Page 5 of The Lady Was Lying (Greydon #3)

Chapter Two

T he next morning, as soon as Belinda emerged from her bedchamber, she was accosted by her sister. “I cannot believe I arose before you,” Jane said as she linked their arms together and tugged Belinda down the hallway. “You are not usually one to lay about.”

“I’ve been awake for hours,” Belinda grumbled.

After a restless night, she was in no condition to engage with her sister.

She had intended to sneak out of the house and take a brisk walk before she was forced to interact with anyone.

The fact that Jane had so easily thwarted her escape solidified that she wasn’t herself, and the fact that she didn’t have the heart to yank her arm away and flee was more than a little concerning.

For most of their lives, she and Jane had not been particularly close.

Jane typically gravitated toward their younger sister.

Louisa was much closer in both age and temperament, and it wasn’t until she had decided to move in with their brother Edward and his wife for the season that Jane began seeking Belinda’s company.

At times, she found Jane’s constant chatter irritating, and yet she was loathe to put distance between them.

The middle child of five, Belinda had never been the confidante of anyone other than their mother, and she had uncovered a strange level of satisfaction in the burgeoning friendship with her sister.

It was more than a little confusing to discover that she might have been slightly jealous of her sisters’ relationship without realizing it.

“I can’t believe you didn’t dance yesterday,” Jane said in a soft voice as they descended the stairs to the main floor.

“I promised I’d attend your debut,” Belinda replied. “I never promised I’d dance.”

“But you love dancing.” Jane patted her arm, a wrinkle appearing between her brows. “Why would you avoid something you love?”

Not wanting to argue, Belinda attempted to redirect the conversation. “It was a lovely evening. Quite well attended. You enjoyed yourself?”

“Of course I did. It was nearly perfect. So many eligible gentlemen and the ladies were surprisingly friendly.” Unlike Belinda, Jane had a desperate desire to be liked by everyone.

“I’m so glad you had an agreeable time,” Belinda responded as they entered the morning room and settled into chairs on opposite sides of the small table near the windows.

Sunlight spilled across the heavy carpet, and the warmth on the side of Belinda’s face was more than welcome.

If she’d made her escape sooner and avoided her sister, she would be basking in its full force rather than enjoying a mere sliver.

Jane frowned as she started to pour the tea that had been waiting for them. “You didn’t enjoy yourself?”

“Of course I did. The evening was more than pleasant.”

“Pleasant. Bah. I don’t believe you.” Jane’s voice dropped as she set the teapot down and leaned closer.

“I appreciate that you came, but I wish you’d allowed yourself to have fun, and I wish you’d consent to join us in society more frequently.

I cannot understand why you come to London if you refuse to take advantage of all it has to offer. ”

“I am content with my life as it is.”

Apparently not believing her, Jane asked, “Did anyone in particular catch your eye?”

The man in the garden stampeded into her thoughts, and she ruthlessly shoved him away. “I was not looking at the gentlemen.”

Jane paused and tipped her head to the side. “Whyever not? You aren’t too old to secure a husband.”

Belinda had managed to mostly dodge this discussion during the month since they’d returned to London from the country, but as Jane’s debut had gotten closer, she’d become more insistent that Belinda also find a husband.

For whatever reason, Jane couldn’t seem to accept Belinda’s assertion that she would never marry.

“I do not want to search for a husband,” she reminded her sister through clenched teeth.

“So you’ve said.” Jane tutted. “You don’t have to actively search. Just allow yourself to be open to the possibility, and then, if you meet someone, you can see where it goes.”

“I am happy as I am.”

“You’re not.” Jane shook her head slowly. “You insist on being needlessly stubborn and clinging to the ridiculous belief that you’re meant to be alone.”

“I am meant to alone.” The night before had proven that morally-inclined gentlemen had no use for her.

“And my stubbornness is my business.” Digging her fingernails into her palms wasn’t enough to halt the words streaming out of her mouth.

She had never been particularly good at censoring herself, and as she was already grumpy, she was having a harder time than normal.

“I don’t want a husband, and even if I did, I wouldn’t search for one now.

This season is yours. The next is Louisa’s.

Mine is in the past. Gone and done. I do not wish to revisit it. ”

Jane wrinkled her nose. “Just because you did not secure a husband then, doesn’t mean you won’t now.

Neither Louisa nor I are so selfish that we require our own season.

