Page 76 of The Impact (Parachutes #3)

“Nothing…just…” She shook her damp face, pulling her lips between her teeth. Vin took the seat beside her, drenched with concern.

“Something happened?” He pushed, folding his fingers, stomach in his throat; heart at his toes. A call while he showered? Something he had missed? Begrudgingly, she met his eyes.

“No.”

A second later, she sluggishly shrugged.

“Yeah…something happened. But you already know what.”

Clarity gave way. Like fucking headlights on a freight train.

“It’s all so great, Vin. Then, it’s not.

And I feel like shit because I know I’m all over the place.

You may have deserved that before, but I’m past revenge.

I don’t know what I want,” Tahli admitted, scaring the shit out of him.

“Everything will be going so good,” she stressed, pinching the air.

“And then…I’ll just look at you…or I’ll look at DJ…

and I can’t stop thinking about the shit. ” She squeezed her fists.

“That baby is having nightmares because of what happened to him. The Dalvin I know would have never let that happen. Ever!” Tahli Karate chopped the air.

“But DJ didn’t get the amazing dad that Dali and Lo and Terran got.

He got pieces of him,” Tahli blubbered. “That shit disappoints the hell out of me. Because if you would have told me from the beginning…maybe we could have had a chance. Maybe he could have had a chance!” She stressed, locking up Vin’s joints, and blurring his gaze.

“And just the fucking lies , Vin. I have so much shit to forgive you for. I don’t even know if we have enough time left in the world for the mountains of shit I would have to move past. DJ told me that Christmas is December 26 th .

That Christmas is for three days because Christmas Eve was for his grandmother, and Christmas Day was for his mom.

But December 26 th was for you. So now I’m thinking about every fucking December 26 th for the past 12 years,” she rotated her finger at her temple with tightened lips. “Every. Fucking. One.”

Vin swept a hand over his face, pulling his lips between his teeth. Everything she said, he’d already given way harsher to himself.

After torturous silence, Tahli cleared her throat, standing tall.

“Tahli.”

She looked at him. He stalled, tossing his hands out, heart thrashing so brutally, it drowned out the waves crashing below them.

“I don’t know what to do.” Vulnerability cracked his voice. “It’s like you’re right there…but I don’t what the fuck to do to get you back here.”

Neither blinked in the stare. “But I’m willing to do anything. I hope you know that. Just tell me what to do.” He felt like a child begging for direction to please a parent but falling short without guidance. Like he was constantly taking a test he didn’t study for.

“I’m so sorry, Tahli. I know you’re tired of hearing that shit, too. But I really am.”

She nodded. “I know,” whispered low.

In a final attempt to salvage the progress of the vacation so far, Vin lifted the rolled blunt between his fingers. “…Wanna smoke this with me under the stars and talk a little more?” It was his saving grace. Their thing .

Tahli sniveled before her head shook slowly.

“Not tonight.”

Vin

“You guys had sex, didn’t you?”

It was raining. Larry’s office was quiet enough to make it sound like elephants tapdancing on the roof.

“Yes.”

“No,” Tahli lied right under Vin’s truth.

Vin cut his eyes to her, and her mouth buttoned.

“Yes,” her perfectionist-ass finally admitted. And for the first time, Vin wondered how many lies Tahli had told in life for the sake of her image? But how many had he told for the sake of his?

Larry’s heavy sigh preceded his next words.

“This is why I didn’t want you to be intimate. The dynamic has already shifted between you too. It’s too soon. There’s too much passion there. I knew the guilt would come.”

Vin swallowed that down, looking off in the opposite direction from Tahli.

“I wanted you to spend time together and remember what it was like to be friends. Remember how you fell in love and see if there was even a possibility in the future for it. Without the lust clouding it.”

Vin comprehended, but Larry didn’t know them. There was human nature. There was animal instinct. Then there was Vin and Tahli; dancing dangerously in the middle.

“So, what did you conclude, at least?”

Vin was surprised when Tahli was the first to break the arduous silence.

“I don’t know,” Tahli’s uneven voice vibrated as Vin crunched his knuckles into his fist. “It was good until the night before last. But…I’m still so confused.

And hurt. And sad. And happy. And over it but not.

I don’t know if I can ever trust him. If I should trust him.

I still have this anger in me. It’s like a tapeworm eating at the love. Eating at my sanity.”

Vin’s gut twisted, nausea snaking through it.

“But, maybe…if I try hard enough. Maybe with more time…” He looked at her when she said it, her voice changing over like the sun peeking through clouds.

“I think I can work on it. I think I can eventually forgive you. But I can’t make any promises on where that will lead. I’m willing to try, though.”

Vin didn’t budge. His eyes searched hers for assurance. Sluggishly, he raised his hands to fold over his nose and mouth.

“Dalvin.” Larry’s one-worded address fell in the middle of Vin processing Tahli’s words. Vin pulled his skin from his cheekbones before tugging on his beard. “What do you think about what Tahli said?”

Larry didn’t waste any fucking time. Vin’s ears were still ringing from the bomb’s explosion, and Larry wanted to know if he still had legs.

“I think…I think I love you more than you could ever comprehend, baby love.”

Her teary eyes nestled on his. A sad smile curved those lips he had sworn off but gotten back somehow.

“More than I even imagined love existing. Like the fucking endless realm of infinite space where no one has ever seen. I love you past that shit, Tahli. And I think…”

Vin wet his lips, tasting the bitterness of his thoughts before they turned into words.

