess, but there’s something fitting about that.

“The truth.”