You may pretend that you don’t want a traditional future, but I don’t believe you.

I’m not sure what is holding you back, but we both know you could have men begging for your attention. ”

Finding men who were interested had never been the problem. “Maybe you aren’t aware, but I made a bit of a spectacle of myself the last time I was untethered in society, and I’d hate if my propensity to attract trouble ruined your chance of a suitable match.”

Jane raised her chin haughtily and waved away Belinda’s concerns. “Did you not see me last night? I’m a smashing success. I’ve received eleven floral arrangements this morning alone. I’ll secure a proposal within a month. Maybe less.”

Belinda rolled her eyes. Leave it to Jane to be smug about her prospects.

“The tides can turn quickly. It’s safer for you if I remain mostly out of sight until after you are wed.

I know you believe I’m being ridiculous, but I have navigated this world before, and I assure you, my impulsiveness could interfere with your options if I am not careful. ”

“Nonsense.” Jane frowned. “I do not know why you insist on believing you cannot control yourself.” She paused, as if thinking, and then added, “You’re not getting any younger. What if Louisa decides not to debut next year? Or what if she doesn’t secure a husband immediately? Will you wait forever?”

“I’m not waiting. I don’t intend to marry,” Belinda snapped.

“Whyever not?” Jane asked again.

“Because I don’t want to.”

“It isn’t that.” Jane shook her head. “It’s something else. You have to know that I’m not threatened by whatever happened in your past, and my husband won’t be either.”

“You don’t have a husband,” Belinda reminded her. “And you might not be threatened by my past, but whether you recognize it or not, I could be a threat to your future. Even Sebastian cautioned me to be mindful of my actions during the ball.”

“He did what?” Jane’s eyes widened.

“Sebastian remembers my season. He was here, and he witnessed my lack of respectability.” At the time she hadn’t cared, but now she was a smidge embarrassed by how she’d treated their brother during her first trip to London.

Even though it had been his fault she was debuting, he hadn’t deserved her disdain.

“Since then, he’s been smart enough to listen when I tell him I don’t intend to marry . ”

“Is Sebastian the reason you refuse to join us at other engagements? Has he convinced you that you aren’t worthy of a husband?”

“He’s done nothing of the sort. Our brother would never do such a thing. I am simply suggesting that you weren’t here when I debuted, so you cannot say whether my behavior could harm your chances of making a match or not.”

“Years have passed, and everyone has forgotten whatever happened then.” Jane waved her hand in the air.

“You’re looking at this in entirely the wrong way.

My popularity is going to continue to grow.

I’m going to dazzle everyone, and once I secure a betrothal, I’ll be in an optimal position to help you find a partner. The husband of your dreams.”

“I don’t want a husband,” Belinda shouted.

Jane flinched, her eyes impossibly wide. “Whyever not?” she asked for the third time.

“Because I’m broken.” The truth Belinda didn’t like to share spilled from her lips. “Unworthy of marriage.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean.”

Admitting deficiencies was hard, but Jane would not understand unless Belinda tried to explain. “I do not feel passion,” she confessed softly. “My mind says I should, but my body does not agree.”

Jane looked perplexed. “I still don’t understand.”

“When you think about kissing a boy—a man—how do you feel?”

Jane bit her lip, a blush creeping into her cheeks. “Excited?”

Belinda pursed her lips. Excited wasn’t the wrong answer, but it didn’t properly illustrate what she lacked. “Sure, but it’s more than that. You’re blushing just considering it. You’re exhibiting a physical response to a hypothetical kiss.”

“Of course I’m blushing. I haven’t ever been kissed.”

“I don’t blush.”

Jane turned even pinker. “You’re more experienced than I am, so it makes sense that talking about kissing doesn’t affect you.”

“Experience isn’t the issue. I didn’t blush before, during, or after my first kiss. Or any kiss since. I remain unmoved, regardless of the situation.” Unaffected, even.

She hated revealing such intimate parts of her psyche, and the fact that she was explaining herself to her innocent, virginal sister suddenly hit her. What was she thinking?

What good could possibly come of exposing her sister to her faults?

Jane shrugged, her shoulders rising and falling in a manner that illustrated how little she understood the magnitude of Belinda’s revelation.

“You probably haven’t found the right man yet,” she said.

Was Jane suggesting she hadn’t tried hard enough?