“Fuck,” he blew out, a cold sweat chilling his forehead.

“I think…that this is really over.”

The daze that stretched her eyes crippled him. He wanted to pluck the fear from her lenses. His head shook before he could elaborate.

“I get it now, Tahli, and baby, I’m sorry.” He yanked on his fingers as his voice shook with words that didn’t even sound right. But somehow…somewhere in that foreign land deep within him that she unearthed…where people moved with integrity and sacrificed ego for love; Vin knew they were.

“But I’m not putting you through anymore.

I’ve taken you through enough. Baby love, I broke something in you that I can’t fix.

No matter how selfishly I want you to put yourself back together, so we can just resume.

I thought nothing hurt more than being apart from you.

But witnessing the pain I caused you. Up close.

Watching you randomly relive it. Finding you crying, or the glances when I take a call or leave the room.

The way I catch you staring at DJ. I did that to you.

I haven’t been around you to see it fully until now.

That shit is horrible. How could I do that to you and expect you to move on? ”

Her lips were stuck open. She didn’t blink, but the tear in her right eye toppled over her lash line anyway. She quickly swiped it.

“I used to pride myself on your happiness, Tahli. I judged myself as a man based on how big your smile was. But that was deception. Because I was holding back the full truth from you. So, I wasn’t a good man.

I was mimicking one. Baby love, I fear that you would’ve been so much more if you hadn’t met me.

But I latched myself to you anyway. And I let you pull me up as far into the clouds as you could.

But you were always supposed to go higher. ”

“Dalvin, what?” Her quaking voice asked, puzzlement all in her pruning face.

“What the fuck are you even talking about right now?” She sniffed, wiping her cheek, as Vin peered down at his hands wondering why they weren’t bloody. Because did he not just rip his heart from his chest and swallow that bitch down into his burning stomach?

“You were meant for so much more than me, Tahli, and I stole you before you could realize it.”

Tahli’s fingers trembled as they found her opened mouth. Then her sudden cry croaked into them.

“I put a lot of shit before Dalvin Jr., too.” Vin cleared the agony from his throat, taking a break from looking at her.

“Like you said, ever since he was born, I handled him wrong. He was my seed like any other and I should’ve been honest with everyone, so I didn’t give him scraps of myself.

As much as I hate how I hurt you, Tahli, I hate what I did to him more.

Because you and I both know what happens in our childhoods is so delicate.

It shapes us forever. And I may have fucked his up.

Inadvertently what happened to him was at my hands.

That man knew DJ didn’t have a steady father in his life.

So, if it’s not too late, I gotta repair that. ”

Vin had a father. Milo wasn’t winning any awards, but he was present enough to teach Vin how to be a man: not react to women emotionally, use logic…lead. A man in a son’s life mattered. The absentee father trickled down to the lack of real men being bred.

“Baby, you’ll never forgive me for him, and you shouldn’t have to. But he also shouldn’t live feeling that burden.”

Reaching over, Vin caressed her knee.

“Thank you for coming here, Tahli. Thank you for trying. But you have to heal. And I have to let you. You can’t do that shit with me here keeping the wound open.

And it’s not just you. You fucking gutted me after Lola; coming and fucking me, then running back to that nigga.

Working it out with him but at the time, we couldn’t work it out?

So, what did I do? I went and fucked B. That wasn’t natural attraction, that was retaliation. So, I still got some work to do, too.”

He watched her blinks attempt to rid the daze. Watched her chest swell to capacity.

“Thank you for the years, Tahli. The babies. The memories. Like you said once, sometimes we don’t get to keep the loves of our lives, but it doesn’t diminish shit.

Tahli, I’ve learned from you. I’ve grown from you.

I’m lucky enough to have you as the amazing mother to my children.

Always bonded with you. Forever, baby love.

Our story is etched in fucking time. And that clown wasn’t the guy for you, but neither am I.

Whatever’s in store for you should make you light up every day.

That big, beautiful smile should never leave your face.

Not even once,” Vin was adamant, tears stinging his lenses.

He was letting something vital in him go.

So, something vital in her could thrive.

Finding her crying out on that balcony was a glimpse into the turmoil he was still causing her.

“That’s all I want for you, baby love. And I can’t give it to you anymore.” Vin pressed a fist to his lips. How could brutal agony and redemption share space?

“I’m a let you take your own parachute up, now…

however high you can go.” Vin wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans.

“You always say that our souls don’t die…

that energy gets transferred and all of that shit you learned from your Moms. Well, I hope it’s true, baby love.

If we get to do this again, I swear to God, Tahli, I’ll come find you. I won’t fuck up the next time.”

The howl she belted out curled her back before Vin squeezed his eyes shut. He reached out for her, opening his eyes on her sobs.

“I know, baby love. I know. And deep down…you know, too.” Tahli would keep running. Vin would keep chasing. She’d find distractions like sucker Drew and drive them both insane while she battled herself. Vin had to put them both out of their misery.

“I love you, baby. I really fucking do. That’s why I can’t let you hurt like this while you try to forgive me.” Vin thumbed her cheek. Leaned in and kissed her lips so tenderly, they barely touched. For the last time. Fuck .

“My Tahli,” he breathed onto her mouth.

“Dalvin…” Larry cleared his throat. “Let’s just take a pause.”

But Vin only pulled back, shaking his head.

“I can’t, L. I’ll see you on my own session. Take care of her.”